Becoming Jane:  A Love Lost and Found
by Jamesyboy'sStarGazer
Summary: My story is a continuation of the "Becoming Jane" movie which is based on the actual "romance" or "flirtation" between Jane Austen and Tom Lefroy.
1. Introduction

Hello, as I have stated in my profile page, my story, "Becoming Jane: A Love Lost and Found" is a continuation of the movie which is one of my favourites.

For those who have watched the movie, you know how they depict Jane and Tom as being ...a bit "older" at the end when they meet each other again. However in reality, Jane died in July of 1817 at the age of 41 and was fell sick with the illness which eventually ended her life in the spring of 1816 and would not have been well enough to be taking in recitals with Henry and Eliza during that time, so in my own mind she would not, could not have been older than 39 years old had they really met again for the last time. I am trying to keep my story as close to reality as possible, so for that reason, Tom and Jane are 39 years old when they meet at the end of the movie/beginning of my story.

Also, I usually write my stories in the 3rd person point of view, but I decided that I really wanted to write this story from not just one, but two points of view, both Tom's and Jane'. As they are both in most chapters and scenes together, there will be an overlapping or repetition of dialogue in Tom's POV. I have tried to keep it down, but it's not always easy to and I felt it would not sound right if I left out all of their dialogue in his part, so please bear with it but make sure that you do read Tom's POV, even if you choose to skim over the repeted dialouge.

Thanks and I hope you enjoy! Sue 


	2. Chapter 1

LONDON (Summer, 1815)

CHAPTER 1:

(Jane)

I recognized him the moment my eyes chanced to fall upon him, as he stood at the entrance way of the building where Henry, Eliza and myself had been enjoying a recital by a famous lady of the opera before he turned and quickly left. Yes, even if it had been 17 years since I had left him standing outside the Inn where we had waited for a stage to continue us on our journey-and subsequently parted ways-while I caught the very next stagecoach back home, I would know him anywhere, my beloved Tom. I wondered at that moment that he had turned away to leave if he had seen me...seen me noticing him. Was that why he left? And in such a hurry? I was rendered speechless by the realization that he was there! What was he doing in London? Why wasn't he in Ireland? I couldn't help but wonder. We ourselves were in London regarding the printing of my book "Emma" and the reprinting of "Mansfield Park", which was now taken care of. I glanced quickly at both Eliza and Henry who also apparently had noticed Tom for they too looked at one another and then at myself. Before I found my voice and could say anything, Henry had left us...I knew instantly that he was going after Tom.

"I'll never forgive him.." I remarked to Eliza in a low voice.

"Of course you will. We always forgive him for everything." she replied.

It wasn't long before I saw my brother return to us with Tom. "Jane..." he said. "An old friend..."

So many emotions had run through me during this entire time upon first seeing Tom, from the blissful happiness I had felt when we first met and the time we had spent together, to the pain of having to part from him, to the elation I was feeling at seeing him again, to the...fear of inevitably being parted from him...again. I didn't want to go through that all over again. I hardly knew what to say. Looking up at Tom now, he was still as handsome as he ever was...even moreso if that was at all possible. I felt...confused. Why should we meet NOW? After all of these years? Why at all? I would have probably been better off remaining ignorant of his being there in London. These were the thoughts that were running through my mind as Eliza and myself bowed to Tom in acknowledgement and he returned the bow.

"My daughter...Miss Lefroy." Tom now introduced us to a young girl either in her early teens or very near, was my guess. How was it that I hadn't even noticed her? She was lovely, I thought feeling rather envious that she was not mine and Tom's daughter, but the product of the love between Tom and another... But then I knew...had known from our good friend and neighbour whom I adored, Mrs. Anne Lefroy, Tom's aunt and whom he had stayed with when we first met, that Tom now had 7 children. I had never, ever asked her for any information regarding Tom after we had parted, as it too painful for me. And I know that she spared me any news of him as much as she could, knowing how painful our inevitable break up had been for me. However, news has a way of slipping out and over the years I had learned of both Tom's marriage and his eventual seven children.

In thinking about all of this, I had missed part of what young Miss Lefroy had been asking of me, but I had caught the gist of it. She was asking if I would do a reading..

"Jane!" suddenly Tom's voice spoke out rather abruptly.

I stared at him momentarily stunned, at first thinking that he had been addressing me, but then a sudden realization dawned on me that it was his daughter he was talking to. I continued to stare at Tom and he looked back at me. Did I dare hope that he had actually named his daughter after me? But then, the name 'Jane' is a very common name. I didn't want to assume that of him...and his wife...YET... Henry was explaining the situation to young Miss Lefroy about me wanting to remain anonymous when suddenly, I felt the urge to do whatever I could to please Tom...but most especially, his daughter. "I will for my new friend if she wishes it. Come sit by me." And with that, I took her hand into mine and lead into the next room, placing her beside myself as we sat down, I opened the book and began to read...

I concentrated as best as I could, but my mind would not let me forget the fact that Tom was there...listening to me. At one point, the memory of another reading I had done...another one which Tom had also been at...quickly I brought my thoughts back to the present lest I lose myself in the past and stumble over a passage.

When I finished my reading, I closed the book, laid my hands upon it and only then did I allow myself to look up at Tom again, curious to see if was able to stay awake this time. What I saw was Tom gazing right back at me with a hint of a smile on his lips and clapping along with the audience, this time with genuine sincerity which took my breath away. While he was clapping, I couldn't help but notice his wedding ring. I allowed myself a small smile in return.

(Tom)

They say that you never forget your first REAL love...

No one was more shocked than myself when walking down the street in London towards my carriage after enjoying a lunch with my eldest daughter Jane, I happened to see them. I was so surprised that I literally stopped in my tracks and stared at them wondering if I were dreaming. I don't know if I can describe the range of emotions I felt in those first seconds I saw her...I had learned from my Aunt Anne Lefroy that she had never married...and ever since...I had wondered about that. Did I dare even think or believe that the reason she never married was because...because of me? But how could I be so arrogant and selfish to assume that...surely there had been other men for her...?

They continued coming towards us and eventually, we would all meet..what would I say, after all of these years, I wondered...I say "they" but my eyes were really only fixed upon one and only one in particular. No matter how much time had passed, I knew I would never forget her...could never forget her no matter how many years would pass...no matter how old we would grow..

I prepared myself for the inevitable reunion when the three of them made an abrupt turn and walked towards one of the buildings. They hadn't even seen me...without even thinking, I pulled my eldest daughter along with me towards the very building I had seen them enter.

"Where are we going father?" She asked me.

Where were we going? Good question as I hadn't a clue as to what was in that building Henry, Eliza and Jane had just entered, but we were about to find out as I felt compelled to follow. "A surprise." I replied

"What kind of surprise?"

"Well if I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise now would it?" This reply helped her to hold her tongue.

We climbed the stairs and went into the building but didn't go very far inside. We were soon to find out that there was a singing recital going on. I found us two seats near the doorway but I didn't really listen to the music. I gave my full attention to searching amongst the audience faces for Jane's.

At last I spotter her. But I knew she would never notice me, where she was and where we were. I was in agony. I longed, practically willed her to just glance over my way...but she never did.

When at last the recital was over and my daughter Jane and I stood up, I had momentarily taken my eyes off of where Jane, Henry and Eliza had been sitting. I looked back to find that they too had also stood up and I momentarily lost sight of them. I moved towards where they had been and then...I saw them again much to my relief. I noticed a young woman also approaching the trio, so I stopped where I was and strained to hear her...something about if she was the Jane Austen, author of Pride and Prejudice. My aunt Anne had also informed me of Jane's book Pride and Prejudice and of it's success. I won't lie, I had quietly swelled with pride for her when I had learned of that...Jane, and her accomplishment with her book. In fact, once I knew about the book, I had to go and buy it...for my oldest daughter of course...was my excuse. I actually had planned to read it myself. And without my family ever finding out...I did just that. And what I read...rather astounded me...

But I was not thinking about that just now and when I heard Henry tell the young woman that Jane was trying to remain anonymous. Those words hit me just then. Things had changed in 17 years. Jane could now claim to be an author...a bit of a famous one at that. To the point that people off of the street-in a manner of speaking-recognized her. And Henry was there to shield her from her "fans". That's how famous she was becoming. And I was sure it was just the beginning for her.

What then, was I doing there...now...after all of these years. She had moved on with her life, doing exactly what she had said she would do, making a living by her pen. She didn't need me...I also realized that I was suddenly afraid...afraid of rejection...

As my daughter Jane and I had been standing by door when I came to this decision, I looked back over at Jane one last time before leaving her forever. I just wanted to take a mental picture of her with me when I left this time, for good. But something happened that I did not count on. This time she saw me...just as I was ready to leave, Jane happened to look over at me. At first I was rooted to the spot, but I knew if I was going to leave, I had to do it now, because perhaps she hadn't seen me after all. You know, like when you look at someone or something but don't actually see it? I thought that it was possible that she hadn't really seen me after all. I quickly turned and left the building with my daughter, hurried down the stairs and back onto the sidewalk heading towards our goal in the first place, before I had seen Henry, Eliza and Jane, which was my carriage to take us back over to my law office and abode. Then...I heard it...

"Lefroy!" It was un-mistakenly, Henry's voice. "Lefroy! WAIT!" He called out again.

"Father, someone is calling you! Don't you hear him? He wants you to stop!" Jane stopped here and I had no choice but to stop as well. I knew I had to allow Henry to catch up with us.

"Lefroy!" Henry cried out once more as he approached us.

Turning, I smiled. "Henry..it's been a long time."

"Indeed it has!" He agreed with a grin.

"This is my eldest daughter, Miss Jane Lefroy. Jane...this is an old friend...Mr. Henry Austen..." I introduced the two.

My daughter curtsied politely while Henry politely took her hand and smiled at her.

"And there are a couple more old friends whom I am sure would also love to see you...and meet your charming young daughter." Henry said giving me a small wink. I understood that wink.

Something told me that I should protest...make an excuse...but...I couldn't. Truthfully, I didn't want to. Something had awakened in me...come alive again when I first saw her. I needed to see her...no, I had already seen her, I needed to talk to her again as well. I only realized in that moment, just how much I wanted to talk to her again. I allowed Henry to lead us back into the building from which we had just vacated and easily lead us over to where Eliza and Jane were waiting..

"Jane...an old friend.." Was how Henry re-introduced us. Jane and Eliza bowed politely and I returned it. "My daughter, Miss Lefroy." I now introduced the three females.

My daughter, having managed to put together "Henry Austen" and Henry's addressing his sister, "Jane" had come up with the right combination. "Your Miss Jane Austen?" she asked eagerly. "Would you do a reading for us?"

"Jane!" I admonished her lightly for having spoken without being spoken too or requested to. I didn't want them to think I had raised my daughter to have bad manners.

I noticed now how Jane had looked at me rather surprised. It was true...I had encouraged my wife to name our first born girl "Jane" although I had never told her why...that Jane was still very strongly in my heart at the time. After all, we had almost been married. The day she left me and returned home by stagecoach had been very painful for me and had remained a painful memory, even after I had married. Eventually however, time did have a way of alleviating the pain. After Jane had left me, I had returned home and hastily married the woman I had been engaged to before I had returned to Jane. Our first child was born before we celebrated our first wedding anniversary, it was a boy. I had found myself really hoping for a girl so that she could be called Jane. I won't say that I was disappointed that I had a son, every man wants a son, every man wants his first born child to be a son. I love my son...was very proud of my son. But my heart would not let go of the idea of having a girl that we could name Jane. I would have to wait for just over two years before I would have the daughter I wanted and as another Jane was still very much in my heart when she was born, I still insisted on naming her Jane. She had to be named "Jane" for this way, I would be able to lose myself in my love for another "Jane"...one who would never leave me...one who would always be a part of me and my life...my daughter. And thankfully, my wife held no objections with the name for her own mother was named Jane, Lady Jane Paul. It goes without saying that she was quite pleased that I had insisted on our daughter also being named Jane...and I allowed my wife to believe that we had named her after her mother.

I understood why Jane had left...I knew she was hurting as much as I was, but we both also knew deep down that life for us would have been very difficult had we gone ahead with the marriage. Suddenly Jane spoke..it was the first I had heard her voice in a very long time. What she said, touched my heart considerably.

"I will for my new friend if she wishes it. Come sit by me." She then took my daughter by the hand and lead her into the next room, placing her beside herself and after they were seated, Jane opened the book and began to read...

This time, Jane had my full attention as I hung onto every word she spoke. I was mesmerized by the soft, flowing cadence of her voice. She could go on forever and I would never tire of listening to her..all too soon she came to the end, closed her book and gently placed her hands upon it. Slowly she looked up at me and I looked down at her..I couldn't help but smile. I realized that the audience was clapping and I too joined in. She smiled back at me. I couldn't let her go now. Not this time. 


	3. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2:

(Jane)

People now began to approach me, complimenting me on both my reading and my "Pride and Prejudice" book, breaking the eye contact that had been held between Tom and myself, thus separating us.

I stood up to politely address my "well-wishers" who kept me fairly busy for awhile as I didn't want to appear rude or impolite and leave anybody out. But because of this, I was unable to keep my eye on Tom. When there was finally a lull in the people who had surrounded me, I glanced about to see that Tom and his daughter were no longer around. So they had left then. A wave of bitter disappointment came over and threatened to envelope me, but I stubbornly pushed it away. I would not allow it to happen. After all, Tom is a married man...a married man with a family. If it hadn't been for Henry going after him and bringing him back...if I hadn't even noticed him at the entrance way of the building to begin with...I stopped my thoughts right here and once again brought them back to the present.

I noticed the over all crowd in the room was beginning to thin and people had stopped coming up to me. It was now that I realized as I scanned the remaining faces in the room that Henry and Eliza were also missing. At least, they weren't where I could see them. I know they wouldn't have left without me.

Moving about the room, I suddenly spotted them and started going towards them. As I approached my heart skipped a beat as I now saw that Tom had not left after all, but had been visiting with Henry and Eliza whilst they waited for me. I didn't realize that I had stopped walking upon noticing him, but apparently, I had. I felt rooted to the spot, my emotions coming to a head once again. I both desperately wanted to talk with Tom...BUT...I knew if I did that I would regret it because even after all of these years my feelings for him were there as strong as they ever were. Of that, there is no doubt as I now realized since first seeing him. And if it had been wrong of us to try and "elope", then it was even worse that I should have these feelings for him when he was married...married AND had a family-I find I am constantly reminding myself of. NO...I should NOT talk to him at all then...

But suddenly the four of them, seeing that I was no longer engaged, moved towards me. I had no choice now, I would have to face him, talk with him.

"Jane, at last you are free!" my brother Henry called out.

Before I could make a reply, Henry went on. "It might interest you to know dear sister, that our Mr. Lefroy has become quite a successful lawyer."

Actually, I had known that...one of those "news items" that floated around our area, courtesy of our friends, the Lefroys. But because I knew the situation between us had not changed and could not go any further, I started to steel any feelings I had for him, against him. I also had some pride and I refused to let him believe that I knew of this, lest he came to the wrong conclusion that I would always ask after him to his aunt and uncle. (Surely though, Anne wouldn't allow him to believe that?).

I opened my eyes wide as I feigned my surprise. "How wonderful for you Mr. Lefroy!" I thought that Tom almost seemed embarrassed by my statement.

"I think the two of you have some catching up to do. Eliza and myself will take charge of your young Jane Tom, while you visit. That is...if it is alright with you Tom...oh and of course Miss Lefroy."

This time my surprise was genuine...I was too surprised to say anything at first and when I finally thought I could, it was already agreed upon by the rest and the three of them started walking away. I shot daggers from my eyes into the retreating backs of my brother and sister-in-law cousin. How DARE they leave me alone with Tom! They should know better!

"Miss Austen..." I heard Tom's voice address me very gently. I felt a surge of emotions. Then even more quietly, "Jane..." I closed my eyes, swallowed and finally turned around to face Tom alone.

(Tom)

A throng of people started converging upon Jane after she had finished her reading, breaking our 'connection'. I elected to quietly move out of the way and took my daughter Jane with me. Henry and Eliza had also done the same thing. Henry beckoned for us to join them and we obeyed. As soon as we reached them, Eliza immediately took Jane under her wing and moved slightly away from us, engaging my daughter in conversation. I had the feeling that Henry had asked Eliza to keep Jane occupied so that he could talk to me. I was about to find out that I wasn't wrong.

"I sense that you still have feelings for my sister, Lefroy." he said in a low voice and not in an overly kind tone.

I didn't deny it.

"And I could see that she still very much has feelings for you." he continued when I didn't answer. "I thought that enough time would have passed. I thought the two of you would have liked to meet each other again after all of these years as friends. But perhaps it was wrong of me to have gone after you and bring you back here after all. I don't know what kind of game you are playing with my sister Lefroy, but it's not right that you encourage her when you yourself are unavailable!"

I stood tall, looked Henry straight in his eyes and replied firmly. "I assure you Mr. Austen, that I play NO game with your sister. I will not lie and deny my feelings for her. And I can only HOPE and PRAY that you are right about her feelings for me!"

I could tell that my reply had taken Henry by surprise as he said nothing, so I took advantage of his silence to fill him in on the situation I was currently in...

When I had finished, Henry said more calmly, "Tom...I hope you can forgive me. I just...well you never saw what your break up did to Jane. I had never seen her so down before. She was not herself for such a long time. Oh, she put up a brave front for everyone and most especially in public, but we...her family could tell. It took her a long time to get over you and come back around to being herself again. I just want to protect her...to make sure that she doesn't go through that again."

My heart ached for my Jane at those words. As painful as it was for myself as well, at least I had been able to lose myself in my marriage...the birth of my first child and then my second one, my "long awaited" daughter (and the rest that followed) and my career. In comparison, Jane had had...nothing. No one, outside her family and friends that is.

"Of course Henry. I completely understand that." I agreed. I now ventured to ask. "Did...did she have any other suitors?"

"Yes..." Henry replied, "Eventually there were a couple more, one even looked promising, but nothing ever came of them."

I didn't know what to say to that. Henry called Eliza and Jane back over to us now. Quietly, Henry took Eliza aside and spoke in a low tone to her. I knew he was explaining things to her.

Once he had finished, she came back over to me, with both hands reaching out for mine. I held mine out and allowed her to place hers in my hands. "Tom..." was all she said and then taking me by surprise, she placed a gentle kiss upon one of my cheeks, then smiled at me.

"So tell us about yourself Tom. Did you ever pass the bar?" Henry was now asking me.

I filled them in on what had transpired since I last saw them...how I had not only passed the bar but had started a practice as a lawyer in Ireland where I had become quite successful. They both expressed their pleasure in my success.

As we had been talking, I noticed Jane coming towards us and then abruptly stop. She seemed no longer be occupied with fans.

Henry had also noticed her about the same time I did. I dearly wanted the chance to talk with her alone. I wondered when I would get that chance.

"Jane, at last you are free!" Henry called to her. "It might interest you to know dear sister, that our Mr. Lefroy has become quite a successful lawyer."

Even though it was true, for some reason, Henry's words rather embarrassed me. Maybe because it made me sound arrogant or something. But also, as successful career-wise as I was, it wasn't everything to me and I didn't want Jane to think that it was.

Then when Jane spoke up, "How wonderful for you Mr. Lefroy!" That didn't help my embarrassment.

Suddenly I heard Henry say "I think the two of you have some catching up to do. Eliza and myself will take charge of your young Jane Tom, while you visit. That is...if it is alright with you Tom...oh and of course Miss Lefroy."

It was as if he had read my mind...but after our own little talk, he knew that Jane and I needed to talk. I threw him a look of gratitude while I agreed that it was fine with me. And my daughter, I immediately replied for her.

Jane seemed shocked by this suggestion, almost...angry that Henry and Eliza were leaving her with me. Finally alone, I quickly I stepped closer to her and addressed her as gently as I could, "Miss Austen..." and then I practically whispered, "Jane..." Slowly, she turned to face me...  



	4. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3:

(Jane)

"Mr. Lefroy..." I said perhaps a little too quickly but I did so on purpose before Tom could utter another word lest our conversation become more "intimate", beyond the customary greetings. "And how is your family? Your parents and brothers and sisters? They are all well, I hope?"

Tom seemed to be taken by surprise by the directness of my words for he briefly hesitated in replying. "They are very well, I thank you. My parents have been gone for a little while now."

I felt myself blush slightly at the mention of his parents as of course I knew this already, being that Anne Lefroy is Tom's father's sister-in-law. Clearly, Mr. Lefroy's presence had flustered me somewhat. But I quickly squashed any further embarrassment to myself and acted as though this was the first time I had heard of it. After all, I told myself...it was the first time I had heard it from Tom himself.

"Oh...I am so sorry." I replied sincerely.

Tom shook his head slighty. "They both had good, fulfilling lives and got to see their grandchildren born."

The word "grandchildren" kept me in check. I took a deep breath and jumped in to ask the inevitable. "And...how is your own family? Your...wife?" There. I had finally said it. Outloud. To Tom. The words, "Your wife."

I was puzzled when Tom didn't reply right away.

"My children are...quite well, thank you..." He finally answered. Here Tom paused again before going on. "My wife..." He began in a quiet voice. "My wife...she is no longer living."

I stared at Tom uncomprehending. I'm sure I had misunderstood him. "I'm sorry?" I asked frowning.

"My wife died not long after our last child was born..."

I don't know why I reacted the way I did to news of the fate that befell Tom's wife as it was not uncommon for women to die in childbirth. Our own family certainly had not been immune as three out of my six brothers, James, Edward and Charles all lost their first wives to childbirth. I still remember the words "What a burden to women chidbirth is" I had said to my sister Cassandra once after losing yet another sister-in-law to it.

But upon hearing the news of Tom's wife, I suddenly felt the need to sit down. I moved distractedly towards the nearest chair.

"Jane? Are you alright?"

Tom was there I realized, helping me. He gently guided and then sat me down in the chair and then sat himself down beside me.

"My wife...her name was Mary...she was with our 8th child. But it was difficult for her that last time, unlike any of the others. The birthing came on too fast and too soon and was especially difficult for her. The baby did not survive."

I felt myself gasp at these words.

"Mary survived the actual birthing but it took too much out of her. She never fully recovered from it. And while she was still lying-in** she caught an infection which claimed her life." he finished.

Both of my hands had moved to cover my mouth as I listened to Tom tell me about his poor wife. It seemed ages before I was able to answer him, myself.

"Oh...Tom..." I finally managed. "I am...so sorry. Really, I am." I didn't know what else to say. But one thing entered my mind just now...how was it that THIS piece of news never reached me? I wondered..

"Thank you..." he replied soberly. "She was a good woman. A good wife, a wonderful mother. Very devoted to all of us."

"To be sure.." I replied sincerely. Then before I could stop myself, "When did...?" I stopped myself here, thinking that perhaps this was a question I shouldn't be asking.

"About a year and a half, now." He replied without any preamble.

"And how are you coping? With seven children and no mother to look after them?" I couldn't help but ask this of him.

A hint of a smile reached Tom's lips. "My family. As I had helped them at one time.." -I knew exactly of the time he meant. Tom would send his family money as he earned it from his uncle while he studied law - "..they have been helping me with my children."

"That is really wonderful of them Tom." I smiled at him.

"Jane..." I could tell that the talk about about to get 'intimate' but I had no chance to prevent it for he went on immediately, most likely before I could stop him this time, "When Mary and myself married, I was not in love with her at the time as I had rushed into marrying her to escape the pain of losing you. Despite that fact, she was in love with me and knew that I did not feel the same way for her as she did for me. But she never gave up on me and eventually, I did fall in love with her. I really did...do love her. She was very sweet, gentle, kind and a wonderful, devoted wife and mother. But I never forgot you. Could never forget you. I will always love her. But as much as I tried to deny it to myself for the past 17 years, I never stopped loving you. I knew that the moment I laid eyes on you again today."

I now stared at Tom in shock, then stood up as I replied. "That is not possible." I replied stoutly. "It is not possible to love two people at the same time." I finished with stubborn logic.

"Ah...but it is." Tom countered me. "I wouldn't have believed it either had I not experienced it for myself. I had stifled my feelings for you for 17 years Jane. I thought they had gone. Until I saw you again...today. The moment I saw you, those feelings came rushing back 100 fold. Like I had been gone back in time...like we had never parted, like those 17 years had never happened yet. And I came to realize that the reason I could say that I love you both is because I love each of you in a different way because you are both very different from each other. I already told you what my wife was like, but I have always loved and admired your courage, your spirit, your spontaneity and independence. You challenge me Jane, keep me in check. I like that about you."

I hardly knew what to say to this now...and while I was mulling over Tom's words, trying to make sense of them, wondering if it really was possible, he said something else...something that also made me feel like I had gone back in time...like we had never parted, like those 17 years had never happened...he echoed the very words he had said to me that had set us off on a journey that should have happened, but never did..."Come away with me, Jane..." he spoke softly.

**Lying-in-an 18-19th Century English term for "recovering" after giving birth. The new mother would stay in bed for days/weeks after having a baby. Quite opposite of how things are done today. ;-D

(Tom)

There were a few things that I had hoped to talk with Jane about but there was one thing that had to come first and foremost. As soon as she turned to face me, I was prepared to start this talk in particular with her but before I could, she cut me off right at the start.

"Mr. Lefroy..." She started a bit quickly, "And how is your family? Your parents and brothers and sisters? They are all well, I hope?"

Taken by surprise, I could only hesitate before giving her the customary answer she was awaiting. I knew that she had cut me off on purpose. I realized that she didn't want our talk to become too personal. But that was exactly what it was going to become. I had to tell her...she had to know, she had to understand about my situation.

I was a bit amused that she had asked about my parents because surely she knew about them, being neighbours and friends of my father's brother and wife, Anne.

But now I wondered how long it would be before she would ask about my own family and wife...she would have to...eventually, I would think. I would wait and if she didn't bring it up soon, I would, one way or another.

As it turned out, I didn't have to wait long after all. "And...how is your own family? Your...wife?" Jane seemed to have a bit of a struggle with asking about my wife. And even though I had more or less been expecting her to ask...been wanting her to so that I could finally tell her what had happened, I found it was still hard to start it off. I hesitated, first telling her about my children. Then...I moved on from there...

Jane seemed unbelieving of me when I first said that Mary was no longer living. And when I said how she had died not long after our last child was born she almost looked ill. It gave me a bit of start to see her sway slightly.

"Jane? Are you alright?" I asked genuinely concerned. Worried about her health, I made a grab for her lest she should fall into a faint, helped her to the nearest chair, sat her down and sat down beside her before I continued on with my story..

Throughout the course of my explanation about my current situation, I noticed that Jane went from being shocked to genuinely upset. I was touched by this as I knew how hard it must be for her to have to sit and listen to me talk about my late wife. However I was not going to hold anything back. If this was to be our only chance to talk, then I would leave nothing out as I wanted to clear the air between us. But I sincerely hoped that this would NOT be our only time together...

While I was telling Jane how I had married Mary when I did not love her, I had this sudden thought of how ironic that was, considering that Jane herself did not believe in "marrying without affection". And I had done just that. Married without affection...and because of Jane. However, as I ended up telling Jane, in time, I had grown to love the woman I married. But I had never forgotten Jane. That was true. I thought I had moved on with my life when in reality all I had done was hid myself in my marriage, children and career...and I had only just discovered that, this very day only a little while earlier when I first saw her again in the flesh. Jane had always been there, in the back of my mind, buried deep in my heart where no one else could reach her, except me...and only when I allowed her to. Which was now.

"It is not possible to love two people at the same time." Jane now objected to my statement of being able to love two people at the same time. Some how, I was not surprised that Jane would say this. This was my Jane all over again. She always spoke what was on her mind to either defend or try and prove her point.

Ah...but it is." I countered her, quite enjoying the knowledge that this part of Jane had not changed. I went on. "I wouldn't have believed it either had I not experienced it for myself. I had stifled my feelings for you for 17 years Jane. I thought they had gone. Until I saw you again...today. The moment I saw you, those feelings came rushing back 100 fold. Like I had been gone back in time...like we had never parted, like those 17 years had never happened yet. And I came to realize that the reason I could say that I love you both is because I love each of you in a different way because you are both very different from each other. I already told you what my wife was like, but I have always loved and admired your courage, your spirit, your spontaneity and independence. You challenge me Jane, keep me in check. I like that about you."

It was true. And already she was challenging me, with her belief that a person could not love two people at the same time. I was ready for the challenge. And I would be ready for many more. I only hoped that there would be more. After all of this time we had been apart, I welcomed them...looked forward to them.

I had already talked to Henry and Eliza about this earlier while we had been waiting for Jane and while she seemed to be thinking over my last words to her, I took the opportunity to softly say, "Come away with me Jane..."

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION:

Mary Lefroy dying from infection after their 8th baby was born is completely fictional, but their son Benjamin who died in infancy two years before their last daughter, Mary Elizabeth was born "represents" their 8th child in the chapter you just read and in this story, as opposed to their 7th child in reality. As well Mary Elizabeth and the younger Lefroy children after Anne Lefroy will (have to) be portrayed as being a little bit older (by about a year-ish) in this story.

From Wikipedia:

Tom Lefroy's children

Tom Lefroy married Mary Paul on 16 March 1799 in north Wales [6]. From their marriage, they had seven children as listed in the Visitation of Ireland[9]:

Anthony Lefroy (21 March 1800 11 January 1890), subsequently MP for his father's old seat of Dublin University.

Jane Christmas Lefroy (24 June 1802 3 August 1896)

Anne Lefroy (25 April 1804 24 February 1885)

Thomas Paul Lefroy (31 December 1806 29 January 1891; wrote Memoir of Chief Justice Lefroy, published in 1871)

The Very Rev. Jeffry Lefroy (25 March 1809 10 December 1885)

George Thomson Lefroy (26 May 1811 19 March 1890)

Mary Elizabeth Lefroy (19 December 1817 23 January 1890)

Another son (Benjamin, born March 25, 1815) died in infancy. Tom Lefroy s daughters never married.  



	5. Chapter 4

_**I would like to take this moment to thank each and every one of you who have taken the time to stop by and read my story. Every time I look at the story stats and see the hits/visitors for it go up, it really encourges me to keep on with it! I really have been enjoying writing this story and sharing it with you and I can promise you that at this point, there is still plenty of Tom and Jane to come! ;-D**_

_**Thank you! ;-D**_

**CHAPTER 4:**

**(Jane)**

I looked at Tom unable to utter a word. Had I heard him correctly? Was he proposing that we..."go away" together again? He couldn't have said what I thought he had said...

"I have already invited Henry and Eliza to stay at my place here in London for the duration of your trip. And..perhaps you could even stay a little longer than you had originally planned. They have already accepted. We only await your decision." Tom now explained.

I found myself able to breathe again. Admittedly, I was a bit relieved that he wasn't asking that I go away with him again for I honestly didn't know how I should have reacted to such an idea especially being that we had only been in each other's company for a very short time since we saw each other last.

"They don't want to stay without you." Tom added in a quiet voice.

It was now that I realized...Tom had a place here in London? What had happened to Ireland? I wondered.

"I'm sure your place is full enough with your children." I objected.

"My children stay with my family in Ireland, Jane. It would be impossible for me to work and look after my family at home."

"But your daughter is here." I pointed out.

"Jane is my eldest daughter and I allow her to stay with me in London from time to time." He explained.

"What about a governess? Surely you could afford one." I persisted, more out of curiosity than anything.

"My family offered first and personally I would rather have my children looked after by family."

I nodded my head in agreement. I could not blame him there, as even our own family has helped to look after my brothers children after they had lost their mothers and wives, until they got back on their feet again.

"And they are close by to their mother's family as well by living there. I have no wish to take them away from their mother's family."

Again, I acknowledged this with a nod of my head.

"Please Jane...it's been a long time. I would really like for us to get to know one another again." Tom pleaded with me.

But I was hesitant. At this stage in my life, did I want to go through another painful love affair? And with Tom again? Especially as it's obvious that I am not over him. Wouldn't it be better to make the break now? Yes, he had proclaimed his love for me...and his wife was no longer living. And he must no longer be needed to support his family as he had a family of his own to support and his siblings would be adults themselves now. But...what of his uncle? The one who had forbade our union? And other family members? I'm still a 'poor clergyman's daughter', beneath the Lefroy's standards, perhaps even more-so now that Tom had become a successful lawyer. THAT has not changed, so no matter how we might feel about each other, I could not see how there could be anything more between us than a friendship. And...am I ready to become 'just friends' with Tom Lefroy, the first man to whom I had really fallen in love with?

I looked at Tom now...I could see the beseeching look in his eyes...the same one he gave to me when he had come across myself and my brother George on a walk when he was back visiting family shortly after I had found out about his engagement...the same look when I left him part way through our "elopement" journey.

"No!" I suddenly recalled that particular moment, his exclamation full of emotion when I had stood up to leave...he had grabbed my hand to try to prevent me from leaving him. Both of these memories came rushing back to me, bringing on fresh pain. But perhaps it was because of those memories that I felt an urgency to change them, as I could not seem to forget them. (Especially as the person who was part of those memories was standing before me again now). Looking at Tom, I found that I couldn't reject him after all. And I felt a desire to change the look in his eyes.

"Please Jane..." he repeated quietly, still pleading with me.

"Alright." I finally gave my consent. "I must be completely mad! But then...perhaps I deserve it." I added to myself as I accepted whatever fate had in store for me for agreeing to his invitation.

But the instant change it brought to Tom's eyes and face made me feel like maybe...MAYBE it was the right decision after all. A lot HAD changed in 17 years, most especially for Tom of course. And after all, why shouldn't we be friends? I tried to convince myself. At least we can...I can TRY and be friends with him. We wouldn't have to stay long and at the end of our stay, I will either learn to be friends with him, or perhaps I will be able to part from him in a more positive way this time...a way that will not hurt.

"Come..." Tom said then with a smile on his lips. "Let us find the others and tell them of the good news." I walked towards Tom and as I did, he fell in step beside me as we went to search for Henry, Eliza and Young Jane.

We eventually came upon them in another part of the building, admiring some of the artwork on display. Apparently, the building was also an art gallery.

As Henry spotted us walking towards them, he called, "I see you have convinced my sister to join us for a visit at your place Lefroy. I can tell by the look on your face." He teased Tom with a grin of his own to which I felt myself blush slightly.

"I suggest we be on our way if you three are done looking at the art." Tom replied purposely ignoring Henry's remark.

"Of course we must go to the Inn of which we have been staying and collect our bags first." Eliza reminded everyone.

"I will take you over there myself in my carriage before we carry on to my place then." Tom offered firmly.

"I would like to ride with Miss Austen." Young Jane now dared to say, rather shyly.

I noticed her looking at me with a shy smile on her face. I returned the smile and replied. "And I would be honoured to ride with you, Miss Lefroy." To which Young Jane blushed with pleasure. "And you must sit next to me." I insisted. This would serve two purposes, to make Miss Lefroy happy and to keep Mr. Lefroy from being able to sit next to me.

The five of us left the building together and followed Tom to his carriage where, once he had helped me in and we were all seated, I noticed that, even though I was able to prevent him from sitting next to me, he was able to arrange it where he and I ended up sitting opposite each other. As Tom sat down, he gave me what I interpreted as a coy smile.

**(Tom)**

I don't know why those particular words came out. I hadn't intended to say them, they just...came out. I wondered if Jane had noticed? I saw her looking at me in a way that told me that she too had not forgotten. It wasn't that I wouldn't have wanted exactly that...for her to come away with me again, and this time, the ending would be different. It would be a different ending that would provide a new beginning for us. However, I knew that we needed to take the time to get to know one another again. To become comfortable with each other again. I also realized that because of how our break up had affected Jane, from what Henry had told me earlier, that I could not..should not rush Jane into anything like that again. As well, a lot had changed in 17 years and we weren't the young, carefree people we had been. I couldn't just take off on a whim like I could back then. I had a family and a career that I had to think about if I wanted to be able to marry Jane and give her a comfortable place in which to live and a comfortable lifestyle, something I was able to give her this time, something I was unable to give her the last time. And as long as I didn't do anthing to cause it to mess up. As eager as I was to make this come true for us, I also had my head together more this time than the last time. If I wanted to make it work for sure this time, I would have to be patient.

Quickly I explained to Jane what I had in mind. To have the three of them, Henry, Eliza and Jane all stay at my place for the rest of their visit and perhaps even longer, if they wished. I know that is what I wished for, an extended visit. I knew that Jane would never stay without Henry and Eliza and of course it was out of the question to ask a single lady to stay with a widowed man who was not a relative or an employee. At this stage of my life, I knew better than to risk my reputation as a well-respected lawyer and citizen. As Henry and Eliza had already agreed to this arrangement as long as Jane would, I only needed to receive Jane's acceptance.

"They don't want to stay without you." I said to her in a quiet voice. I held my breath as I waited for her reply.

I could see that a battle was waging within herself regarding my invitation, unsure of what she should do about it. I could tell by what she said next that I was right.

"I'm sure your place is full enough with your children." She replied. I was sure she was using the idea of my children as an excuse to turn me down.

"My children stay with my family in Ireland, Jane. It would be impossible for me to work and look after my family at home." I countered her quickly.

"But your daughter is here." She pointed out stubbornly. Ah, here is my Jane once again.

"Jane is my eldest daughter and I allow her to stay with me in London from time to time." I replied patiently.

"What about a governess? Surely you could afford one." She was being persistent now, I almost wondered if she was doing this to avoid giving me an answer to my invitation.

"My family offered first and personally I would rather have my children looked after by family." I answered her steadily.

This at least seemed to stop the flow of her questions. I took advantage of her silence as I begged her, "Please Jane...it's been a long time. I would really like for us to get to know one another again."

Jane continued to be silent. She seemed to be giving it a lot of thought. I was afraid of breaking that silence, lest it should push her in the opposite direction of what I was hoping for. But as much as I tried, I couldn't be silent. It seemed like she was taking forever to make up her mind...and I wanted her to come stay with me so much that finally I had to say something again.

"Please Jane..." I stopped here, biting my tongue to say anything further lest it push her over the edge...and the wrong edge at that.

When finally after what felt like an eternity and she agreed, I cannot even describe the emotions that ran through me then. Relief, joy, elation...those words just didn't seem to do justice to the way it made me feel when she finally consented. Feeling almost light headed but happy, I said smiling at her, "Come..let us find the others and tell them of the good news." I waited for Jane to come towards me and then I fell in step with her as she did.

We walked side by side companionably through the building until we found the others looking at some of the artwork that was on display. Upon noticing us, Henry said with a grin on his face, "I see you have convinced my sister to join us for a visit at your place Lefroy. I can tell by the look on your face."

I was never bothered by Henry's teasing of me and as I was quite happy, I chose to ignore him suggesting that we leave for my place, as I was quite anxious to have them all settled there as soon as possible. Eliza reminded us that they needed to retrieve their bags from their rooms as they would no longer be staying at the Inn. I offered to drive them over and then back to my place.

"I would like to ride with Miss Austen." My daughter now said shyly. She had loved Jane's book Pride and Prejudice and I could tell that she was becoming a bit "smitten" with the real Miss Austen.

For the second time that day, Jane touched my heart when she replied to my daughter in a kind and gentle manner, "And I would be honoured to ride with you, Miss Lefroy. And you must sit beside me."

The last part of her statement rather amused me because I had the feeling that it was a ploy so that I would not be able to sit next to her. I hid my smile as I helped both Jane and my daughter into the carriage arranging it so that I would be sitting across from Miss Austen instead as she had made sure that I would not be able to sit beside her. I cast Jane a bit of a triumphant smile as I sat down and faced her.


	6. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5:**

**Jane's POV:**

Obviously, Mr. Lefroy saw right through my little 'scheme' to keep us separated and had schemed himself to have us facing each other in the carriage instead. I sat up straight and tall as I realized this, wishing to punish him somehow for it. But the only thing I could come up with was to ignore him throughout our ride. I could not, however block out his, Henry's and Eliza's small talk. And I would not ignore any remarks either Henry or Eliza...or young Jane would say to me. That should show him my intentions. I admit that I felt a bit smug at my decision to make him pay. I listened in on their conversations but I refused to participate in any part that Tom was involved in.

As it wasn't too far to the Inn, this part of our ride was short and soon the three of us alighted from Tom's carriage to retrieve our bags from our rooms while Tom and his daughter held the carriage until our return. Once we had accomplished this task and returned to Tom and young Jane, I decided that this time, I would not try to manipulate our seating arrangement again. However, I still refused to talk with Mr. Lefroy as I was rather enjoying punishing him. It would not last long as I was about to find out.

Once we were under way to Tom's place, he spoke up, "I have inherited my uncle's old place and office."

These words took me by surprise, causing me to gasp inwards. The last time...indeed the one and only time I had ever been to Tom's uncle's place was that fateful time when Tom's plan was to introduce me to his uncle in order to make a positive impression upon him in regards to me so that he would continue to be in his uncle's favour and we could marry...it was also the time that John Warren had sent his horrid letter to Tom's uncle thereby giving no chance of a union between Tom and myself. I never forgave John for that and refused to lay eyes on him since learning the truth about his poisoned letter. I...we...my family that is, never saw John Warren again after he departed from our house where he more or less confessed to his being the author and sender of said letter, the day I arrived back home from my "elopement" journey. Even now, being reminded of that time, I burn with anger at the injustice of it all. If it hadn't been for that letter, Tom's uncle may very well have more open to the idea of a marriage between us.

"My uncle left me his old place and office here in London after he passed away shortly after my wife Mary passed." Tom was now saying.

"So that is why you are here...in London." The words came rushing out before I could stop them, but the punishment that I bestowed upon him had already completely vanished from my mind.

Tom gazed at me as I spoke these words to him. I thought I detected a slight smile on his face as he answered, "Yes. I continued on with my practice in Ireland after Mary died, but it was a hard time for me. And when I learned that uncle had left his place for me in London, I decided that perhaps it the time was right to take the opportunity to expand my practice and see how well I could do in London as I had been doing very well in Ireland."

"But your family..."

"I go in between both places. I spend time both here and in Ireland with them."

"That is a lot of travelling." I pointed out.

"Yes...it is." Tom admitted. "But I have the time to do it. My family is very important to me and I would never abandon them. But I need my career as well. My idea is to get this London practice established under my uncle's name and have another reputable lawyer or two to work from it. Then my plan is to spend more time back in Ireland and eventually live there on a permanent basis again."

We had now pulled up to a vaguely familiar building and the carriage came to a full stop.

"Here we are...again." Tom remarked who got out first and held his hand up to help me down from the carriage. I barely touched his hand as I got down.

As I stood there waiting for everyone else to alight from the carriage, I gazed up at the building, the memories of it rushing back to me. All of those years ago, another time when Henry, Eliza and myself had stayed here last. And here we were, as Tom had said, "again". The only difference this time was that Tom was entering the house with us instead of waiting on the other side of the door along with his uncle...and there was no longer an uncle on the other side awaiting for our arrival.

At least this time, the visit should be less tense then, I thought to myself, more casual...I hoped. If anything, it would be different this time, of that there was no doubt.

Tom opened the door and we were greeted by one of his servants who took our hats and wraps for us. I looked about the place to see that it had changed very little from when his uncle had lived there, but then as Tom now explained he wasn't here in the house part a lot of the time, unless Jane was there visiting, but spent much of his time in his office working or in the courtroom as well as what he referred to as his country home in Ireland.

"Country home?" I repeated, puzzled.

"Yes...it is where my children live and are being raised as I didn't want them to be raised in London. And my wife..their mother, God rest her soul, wouldn't have either. As I mentioned to you earlier Miss Austen, Mary's own family is from Ireland I didn't want to take my children away from her family, nor my own for that matter."

"Of course." I agreed.

"I get up there as often as I can and stay for weeks at a time for I want my children to know their father."

"You are a wonderful father Tom." Eliza now put in. "Anyone can tell that just by observing your Jane here, she is lovely. And no matter how many miles may separate you from your family at this time, one can tell that you are very devoted to your children. Your country home must be lovely indeed."

Tom followed up this compliment by another surprising statement. "I wish for you all see it one day. When I'm on leave from here next, perhaps."

I didn't know how to respond to such an invitation myself. But my brother did.

"Are you giving us another invitation Lefroy?" He asked with a grin.

"I believe I am!" Tom smiled back at Henry and then looking at me, who could still think of no reply, continued softly, "It would be my pleasure. I would be honoured for you to meet my family."

"And we would be delighted of course, Tom." Eliza replied.

"Then we must make some arrangements of getting or keeping in touch with one another for it." Henry stated firmly. "Do you have an idea of about when you might leave next?"

"Not at least for a couple of months." was Tom's reply.

That would put us into...October or November of the year." Henry said thoughtfully.

"Yes...I am always at home for Christmas of course. Perhaps you would even care to stay long enough and join myself and my family for the holiday season?" Tom's face brightened once again with this idea.

"We would be the ones who would be honoured Tom, to both meet and spend Christmas with you and your family." Was Eliza's reply.

"Then it is settled, yes?" Tom asked, once again looking hopefully at me with askance in his eyes while I was even more dumbfounded at the idea of spending Christmas with him...and in his home in Ireland, not knowing how I should be feeling about all of this. When I had agreed to stay at Tom's with Henry and Eliza, I had not seen it go any further than this visit...my head fairly whirled about with all that had transpired over the past several hours. What had started out as an innocent outing in London with Eliza and Henry had turned into something that had far exceeded my fondest of dreams. And...my feelings...I couldn't deny it. What Tom offered...I wanted...

I wanted it very much. But my pride...or perhaps it's just my plain stubborn side was not going to allow Tom to know just how much I wanted this...I took my time accepting his invitation, pretending to think about it very hard even though my mind was already made up..."Yes..." I finally agreed in a composed manner.

**Tom's POV:**

I noticed during our ride that Jane didn't seem to be paying any attention to me. Indeed, she didn't say very much at all, but only made small replies or the odd comment here and there when required to by Henry, Eliza and even my daughter. Again, I had to keep my smile hidden as I came to realize that she was punishing me for our seating arrangement. Life would never, could never be dull with Jane, I had always known that.

Once we reached the Inn, all three of the Austens alighted while Jane and myself stayed with the carriage until their return. I had gotten out of the carriage myself as a gentleman always does when there are ladies present. Jane had slid over to the side of the carriage where Jane had been sitting. I felt her hand upon my arm.

"Father?" She addressed me now.

"Yes, child?"

"Thank you for the lovely surprise." she said with a smile.

"Surprise?" I asked frowning. "What surprise?"

"Miss Austen, of course! You had said there was a surprise, remember?"

Of course...with all that had happened in the past little while, I had completely forgotten that I had said to Jane when I was in pursuit of Henry, Eliza and Jane earlier that day as to where we were going, "It's a surprise." Little did I realize at the time that things were going to get this far...farther than I had dared hoped for when we were first there.

"I didn't know that you knew Miss Austen." She now said. "Why didn't you say when you had bought me the Pride and Prejudice book?"

I looked at my daughter now, trying to think of a good answer that was not a lie.

"Because Jane...it was a long time ago when I knew Miss Austen. Long before Pride and Prejudice. I couldn't be sure that she would even remember me. I took a chance coming in here today where I knew they...where she was. But...I wanted to try. Again, I didn't know that she would remember and I didn't want you to be disappointed."

"Who could ever forget you father?" Jane looked at me affectionately. "But she didn't forget you. And I am not at all disappointed. I wouldn't have been even if she hadn't remembered you. It was lovely that you would have tried for me. And thank you for inviting her to stay with us." She smiled happily as she replied.

I smiled back at her, lovingly. "I'm very happy that it all worked out, child."

It didn't take the three long to collect their bags and soon we were on our way again, with the same seating arrangements and Jane still continuing to ignore me.

As I knew our destination might come as a surprise to my guests, I thought that I had better say something about it as soon as possible so as to prepare them.

Without any preamble, not long after we started off, I told them, "I have inherited my uncle's old place and office."

I noticed that this news brought a reaction from Jane, even though she did not say anything right away. She looked at me as soon as the words were out, but I could almost see that she was taking a trip back into the past..

"My uncle left me his old place and office here in London after he passed away shortly after my wife Mary passed." I now added.

"So that is why you are here...in London." She now ventured to say. Apparently, my punishment was over with...for now anyway.

A small smile got away on me as I looked at her and replied seriously, hoping that she didn't think I had noticed her silence towards me. "Yes. I continued on with my practice in Ireland after Mary died, but it was a hard time for me. And when I learned that uncle had left his place for me in London, I decided that perhaps it the time was right to take the opportunity to expand my practice and see how well I could do in London as I had been doing very well in Ireland."

From there we carried on an amicable conversation, me explaining the situation about my work, what I had planned on doing with my uncle's office and abode as well as my family situation.

When we arrived at what had become my place, both Henry and myself alighted first from the carriage and I held my hand up to help Jane down. I noticed that she barely touched it as she got out, clearly wanting to show me that she was still independent.

I noticed her looking the building over and I was sure that more memories must be playing through her mind. I opened up the door and one of my servants was there to take our wraps and hats. I knew that the first thing they would notice was that not much had changed so I quickly explained that unless Jane was visiting me, I didn't spend much time there as I was usually working in my office or I was in the courtroom or in Ireland. I had used the term "country home" without even thinking about it which brought another reaction from Jane.

"Country home?" She repeated.

I explained to her that my children were being raised there as I didn't want them to be raised in London and I knew that Mary wouldn't have either.

This brought up another subject which, I had hoped upon meeting Jane again was going to happen, that they should all come to Ireland sometime to stay with me and meet my family. That Jane and I would marry, was not a question to myself. I was convinced of it the moment we were able to talk in private after her reading. But I was sure that this idea had most likely not even entered Jane's mind and I had to keep reminding myself that I must take my time with her which is why I knew that the idea of having all three of them visit me in Ireland was the best way to go about getting Jane to agree to it. And then as I knew it would be later fall before I would be back there again, the idea of Christmas came to my mind and the very thought of spending Christmas with Jane and my family was suddenly one thing that I wanted very much to have happen. It had to...a thought came to my mind just then...a very happy thought...something I would do at Christmas while Jane was there...she had to say "yes" to this...she just had to...she seemed to be taking her time with her reply...but then after what seemed like eons, she gave me her reply, "Yes..." very quietly.


	7. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6:

Jane's POV:

Tom's face light up again, the way it had before when I had agreed to stay at his place here in London, after I finally gave him my reply in the positive for Christmas at his place in Ireland. I will not deny that this made me feel very happy...something I thought I would never get the chance to feel again with Tom. I thought that had passed a long time ago...

However, I was still not about to let on how this arrangement was making me feel. I was happy that Tom was so visibly happy about the idea...and I was happy that he had asked us to join him for Christmas...happy that it was what Tom wanted. But I must keep myself in check. Perhaps I was too hasty in my reply to him after all...because...again...where could this all lead to but another painful departure between us...yet...maybe not. Maybe, like I had told myself earlier, we COULD just carry on as friends. Perhaps with time spent together, that is exactly what would happen. I couldn't...didn't really want to change my mind about it now anyway. The time spent here with Tom might show how things would go, could go between the two of us in the future.

This entire conversation had taken place while we were wandering through the house. We came upon one of the sitting rooms and Tom stepped aside allowing the rest of us to enter so that we could all sit down and be comfortable. I noticed a pianoforte at the opposite end of the room and moved towards it. This was something new...I would have remembered it.

"That wasn't here before." I remarked pointing to it.

"No, it wasn't." Tom answered quietly following me over to it.

I stretched out my hand upon reaching it and ran my hands gently over the keys.

"I bought it for Jane." Tom told us, as he now stood beside me. I looked at him. I detected a double meaning in his voice and eyes. He had bought it for Jane...and for me?

Jane had been following us the entire time and I now turned towards her with a smile and addressed her. "You play?"

"Some..." she replied.

"Then you should play for us." I encouraged her.

Young Jane blushed at the attention. "Oh..I don't know that I could."

"You play just fine, Jane." Tom agreed. "You should play what you know best for our guests, especially as Miss Austen has asked you so nicely."

Jane knew she had no choice but to obey her father. She came over to the piano, sat down and drew a bit of a breath before she started to play.

She played us a couple of pieces which, I had to agree, she played just fine for her age. I was impressed as was the her small audience. When she had finished, we applauded as she stood up and politely curtsied to us.

"And now, Miss Austen should play for us." Tom stated firmly, taking me off of my guard. I gaped at him and I swear if eyes could twinkle, his were at that moment.

"Do you play too Miss Austen?" Jane looked at me, her face bright with this knowledge.

"Well yes, dearest..." I replied using the affectionate term "dearest" without even thinking. Cassandra and I often use that term for our own young nieces and nephews. "I do play...some."

"My sister is actually fairly accomplished in the pianoforte." Henry now took it upon himself to help throw me into a situation that I had not expected to be in. I looked over at him and shot him a withering look. If I had not been with both Henry and Tom since our departure from the art gallery building, I would have sworn that the two them had planned this. Honestly! The pair of them!

"Would you play for us to then?" Jane pleaded.

I would have thought that Tom would have admonished Jane for begging, but as he was obviously on her side, he stayed his tongue in that regard.

"Please Jane. You do play very well." Now it was Eliza who spoke up.

Now I was the one without a choice but to play for them. I made my way over to the piano, sat down and after a moment of silence, I let my fingers take over the keys...and everything and everyone vanished from the room from the moment I started playing.

I was startled back to the present by the applause when I had finished.

"Oh you do play beautifully Miss Austen." Jane sighed. "Perhaps you could teach me how to play more like you while you are here?"

"Jane.." This time Tom decided to step in. But by this time I had my wits about me again.

"Of course, Miss Lefroy." I countered him, not thinking straight off about what I might be getting myself into. "I will be happy to sit down with you and help you the best I can."

In all honesty, I had no idea how I would fair teaching a young girl how to play as I had never actually taught anyone before...but I had already made my promise and I would do my best. I hoped I could teach her well enough to satisfy both her and her father.

"Oh, thank you Miss Austen!"

"Jane, I think it's time for you to go upstairs and get yourself ready for dinner." Tom told his young daughter who happily bowed to us before she left the room.

Once she was out of the room, Tom turned to the rest of us and said, "Mary's passing has been very hard on Jane. She misses her mother very much, they were very close. And it is made even more difficult by her age as she is getting to the age where she needs her mother. My sisters who are helping to raise my family have done a wonderful job, but it's not the same. It's one of the reasons why I allow her to stay with me in London sometimes. So that we can spend some time alone together. As her mother can't be there for her, at least I can, her father."

As I looked at Tom, my heart filled with sympathy for Jane...and admiration for Tom.

Now he looked at me as if to address me solely and said in a soft but serious voice. "I believe my daughter has become quite attached to you Jane."

Tom's POV:

For the second time that day, Jane's reply brought exuberant joy to me. I confess that I didn't know how well the idea of having the three of them for Christmas in Ireland would go over with Jane, I was afraid that I might be pushing my luck with it. But once the idea had come to my mind, I couldn't let it go. I was both relieved and ecstatic that she had accepted it.

Now as we moved about the house, I guided my guests towards one of the sitting rooms where would could converse in comfort. My daughter Jane was still amongst us, following. I had been observing her with interest, her interaction with the elder Jane. I had realized earlier on that she seemed to be becoming a bit "smitten" with Jane, but as I continued to watch, I could see the fondness continue to grow...

Upon entering the sitting room, Jane noticed the pianoforte at the opposite end of the room and wandered over to it. I followed her. As she gently stroked the keys with her fingers, I told her in a meaningful way, "I bought it for Jane." She looked at me in a way that told me she understood what I was saying. I had bought it for my daughter so that she would be able to continue with her practicing whenever she was visiting me. But...I did have another Jane in mind when I bought it for I knew that Jane also played. At the time I bought it, as outrageous as it was, I did picture my Jane playing it and I knew I had to buy it.

Jane was now encouraging my daughter to play and I agreed that she must. She knew that she had to obey me. I admit that I am rather proud of her piano-playing and wanted to show her off a bit. I watched the elder Jane as she watched my daughter play. She seemed to be taking an interest in Jane which pleased me very much. I could also tell that she was impressed with her playing as well.

"And now, Miss Austen should play for us." I had had it in my mind all along that Jane would play for us if they stayed at my place. I was going to make that image of her playing my pianoforte come true. I also knew that I had to catch her off guard so that it would leave her no chance to get out of it. This enthralled my daughter even more to find out that Miss Austen could play the piano as well.

"Do you play too Miss Austen?" She asked.

"Well yes, dearest...I do play...some." Was her reply.

I was quick to pick up on Jane's term of affection for my daughter, calling her "dearest"...my two Janes were growing closer, I felt...A small, inaudible sigh of contentment escaped me at this thought.

"Would you play for us to then?" Jane now was begging. Normally, I would never allow my children to beg someone for something as Jane did just then, but I purposely let it go this time as I wanted the same thing. And thanks to both Henry and Eliza who also encouraged Jane to play for us, I got my wish as Jane knew that she should not refuse the request that all of us wanted.

She sat down at the piano and didn't play for several seconds..but when she did, I found that I was as lost in the music she played as I had been in her voice when she had read for us...and like the reading, her music came to an end much too soon.

"Oh you do play beautifully Miss Austen." I heard Jane say. "Perhaps you could teach me how to play more like you while you are here?"

Now I thought perhaps my daughter was asking too much of Jane. "Jane.." I used my warning voice.

But the elder Jane jumped right in, "Of course, Miss Lefroy. I will be happy to sit down with you and help you the best I can."

I admit that Jane's readiness to help my daughter with the piano surprised me...but in a pleasant way as the image of the two of them sitting at the piano making music together came to my mind and warmed my heart considerably.

"Jane, I think it's time for you to go upstairs and get yourself ready for dinner." I now told her. I could tell that she was very happy with the way things were going with "Miss Austen". I was too. She politely bowed to everyone and left the room.

Even though we had been completely alone at the art gallery when we first started talking, Jane and myself, I still did not feel right talking about certain things there. But now that we were in the privacy of my own home and once Jane had left us, I felt I could talk about those issues I felt were more private...more sensitive.

I turned to my guests and told them, "Mary's passing has been very hard on Jane. She misses her mother very much, they were very close. And it is made even more difficult by her age as she is getting to the age where she needs her mother. My sisters who are helping to raise my family have done a wonderful job, but it's not the same. It's one of the reasons why I allow her to stay with me in London sometimes. So that we can spend some time alone together. As her mother can't be there for her, at least I can, her father."

I noticed Jane's eyes fill with sympathy at my words. The look in her eyes is what made me want to say what I said next...I really wanted her to realize the impression her presence seemed to be having on my daughter. Even though I realized that Eliza and Henry were still in the room, I addressed my next words strictly to her.

"I believe my daughter has become quite attached to you Jane." 


	8. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER 7:**

**Jane's POV:**

What Tom had said astounded me. Surely...he was mistaken? I didn't know how to respond to that.

"I am so sorry for your loss Tom..." I repeated my earlier condolences. "The loss of your wife, Jane's mother, your children's mother. Your Jane is truly a delightful girl." I replied honestly. And she was. I confess that I couldn't help but like her.

"Thank you Jane. I..."

Here Tom was interrupted by one of his servants, a medium built man with thin, graying hair. "Sir, dinner is ready to be served if you and your guests are also ready."

"Thank you Berkley." Tom replied. "Now would be fine. Has Miss Lefroy come down?"

"At the moment, she is still upstairs with Anna. Do you wish for me to check on their progress?"

"Please do Berkley as I wish for my daughter to join us. We will proceed to the dining area while we await her. And Berkley, Miss Lefroy will be taking all of her meals with us while our guests are here."

"Very good, sir." Berkley bowed slightly before leaving the room.

Now standing up himself, Tom turned to us and said, "Come..." indicating that it was time for us to quit the room. He waited for me by the door way and when I reached him, he offered me his arm. "Miss Austen?" He said quietly with a slight bow.

As independent as I am, I knew it was bad manners to refuse a gentleman's arm when offered, so I bowed slightly back and ever so lightly placed my hand upon his arm. With Henry and Eliza following us, he led us to the dining area, a room I had not soon forgotten about...the room where in the past, we had shared a few pleasant meals with Tom's uncle before his uncle had received "the letter". It was the very room where Tom had started to try and tell his uncle of our intentions to marry...the room where upon reading said letter, his uncle started to abuse both Tom and myself. Even though Henry and Eliza and myself had been sitting outside the room, we could still hear plainly the damaging words that came from his mouth. It was the room where, after Tom's uncle had stormed out after his rant, I had entered to find out why his uncle had behaved in the way he had. It was also the room where Tom confessed to me that he had to do what he had to, for his family. At that time I had no idea just how much they had depended upon him and I felt that he was using his family as an excuse to not marry me. That as his uncle was so against a union between us, that he had in a sense, sided with his uncle. And because of that, it was the last time I had set foot in that place, the first time I had left Tom..."Goodbye Mr. Lefroy." I had said to him that day, feeling more deeply hurt by his refusal to stand by me, the one he was supposedly fond of enough to propose marriage to, despite all of the odds against us, than his uncle's abusive words about me...

As we approached the entrance of the room, I stopped. It had not been changed either. I felt Tom's free hand cover the one that was on his arm. "Are you alright?" He bent down slightly towards me to ask of me gently. I looked up at him. I could see the sympathy in his eyes. Of course he would not have forgotten either.

I straightened my back, stood tall and replied. "Yes, thank you. I'll be fine."

We proceeded into the room where Tom placed us all. He of course took the seat at the head of the table now and placed me on his right. Oh his left he placed Henry and beside him of course was Eliza. Young Jane came into the room just as we had all sat. Tom stood up and escorted his daughter to the seat beside me. Upon returning to his own chair, dinner was subsequently served where we engaged in small talk, but it was Henry and Tom who did much of the talking, catching up with each other as they hadn't had the chance to yet, while Eliza and myself listened on, putting in a comment here and there.

As much as I enjoyed the delicious dinner, and aside from the odd comment I contributed to Tom and Henry's conversation, I almost didn't even notice the wonderful food as I couldn't help but go over all that had transpired that day. It was almost like it was a dream and I was sure I would wake up and find myself back at home with Cassandra and our mother...

It was after our main courses had been served and been eaten that a lull in the conversation had happened when Tom's daughter spoke. "Father? May I please speak?" She asked pleasantly.

Tom looked at his daughter and nodded his approval. "Yes Jane, you may. What do you wish to say?"

"If Mr., Mrs. and Miss Austen are to spend Christmas with us in Ireland...couldn't we please have a ball whilst they are there?"

If I had been eating, I'm sure I would have choked on my food at her words just then. It was also probably a good thing that I held no cutlery in my hand for I'm sure I would have dropped it.

Tom and I quickly glanced at each other and then away. Tom looked back at his daughter. "A ball?" He managed to get out.

The suggestion of a ball brought back yet more memories...two very prominent memories to be exact. The first one being, where at a ball shortly after Tom had arrived to stay at his Aunt Anne and Uncle George Lefroy's, I had abused him to Eliza and Henry, while unbeknownst to myself, he had been listening. I was mortified that he should have heard me but my pride refused to let him see that I was. It was then that he said that he would be honoured to have next dance with me. He danced very well but our conversation during the dance was...shall we say...rather "competitive", each of us trying to upstage the other.

The second ball however was an entirely different story. We had become more amicable towards each other by this time and I looked forward to his being there, looked forward to more dancing with him. I barely managed to keep my disappointment in check when I did not see him in the ballroom, nor anywhere else I was able to look in the house. I was positive that I had seen him in the window upstairs as we alighted from our carriage. Of course, by this time, Mr. Wisley had made his proposal of marriage to me and everyone was certain I would accept him. Perhaps word of that had reached Tom, I remember thinking at the time, perhaps that was why he had not shown himself to me...but he had to know, that I would never, could never marry Mr. Wisley. Somehow I had to let him know that...I had to let him know that I could never, would never marry without affection and that was why, no matter how much money Mr. Wisley may have, I could never marry him.

I found myself back in the ballroom that night, bearing my disappointment. When Mr. Wisley asked me to dance again, I did my duty and stood up with him, but my heart was just not into dancing...not if Tom wasn't there...not if I wouldn't get the chance to dance with Tom...

And then...suddenly...he was there...he was there and dancing with me...almost as if it were a dream...I was never more surprised. This time, neither of us spoke. There didn't seem to be a need to. But we also could not seem to stop looking at each other...my heart quickening each time we looked into each others eyes...it was if we two were the only ones in the room...the only ones dancing...that was when my heart knew for sure...

"Yes... a Christmas Ball." Jane was saying now, bringing me back to the present. "Please father, we have not had one since mother..." here her voice trailed off, perhaps it was too sad for her to talk about her mother...or perhaps she was worried about how her father might react to her bringing up her mother, his wife. Or perhaps she was worried that her father might berate her for begging.

This caught my attention. I admit that the idea of Tom having something to do with the idea of having a Christmas Ball had crossed my mind, but when I looked at Tom again, really looked at him this time, I knew by the startled look on his face that he was completely innocent of it. I was immediately ashamed of my thoughts. As much as Tom might have a hand in certain things, he would never put his own child up to such a scheme, of that there was no doubt and I knew that. This was real.

I now turned to Jane and addressed her myself. "I think a Christmas Ball is a splendid idea myself. If your father approves, of course."

Jane's face brightened at my reply and both of us now looked at Tom, awaiting his decision. I think he felt that there could only be one answer and once he recovered from his initial shock of his daughter's idea, "Then a Christmas Ball we shall have." He promised with a smile which he beamed at first Jane and then myself which caused me to wonder if he too were remembering...

Jane was fairly bursting with happiness at her father's promise. "Thank you, father!" I found it hard for me not to smile at her enthusiasm.

"Dessert, coffee and tea will be served in the sitting room, Mr. Lefroy." Berkley now came into the dining area to announce.

"Thank you, Berkley." Tom dismissed him and then stood up, indicating that we retire back to the sitting room.

As Jane was with us this time, I reached for her hand to take in mine so that we could walk back to the sitting room together. Tom, I noticed this time, did not offer his arm, most likely because of Jane, I thought which was what I was sort of counting on. However I could tell by the look on his face that he was just as pleased to see me walking with Jane as he would be walking with my hand on his arm. Once again, Henry and Eliza followed while Tom brought up the rear.

Back in the sitting room, the evening was passed with more casual conversation as we enjoyed the lovely light desserts and hot beverages. Eventually Jane and myself took turns playing a little more on the pianoforte again with encouragement from the other three, Jane seemingly having become more accustomed to her small audience.

When it was time for her to retire for the night, she addressed Tom, "Father, I wish to ask Miss Austen a favour before I leave for the night."

"If it's alright with Miss Austen." Tom nodded his approval.

"Or course dearest, what is it you wish to ask?" I addressed Jane.

Almost shyly again Jane asked, "Would you please read for me once more?"

I couldn't help but smile at the child. "Of course. I would be happy to. You go and pick out what you would like for me to read and I shall read it for you."

Jane fairly skipped off to retrieve a book and was not long in coming back to me. As I was sat upon a small settee, I patted the place beside myself, indicating that she sit beside me again while I read. She opened the book and found the spot where she wanted me to start and I thus began.

I had no idea how long I should read but as it was time for Jane to go to bed, I decided I should keep it short. If I went on too long, I was sure that Tom would stop me. The passage turned out to be longer than I thought and as it was so interesting that I had lost myself in it and had forgotten all about the time myself, but no one stopped me. When I finished, I looked up and realized that I must have read for too long.

"Oh, I do apologize." I said earnestly. "I'm afraid I read for too long. Look at the child. Why she is almost asleep." For Jane was resting quite comfortably against me and just at that moment had yawned.

"It's alright Jane," Tom addressed me as he smiled. "I think we can overlook this as it was a treat for all of us once again."

I felt myself blush as his words.

Anna, who was the maid who looked after Jane, had been sitting outside the room in the hall awaiting to take her young charge and get her ready for her bed.

"You may come and take Jane up to bed with you now Anna." Tom said and Anna appeared, ready to do her job.

"Come along Miss..." she said gently taking Jane away from my side.

"Say good night to our guests like a good girl Jane." Tom instructed her.

"Good night Mr and Mrs. Austen." She murmured in a sleepy voice. "Good night Miss Austen."

"Good night, dear one." I smiled at her affectionately.

"Good night, Father."

"Good night, my love. Sleep well."

After Jane had left with Anna, the four of us started into another conversation for a bit until both Henry and Eliza declared that they too were ready to retire. It seemed like a good idea to myself as well and I got up when they did, ready to make my own way up to my room. I allowed them to leave the room before myself, but when I did, Tom said almost immediately after their departure, "Jane..."

"Mr. Lefroy..." I said, for the second time that day, cutting him off before he could get intimate with me, knowing that is exactly where he was going now that we were alone once again.

"Tom...please Jane, call me Tom...I would prefer it. At least when it's just the two of us."

"Please..." I started off more gently this time, purposely not saying his name at all this time, refusing to give him the satisfaction of me calling him Tom. "It's been a...a lot has happened today and I find that I am quite overwhelmed at the moment and I just wish to retire to my own room for some alone time."

I watched as I saw Tom's face fall slightly. I felt a bit guilty for being the cause of this, but I really needed some time and space now...to think...

But then Tom nodded his head slightly as if in agreement, "Of course. As you wish. Allow me to show you to your room at least. Your bags have already been placed there."

I could think of no reason to not allow Tom this, so we ascended the stairs together where he directed me to the very room I was in the last time..

"I hope it is alright that you should stay in the same room as the last time."

"It's fine.." I replied, not really surprised at this. Another thought struck me just then...or rather, a memory. This was the very room where I started on my Pride and Prejudice book...only I had called it "First Impressions" then. At least in this room there was one happy memory I thought to myself.

"Good night then Jane.." Tom turned to go towards his own room.

"Tom...?" I asked quietly.

"Yes?" He turned back.

"I wish to write a letter to my sister Cassandra to let her know of the change in our plans. Is there still pen and paper in the room do you know?"

"I haven't actually been in that room for quite some time. Do you wish me to check?" Tom offered.

I stepped aside and allowed him to enter the room. He went over to the writing desk and checked through the cabinets and drawers, eventually finding everything I would need including an envelope and sealing wax.

"Thank you, Tom." I said sincerely with a smile on my face.

"You're welcome. And now I bid you a good night. Good night Jane..."

"Good night Tom." I said as he closed the door on his way out.

I first got myself ready for bed before I sat down and started my letter to my sister.

_"My dearest Cassandra:_

_You will never guess where I am writing you this letter from...nor what has all happened to me in the course of less than a day..._

**Tom's POV:**

My words to Jane seemed to have put her at a loss for her own words I realized, for she repeated herself.

"I am so sorry for your loss Tom...The loss of your wife, Jane's mother, your children's mother. Your Jane is truly a delightful girl."

I could tell that Jane was being sincere when she said that my daughter is truly delightful. For myself, it was a most wonderful sight to see and to know how well my daughter and the elder Jane were getting along.

I was about to continue on with how things had been with my daughter upon the death of her mother, but I was interrupted by my servant, Berkley about dinner being served. It would have to wait for another time then. I summoned my guests to join me in the dining area for our evening meal.

I purposely awaited for Jane by the door and held out my arm for her to take as she came by, "Miss Austen?" I said quietly and with a slight bow. I knew that she was too well bred to refuse to take my arm, knowing that such an act would generally be frowned upon. Lightly, she placed her hand upon my arm and we lead the way to the dining area. I knew as soon as Jane had come to a stop at the doorway of the dining room, what was going through her mind. I felt for her. For me, being here over time had helped to ease the pain of that time when she was here last but it was the first time she had been there since she had left after my uncle's uncalled for actions.

"Are you alright?" I asked her, sympathetically wishing I could somehow ease her own pain...erase those memories from her mind.

"Yes..I'll be fine." She tried to assure me. I understood what she really meant.

I had already had it planned out in my mind that Jane was to sit on my right and my daughter would sit beside her. As soon as I finished placing everyone, our meal was served and Henry engaged me in conversation, wishing to catch up with me as we had had no chance to do so yet. It was a conversation that I thoroughly enjoyed for I had always liked Henry's friendship.

Finally after we had eaten our fill and there was a bit of a lull in Henry's and my conversation, my daughter turned to ask permission to speak which I allowed.

"If Mr., Mrs. and Miss Austen are to spend Christmas with us in Ireland...couldn't we please have a ball whilst they are there?"

Quickly I looked at the elder Jane whom I saw was also looking at me. Just as quickly, we both looked away, I looked back at my daughter. "A ball?" I just barely got out. The request my daughter had just asked for astounded me...the balls at which Jane and I had danced together at came rushing back to me. The first one, I remember watching her dance with Wisley who had inadvertently stepped on her foot. I admit now that I was not very kind, as I tried to hide my laughter...not so much at Jane, but at Wisley and his attempt to dance. My real reason for laughing at the poor fool was that I was jealous...jealous to see him dancing with her. But when that incident happened and I could see that Jane was not impressed with Mr. Wisley, I took it upon myself to search her out and ask her for the next dance. I came upon her, Henry and Eliza talking, she had not seen me yet, but I could hear plainly her abuse of me. I could have been angry with her, but I wasn't for I knew that she was right. I deserved every word she had said about me. I believe that moment was the first moment I realized that Jane was different from any other person of the fairer sex that I had ever known..

At last Henry brought me to her attention...she knew I had heard everything she had said, but instead of turning it into an awkward situation, I took it upon myself to relieve the awkwardness and told her that I would be honoured if she would dance with me next. She accepted and we soon found ourselves facing each other on the dance floor. I felt that we danced well together, but our conversation was one that was...unique. It was during this particular conversation that I discovered Jane's true character which was everything that I had grown to love about her...that she was spirited, independent, and a challenge.

By the second ball, we had become more friendly towards one another, but something had happened in-between the two balls...I had learned from my aunt Anne that Mr. Wisley had proposed marriage to Jane. Everyone who had learned of it had expected that because of her situation, she had surely accepted his offer by now...and he had the kind of money that I could not compete with at the time...it was because of this that I could not face her at first, at the second ball. I watched from a room upstairs and had seen her arrive, but I didn't have the heart to go and meet her. But a little later on, when I was with my aunt Anne and young cousin, Lucy had said, "She should accept him at once." I realized that meant that Jane had not in fact accepted Wisley's proposal as of yet. Hope surged into my chest at that moment and I left them to go and find Jane. I saw her on the dance floor with Wisley getting ready for the next dance. I quickly found myself a partner and we joined in. I could only hope that our position in the dance line would mean that her and I would eventually end up together. Luck was on my side. Suddenly we were there together, dancing again. There seemed to be no need for any words between the two of us this time, but I could not take my eyes off of her for very long either...she looked so lovely that night...

"Yes... a Christmas Ball." Jane was saying now, bringing me back to the present. "Please father, we have not had one since mother..." Here in mid sentence she stopped her flow of words but only she knew why.

Before I could say anything, the elder Jane turned to my daughter and said, "I think a Christmas Ball is a splendid idea myself. If your father approves, of course."

Trust Jane, I thought to myself, with a bit of smile tugging at the corners of my lips. "Then a Christmas Ball we shall have." I vowed.

To dance with Jane again...was indeed a very wonderful thought...and this time, like everything else, it would be different for us. I had to admit that I liked the idea of the Christmas Ball myself. And apparently, so did the elder Jane.

"Thank you, father!" Jane gushed happily.

Before I could reply, Berkley was there announcing the dessert and hot beverages would be served back in the sitting room. I replied to him, dismissing him and gestured for everyone to join me in back in the sitting room. Jane I noticed, grabbed my daughter's hand...I felt she had done that on purpose to perhaps keep me from escorting her back to the sitting room. That was fine with me, I was happy enough with how everything was going. There would be plenty of opportunities to escort Jane.

The first part of the evening was spent pleasantly enough with more conversation and music played on the pianoforte between my two Janes. In between there was our lovely light desserts along with coffee and tea to sample and enjoy.

When I knew it was time for Jane's bed time, she asked if she might ask a favour of Miss Austen. When I gave her my permission, she asked Jane if she would read for her once more. Jane replied that she would be happy to and told Jane to bring back whatever she wanted her to read. When she came back, Jane patted the empty place beside herself indicating for Jane to sit down beside her and began to read. This time, I merely enjoyed watching my daughter and Jane sit comfortably and companionably side by side. Even though I knew that time was getting on, I decided not to interrupt the two of them but allowed Jane to continue on with her reading as I wouldn't have changed the image of the two of them sitting there together for the world. Even when it was becoming obvious that my daughter was getting sleepy and started leaning more heavily against Jane...my heart was fairly brimming over as I watched the two of them together.

Finally Jane realized that she had read for too long and apologized for it. I told her not to worry about it as it had been a treat for all of us. I called Jane's maid Anna in to take her up to bed and gently reminded Jane to say good night to everyone which she obediently did.

The four of us continued on with a little more conversation when both Henry and Eliza informed me that they too were ready for their bed.

Ah...I had been waiting for this...more time to be alone with Jane. There was more I wished to talk with her about in private.

"Jane..." I started, but for the second time that day, she cut me off.

"Mr. Lefroy..."

"Tom...please Jane, call me Tom...I would prefer it. At least when it's just the two of us." I begged of her. I wanted her to call me Tom all of the time in fact, but at least we could start with it being all of the time in private.

"Please...It's been a...a lot has happened today and I find that I am quite overwhelmed at the moment and I just wish to retire to my own room for some alone time." She told me in a gentle tone.

I will not say that I was not disappointed...I was. But I also understood how after a day like today, she would feel just like that. I knew I should honour her request. And tomorrow was another day. She and I WOULD have our chance for some more private talks. I was going to make sure that happened.

"Of course. As you wish. Allow me to show you to your room at least. Your bags have already been placed there." I agreed.

Jane did allow me this much. I had put her in the same room as the last time. I had hoped that would be okay with her.

"I hope it is alright that you should stay in the same room as the last time."

"It's fine.." Was her reply. She seemed genuinely fine with it.

I opened her door, the candles already having been lit by Anna, knowing that we too would be coming soon to bed.

"Good night then Jane.." I said turning to go towards my own room.

Suddenly I heard a quiet, "Tom...?"

"Yes?" I turned back a little eagerly.

"I wish to write a letter to my sister Cassandra to let her know of the change in our plans. Is there still pen and paper in the room do you know?"

"I haven't actually been in that room for quite some time. Do you wish me to check?" I offered.

Jane stepped aside and allowed me to enter the room where I went over to the writing desk and checked through the cabinets and drawers and eventually found everything she should need for her letter.

"Thank you, Tom." She said appreciatively with a smile on her face.

"You're welcome. And now I bid you a good night. Good night Jane..."

"Good night Tom." She said as I closed the door after I quitted her room.


	9. Chapter 8

_**Once again, I would like to thank everyone who has been reading my story! And also thanks to those of you who have added it to your story alerts/favourite stories! What an amazing feeling that is! **_

**_I really love writing this story and am thrilled to know that people have been enjoying reading it as well!_**

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_**Thank you once again! You are awesome!**_

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**CHAPTER 8:**

**Jane:**

I didn't know where at first when I awoke the next morning, I had really had fully expected to wake up at my home in Chawton with Mama and Cassandra. I must have been trying to convince myself that the previous day had all been a dream, during the night.

Then when I was more awake, I sat up and looked about my room and first thought perhaps I had gone back in time of about 17 years...

I got up out of bed and as I did, I noticed the letter I had written to Cassandra the night before on the writing table. I had not yet sealed the envelope so I picked it up, took it out and read what I had written, sitting back down on the bed as I did, finally coming to terms with the truth. I could no longer deny it. I was here, in London with Tom Lefroy at his place.

It was at this time that I heard voices from below and hastened myself to get dressed. When I felt myself presentable enough, I placed my letter back in it's already addressed envelope, sealed it and brought it with me downstairs.

Tom happened to be standing not too far from the staircase and he looked up when he heard me as I descended.

"Good morning, Miss Austen." He smiled as he greeted me with a slight bow.

I was surprised to hear Tom being so formal with me again as he had been so insistent that I call him "Tom" the night before..at least in private. But perhaps this wasn't private enough then. That suited me fine.

"I hope you slept well?" He went on.

"Good morning, Mr. Lefroy. Yes, thank you. I slept quite well." I answered him returning his bow.

Tom now looked down at my hand and noticing the letter he called, "Berkley!" who appeared at his side almost instantly.

"Yes sir?"

"Miss Austen has a letter ready that she wishes to send to her sister. Please take care of it immediately."

"Right away, sir."

I handed my letter to Berkley who bowed to me upon receiving it.

"Thank you Berkley." I said graciously.

He bowed again before leaving us.

Tom held out his arm to escort me back to the dining area where the others were already up and awaiting breakfast. On our way, I couldn't help but ask of Tom as I had been curious. "Mr. Lefroy..."

"Yes, Miss Austen?"

"What about your work?" Wouldn't he have to work while we were there?

"Whenever Jane visits I always take some time off so that I can be with her." Was his reply.

"Of course." I should have thought of that.

"I still do have to do some work while she is here from time to time as I cannot neglect it the entire time."

"No, I imagine not."

We had arrived back at the dining area where I exchanged morning greetings with the other three as Tom seated me in the same place as the previous night. It was obvious that we were all to have the same seating at the table for the duration of our visit.

Breakfast was a pleasant affair as we all engaged in small talk and Jane listened in. I had wondered if Tom had any plans for his unexpected company or if we would just let things happen as they may.

After breakfast, we all stood up to leave the room but just as Tom was about to escort me out, Jane had come up to him. I felt that she wanted to tell or ask him something in private so I left the room and followed Henry and Eliza.

It was only a matter of a couple of minutes when both Tom and Jane came up from behind me.

"Miss Austen..." he addressed me.

I stopped and turned. "Yes, Mr. Lefroy?"

"I hope you won't find it an inconvenience but my daughter has reminded me of your promise to help her to play the piano. Would it be alright if you give her a small lesson right now?"

I had forgotten all about my promise...well, now was as good a time as any to see how I would fare there. A bit wary, but determined, I replied. "Of course. Come Miss Lefroy, let us see what we can do, shall we?"

Once again, I took the delighted child's hand into mine and we proceeded to the sitting room. Thankfully, the others politely stayed away from the room, for I certainly did not need an audience for my first piano teaching. I'm sure I would have failed miserably if they had stayed.

Before they left us, Tom found us another seat and placed it at the piano. Jane and myself now took our seats. I asked her to show me how much she knew and then I in turn played a small piece for her.

During the course of our lesson, I came to realize that Jane was a very good student. She listened well and seemed not only eager to learn, but she was quick to learn as well. I was very impressed with how much she was able to pick up by the end of our lesson.

Our lesson ended when Tom came in, giving us applause, slightly startling both of us. "That will do for one day. You've done very well." He said, including both of us in his words.

We both stood up and bowed slightly to Tom.

Jane then left the room and I turned to Tom. "Your Jane is a wonderful student." I told him honestly. "She is both eager to learn, and quick to learn."

"I think her teacher may have something to do with it." He replied gently with a smile.

I was feeling quite happy with how well I had done with the lesson but I felt my face get hot at his praise, something I seemed to be doing a lot lately I noted, which caused me become a bit flustered and a bit defensive.

"Oh no, she truly is gifted." I countered firmly, wishing to take the attention away from myself on this matter.

Perhaps Tom had sensed my awkwardness for he said no more about it.

"Where have Henry and Eliza got to?" I now asked quickly, taking the opportunity to get away from the topic.

"It is such a fine morning that I took them out back into the garden."

There was a garden here? I didn't recall one from the last time. But then we had been so busy and...our stay didn't actually last as long as we thought..or hoped it would..

I looked at Tom questioningly. "Being in the city it's not a big one of course, but there is one back there none the less."

"Oh, I should like very much to see it." I enthused, where upon, Tom held out his arm for me once again and I took it without even thinking this time.

"Then see it, you shall."

Tom was right, it was a small garden, but a fine garden with the flowers a couple of trees. Henry and Eliza were even seated at a small white table with four matching chairs. We joined my brother and sister in law.

"This is lovely Tom." I replied using his first name without even thinking as I looked around the garden in delight. "I do enjoy being out of doors whenever possible. I suppose it's because I have always lived in the country near small places and have spent a lot of time out of doors."

"Plus you wanted to keep up with your brothers. You always were a bit of a..pardon the term, Tom... but 'Tom-boy', Jane." Henry teased me and then also slyly gave me a small wink. I took that to mean that "Tom-boy" was supposed to have a double meaning.

"Henry, really." Eliza reprimanded him lightly.

"Oh, don't worry about him, my dear cousin." I replied gaily. I felt in such good spirits just then, that even Henry's teasing couldn't embarrass me. "After all Eliza dear, you must remember when Cassandra and I would dress Henry up so that he could have a part in our plays while we were growing up."

To this, Eliza smiled and nodded he head. "Ah yes...I do recall that now."

"And in fact, he insisted on being in our plays no matter what part he had to take, even if that meant playing the part of a female. I don't recall him protesting at all about being made up to be a girl. Do you Eliza?"

"No, I confess that I don't." She replied with sincerity to which I threw her a grateful look.

Apparently, our conversation caught Mr. Lefroy's attention for now he said, "What pray is this all about? Please do fill me in!" He insisted, which lead to a jovial discussion of the Austen family's activities whilst we were growing up, putting on plays for our parents and other family members. Henry himself, laughing at his own antics during those days of old.

As our conversation of that time in our lives drew to an end, Tom changed the subject and made a suggestion, "As it looks to be another fine day, perhaps we can all take the carriage after lunch this afternoon over to the park nearby and enjoy the afternoon by having a walk."

"I would enjoy that." I'm sure my face brightened at his idea. It would be wonderful to be out on such a day. I think I was beginning to feel the need to get out and be able to walk about.

Tom definitely seemed pleased to make me happy.

Suddenly another memory came to my mind...a...I don't know if "happy" would be the correct word, but definitely a "funny" one. It would be the second time that Mr. Lefroy and myself would meet, the next day, after my reading. I was out enjoying a walk when I happened to hear a noise in the brush to my right and saw that Mr. Lefroy had also decided to go for a walk. Only...for some reason I could not fathom, he had somehow gotten off of the path and was beating around in the brush not too far away from me. As I had overheard his unkind words in regards to my reading the day before, he was the last person I had wished to talk to, so I kept myself as quiet and out of sight as was possible as I continued on so as not to bring any attention to myself. At one point, I noticed that he had slipped...or perhaps he had tripped and had fallen. I confess that I was meanly glad of this, thought that he deserved it in fact and I would have even laughed out loud at him had I not been trying to keep from his noticing me. However, luck was not on my side and he would spot me. "Miss! Miss! Miss!" He had called out trying to get my attention. I had tried in vain to ignore him, but as he kept on calling out to me-and I also didn't want to appear as rude as himself-I gave in, replied as politely as I would allow myself to him and tried to be on my way, but he refused to let me get away that easily...

"Jane? You have such a smile on your face." Eliza's voice brought me back to the present.

Did I? I was undoubtedly smiling at the memory, but I couldn't tell them that, so I quickly but firmly answered, "I am smiling at the anticipation of our afternoon walk in the park."

**Tom:**

I closed Jane's door and thoughtfully made my way back to my own room. I had to admit that I was suddenly feeling a bit overwhelmed at the day's events myself..but it was a feeling that I would gladly take. Everything had gone so well, better than I had thought it would if I am to be honest I couldn't help but think as I got myself ready for bed. But once in bed, I couldn't fall asleep right away. I couldn't help but think...what if I had missed seeing them, only by a few mere minutes or seconds? What if I hadn't decided to take Jane out for lunch today? What if I hadn't followed them? What if they hadn't spotted me? What if Henry hadn't come after me? What if...? These were the kinds of thoughts that were going through my mind. If anything had happened in any other way, or at any other time, I would never have seen Henry, Eliza and Jane at all. I would never have known that they were even in London and they would not be here at my place now. I couldn't help but believe that fate had a hand in this. THIS was meant to be...Jane and I...we had been given the miracle of a second chance. THIS time it was going to happen. THIS time, there was nothing to stand in our way. With this happy thought, I finally drifted off to sleep, also aware of the fact that my beloved Jane slept in a room only a few mere feet away from myself..

The next morning as I awoke before my guests, I aroused myself from my bed and dressed so as to be already for them for when they should come down. Anna had seen to my daughter Jane who was also already up, ready to meet our company. I met her downstairs and we exchanged our good morning greetings. I also decided to see about the breakfast meal. I had just finished consulting with the cook in the kitchen when Henry and Eliza appeared downstairs. We too exchanged our good mornings, then I told them and my daughter to please be seated in the dining area and enjoy some coffee or tea while we awaited Jane and our breakfast. I promised to join them momentarily. I wasn't standing too far away from the stairs when I heard a noise on the stairs. I looked up to see that Jane was also up and about now. I smiled up at her and greeted her, this time reverting back to the formal address. I had been thinking that perhaps I had been a bit too cocky last night in pleading with her to use my first name. I was thinking that perhaps I shouldn't be pushing the "first name" idea on her, so I once again addressed her as "Miss Austen". I decided that I would follow where she would lead in that direction. After our exchanges were out of the way, I noticed the envelope in her hand and remembered that she had wished to write to her sister the night before. I immediately called for Berkley to take care the letter for Jane and then offering my arm to her, we started towards the dining area. On the way, Jane had asked me about my work. I understood that she was asking if I would need to work while they were there. I explained that whenever Jane was visiting, I took some time away from work so I could spend it with her.

Upon arriving at the dining area where Jane exchanged her morning greetings with the other three, I sat her down at the same place as the night before, wanting to make it clear that that was to be her place for every meal at my place for as long as she was there.

We enjoyed a lovely breakfast filled with more enjoyable conversation shared between the four of us. After we had eaten our fill, I gestured that we remove ourselves from the room. I admit that as my guests were unexpected, I hadn't any plans as to what we should do to entertain ourselves, but at that moment, my daughter pulled me aside and asked of me quietly.

"Do you think it would be okay if Miss Austen helps me with the piano now, father?"

Ah, now here was something. After all, Jane had promised and as there was nothing else planned for the time, it might be an idea. I now called out to Jane. "I hope you won't find it an inconvenience but my daughter has reminded me of your promise to help her to play the piano. Would it be alright if you give her a small lesson right now?"

She looked just slightly surprised...she may have forgotten about her promise. But I knew Jane well enough to know that she would never go back on a promise. She didn't disappoint me.

"Of course. Come Miss Lefroy, let us see what we can do, shall we?" She replied, taking my daughter by the hand and led her into the sitting room where the pianoforte was. I realized then that they would need another chair and went to fetch one for them. I watched them sit down together at the piano, and then politely retreated from the room. I figured that they wouldn't need an audience to distract them from the lesson as much as I would have loved to have listened in.

It was then that I thought of showing Henry and Eliza the small, but lovely garden out back while my two Janes were busy at their lesson. They readily agreed and I lead the way out back.

"Why this is delightful, Tom!" Eliza exclaimed looking around my garden.

"It is small, but as it's usually only myself or myself and Jane, there is no need for it to be bigger." I replied. "There is a small table and some chairs where we can sit down at and visit some more." I said as I lead the way over to the table and chair set, where we all sat down, this time Henry and myself engaging in an amicable discussion about politics. I had not told them yet, but I was considering becoming part of the Parliament back in Ireland once I was re-settled there and I was interested in Henry's view points. I also encouraged Eliza to partake in the conversation, which she did occasionally.

I found it quite interesting to talk with Henry about politics and the time had passed swiftly. I had hoped for that so that I could call my two Janes away from their music lesson. When Henry and I had discussed it as far as we could for the time being, I told Henry and Eliza that I would go and fetch Jane from the lesson ask her to join us.

I could hear music playing on the piano when I entered the house and moved towards the sitting room. I couldn't help but just stand in the doorway and watch the two of them sitting companionably side by side at the piano, making music together, as I had pictured in my mind the previous day when my daughter Jane had asked if "Miss Austen" would teach her to play like herself. I allowed them to finish the song and as much as I would have loved to have just stayed there and let them continue on, I knew that Henry and Eliza would wonder at what was taking us so long...so regrettably, I clapped my hands in appreciation (and to let them know that I was there) and told them that was enough for one day and that they had done very well. My two girls stood up and we all bowed slightly to one another and then my daughter left the room giving us a few moments alone.

Jane turned to me and praised my daughter's playing. "Your Jane is a wonderful student. She is both eager to learn, and quick to learn."

"I think her teacher may have something to do with it." I replied honestly with a smile.

"Oh no, she truly is gifted." Jane said blushing a bit.

I could tell that my words had embarrassed her and as I did not wish to make her any more uncomfortable, I didn't say anymore.

Jane took this opportunity to ask where Henry and Eliza were. I explained that they were in garden in the back of the building. I noticed the puzzled expression on her face and realized that she hadn't even known that we had one. Of course...the last time I was never really given the chance to show it to her...

"Being in the city it's not a big one of course, but there is one back there none the less." I explained.

"Oh, I should like very much to see it." She eagerly told me.

I of course was more than happy to show it to her. I held out my arm and was pleasantly surprised that she should take it without any hesitation this time. "Then see it, you shall." I remarked as I lead the way.

Once outside, we went straight over to where Henry and Eliza were sitting.

"This is lovely Tom." She remarked after I sat her down. I was happy to hear her use my first name this time. "I do enjoy being out of doors whenever possible. I suppose it's because I have always lived in the country near small places and have spent a lot of time out of doors." She carried on.

I had known that...when I was visiting my aunt Anne and uncle George Lefroy near their place, I came to see for myself how the people living in the country enjoyed being out of doors. They also liked to walk a lot...something I was not at all accustomed to at the time. But I came to appreciate the value of the outdoors and exercise while I was there. Perhaps this was even a bit of Jane's influence on me. It was also the reason why I had decided to buy a country home in Ireland, not too far outside of Limerick so that I would still be close to my work but would have a big garden with plenty of space in which to enjoy the country. And it proved to be a good thing to have for my children as well. I could see how it also benefited them. Thinking about this gave me an idea...

While I had been thinking, I had barely caught what seemed like Henry teasing Jane, but Jane, as usual was quick to tease him back with a statement that caught my attention.

"And in fact, he insisted on being in our plays no matter what part he had to take, even if that meant playing the part of a female. I don't recall him protesting at all about being made up to be a girl. Do you Eliza?"

"What pray is this about? Please do fill me in!" I exclaimed with interest. I had never heard about the young Austen children and their play. I listened with interest and laughed good naturedly along with them. It was the most I had heard Jane laugh in quite some time...

When this particular conversation seemed to be coming to an end, I brought up my idea to the rest of them. "As it looks to be another fine day, perhaps we can all take the carriage after lunch this afternoon over to the park nearby and enjoy the afternoon by having a walk."

Jane's face fairly glowed with this idea which pleased me to no end. "I would enjoy that." she assured me with a smile. I smiled back at her. I was glad that I was doing some things right again in regards to her.

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The Austen children really did spend their time putting on plays for their family/friends. (What else do you do back in the days long before electricity and all of the technology of today!).

Tom Lefroy did become a member of Parliament in Ireland, along with his successful career as a lawyer.

**ADDITIONAL NOTES:**


	10. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER 9:**

**Jane's POV:**

Young Jane came out to join us at about this time. As there were no other chairs, Tom elected to go back into the house and brought another one out. Once we were all seated, Tom asked of his daughter.

"What do you think about having a walk in the park this afternoon, Jane?"

"That would be wonderful father, I should like that very much! Oh and father..."

"Yes, my love?"

"Perhaps we might have pic-nic there? Like we do at home sometimes when we take our tea out of doors in the garden?"

Tom looked at Jane. "Hmmm..." He appeared to be in thought as if contemplating this, but I noticed that "twinkle" in his eyes and the upward tug at the corner of his lips. Watching the two of them together since meeting them yesterday, I could see just how much he loved his daughter. Again, I couldn't help but feel just a bit jealous of the fact that Jane was not Tom's and my daughter, but Tom's and Mary's even though I was honestly sorry for her demise.

"I think we might be able to manage that!" Tom finally agreed, although I knew he was all for the idea, the second that Jane had brought it up.

"Oh thank you father!"

So thanks to young Jane, it appeared that we had some plans for the afternoon. It did indeed sound pleasant, the idea walking in the park and then having our tea in the form of a pic-nic there. A thought suddenly occurred to me how much Jane and myself seemed to be alike. How very odd, I thought...but in a good way. I did like to think that we were alike, Tom's daughter Jane and myself. I smiled at this thought. If she couldn't be my daughter, perhaps it was just as good that we were alike in personality.

After some more casual conversation, we eventually arose from our places and went back inside to do as we pleased while Tom said he would notify his staff of our plans to have tea in the park that afternoon.

I wandered about the house a little bit and came across a small library which doubled as Tom's office, I was pretty sure as there was a work desk in the room as well. I couldn't help myself, I went in to have a look at what kinds of books Mr. Lefroy (both uncle and nephew) had lining the shelves, as I was curious. I expected that for the most part, they would be law books, but perhaps there were others as well.

I placed my hand upon their bindings and gently ran my finger tips along the titles as I read them, losing myself in what I was doing. As I expected, a lot of the books were about law but not all of them. I started coming across some titles that were works of fiction as well. These ones interested me. I took a book out of it's place here and there to thumb through it to see if I could see what it was about, to see if it might interest me to read it some day. I have no idea how long I had been doing this when Tom's voice startled me out of my activity.

"Have you found anything of interest, Miss Austen?"

I fairly jumped out of my skin at Tom's voice. "Mr. Lefroy!" I exclaimed, startled, turning to face him. Suddenly, I felt ashamed. I had not asked him permission to be in this room. I lowered my eyes from his gaze, blushing once again, then cautiously I looked up at him again. He was leaning against the door jamb with half a smile on his face.

"Oh...I...am...I do..." I started off stammering a bit. "Please forgive my intrusion Mr. Lefroy, I do apologize. I had noticed the books in this room and I just couldn't help myself. I had to come in and see what titles you have. I apologize for not asking for your permission first." I bowed slightly.

Tom now came towards me still smiling. "No need to ask permission, Miss Austen." He said softly. "You are always welcome in my library at any time."

"But it is your office...your work room." I protested.

"And I am not working in it at the present. Even if I was working, I want you to know that you are still welcome to come and look."

I didn't know what to say to his kindness.

"Have you found anything that interests you?" He now asked of me.

"There are a couple of books that have caught my interest, yes." I admitted.

"Then you must take them with you and read them while you are here. And in fact, as we will be getting together for Christmas, you are welcome to keep them if you have not finished with them by the time you leave for home. You can return them to me upon your visit to Ireland."

"Oh Tom, I couldn't..." I objected, forgetting once again to be formal in my surprise.

"Of course you must." He countered me firmly. "I insist."

As I couldn't think of any objections to his offer, I accepted. "This is really very generous of you Tom. I do thank you." I said sincerely.

"You are most welcome of course." He replied.

There was a moment of silence when Tom spoke up again. "Jane...?"

"Yes?"

"I have read your book 'Pride and Prejudice'."

Now I gaped at him open mouthed in amazement. Never in the world had I ever even dreamed that Tom Lefroy might read a book such as 'Pride and Prejudice'. "You have?" I asked rather weakly.

"Yes. And I will say that I thought it was very well written. I thoroughly enjoyed it."

Gathering my wits somewhat, I returned with maybe just a bit of sauce, "It's no Tom Jones..." recalling the time that he had caught me in his aunt's library (after I had spotted him reading a book in the same library) going over her books. He had picked out a book by Tom Jones for me to read as he felt that my "horizons needed to be widened." Upon reading it, I would have to say that the author's book did indeed "widen my horizons" somewhat.

Tom actually chuckled at these words before replying, "No...and I would hope not as you are not Tom Jones."

I received the compliment with a silent bow of acknowledgment.

"I found one character in particular quite interesting..."

I found myself holding my breath...I had the feeling...

"Your Mr. Darcy..."

I knew it...

"He's an interesting character. He seems rather...shall I say, familiar to me." There was that twinkle in his eyes again, I noticed. "Jane...I don't want to sound arrogant, but...I have been wondering since I read it. Is Mr. Darcy..." Tom stopped here as he seemed to be searching for the right words. "Did you..." Another pause. "Is Mr. Darcy...supposed to be...me, by any chance?"

There it was. I had got the idea for "Pride and Prejudice" when I was here last and had started writing it even, only I had called it 'First Impressions' at the time. And as I continued to write the story afterwards, I confess that I didn't realize it at the time I was writing it, but I did notice afterwards when I had re-read it that the way I introduced Mr. Darcy in my book did indeed resemble my first impression of Tom Lefroy. I couldn't deny it then, that Tom had been a bit of an influence on my Mr. Darcy. But I could not change my character, in fact I didn't want to change him...I never, ever dreamed that Tom Lefroy would ever read it, thereby picking up on that fact. Of course I also never, ever dreamed that I would be in Tom Lefroy's library 17 years after we had parted, actually discussing my book with him. But I wasn't about to let him know that. Once again, my foolish pride kicked in and I replied. "If there is any resemblance between yourself and Mr. Darcy, Mr Lefroy it is strictly coincidental." I said with full confidence, holding my head high.

"I see..." He replied with a rather amused expression on his face. I wondered about that... "Well if you have picked out a book or two, perhaps you are ready to leave the library. You are welcome to take the books upstairs to your room if you wish and then if you are ready, we shall leave for our walk and pic-nic in the park."

I was quite relieved when Tom suggested that we leave the library and get ready to leave for our afternoon outing. I gladly accepted his arm as he escorted me to the bottom of the stairs where I rushed up to put my book selection on the table in my room for later reading and then to freshen myself up.

**Tom's POV:**

I was thoroughly enjoying our visit in my garden when my daughter came out to join us. As there was only four chairs I had go into the house bring out another. I sat my her between Jane and myself and then asked her what she thought about taking a walk in the park with us in the afternoon. As I knew she would be, she quite enthused about the idea. Then she came up with another idea, that I also liked. To have our afternoon tea in the park, like we have done on occasion back in Ireland. It was something that Mary had started with the children when they were younger. On as many of the nice days during summer that we would have, Mary would insist on having our tea outside with the children. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to join them in all of those nice days as I would be at work for some of them, but I did partake in as many as I could. It had become a bit of a family tradition for us and I enjoyed them as much as the rest of my family. After our tea we would encourage the children to play games and I would join in with them. As there always seemed to be at least one child that was too young to join in our fun and games, Mary was happy enough to sit on the blanket taking care of the infant while watching the rest of us, me being just as much of a child as my own children. I enjoyed being able to act as carefree as a youngster during that time with them and my children also seemed to love it when I was "one of them".

I was in complete agreement with the idea of a pic-nic and in fact, I already knew the ideal spot in which we should have it as I have taken many walks in that park myself whenever I am in London and am in need of taking a break from my work. I found that taking a nice slow walk helps me to relax. It helps to clear my head of my work or I would even take a walk just to think...

With Jane there, I was feeling very happy and even rather giddy so I couldn't help myself when I teased my young Jane a bit by trying to pretend that I had to seriously think this idea over while before telling her that we should be able to manage it.

Over the years since Jane's birth, I had come to realize (especially lately) that she was suitably named as she reminded me of another Jane. Something, when I had insisted upon the name for her, I never thought was possible. But my logical side tells me that the reason for that is because Jane Austen and myself are also so similar in some ways that my daughter likely inherited that part from me. However, that other part of me (some might refer to it as the "romantic side") likes to believe that she is very much like the elder Jane in personality more than myself...

After we had exhausted our conversation out in the garden, I decided that I had better inform my staff and particularly the cook of our plans to have our tea in the park so that a suitable basket of food could be made up for it. We all of us entered the house and I told the others to do as they pleased while I talked to my staff.

I was a little while in consulting with the cook about food (whom I sure thought I was a bit off about the pic-nic idea as I had never done this before) before I went on to search out Berkley (who also gave me a bit of a look but being the good, loyal servant he is, asked no questions and went straight to the task when I assigned him) to find a basket or hamper of some sort for the food as well as a couple of blankets for us to sit upon and eat in the park.

Once this was accomplished, there was nothing more for me to do so I decided to go to my office when I stopped suddenly at the doorway, seeing that Jane was in there browsing through my bookshelf. It reminded me of another time when I came across her in my aunt's library...

Not really wishing to disturb her or the moment, I just stood leaning in the doorway and allowed her to continue to look. I couldn't help but smile as I watched her. She was so attentive at what she was doing...what she was looking for...but I couldn't stand there and stare at her forever either. After several minutes, I felt like I was invading her privacy and I knew I either had to leave quietly or say something.

"Have you found anything of interest, Miss Austen?" I found myself saying instead of leaving her in peace.

Obviously, I had startled her when I didn't mean to. I felt a bit guilty for it when she turned to me and was blushing and then started to stammer in her surprise. But then she found her voice and apologized for not asking for my permission to be in that room. I assured that she did not need to ask me for permission, that she was welcome in my library at any time. Even if I was working. I was touched that she seemed a bit overwhelmed by this so I quickly asked if she had found anything of interest to which she replied in the positive.

"There are a couple of books that have caught my interest, yes." she admitted.

"Then you must take them with you and read them while you are here. And in fact, as we will be getting together for Christmas, you are welcome to keep them if you have not finished with them by the time you leave for home. You can return them to me upon your visit to Ireland."

"Oh Tom, I couldn't..." she protested, catching me by surprise this time by using my first name.

"Of course you must." I countered firmly. "I insist."

Jane seemed to be trying to think of ways in which she should object to my offer, but then she finally accepted. "This is really very generous of you Tom. I do thank you." Was her response. I knew it was heartfelt.

"You are most welcome of course." I replied just as genuine.

Here we both fell silent for several seconds. Being in the library, it had made me think of her own book 'Pride and Prejudice' and something I had found rather fascinating when I had read it...and I had wondered about it ever since. Now that I had her alone, I had to ask...I HAD to know...

"Jane...?" I now ventured to ask.

"Yes?"

"I have read your book 'Pride and Prejudice'."

Jane stared at me open mouthed in astonishment. "You have?" she asked rather feebly.

"Yes. And I will say that I thought it was very well written. I thoroughly enjoyed it." I told her in all my honesty.

"It's no Tom Jones..." She returned more firmly having gotten her wits back, with a statement that took me off my guard this time.

I couldn't help but chuckle at the memory.."No...and I would hope not as you are not Tom Jones." I told her kindly.

As Jane remained silent, but gave me a bow in acknowledgement, I decided to jump right into what I had been wanting to know since I read the book..

"I found one character in particular quite interesting...Your Mr. Darcy...He's an interesting character. He seems rather...shall I say, familiar to me." Once I started, I found that it was suddenly hard to go on and ask her as I realized that I might sound rather egotistical. But I had started, so I had to continue...besides...I really still wanted to know. I had wanted to know for too long now.

"Jane...I don't want to sound arrogant, but...I have been wondering since I read it. Is Mr. Darcy..." I stopped as I tried to think of the best way to say this. "Did you..." I paused again searching for the right words. "Is Mr. Darcy...supposed to be...me, by any chance?"

I watched Jane closely as she worked out in her mind what I had just asked of her...she seemed to be either thinking really hard or perhaps fighting within herself as to how she should answer me. Finally came her reply which, I must say, wasn't all that surprising as knowing her the way I do, I kind of had the feeling that she might answer in the way she did.

"If there is any resemblance between yourself and Mr. Darcy, Mr. Lefroy it is strictly coincidental." She said with just a bit too much self-assuredness which lead me to believe that I was right. Mr. Darcy WAS me... But as I didn't wish to push her (once again) I dropped the subject.

Ah...back to being formal again, I noted quite amused. "I see...Well if you have picked out a book or two, perhaps you are ready to leave the library. You are welcome to take the books upstairs to your room if you wish and then if you are ready, we shall leave for our walk and pic-nic in the park." I continued and then offered her my arm again which she took rather quickly as we quitted the library together. I left her at the bottom of the stairs and watched her ascend them rather quickly to her room. I couldn't help but smile up at her disappearing form.


	11. Chapter 10

_**The first part of this story is drawing near it's end so you will notice in this chapter that I have skipped ahead in time around the middle of it. ;-D **_

_**As I was writing this chapter, I started to realize just how long it was becoming and decided instead of there being one big long chapter, I would give Jane and Tom a chapter of their own. **_

_**Thank you once again to those who have added my BJ story to their Favourite Story List/Story Alert! Those actions say more to me than words ever could! ;-D **_

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**CHAPTER 10:**

**Jane:**

Even though I was ready, I purposely took my time and then waited in my room until I heard Henry and Eliza's voices so that I wouldn't be alone with Tom again. I wasn't afraid of being alone with him, I just felt a bit unsettled at the fact that he had read Pride and Prejudice and had seen right through Mr. Darcy's character. I didn't want to have to face him about that and discuss it with him right now...or ever if at all possible. I could only hope that he wouldn't bring it up to me again.

I cautiously stepped out of my room, looked around and then made my way to the stairs as I knew that Henry and Eliza were already downstairs and descended them.

"Ah, there you are Jane." Henry said upon seeing me coming down. "We were beginning to wonder about you. Tom told us that you found some books to read. We thought perhaps you had gotten lost in reading one of them."

"Not yet." I replied quickly. "But I hope to tonight."

Apparently, the carriage was already laden with our pic-nic essentials-thanks to Tom, Henry and Berkley who had packed it up while I was in my room "getting ready".

We all set off then, a rather merry group for the short ride over to the park. Once we were there and all out of the carriage, we were all needed to help bring everything. Tom had told us on the way that he knew of the exact spot where we should have our pic-nic, so when we were all ready, we set off following Tom. He took us to a spot off the beaten track where there were plenty of trees for shade yet, we could be in the sun if we wanted. There was also a small brook bubbling nearby. We spread out the blankets, putting half in the shade and half in the sun. The two hampers were set down and Eliza and myself along with Jane's help emptied the contents in the middle of the blankets. We picked out our spots where we were going to sit and then started helping ourselves and each other to the food and drink and merry talk.

It turned out to be an absolutely splendid idea, having our tea on a pic-nic like this...I was thoroughly enjoying myself. My good spirits from earlier on in Tom's garden returned to me and I had practically forgotten about the incident in the library. After we had eaten our fill for the time being, Eliza, Jane and myself started putting everything back in the hampers so that nothing would happen to any left over food that we might want to have as the afternoon wore on. It was while we were doing this that I saw Henry stretching out to lie down on his back. I happen to looked over at Tom and noticed that he decided to take Henry's idea as he too stretched out, only on his side instead of his back, supporting his head with his hand. I had never seen him look so casual in this way before. We had been fairly formal with each other since meeting the day before. There was something about this casualness of Tom's that made me notice him even more...it was when he caught me looking at him, that I realized I had been gazing at him. He smiled at me and smiling back faintly, I brought myself back to my task. Something was stirring in me once again..or perhaps it had continued to stir since the first moment I had spotted Tom. My mind was suddenly full. I didn't know what to do...what I should be thinking...how I should be feeling...things were going very well between us and I couldn't deny that I was enjoying my time in London with young Jane, Henry and Eliza...and of course Tom. I was starting to find that it was getting harder to keep my feelings from surfacing...I had been trying so hard to keep them squashed down deep inside myself so that I would not have to face them. But this was getting harder and harder to do...and Tom...was not helping me in that regard either.

"You know..." Henry suddenly spoke up. "It's too bad we don't have enough people to play a game of cricket."

"Do you play cricket?" Young Jane asked Henry now. As everything was casual, Jane knew she was allowed to speak a little more freely amongst us.

"I've been known to play a game or two in my life" He replied smiling at Jane. "How about you young Jane? Have you ever played?"

"Girls don't play cricket, you're teasing me." She replied with a grin.

"Oh, that is where you are quite wrong, Miss...just asked my sister." He said nodding to me. There he goes again, I thought to myself.

Jane now turned to me in astonishment. "YOU play cricket Miss Austen?"

"Only when I was younger Miss Lefroy, because as my brother once said, I...well myself and my dear sister Cassandra only had brothers to play with while we were growing up. They would put on plays with us, but only if Cassandra and myself would agree to play cricket with them."

"Oh come on Jane. You enjoyed it! You were good at it too, don't deny it!" Henry persisted with a grin, while I shot him an irate look.

That was when Tom decided that he had to jump into this conversation as well. He sat himself up and said, "Ah, but you didn't only play it when you were younger Miss Austen...don't you remember a certain game you willingly joined in...oh...about 17 years ago?"

"You were there father?" Jane now asked Tom, wide-eyed.

"I was not only there, we were playing together." He told her.

"You played cricket with Miss Austen?"

Okay...THAT was it...time to settle this matter. "Oh I'm afraid that your father has it wrong, Miss Lefroy...your father didn't play WITH me..." I answered rather sweetly. Jane gave me a puzzled look. "He played AGAINST me..."

Jane continued to gape at me, so I leaned down close to her ear and said, none too quietly for I wanted Tom to hear, "And you know what? I BEAT him too." I made sure I spoke very clearly too. At these last words, she literally gasped.

"You beat my father? At cricket?"

"And quite handily, if I may say." I couldn't resist adding on, throwing Tom a bit of a self-satisfied smirk.

"It's too bad that we can't have that re-match." Tom remarked now, with a bit of a teasing smile on his lips.

"I'm sure I could still take you in a re-match, Mr. Lefroy." I replied feeling rather cocky.

"Well perhaps one day, we will have to have that re-match." He returned good naturedly. "But as we can't do that today, I have an idea. I had promised a walk in the park but as we can't all walk together and leave our things here, I suggest that we take everything back to the carriage and send it back home. Then we can have our walk in the park and walk back home from here. It's not that far, I have done it myself. And when we get back home, we can replenish ourselves with some more of our pic-nic food. In fact, maybe we can sort of continue on with the pic-nic idea and enjoy it in the garden. We should take advantage of the good day while we have it."

As everyone was in agreement with this idea and after we had all decided that we had relaxed enough, we gathered everything up and headed back to the carriage with our pic-nic essentials and loaded it in. Tom spoke to his driver about our plans after which he left with the carriage and headed back to Tom's place. Tom then took his daughter's hand and without even thinking, I took her other hand and we three lead the way, Henry and Eliza following us.

It was quite pleasant, the five of us strolling leisurely along in the park, Tom taking us to various parts that he knew about from his own time spent walking about in it. We admired the nature that the park had to offer us in the way of the various plant life as well as wildlife. Even though we seemed to spend a fair amount of time in it, it still came to an end all too soon for myself and we were once again out into the busy-ness of the city.

"I can see why you would want to spend some of your time in the park Tom, where it's so much more quiet and peaceful." I addressed him once we had left it.

"Yes...I admit that I have become quite attached to more quiet, peaceful surroundings. If it wasn't for my work, I would not be in the city at all now. But that is where I have no choice. However, I am glad that I have a country home in Ireland where I can return to after I have finished my work for the day, at least." Was his reply to me which I agreed with.

We carried on and eventually reached his home to which we were all rather glad to be back at by this point as we were hot, tired and a bit dusty from having to walk beside the city streets. We all went to freshen ourselves up once again and then met outside in the garden to "replenish ourselves" with more food and drink as Tom had suggested we do which was gratefully accepted by us all.

That night, just before retiring to my bedchamber, I found myself going back out into Tom's garden as it was still lovely out. It seemed to be drawing me to it...but I discovered that I desired to be alone with my feelings and thoughts for a few minutes too and I felt that my room wouldn't suffice this time. The moon was out and I found myself staring up at it. I found it rather odd how another memory crept into my mind at this point...but I squashed it as quickly as it surfaced...I wouldn't...I couldn't...

After a little, I was just thinking about going back in to my bed when I heard him.

"Jane..." He approached me quietly, almost as if cautiously. He stopped beside me, looked at me (I was still gazing up at the moon, but I could tell that he was looking at me out of the corner of my eye), then followed my look.

"It's beautiful, isn't it..." He stated, didn't ask.

"Yes..." was all I said in agreement with him.

"It reminds me of another night...another time..." He began.

I felt my heart quicken a bit at the mention of that night...WAS that the night he was thinking of? I wondered..

"You must forgive me Jane, I look back at that time very fondly of course, but also some anger. If it hadn't been for Wisley and hi..."

"Mr. Wisley is an honourable man! We are friends still!" I was quick to cut Tom off. He didn't know! Of course! Tom didn't know that Mr. Wisley was NOT the person who had sent the letter to his uncle! How could he know? I must straighten this out immediately.

Tom started at me in shock. "You and Wisley? Are...friends? Jane? But...how...?"

I held up my hand to Tom and explained. "It wasn't Mr. Wisley who sent that letter...nor even his aunt." I heard Tom gasp.

"But...who then..."

I sighed and replied, "It was John Warren."

Tom had a puzzled look on his face. "John...Warren?" He repeated. He didn't remember him?

"He is...I mean WAS an old friend of my family's...he came back with you and Henry when you came out to stay with your Aunt and Uncle."

Tom was thoughtful for a few more seconds before he finally remembered. "Ah...yes." He replied. "But...why would he write such a horrible letter?"

Again, I sighed before explaining. "Because...John was jealous of you, Tom.."

"Jealous? But why?"

"When I came home after leaving you, John was at our place. Not long after my arrival back home, he proposed marriage to me. It didn't occur to me right away, but within seconds of his proposal, it dawned on me. It was then that I accused him of writing the letter and...he didn't deny it...instead he said that I must have realized how much he had always loved me...I was so angry that I almost struck him myself. He left our house right afterwards and we've not seen nor heard from him since."

"And good riddance!" Tom exclaimed passionately.

I couldn't help myself...I had to smile at Tom who smiled back when he looked at me again and said gently. "But look...here we are again after all."

Henry, Eliza and myself spent a couple of more enjoyable weeks in London with Tom and Jane before we decided we must be getting back home, especially as we would be spending more than a couple of weeks in Ireland soon, as it was further away from us than London. I was glad that nothing further really happened between Tom and myself during that time. There were days Tom had to work but the three of us took it upon ourselves to entertain young Jane for which I knew Tom was grateful.

* * *

On our last night there, just before retiring to my bedchamber for one last time, I found myself going back out into Tom's garden as it had been another lovely day and I wanted to take one last ramble in it by myself before leaving...I also found that I needed to be alone with my thoughts as I realized how much I was going to miss being here...something at one time I never would have found myself actually believing. I walked down the path, stopped and stood at the same place as I had the last time, but there was no moon this time. I realized that I felt...content and even happy being here, although I wasn't sure that I should be allowed to feel this way...

After a peaceful interlude, and much like that second night in London, Tom's voice broke my reverie. "Jane?" He called out to me as he approached and then stopped when he reached me. "I've really enjoyed having you here." He said but before I could reply, he went on. "And so has Jane. I've watched the two of you together...and I've been observing her. I told you before how hard Mary's death was on her. But I never had the chance to tell you more. After Mary died, Jane, being the oldest daughter took it upon herself to be a 'mother' to her younger brothers and sisters, even though my own sisters have been there to help raise them. Jane had always helped Mary with the younger children and I think that after Mary passed away, Jane felt that she should be the one to continue on being their mother as Mary couldn't anymore."

I looked at Tom in sympathy for his daughter who should be enjoying the kind of life a girl of 13 years should be...not being a mother and raising her own siblings.

"THAT is why I have her come to London with me sometimes. To get her away from the children for awhile and what she seems to feel she HAS to do. To give her some time to BE the girl her age should be...to NOT be a parent. She's become...so serious at home...not like a child anymore. I miss her being her age. She's growing up so fast as it is, that I can hardly bear to watch her like this. She'll be an adult soon enough..." He said, his voice becoming a bit emotional as he explained the situation to me. "I realize that it's not unusual for girls her age to help raise the family...or even actually raise a family when the mother had died, but in some cases, they don't have a choice...Jane does. Her aunts are there, but she refuses to sit by and let them do the job of her mother. It breaks my heart to see her in this way..."

I nodded at Tom my eyes getting a little misty at what he was telling me. "I have been watching you and Jane...she is more like the Jane I knew before her mother died...with you." He continued in a soft voice.

That did it...my eyes were becoming more moist now..

"I am SO glad that you agreed to come to Ireland for Christmas. That time of year has been a very hard time for us, particularly for the children, as much as we try to keep it as festive as we can."

"Of course, Tom." I finally managed to get out, my own voice full of emotion in my understanding.

"And now...if I might ask it of you...could you please go up and see Jane...she is upset that you will be leaving tomorrow."

"Oh..of course...I would be happy to talk with her." I agreed.

I turned away to leave when Tom suddenly said in a soft voice, "I'll miss you Jane...when you go home again..."

I had stopped momentarily when I heard these words...my heart skipped a beat, but I had no idea how I should respond to that, so I allowed Tom a slight bow in acknowledgement so that he would know I had heard him and then left him to go up to Jane's room.

Outside her bedroom door, I knocked gently and then announced myself asking if it would be alright if I could come in. I entered upon receiving an affirmative response from her.

I went to her bed and sat down upon it. I could see that her cheeks were wet. My heart went out to her.

"Oh dearest...what is this about?" I asked of her gently taking the handkerchief she had been using and wiped at the tears on her face.

"You are leaving tomorrow...I don't want you to go.." Jane told me straight out. "I'll miss you."

"And I shall miss you too!" I exclaimed honestly. I really was going to miss her...I had become quite attached to her myself, although as with my feelings for Tom, I had been trying my best to squash them. I couldn't get too attached...I shouldn't...then I thought about Jane...it was even worse that she should become attached to me, perhaps...but I knew that it was too late already.

"Really?" She replied

"Of course I shall! BUT..." I told her firmly but kindly. "We must NOT think of this as a sad parting, but a happy ending as we have shared some good times together. AND...we will be getting together at Christmas too don't forget. And your father promised us a Christmas Ball."

I watched Jane's face light up as I reminded her of this. "So yes, we may have to part for a bit now, but think of it in this way. The more days that pass while we are apart, the closer each passing day brings when we will be together again."

"I like that thought." The young girl told me.

"Good." I smiled at her. "Now...come...sit up for a moment." I gently requested her. "This is what I want you to do for me while we are apart. I want you to practice your piano playing (they had a piano at home in Ireland as well, I had found out) and those songs I taught you, for when I return for Christmas, I will expect you to be able to play them for me. Do you think you shall?"

"Oh yes, Miss Austen." She replied happily.

"Good. I know I can trust you to do as you are told and as you say. Also..." another idea had come into my head.."When I return for Christmas, what you and I could do is learn to play some songs together...some duets." I heard a gasp at this but I went on, "And...maybe even some Christmas songs that you and I could play for your family. Would you like that?"

"Oh Miss Austen, I would love that! I promise I will practice a lot!"

"I know you will dearest." I replied softly. "One last thing...if you would like, when I return home I shall write you a letter."

"Really?" Jane replied almost unbelieving.

"Really. I do promise to write to you."

"Would you like a letter from me?" Jane now asked.

"I would not only like one, I expect one from you." I couldn't help but smile at her.

"Oh, I will write one for you Miss Austen! And..thank you!"

"You are very welcome. But now it is time for you to get some sleep. But first, I would very much like it if I could give you a good night hug."

Jane looked at me in surprise, but then put her arms around my neck while I encircled her body with my own arms. "Good night dearest. Pleasant dreams." I said softly.

"Good night Miss Austen.." She responded, happy again before she got back down into her bed and I covered her with blankets. I blew out her candle and left the room, closing the door behind myself.

I was about ready to go to my own room when I noticed Tom just arriving at his own door. He turned to me and beckoned me over to him.

"How is she?" He spoke in a low voice.

"I believe she will be fine now, Tom." I replied.

"How can I thank you Jane.." He said.

"The trick is to give her some things to do to keep her busy and give her some things to look forward to." I explained to him.

"Thank you...very much..." He repeated sincerely.

"You're welcome of course."

We both stood there in silence for a few seconds before I finally said, "Well...I should be on my way to bed as well. Good night Tom."

"Good night Jane."

* * *

The next day, Jane accompanied Tom and us three to meet the stage which would take us home and upon our inevitable departure, I hugged Jane and told her, "Now remember what I told you last night...this is NOT a sad goodbye, but a happy parting for we will see each other soon again. Each day will bring us closer to being together again. And don't forget to practice your piano and you can expect a letter from me very soon." I promised.

"See you soon, Mr. Austen, Mrs. Austen..." She turned to me now, "..Miss Austen...and thank you for..everything."

"See you soon Miss Lefroy and thank you for everything." I told her with a smile.

"Miss Austen?" Jane addressed me.

"Yes?" Suddenly she seemed shy. "What is it child?" I encouraged her.

"I was wondering...if you would...could you call me Jane? Instead of Miss Lefroy?"

I was somewhat surprised by this, but I think I understood why. It had something to with what Tom had alluded to the night before...how she was more like herself when I was around. Being referred to as "Miss Lefroy", even though is a customary title for the eldest daughter, it also suggests that she is not a child, but older. By being referred to as "Jane", it suggests that she is still young enough to be a child...not a responsible parent that she felt she must become in place of her mother.

I smiled down at her and said in a gentle tone. "If it is what you wish, I shall be honoured to call you Jane."

"Thank you Miss Austen." Jane beamed.

"You're very welcome..Jane."

Tom and Henry shook hands and Eliza held Tom's hands in her own and gave him a small kiss on the cheek. When it was my turn, Tom and I slightly bowed to one another.

"See you in a couple of months, Jane.." He said giving me a smile. I returned the smile and said,

"See you...Tom."

These were our parting words and gesture this time which was better than the last one...knowing that this time we would see each other again...

Henry and Eliza now boarded the stagecoach, then Tom helped me up and I joined them.

"I shall meet you in Limerick at the end of November, then." Tom said to us after I was seated and the door had been closed.

As soon as the stage was starting to leave, we all called out friendly "see you soons" to one another and to Jane I indicated to be happy that we will be together and that there was plenty to look forward to. Lastly, I looked at Tom who was looking back at me with a look that I had come to notice a lot of during the course of our visit...it was a look that I would take back home with me...but I was afraid to let my heart and mind accept that look for how I interpreted it...


	12. Chapter 11

**CHAPTER 11:**

**Tom:**

While Jane was up in her room, I called upon Henry and Berkley to help load up the carriage with our food and blankets that was now ready. We were finished loading before she appeared so we waited for her at the bottom of the stairs. She wasn't much longer and we were soon off, our joviality from the morning in the garden seeming to continue on in the carriage.

During our ride, I told them about one of my favourite spots that I go to when I take my walks in the park. Once we arrived and had all alighted, everyone pitched in to bring something as we were all needed to carry something. I then lead the way over to a place where there were plenty of trees for shade and a nearby brook. It was one of the places I loved to come to for various reasons...whenever I am working on a particularly puzzling case or just feel like some solitude. As we had two big blankets, we placed them so that half would be in the shade and the other half in the sun. Eliza, Jane and my daughter then opened up the hampers and spread out the food and contents on the blankets where upon, once this one done, we all helped ourselves to it, continuing our lighted-hearted conversations.

I couldn't but glance over at Jane quite a bit during this time as I love watching her when she looked so contented, happy and being animated. I had noticed Henry lying down on his back once we had filled ourselves to contentment. It looked like a good idea, stretching out after a fill of good food, so I followed suit, only I stayed propped up on my side. At this point, the women folk took charge and started putting everything away for the time. It was while they were clearing up, that I noticed Jane was looking at me...really looking at me as if for the first time...or the first time in a long time at least. I couldn't help myself, I smiled at her. I realized that I must have taken her a bit by surprise as she seemed a bit stricken at first (I'm assuming because I had seen her looking at me), but did me the honour of returning my smile with a rather wan one of her own, then quickly returned to her work.

It was here that Henry brought up the idea of cricket. I have to admit I had no idea why he should think of cricket just now, what might have triggered the idea, but I was a bit amused. He had caught the attention of my daughter though and now that she knew she was allowed to be more casual here with us, she asked him about it which turned into a conversation about girls and cricket. Now...I was a bit suspicious of Henry bringing up cricket...I hadn't forgotten that friendly game we men were playing when I was staying at my Aunt Anne's and Uncle George's...the families of those involved in the game had come out to watch us. My team was doing quite well against Henry's when suddenly, while I was pitching, Jane had strolled rather determinedly up to the pitch with bat in hand. I remember hearing Henry yell out to me to take it easy on her. As she had taken myself (and everyone else by surprise), I couldn't resist teasing her just a bit and kept moving back as if intending to throw a very hard ball towards her, but in the end, I jogged back to the pitch slowly and threw her a gentle ball to which on her very first try, she connected with it and sent it sailing into the trees. I couldn't believe my eyes as she started running back and forth while I finally found my feet and took off to retrieve the ball... I couldn't help but smile at this memory. That was another moment when I realized that Jane was different from any other woman I had ever come to know. She had shown me her spirit and independence that I so admired of her once again. I think maybe that might have even been when I started to really fall for her although at the time I was not about to let her know...I could be just as stubborn in that way as she was back then, I suddenly realized...

I was brought back to the present by Jane saying that she only played cricket when she was younger, with her brothers. Ahhh...I was not about to let her get away with this. I sat up and in a friendly voice, I reminded her that she had quite willingly joined us in a game 'only' 17 years earlier. Apparently, the idea of Jane and myself playing cricket together fascinated my daughter. But Jane was not about to let me off quite so easily either as she then told my daughter in no uncertain terms that we had actually played opposite one another and that she had beat me and threw me a triumphant look as she said so. The knowledge of this took my daughter by complete surprise who couldn't believe that Jane had beaten me at cricket. Because of these two, I couldn't resist throwing a cricket re-match challenge out there, wondering if Jane would take me up on it. She did...sort of, by saying that she could beat me in a re-match any day. So I said that we would have to have a re-match one day then. (And I would not forget her words, little would she know...).

As we had decided to go along with Jane's idea of the pic-nic in the park, I realized that it would kind of pose a problem for all of us talking our walk together. I would have loved to have walked alone with Jane, just the two of us, but I also knew better than to push her in that direction just yet. I could have 'coerced' her into it, by pointing out the truth of the situation, that we would have to take our walks separately so that someone could stay with our hampers and blankets. But I knew that Jane would prefer it if we could all walk together so I came up with the solution that we put everything back in the carriage and send it home. Then we could all take a leisurely stroll through the park and walk home from there as it wasn't really that far. I figured that it shouldn't pose a problem for anyone the walk home, as I knew that the Jane, Henry and Eliza, would have taken further walks at times at their home in the country.

When we decided that we were ready for our walk, we gathered everything up and took it back to the carriage. I explained to my driver what our plans were and told him he could take everything back home and that we would be along eventually. After I dismissed him, I took my daughter Jane's hand into mine and noticed how Jane took hold of her other hand. It was a gesture that pleased me, but I made no comment about it. We set off with Henry and Eliza following us. We took our time in the park but eventually, we came back out to the city street where we walked a bit faster as of course it was not as enjoyable to walk along as the park was.

We were grateful to return to my place so that we could re-freshen ourselves and then we all met up in the garden again after where we could conclude our pic-nic.

That night after we adults decided it was time to retire for the evening, I went around the house to make my rotutine last minute check on everything when I happened to notice that Jane had slipped out of the house and was wandering in my garden. Perhaps it was wrong of me but I couldn't help myself...I watched her from one of the windows inside. She stopped at the far edge of the garden and just stood there, the full moon shining down upon casting somewhat of a silhouette upon her body. I realized that she had gone out there to spend some time alone but I stayed where I was...I was transfixed...there was something about watching her when she didn't realize I was present...

Eventually, I brought myself back around as it had been hard to find some time alone with her, between my daughter and Henry and Eliza and I didn't want to pass up any chances. So I waited until I hoped I had given her enough time for herself before I myself stepped out. I was cautious to approach her as I was still unsure of my timing.

"Jane..?" I asked cautiously. It was here when another memory flashed through my mind...of another night from the past and along with it...happiness...and then pain and anger. It took me by surprise. I had something completely different in mind to talk to her about but when I saw Jane standing in the moonlight and then approached her, the memory of me finding her in Wisley's garden at their ball on my last night there and our talk and how I had offered a way for us to be together...all we needed to do was impress (and ultimately convince) my uncle...here I stopped the memory and brought myself back to the present. I had been looking at her while this was playing through my mind, but she didn't look back at me, so I followed her gaze up to the moon.

"It's beautiful, isn't it..." I said, my former talk completely gone from my mind.

"Yes..." she agreed.

"It reminds me of another night...another time..." I couldn't help myself, now that the memory had come forth so vivid. I had to get it out. "You must forgive me Jane, I look back at that time very fondly of course, but also some anger. If it hadn't been for Wisley and hi..."

I was surprised when Jane cut me off and rather quickly to say. "Mr. Wisley is an honourable man! We are friends still!"

I stared at Jane in complete shock. HOW could Jane be FRIENDS with that...that...jealous fiend after he had intentionally hurt us by his actions! "You and Wisley? Are...friends? Jane? But...how...?" I managed to get out.

Jane now explained to me that, what I had believed all of these years, was not true after all. She gave me another name...John...Warren? I puzzled over the name for several seconds. He was the one wrote the letter? The name...sounded a bit familiar, but I couldn't quite place it. Jane came to my rescue when she realized that I was having trouble recognizing the name.

"He is...I mean WAS an old friend of my family's...he came back with you and Henry when you came out to stay with your Aunt and Uncle."

It took only a few more seconds before it finally registered with me. Henry had introduced me to him when we were in London. I had referred to him as a "sour faced little virgin" to Henry at the time...and then Henry and I decided wordlessly that the 'sour faced little virgin' was most likely lacking as far as "women" was concerned and was in desperate need for some "attention" that would surely take that "sour" look off of his face. When I look back at that time in my life, I am not proud. If I were to have an excuse for my rather randy behaviour, it would be that I had to become the sole provider for my family which was rather large, having 11 siblings altogether and the pressure fell on me to help them out. I was the sixth child but the first born son so it was up to me to help provide for my family. My uncle was good enough to give me the opportunity to pay me an allowance (some of which I would send to my family) while I studied law under him. I appreciated that he would do this for me and I know now that I had become rather cocky with the idea of living in London and being paid while I studied. I was still young with the big city at my fingertips and lving with only an uncle whom I discovered was easily fooled if I wanted to go out with whom I called at the time, my "friends". These "friends", I ended up meeting were other young men who showed me what they had referred to as "the good life" that "every young man should enjoy while he could". It ended up becoming my own lifestyle for awhile because it allowed me to escape from having to become the provider of my family, something I wasn't ready to deal with yet, but I had no choice...I had been forced in to. This was my way of rebelling against it, I could say. This was also why I didn't want my daughter to have to "grow up" so quickly...because I had to and it had been a negative experince for me...It was during this time that I had also met Henry...the one and only one of that group whom I stayed friends with. It was this time in my life when I met John Warren...

And when I met Jane, that was when everything started to change for me. I realized that I no longer wanted that kind of life for myself. That there could be a better life, one that I would rather enjoy...

Bringing myself back to the present, I can see now that trying to introduce John Warren to that kind of lifestyle was a mistake...a costly mistake that both Jane and myself ended up paying for...but...it still made no sense to me...why would John Warren send the letter? Did he hate me so much for doing that to him? But then he definitely did come off as being very straight-laced. He most likely would have thought that Henry and myself were trying to corrupt him. But still...was that why he wrote that letter? And why was it aimed at only me? Did Henry receive one too? It still didn't make much sense to me so I questioned Jane about it who explained that John Warren was jealous of me because he had always loved her. Oh..now at least it was starting to make sense.

When Jane said how she almost struck him herself when she found out and said that they had not seen John since, I couldn't help but be amused but outloud I exclaimed passionately, "And good riddance!" I was happy to see Jane smile at me when I said this so I smiled back and went on, "But look...here we are again after all."

Because after all...as much as I believe that Jane and I were meant to be together, perhaps in some way John had done us a favour all of those years ago. There is no guarantee that my uncle would have allowed our union. We will never know. And if he hadn't allowed it, without it, life undoubtedly would have been very difficult for us had we gotten married anyway...both of our families may not have had anything to do with us. We would have been on our own. And I don't know how I could have not continued to provide from my own family. As much as I rebelled against having to be their provider, I also loved them dearly and would not...could not have left them to fend for themselves. And then...there are my children...I love my children. And I wouldn't give them up for the world. Even though Jane and I had been cheated all of those years ago, we have been given a second chance. A better one...one where we no longer need anyone's blessing or help. We could easily be together now.

* * *

The next couple of weeks fairly flew by when Henry announced that as much as they had enjoyed their stay in London, they really had to think about going home. I couldn't believe that the time had come already when we must part ways once more. My heart had dropped a bit when he told me of their impending departure, but I reminded myself that we would all be together in a matter of a couple of months...and if all went well at Christmas...but I stopped my thinking there, for I was didn't want to jinx what might happen in the future. I just had to keep myself positive.

The night before they were to leave, Anna came to me after putting my daughter to bed.

"Mr. Lefroy...I think you had better go up and see Miss Lefroy..." She started.

I was instantly alert. "What's the matter? Has she taken ill?" I asked suddenly concerned.

"No no, she's not ill...but she is upset. I think she might need you."

"Thanks Anna, I'll go and see her straight away." I left her and rushed up to Jane's room where she was already in bed, but it was plain she was, as Anna had said, upset.

I walked over to her bed and sat down on it. "Hey love...Anna said you are upset. What's wrong?" I asked softly-I had an inkling of what might be wrong-gently placing my hand on her cheek.

"Oh father...Miss Austen...she leaves us tomorrow! I...I don't want her to go!" Here Jane actually started sobbing.

As I held my arms out to her, she sat up and threw herself at me. I encircled her body with my arms and held her close to me. "I know. I don't want her to go either." I confessed to her. I now pulled her away from myself so that I could look at her face while I spoke. "We have had a good time while they were here, haven't we." I stated rather than asked.

"Yes.." Jane agreed quietly.

"And we'll see them again..for Christmas."

"I know...but it seems like such a long time from now. And...what if...what if something happens where they can't come? What if they change their minds?"

She kind of had a point there...things COULD happen...but...they HAD to come. Suddenly I felt as desperate at Jane about their visit to Ireland. But there was one thing I was certain of and I reassured Jane about this now.

"They won't change their minds, love. Of that, I am very sure of. If something happens...well, we'll just have to wait and see first IF anything does happen. They can always postpone their trip. It doesn't mean that they can't ever come to Ireland and visit us."

Jane was quiet as she thought about this. I could tell she still wasn't overly happy, she wanted more assurance from me about that, as did I. But I didn't know what else to offer her in that way, because things COULD happen...one just didn't know.

"We MUST be positive about this Jane. We must think positive that it will all work out." I told her firmly, as I took her hands into mine. "Okay?"

She nodded and gave a small, "Okay.." back to me.

"Good. Now settle back down love and try to get some sleep." Somehow I doubted that she would be able to get a good night's sleep, I wasn't sure I would be able to either...I kissed her goodnight and made ready to leave her room when an idea came to me.

"Would you like it if Miss Austen came and said good night to you Jane?" I asked before I blew out her candle.

She seemed to brighten a bit at this and replied, "Oh please father..I would like that very much, yes."

I nodded my head and giving her a smile, I said, "Okay...I'll go and find her." and left the room in search of her.

She wasn't in her room as her door was open and there was no candle burning, so I went back downstairs to check the other rooms. I was puzzled when I didn't find her..until it dawned on me to check the garden. She liked to wander in it just before retiring for the night sometimes if it was warm enough. As there was no moon, it was harder to see out back so I opened the door and looked around. I spotted her in her usual spot and strolled out to meet her.

"Jane?" I called out as I approached as I approached her. It was somehow easier to say exactly how I was feeling in that moment, in the darker setting. "I've really enjoyed having you here. And so has Jane. I've watched the two of you together...and I've been observing her." It was true. I had purposely been watching the two of them interact together as I was hoping that they would get along well. They had seemed to hit it off from the moment they met and I was truly grateful for that. I now went on to further explain to Jane about how my daughter Jane had reacted to her mother's death.

I was getting a bit emotional recounting it for her because it really did pain me to see my daughter who had been so fun loving, carefree and happy become this serious, matured girl practically over night. I could see that Jane too was getting emotional as I spoke, which touched me deeply.

I made sure to let her know how very happy I was that they were going to be spending Christmas in Ireland with us and the past couple of Christmas's had been hard on the children.

"Of course Tom." She agreed quietly.

It was here that I asked her if she would mind seeing to Jane as she was upset at her leaving the next day, which she readily agreed to. As she turned to leave, the words "I'll miss you Jane...when you go home again..." came out of my mouth before I could stop them. She stopped and then gave me a slight bow in acknowledgement. I knew I couldn't expect anything more from her upon my bold statement.

Unbeknownst to Jane, I followed her up to Jane's room and watched and listened from the shadows in the hall to their conversation. I felt a lump start to form in my throat when Jane suggested that they might learn and then play a duet at Christmas for my family...and then the promise of exchanging letters. While I was watching the two of them, another memory rushed into my head. Not about Jane this time, but about my daughter and her mother. Only this time, in my memory, the roles were reversed. It was my daughter who was sitting on the bed comforting her mother...when Mary lay weak on the birthing bed...and ultimately, her death bed. I frowned slightly at the memory. Suddenly, I realized something...Jane had never cried when Mary died. She never cried at home, not at the funeral...not afterwards...not that I was ever aware of at least. As I stood there in the shadows, I also realized that Jane knew...she had known Mary was dying. She had already started becoming the 'mother' while Mary lay dying...

Jane asking my daughter for a good night hug brought me around. It was a beautiful scene that was playing out before me as I watched the two of them hug for the first time. My two Janes said their good nights to one another and then the elder Jane blew out the candle and started walking towards the door. I quickly brushed the tears that had threatened to wet my cheeks away from the corner of my eyes and started for my own room. I heard Jane shut my daughter's door, so I turned around and asked how she was doing so that it would appear I had just arrived at my own door.

"How is she?" I asked in a low voice.

"I believe she will be fine now, Tom." Was Jane's reply.

"How can I thank you Jane.." I said, my emotions still a bit high from watching and hearing the two of them.

"The trick is to give her some things to do to keep her busy and give her some things to look forward to." She explained to me.

"Thank you...very much..." My gratitude was very heartfelt.

"You're welcome of course."

We both stood there in silence for a few seconds before Jane finally said, "Well...I should be on my way to bed as well. Good night Tom."

"Good night Jane." I couldn't think of anything to keep her from going to bed, my own mind and heart was suddenly full.

* * *

The next morning arrived all too soon for me, knowing that Jane, Henry and Eliza were leaving. But I wanted to keep my daughter's sprits up about their inevitable departure so I acted as light-heartedly as possible.

The two of us accompanied them to the stage where Jane took it upon herself to hug my daughter and remind her to not be sad about their parting but be happy that we would all be together soon. She also reminded her that she expected her to keep up with her practice on the pianoforte and to expect a letter from her soon.

I was surprised when my daughter asked Jane if she would call her by her first name instead of her 'title name' of Miss Lefroy. But it told me something...that Jane was comfortable with the idea of Miss Austen being a..."mother figure" to her which I will not deny, is was something I had been hoping for.

I was also thrilled that Jane was "honoured" to call her Jane if it is what she wished.

Henry and myself shook hands, while Eliza placed a kiss on my cheek. Jane and myself merely bowed politely to one another.

"See you in a couple of months, Jane.." I said smiling at her.

"See you...Tom." She returned my parting and smile.

It was all we said to one another as all that was in my heart at the moment had already been said the night before...that I had enjoyed her being here with us and that I would miss her while she was gone.

Henry and Eliza were already on the stage and Jane allowed me to help her up onto it this time.

"I shall meet you in Limerick at the end of November, then." I said to them after closing the door and before the stage started leaving. As it did, we all called out friendly "see you soons" one last time. Jane and my daughter exchanged one last gesture, then lastly, Jane and I looked at each other until the stage disappeared around a corner and out of our sight.

I put my arm around Jane as we watched it disappear, then both of us silently made our way back to my carriage which would take us back to a rather empty and quiet house. To help take the sting out of the notable silence and emptiness, I would have Jane practice her piano. And I would get both of us out of the house as much as I possibly could as we waited for the months that separated us all to pass us by until we would all be together again.

* * *

_**End of Part of 1**_

_**Starting with Part 2, as much as I do love writing from Tom's Point of View as well, you will (most likely) be seeing less of his. The reason being that I think it will be even more repititious than the first part was if I continue to do from his POV as well as Jane's and that would just end up being a little bit (more?) monotonous. There will still be some POV from him where I deem it necessary/important for the reader to understand some things, just not (nearly) as much as there was in the first part. At this point, all I can really say we'll have to wait and see what ends up happening, but be prepared for seeing less of Tom's POV in the second part. -D **_

_**The reasons why he was in the first part as much as he was, was because:**_

_**1). To establish his thoughts and feelings about Jane**_

_**2). So that I could show how I interpreted those certain scenes from the movie I used in Part 1 from his POV **_

_**and**_

_**3). To help the readers understand certain things from his own life, such as the naming of his own daughter Jane, how the picnic idea came about and a fair few of those other little tidbits that were mentioned along the way. I would not have been able to show those things without having him bring it up in conversation somewhere with Jane-or with someone else who would bring it up later to Jane at some point-if I had written it in only Jane's POV and I felt that these were important to the story. ;-D **_


	13. Chapter 12

_**I purposely held off posting this chapter a couple of days as my kids have their Teacher's Convention this week which means that starting tomorrow, they have four days off and I am not sure how it will work out for me being able to get on the computer to write and post. (I SO need to get my own portable lappy or even just a word processor so that if this computer is being used, I can still at least continue to write. ;-D ).**_

_**This chapter is not the beginning of "Part 2" but more of an "Interval" between Part 1 (London) and Part 2 (Ireland) and is only the one chapter. ;-D **_

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* * *

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**CHAWTON (Summer 1815)**

**CHAPTER 11:**

**Jane:**

I didn't speak very much on the way back home as I found my mind wandering over the events of the past couple of weeks. Henry and Eliza seemed to realize this and although I would add my own comment from time to time when I happened to catch something they were talking about, they didn't otherwise try to engage me in their conversation for which I was grateful.

The further away we got from the London, the heavier my heart seemed to become although I had definitely taken away some fond memories of our visit with Tom and Jane. As well, it did help me some knowing that we would be going to Ireland for Christmas. I couldn't help but think what mama would say to the idea of three of her family members going so far away at Christmas time. Somehow I didn't think it would be favourable, but at least I wasn't going alone. She would definitely have forbidden me that of course, not that the idea of going by myself is even an option. I was sure that Henry and Eliza would be able to convince her to let us go and without much (with any luck, ANY) fight from her. I would leave it up to them then. That was most likely the best thing I should do as I'm sure if I were the one to bring it up to her, it would be met with a lot of resistance.

When we finally pulled up at home, no surprises, my sister Cassandra was already outside awaiting our arrival. One good thing about coming home was seeing Cassandra again. I had missed her terribly. I fairly jumped from the carriage, ran over to her and threw my arms around her.

"Oh Cass! How I have missed you!" I exclaimed in all honesty. As much as I adored Eliza, I was looking forward to being able to talk with my sister about some things...as I was sure she would be wanting to do as well. And after all, Eliza and myself never really had the chance to talk amongst ourselves while in London anyway. Here, Cassandra and myself could go for walks and talk everything out without raising any suspicions. And we would also be able to talk at night in our bedchamber.

"And I you, of course dearest Jane." was her reply to me. She greeted both Henry and Eliza as well as they were to stay at our place and rest before carrying on to their own place. In the meantime, I grabbed my bag as Cassandra came back over to me. We linked arms and walked in this manner towards our house together. We met our mother just inside the door, who had been on her way out to greet us as well.

As we hugged, mama greeted me without any preamble, "What's this Cassandra said about you staying at Mr. Tom Lefroy's place in London?"

Ah, I had wondered how mama would feel about that considering how she and my father had felt about Tom when they had noticed that we seemed to be becoming close all of those years ago...and then of course neither of them had been very pleased that he and I had started to run away together.

As we entered the house together, I put my bag down and took off my bonnet. I turned to look my mother straight in the eye when I spoke. "It's true mama...we ended up meeting up with Mr. Lefroy and one of his daughters in London, where all of us happened to be attending a recital one afternoon and he invited the three of us to stay at his place for the duration of our trip."

"But you were to return home before now." She pointed out.

"Yes, that is true mama." Henry now spoke up quickly. "But once we were settled at Tom's place, he encouraged us to stay longer and visit with him as it had been many years since we had seen each other last."

"His oldest daughter was visiting him in London as well, which is how she came to be there." Eliza put in as we all made our way to the sitting room.

Cassandra had filled our mother in with as much information-with the exception of the more personal things of course-as I had given her myself in that one letter I had sent to her for now mama said. "I find it a bit odd that Anne never mentioned the passing of Mr. Tom Lefroy's wife before...nor even of his starting up a law practice in London."

"Anne and I had a silent agreement that she would not talk about Tom to me, mama...remember?"

"But those Lefroys had no trouble staying quiet about how successful a lawyer he had become." She returned resentfully.

"I think we can forgive them for being proud of him for his accomplishments, mama." I countered.

"Oh how they liked to brag about how well he had married too!" Mama sniffed. "In marrying him, it makes one wonder about her."

"Mama!" I spoke a bit sharply, oddly enough, feeling the need to defend poor Mary. "Do not speak ill of the dead! Tom spoke very well of Mrs. Tom Lefroy. She was a very kind, loving and devoted wife and mother."

"I wonder that he deserved such a fine woman then." Mama shot back spitefully.

"Mama! Tom Lefroy deserved as fine a woman as she was, as much as you feel your own sons would!" I fired right back. I could tell that nothing had changed with her. But then, I didn't really expect it to. She had had it in for Tom from the moment we all first met...and even before Tom and I had left together. "Tom is a fine man." I carried on, determined to defend Tom as well. "You should have seen what a wonderful father he is with his daughter. If he is like that with one of his children I expect that he is like that with all of them."

Suddenly mama did something unexpected. She stopped arguing with me. "You are right Jane." She sighed, surprising a bit deflated now. "I shouldn't be so hard on Tom. He has done very well for himself and no one should take that away from him, least of all me."

I was taken aback by this sudden change in my mother's attitude. It left me speechless so I acknowledged her with a slight bow of my head. All at once, I felt quite fatigued and excused myself to go upstairs, unpack and re-freshen after our trip.

I had already unpacked and was just sitting on my bed staring out of the window when Cassandra knocked and entered the room. She came over to the bed and sat down beside me and put her arms gently around my neck.

"It's so good to have you home again Jane." She told me in her soft voice.

I smiled and said, "It's good to be home again, Cass."

"Is it? Really?" she asked me. In my astonishment, I turned to see that she was completely serious when she asked that.

"Of course Cass! I missed you!" I insisted.

"Jane..." Cassandra now took my hands into her own. "You must forgive our mother. She...she was actually quite upset for you about what had ended up happening between you and Tom."

"You mean she was upset WITH me for what had happened between myself and Tom."

"At first...of course both mama and papa, God rest his soul, were upset about that. This all came out when I told her that you were staying with Tom in London. She told me that...after we had learned of Tom's marriage, she never wanted you to know this, but she was upset because she knew how much you were suffering about everything. We all knew. She was also upset to hear that Tom had married "well".

"He had to marry well Cassandra...it was the only way he was able to continue to provide for his parents and siblings at the time." I explained. "He could only rely on his uncle's allowance for so long."

"I know..." Cassandra replied softly. "But don't forget that mama herself married "down". She knew what they really meant about Tom marrying well, that we Austens were not good enough for him...or them. The Lefroys."

"We weren't...and probably still aren't, Cass. We never can be...will be good enough for them. We may as well face it."

"Nonsense! Would you like me to re-read the letter you sent from there? Jane...it's obvious that Tom still has feelings for you. I could tell when I read that letter. He invited you to stay at his place. He invited you back for Christmas! You even told me that he said he had never forgotten you. That...he still loved you."

Perhaps I shouldn't have gotten so carried away and told Cassandra that, how Tom had said that he still loved me, I now lamented. Perhaps I had been too quick to tell her that. "That all seems so long ago and far away now that I am back home Cass. What if he didn't mean it?"

"Didn't mean it? He would not have invited you to go to Ireland and spend Christmas with him and his family if he didn't mean it!" She insisted.

"But...what if it's like we have already said...what about his family Cass? They never thought we were good enough for him and I doubt that has changed."

"But obviously Tom doesn't think like rest of the Lefroy's, Jane...not George, Anne nor his uncle anyway, and he is the one and only one who should count."

"But it DID count when his uncle was alive." I countered obstinately.

"It's a different situation now, Jane. His uncle is no longer living and Tom is no longer depending his uncle and being depended upon by his family...except his children now of course. And he is much more well off now than he was at that time in his life." Cassandra reminded me. "I know you still have feelings for him as well. I could easily read that by the way you wrote your letter to me. WHY must you be so stubborn about this?"

I stood up and walked over to the window and stared out for several seconds before I turned to my sister, tears gathering in the corners of my eyes and threatening to fall. "Because I am so afraid of going through the pain of losing him again. I'm afraid of my feelings for him because of what I went through the last time. We didn't get together last time...what if something happens this time too? Maybe it will turn out that it just wasn't meant for us to be together."

Cassandra stood up and came over to me, then embraced me with a smile. "And maybe...just maybe, you were meant to have a second chance with a certain Irish friend of yours by the name of Mr. Tom Lefroy."

"I am so afraid to hope for that Cassandra."

"Oh dearest Jane...let me tell you that I am not at all afraid to hope. I am quite confident about it myself." She let me go then, went over to her dresser and searched around in one of the drawers for several seconds before she produced an envelope. Still smiling, she handed it to me and said, "Perhaps you should read what you have written Jane. You may see things differently if you do. Here...you hang onto it and read it when you are ready to." Cassandra held my letter out and hugged me once again.

Taking the letter in my hand, I said, "Maybe I don't deserve to have Tom...to be with him and...be happy with him. If anyone deserves that kind of happiness, it's you Cassandra."

"There is no way of bringing back loved ones from the dead." She replied with a bit of emotion in her voice for her own long dead fiance , Robert Fowle.******

"You love him still." I stated softly, sad for her to still be in love with the man you were going to marry years ago, but one whom she never did get the chance to marry and could never now...a man who had been dead for 17 years.

"I do...I always will. I have no desire in my heart to love any other except Robert even though he is gone from me. But what keeps me going is that I truly believe that we will be together again." She answered. I understood what she meant. "But you...you do have a chance...and you do deserve this happiness Jane. I believe that it was meant to be."

I didn't know how to reply to that as I was unsure if I believed that as much as she did. I looked down at the letter in my hand and then exclaimed, "Oh my! I almost forgot! I promised to write young Jane a letter when I got home!" I was glad for the distraction.

"What is young Jane like?" Cassandra now asked of me. "Aside from what you told me of her in that letter. Surely you came to know her a little better over the past couple of weeks."

I smiled as I filled my sister in on what I thought of young Miss Lefroy. But this time I also added what Tom had told me about her the night before.

"Oh, the poor dear!" Cassandra exclaimed sorrowfully when I finished. "She sounds lovely. From what you have said about her, I should like to meet her myself one day. I hope that will be possible."

I smiled at Cassandra but didn't answer as I wasn't sure how...or if I even dare answer that one. I found a quill, ink and paper and sat down at my desk and started writing my promised letter to Jane so that I would be able to send it off in the morning and Cassandra left me to my task.

_Dearest Jane:_

_We all have arrived safely back home and as hard as it was to have to part from you this morning, I admit that I was very glad to see and be with my dear sister Cassandra again. I have told my sister all about you and you know what she told me? That she hopes that one day you and she shall be able to meet. I also hope that might happen one day as she is as dear to me as you have become to me and I do believe that you and Cassandra would get along splendidly..._

I did wonder if I was right in saying that I hope that she and Cass might be able to meet one day as I have no idea how possible that would be, but I had written that as I wanted to make her feel better for our parting of the ways. There wasn't too much more I could say as we had just arrived home from seeing them, so I filled it in as best as I could with an account of our journey and that my family was well. It was a rather short letter but I had promised her a letter and I do not go back on my promises. I did end it with greetings to her father and hoping that they were both well. I re-read it, put it in it's envelope, sealed it and took it downstairs with me so that it would not be forgotten the next day.

Henry and Eliza were to stay for dinner but would leave right afterwards and I knew that we had to bring up Christmas in Ireland while they were there so I took Henry aside and told him that if we were to take Tom up on his offer, that he would have to be the one to bring it up to mama. He agreed with me and told me that he would take care of it.

I was starting to feel a bit anxious that Henry still hadn't brought it up while we were eating dinner. I kept trying to catch his eye at the dinner table to signal him that time was running out. Finally, he saw me and returned my desperate gesture with a slight nod of his head, which told me that he understood me. I relaxed somewhat then. But it wasn't until our dessert when he finally brought it up.

"Mama..." he began. "Tom has been very generous and invited myself, Eliza and Jane to spend Christmas with him and his family." He paused here only momentarily. "At his home in Ireland." He finished off.

I quickly looked over at my mother who had a stricken look on her face. I really couldn't say that I blamed her.

"What?" She fairly whispered. "My family does not wish to spend Christmas with their mama?"

"It is not that we do not wish to spend Christmas with you of course." Eliza now tried to comfort our mother. "But we felt that as Tom has made us this offer, we may not get another chance."

"And of course you will still have some of your family, mama." Cassandra now added. "I think you should let them go, as Eliza just pointed out, they may never get another chance."

I threw Cassandra a grateful look for her input. She smiled and gave me a slight wink in return.

"Besides...we have already accepted Tom's offer mama. We can not really go back on it now." Henry pointed out.

This angered my mother greatly. She got up from the table and flounced out of the room without a word to any of us.

Henry stood up and said to the rest of us, "I'll go talk to her...don't worry..."

The three of us waited in a rather subdued manner, none of us hungry anymore for our dessert. It seemed like forever but it was only 10 or 15 minutes later when both my mother and Henry re-entered the room, mama on Henry's arm looking much more composed than when she had left. He sat her back down in her chair and then returned to his own.

"Of course you must go to Ireland for Christmas." She now said with astonishing calmness. She even looked over at me and smiled...a genuine smile. I smiled somewhat weakly back, puzzled. I knew that Henry had the power to influence my mother, but now I couldn't help but wonder exactly what he DID say to her to convince her...I must ask him...

When Henry and Eliza made ready to leave, I once again took Henry aside and asked him. "What exactly DID you say to mama to convince her to let us go?"

Henry smiled at me and replied with just two words. "The truth."

The truth? The truth about what? Now I was even more puzzled than ever. But I could not question Henry on it any further right now as they were ready to leave and everyone had gathered around to see them off. How frustrating! This wasn't the end, there was still plenty of time for me to find out WHAT Henry had said to mama...

* * *

In the weeks that followed, Cassandra and myself took numerous walks together. Sometimes we talked about Tom, sometimes we talked about anything but Tom. I treasured these times with my sister. There were times when I really needed her to convince me that what had happened with Tom in London had been real for as time went on, it really did start to feel like just a dream. Was Tom really back in my life? I was still afraid to believe it myself...

One day, a letter arrived back from Jane. I smiled when I saw it on the table just inside the door and opened it up fairly quickly...and just as quickly, I sat down, the smile on my face turning to astonishment. I read..and re-read the letter before jumping up and yelling out,

"Cassandra! Cassandra! Where are you? Come quickly!"

Cassandra ran to where I was, "What is it? What is wrong?"

But instead of talking I just handed her the letter to let her read for herself. She never would have believed me if I had told her anyway. She needed to read it for herself.

Like myself, she too had to sit down, "But...I don't understand!" She exclaimed looking up at me frowning.

"I think I do." I replied. "When I wrote my letter to young Jane I had told her about you and how you had said you wished to meet her one day. She must have told Tom who has now extended his offer of having you come with us! Oh Cass! Isn't it splendid? We shall be able to spend Christmas together in Ireland! I am so happy! Of course you must come!"

"But what about our mother, Jane? I cannot leave her alone over Christmas." Objected my sensible sister.

Of course she was right. My heart dropped a bit as I realized this...I had really wanted her to come with us. Then, "We must call upon Henry and Eliza. Henry will know what to do. And he can also talk to mama again about it." I was determined that my sister should come with us. "You do want to come with us, don't you Cass?" I pleaded with her.

"How could I not want to spend Christmas with my sister in Ireland." She said with a smile.

I was overjoyed. "We must take this to Henry as soon as possible for we should not wait too long before replying."

I knew I would be able to rely on Henry who was indeed able to convince our mother to let Cassandra join us. It was agreed upon and eventually arranged that our mother would spend the time away with one of our other brothers and his family. I sent off my reply to let the Irish Lefroy house-hold know that there would be one other guest for Christmas, my sister.

As for myself, I still needed to find out what Henry had said to our mother to convince us to go in the first place...

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****Robert Fowle-_Was the name they gave Cassandra's fiance in the movie _"Becoming Jane" _and according to the book "_Cassandra and Jane_", she really was engaged but his name was "Tom Fowle" which made me wonder if they changed his name in the movie in order to not have two Tom's, maybe to make it less confusing. As I have based my story on the movie, I decided to keep his name as "Robert". ;-D_**


	14. Chapter 13

_**My apologies! I realized too late that I had put "Chapter 11" for my last Chapter (Chawton), but it really is Chapter 12. (Ooops...). So here we begin our "Ireland Adventure". This will be a little more tricky because this is where my imagination will REALLY come into play as aside from names and dates of birth, I know nothing about the Lefroy children nor Tom Lefroy's siblings. Most of this next part will be completely fictional and based on my ideas, but I hope you will still enjoy it.**_

_**I had said at the end of Chapter 11-the REAL Chapter 11-that you will most likely see less of Tom's POV from now on, but he will be in the next couple of chapters at least as I needed to have his POV to introduce his own children, his sisters and how the Lefroy house-hold is generally run on a daily basis. Hopefully it will all meet with your approval! ;-D  
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_**FYI: **_

_**Tom Lefroy's siblings**_

_**Tom Lefroy was born of the Irish Lefroys, descendants of a Huguenot Lefroy who migrated to England in the 16th century[7], hence the French sounding name (the family head being a Lord L'Offroy). In 1765, Tom's father (Anthony Peter Lefroy) was secretly married to Ann Gardner in Limerick (Ireland). Five girls were born without Benjamin Langlois (Tom's great uncle and his family's benefactor) knowing it (Radovici mentioned five, but Cranfield mentioned four; it is possible that one of Tom's elder sisters died in infancy). Thomas Langlois Lefroy was the sixth child, also the first son. The list of Tom's siblings (including him) is as follows[8]:**_

_**1. unnamed fifth elder sister (actual birth order unknown other than being older than Thomas) **_  
_**2. Lucy (1 January 1768 – May 1853) **_  
_**3. Phoebe (15 April 1770 – 5 December 1839) **_  
_**4. Catherine (18 September 1771 – 3 September 1805) **_  
_**5. Sarah (18 March 1773 – 1836) **_  
_**6. Thomas Langlois (8 January 1776 – 4 May 1869) **_  
_**7. Anthony (19 October 1777 – 7 September 1857) **_  
_**Anthony's son (Thomas Edward Preston Lefroy, 1815–1887) later married Anna Jemima Lefroy (1815–1855, daughter of Anna Austen Lefroy) on 9 September 1846**_  
_**8. Elizabeth (17 April 1780 – 22 July 1867) **_  
_**9. Benjamin (5 May 1782 – ?) **_  
_**10. Christopher (26 June 1784 – 14 February 1805) **_  
_**11. Anne (26 January 1786 – ?) **_  
_**12. Henry (5 May 1789 – 29 January 1876)**_

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**IRELAND (FALL/WINTER 1815)**

**CHAPTER 13**

**Jane:**

By the time we were to leave for Ireland, I still hadn't learned what "the truth" was that Henry had told our mother that convinced her to let us spend Christmas in Ireland with Tom and his family. When I did finally have the chance to ask him, all he would say was "You needn't worry yourself about it dear sister...you will understand soon enough." and would not budge from that answer no matter how often I pestered him about it. And knowing my brother the way I did, I had the feeling that he actually enjoyed watching my frustration over it. Once I realized that, I did my best to show him that I no longer cared about it and stopped bringing it up at all altogether. Of course it was still constantly at the back of my mind...

The morning we set out for Ireland was a cool and crisp. We took mama with us as we were to drop her off at my oldest brother's James's place. We had left early enough to allow us some time to visit James and his family for awhile as well as in case any inclement weather should delayed us along our way being that winter was on the doorstep.

As it turned out, our journey passed uneventfully and we even arrived in Limerick a little ahead of schedule. In order to pass some time while we waited for Tom to pick us up, Henry suggested we go into the Inn where the stage had left us and get something to drink. We wouldn't have anything to eat as Tom had promised that there would be food for us as soon as we arrived at his place.

Cassandra and myself followed Henry and Eliza inside the quaint eating room of the Inn where we were soon sat and waited upon. I cannot tell say how truly happy I was that I had my sister with us this time. Although I wouldn't admit this to myself, deep down inside, I think the idea of having Cass with me was so that she would...or could serve as a "buffer" between Tom and myself...to prevent him...or maybe myself from getting too close...

We were in the middle of enjoying our beverages when he appeared, as suddenly and almost as unexpectedly as he had at the last ball we had danced at. He had come up from behind where I was sitting so the other three had the advantage over me and happened to spot him first.

"Tom!" Henry exclaimed so suddenly that it took me by surprise. He stood up while Eliza and Cassandra looked towards Tom. I was the last to turn my head and look up at him, my pulse quickening maddeningly as I did so.

Henry now went over to Tom and shook his hand.

"So you've made it, on that long journey." Tom remarked to him with a smile, then turned to the rest of us, addressing us each in turn. "Mrs. Austen..." he first addressed Eliza who acknowledged him in return and then gave his attention to Cassandra, "Miss Austen...it is a pleasure to have you join us."

He said with a slight bow to which Cassandra returned it with genuine sincerity, "I thank you for your invitation, Mr. Lefroy. It was most kind of you to include me."

"You are most welcome, Miss Austen. I hope you will find your stay to be an enjoyable one."

"I am sure that I will." Cassandra assured Tom and they both bowed simultaneously.

Now he focused on me, "Jane..." he greeted me gently with another bow which I of course returned with a bow of my own.

"Mr. Lefroy.."

It was strange how after the time we had spent in London together that I had suddenly become rather shy in his presence. But then some time had passed since then...I told myself.

"Would you care to have something to drink before we carry on to your place Tom?" Henry now asked him.

"I am not in need of any drink at this time, thank you Henry, but I will sit down and join you while you finish yours. But please do not rush because of myself. We have plenty of time."

As the table was meant for four people, an extra chair had to be sought out and was placed at the corner between Henry and myself for Tom...and whereupon Tom and Henry engaged in a light conversation about our trip.

At one point, I noticed Cassandra looking at me with a slight smile on her lips. I knew that she was trying to let me know that she was pleased with what she had observed in regards to Tom. I offered her a slight smile in return to let her know that I understood.

As we only had drinks, it didn't take us long to finish them and soon we were on our way out to Tom's carriage. He held the door open as he and Henry helped the three of us woman up into it before entering the carriage themselves. As like in London, Tom and I were facing each other again but it was Tom and Henry who continued to do the talking. As well along the way, Tom pointed out various points of interest to us.

I was glad that I wasn't expected to contribute to the conversation as I have to admit that I was starting to feel a little bit anxious about the idea of meeting his children. Jane of course I already knew, but I still felt nervous about the idea of Tom's other children who had lost a beloved mother. Our own family is no stranger to large families with a lot of children as our two of brothers have large families of their own, but this was different, not being family, not knowing them at all as we had never met before...with the exception of Jane. I was looking forward to seeing Jane again, but I wondered what the rest of them would be like...

It seemed like it was all too soon when Tom announced that we were approaching his place. I couldn't help but look out the window of the stage coach door as we became closer and closer to it. I admit that I had also been curious as to what to expect for a house of Tom's, being the successful lawyer that he is.

When we finally arrived at his place, I stared in amazement. The garden at the front of the house was, although not huge nor spectacular like Mr. Wisley's aunt, Lady Gresham's, it was lovely enough, in my view. And the house...again, not as big or grand as Lady Gresham's but big enough none the less and very quaint. Before I could stop it, I found myself thinking that I was pleased that it was a size that I was comfortable with...I could tell right away that had I not stated that Cassandra and myself were to share a room, that the house was definitely big enough that we could have each easily had our own room, but still, I was glad that we I had made sure to let them know that we were to share.

We now pulled up in front of the attractive home and the carriage came to as stop. Both Henry and Tom alighted in order to help us down.

I was so taken by the scenery of the house and garden around me, that I don't even know if it was Tom or Henry who had helped me out of the carriage.

"Welcome to my " Irish country home". Tom now said once we were all down and then lead us up the stairs towards the front door of his home where at any moment now, I would see Jane again and meet the rest of his family...

**Tom:**

My place in London had become too quiet after Jane, Henry and Eliza had left and I knew that Jane was feeling down about their departure. I remembered Jane's advice and did whatever I could to keep my daughter busy and kept reminding her that every day that passed brought us that much closer to when we would see our friends again. I also reminded her about keeping up with the piano songs that "Miss Austen" had taught her to play and I took her out of the house more often than I normally would have. But I admit, I also needed to keep myself occupied and get out of the house as much as she did.

When Jane's first letter arrived, the look on my daughter's face was one of pure joy. Jane hadn't said too much in her letter but it was what she had said in it, about her telling her sister about Jane that once again touched my heart.

"Oh father! Just think! Miss Austen has told her sister about me! And that she would like to meet me one day! Do you think it's possible that might happen?" She asked me.

In my own mind Jane was going to become a permanent part of my life and my children's lives hopefully not too long after I see her next, so naturally there wasn't a doubt in my mind that the two would meet, but of course I couldn't say any of this to my daughter. But...it did make me think...

"I have an idea Jane. What do you think about inviting Miss Austen's sister to join us for Christmas?" I suggested this knowing how close the Austen sisters were and knew that Jane would be thrilled with the idea of her sister being invited to come along.

"Really father?" Jane's eyes were wide with happiness.

"Really." I assured her.

"I think...that was be splendid of course!"

"Well then my love...why don't you write Miss Austen back and tell her that the invitation for Christmas has been extended to include her sister Miss Cassandra Austen."

"Oh I will, right away father! And..thank you!" She smiled up at me.

I smiled back at Jane, pleased to see her smile genuinely again as she had not smiled very much since the Austen's had left. She had relished practicing her piano for she was determined to be playing as well as Jane played when she would join us in Ireland and she could show her how much she had practiced. But that only lasted for so long. There were still a lot of hours to fill in a single day.

When Jane had her letter ready, we had it sent off as soon as we could. There would be another reply come to us eventually, Jane letting us know that her sister had accepted the offer. I could tell by the way she had written that she was delighted to have her sister asked. And my daughter was equally excited. This bit of news seemed to help Jane get through the rest of her time spent with me in London and when she finally had to leave me for home again, she seemed quite content. I promised that I should be home myself in a month's time.

With Jane gone back home to Ireland and me on my own again, I threw myself wholeheartedly back into my work...

It was the eve before the Austen's were to arrive when I asked my sisters Sarah and Phoebe who have been helping me to raise my family, to collect my children as I wished to speak to them in private. I had them brought to my study and gathered them around me for our special talk. Even though my children are good children, no one is perfect and they ARE children after all. Mary and myself never believed in raising them by a firm hand and under a strict regime. We both also believed that they needed to have daily outdoor physical exercise through play, both girls and boys, both the young ones-when they were old enough of course-and the older ones. Unfortunately, weather in Ireland does play a part and can keep them indoors for days at a time, so we converted some of our rooms into what we call "play rooms" and we even have a room large enough for us to play our more physical games in. I know for a fact that some people-including some relatives-frown upon our ways of bringing up our children and live in fear that they will all grow up to be as wild as jungle animals, but I have noticed myself that if anything, our children are quite happy and very well behaved as they are given the chance to exercise their energy in a positive way every day.

But despite this, I admit that I was still a bit anxious as I really wanted to make a good impression on Jane in regards to my children so I still felt the need to talk to them about our guests. I took my littlest one, Mary (because of Mary's passing I was grateful that we had named one of our daughters after their mother) who will turn four shortly before Christmas and sat her upon my knee while I spoke seriously, but lovingly to the rest of my children about the arrival of our guests.

"You know that I love each and every one of you." I started off with. "I have gathered you all together because all of you know that we are expecting guests who are very special to me. And it is my hope that they will become to special to you all in time as well." I looked over and smiled at my daughter Jane who gave me a smile in return. Upon my return home I had noticed that she had gone right back where she had left off, being a mother to her siblings..."They will be arriving around tea time tomorrow afternoon and they will be both tired and hungry after such a long, tiring journey. I know you are all very curious and eager to meet them and you shall of course for they will be staying here for at least a month, possibly even a little longer. However just for tomorrow afternoon, I would like it if you could leave myself and our guests to get re-acquainted and give them some quiet time to recover from their travelling when they arrive before being introduced. This means that you must stay upstairs in your rooms for awhile and I would like you to take your tea up there as well."

Not surprising, this was met with a bit of opposition in the form of groans and "Father, do we have to?"

"Yes...for this one time, you do." I replied gently, but firmly. They know when I use that tone of voice that I am serious. "For me please as like I said, I would like to give our guests some quiet time to recover after they have arrived. There will be plenty of time for you to meet them and get to know them, like I have also told you. You may all play together after your tea, but you must do it upstairs in any of your rooms. I wish to introduce our company to your Aunts first too, so Anthony, Jane.." I now addressed my two oldest children. "You will both be in charge of helping Anna out with your younger siblings for as long as your aunts are engaged with me and our company. After a suitable amount of time has passed, I will send for you all to meet with them. And I know I don't have to tell you this when we have company, but I expect you all to be on your best behaviour when you meet them."

"Yes, father." Jane was the first to reply. I knew that she would do anything for me but most especially when it came to Miss Jane Austen. "We will help with the younger ones and we will all be well behaved." She promised me. I knew she wanted to impress Jane as much as I did.

I smiled affectionately at Jane. "I know you will...I know you all will." I ended giving each of the a smile. "And now..." I stood up transferring Mary into my arms. "I think it's time for bed for some of you. Who wants to read to us tonight?"

"Please may I father?" Jane asked. Jane usually did most of the reading, but Anne also did her share of the duty. The boys tended to let the girls do it, although I would make both Anthony and Thomas read as well as I felt it was important for them and when I thought they hadn't offered to do it in quite some time. And soon now, I would start to make Jeffry and George read as well. Mary would be waiting for a couple or so years yet.

This was something that I had started when the oldest of our children were quite young but getting old enough to first be read to and then as they became older, I insisted that they start to do their share of reading, Jane of course being the inspiration for it all. Mary had quite approved of the idea herself and it became another family tradition for us, having a family reading before the youngest ones bedtime. We felt it was important to spend this time as a family together, every night.

"Alright then Jane." I agreed and we all headed off to the library where Jane found the book and where we left off while the rest of the family got comfortable, on chairs, settees and even the floor, wherever they chose to that would allow their imaginations run free while listening. Mary chose to stay snuggled up to me on my lap which is where she usually sat for our readings. Normally I too get caught up in the story, but tonight I could not concentrate on it at all, knowing that I would see Jane tomorrow...

As I feel that Jane Austen was a "woman before her time" with her writing, I also like to believe that Tom Lefroy was a "man before his time" which is why I have made him a father who believes in "unconventional child rearing-for the early 19th century at least! ;-D

Apparently, the stage had arrived a bit earlier than expected, but I would have been unable to get away from my work any earlier as it was. I noticed them as soon as I went inside the Inn where I said I would meet them. They were all seated having a drink, engaged in conversation.

Henry was the first to see me. "Tom!" He exclaimed, stood up, came over and shook my hand.

"So you've made it, on that long journey." I stated, glad to see they had arrived...and safely. Now that they were there, we knew that nothing had ended up preventing them from their Christmas visit to Ireland.

Turning to the ladies, I now acknowledged Eliza, Miss Cassandra Austen-I was glad that I had thought to invite her along after Jane had shared the contents of Miss Jane Austen's letter with me-and finally Jane. We didn't say anything else, there didn't seem to be a need to say anything more. I thought it funny that I should almost feel...awkward in her presence. Perhaps it was because of the amount of time that passed since seeing each other last. But also...I think it was because, even though I had talked with my children the night before and I had complete confidence they would not let me down, I still felt a bit anxious about them all meeting. Most likely because I wanted it to go over very well. And I did wonder about how Jane would feel about taking on seven children...no...actually, I don't like to put it that way. She wouldn't be "taking on" seven children...Anna would of course still be their nursery maid as she had been since Anthony was born. And I still expected my sisters to continue to help raise them as they had been doing. I didn't expect Jane to replace their mother...or even to become their mother. I'm sure that it would be an overwhelming idea for herself to be taking over that role. No, things would go on as they have been, but Jane would be a part of our family.

After they had finished their drinks and we were all on my carriage, Jane and I sat across from each other again, this time not because it had been "planned" for it to happen that way. It just happened on it's own this time. However, Henry and myself carried the conversation and I pointed out various landmarks that I thought they might be interested in noting on our way. As my house is not that far out of Limerick, it did not take us very long to reach it and soon I announced that we were approaching it. I noticed that Jane moved to look out of the window from her seat, I assume to look at my house. I couldn't help but wonder what she would think of it. Once the carriage had stopped in front, both Henry and I alighted and he helped Eliza down while I helped first Cassandra and then Jane down who seemed to me to be captivated by her surroundings. I really was hoping that I was reading her correctly and that she was liking what she was seeing as it would become her future home...although she did not know it yet.

I lead the group up the front of our stairs and saying, "Welcome to my " Irish country home".

* * *

**_As I felt that Jane Austen was a "woman before her time" with her writing, I like to believe that Tom Lefroy was also a "man before his time" which is why I decided to write him as a father with "unconventional child rearing" ideas. ;-D _**


	15. Chapter 14

_**Once again, I have decided to post Jane's and Tom's POV's as two separate Chapters so this one is only Jane's POV. -D **_

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**CHAPTER 14:**

**Jane:**

Tom opened his door and stepped aside to allow us to enter. I couldn't help but look about in admiration. It was a place that gave the feeling of being a "home". Not the stuffiness or stiffness of say Lady Gresham's place that fairly reeked of it. One was afraid of doing the slightest wrong thing in a place like that. But then, I had to remind myself, her place was not a place that had seen children as she had none herself...or if it had seen any, it hadn't not for many, many years. The Lefroy place on the other hand had seven children which I'm sure helped to keep their place from becoming too stiff and formal. Yet... oddly enough there was an air of elegance about the place as well. I found that I liked this feeling of it being "homey".

I now realized that one of the servants was wishing to take my coat and bonnet which I kindly gave up. I also noticed that Berkley, whom we had met in London was there to greet us as well as two females whom, although I couldn't be too sure about, I did wonder if they were Tom's sisters as they were not dressed in servant's uniforms. And they did bear some resemblance to the Lefroys.

Berkley, Tom had told us when we were in London, always accompanied him whenever he went to London and Anna would always go with Jane whenever she stayed with Tom in London.

"My sisters, Miss Phoebe Lefroy and Miss Sarah Lefroy." Tom now introduced the two ladies whom I had assumed correctly to be his sisters. The one called Sarah I thought looked the most like Tom whereas Phoebe although did share some similar traits with her brother, did not look quite as much like him as Sarah did. I didn't know for sure how old either sister was, but it was easy enough to tell that Sarah was the younger one, closer to Tom's and my own age I would guess, while Phoebe was the older sister.

"Mr. Henry Austen, his wife Mrs. Eliza Austen and Mr. Austen's sisters, Miss Cassandra Austen and Miss Jane Austen." Tom now finished off the introductions. We all bowed in acknowledgement to one another. "And of course you met Berkley in London," He now addressed us. "With the exception of Miss Cassandra Austen. Berkley, please make sure that our guests bags are put in their correct rooms."

"Very good sir." Berkley agreed and left us to carry out his duty.

"Let us now adjourn to the dining room for our tea" We followed Tom through the entrance hall and eventually into another room where a big dining table was already laden with candles, food and drink.

As like in London, Tom sat us all down in the same places he had sat us in London, this time with Cassandra beside myself and his sisters across from each other, Sarah beside Cassandra and Phoebe beside Eliza.

From the size of the table, it was clear that the Lefroy's all took their meals together. Which is something that I just realized. Where WERE the children? I hadn't seen nor even heard a peep from them since arriving. And there were no other places set for them at the table. I wondered if I should ask Tom about this. Surely...they ARE here? Tom wouldn't have sent them off to his wife's family...would he have? I thought the idea was for us all to meet...

"And where is the rest of your family Tom? I thought we might be meeting them when we came in the door." It was Eliza who asked.

"They are all taking their tea upstairs with Anna, the nursery maid whom you met in London." Tom replied. "I have asked them to give our guests the chance to recover from your long trip."

I had to admit that I was a bit amazed at how quiet it seemed in a house that had seven children. Even if it was a big house and they were all upstairs, I thought I might expect to hear some activity of some sort from them.

"They are so quiet!" Eliza voiced my exact opinion.

"For the most part, they are quite well behaved children, although as you are to stay for at least a month, you are sure to witness some falling out with them here and there." Tom said with a smile.

"Well, they are children after all." I was surprised to hear myself say, defending the brood I had yet to meet. Those were the first words I had spoken since acknowledging Tom at the Inn after he had arrived.

"Yes...they are." Tom replied appreciatively in a gentle voice. "You will meet them in a little while, I just wanted to give you all the chance to rest and refresh first."

"It was very thoughtful of you Tom." Eliza said.

"Miss Austen..." Tom's sister Sarah now spoke up. Both Cassandra and myself looked towards her. "I hope you don't mind, but I wish to tell you how fond I am of your writing. And that it is an honour to have you with us."

"Oh please...you must call me Jane." I told her right off at the start. Being that Cassandra was there with us this time, I was more than happy to relinquish the title that really belonged to her, as she is eldest of us two. "And the honour is all mine...ours. To be able to spend this time getting to know Mr. Lefroy's family." I finished off my reply. My reply seemed to please her she returned my reply with a rather pretty smile of her own. I couldn't help but smile back. I had the feeling that I would like Sarah. I wasn't sure about Phoebe yet.

"Tom has told us that you knew each other quite a few years back." Miss Phoebe now said.

"Yes." Henry was the one to reply this time. "Tom and myself met first while he was living in London and studying law and I was studying at Oxford. He met my sisters when he came out to visit your other family members who are also friends and neighbours of our family, George and Anne Lefroy."

"Of course. Tom did mention that." Phoebe replied.

"It is a shame that you fell out of touch with each other when he moved back here." Sarah now said while Tom and I shared a quick glance. It was obvious that Tom's sisters did not know of our..."history" which perhaps is a good thing.

"Yes.." Tom agreed. "But we here together now." He smiled looking at me again. I gave him a small smile in return.

The conversation continued to be an amicable one throughout our tea.

"I should like to see the rest of your lovely home Tom." Eliza said when we were finished.

"We are sure to have plenty of time for that." Henry said.

"If you wish to freshen yourselves up a bit, I can show you to your rooms right now." Tom told us. "And then we can all meet up in the sitting room and visit a bit more before I call for the children."

This being agreed upon, we all stood up to file out of the room, Tom first showing us the sitting room he wanted us to join him (and where Sarah and Phoebe left us) in once we were ready, then proceeded towards the grand curving staircase that lead us upstairs. With Cassandra and myself bringing up the rear behind Henry and Eliza, once we were upstairs I thought I detected a slight noise to the right of myself. I turned my head ever so slightly to notice that a door to one of the rooms was slightly ajar. From my position I couldn't really see too much, but I was pretty sure that our movements were being followed by more than one pair of curious young eyes. This was confirmed when I heard whispers behind our backs as we passed by. I bit down on my bottom lip to prevent myself from smiling. I didn't want to bring any attention to the young Lefroy's so I pretended that I hadn't noticed them at all. Then I heard the door click shut softly along with a low muffled voice. Most likely Anna berating the children for sneaking a look. Oddly enough, their behaviour made me feel somewhat more relaxed about meeting them.

Finally we arrived at our rooms, near the end of the hall. Henry and Eliza's room was beside ours and Tom's it turns out was across the hall and a little further down, right at the end of the hallway.

"Miss Austen...Jane..." He bowed slightly as he left us, Cassandra and myself returned it before entering our room.

Once inside, I breathed a sigh of relief. "And so..." I said as I fell down onto our bed. "Here we are."

"What a lovely room!" Cassandra exclaimed looking around the clean, bright, airy room. It was bigger than any of the ones in the houses that we had grown up in of course. And although not overly huge, it was roomy enough. There was even a fireplace with a small fire crackling merrily, keeping the room warm. There was most likely a fireplace in every room in this place...or...most of the rooms at least.

"It is nice...isn't it?" I agreed with her, also taking note of it. I went over to the window to look out, but it was already getting too dark to really be able to see outside anymore.

Cassandra was now at the basin which was placed upon a stand beside the bureau and was pouring some water into it so that we could wash our faces. Once we had done this, she turned to me and took my hands into hers and remarked. "Tom is as charming as ever." She said. "But this time...it is right." She finished off seriously.

"Oh Cass..." I didn't know what else to say. I had been hoping that she would act as a buffer between us, not as a 'catalyst'.

"You deserve this chance to be happy Jane. Don't deny yourself it."

I could only give her a bit of a watery smile in response.

"Come dearest sister...let us not keep our host waiting too long."

"I am so glad that you are with me this time Cass." I told her whole-heartedly.

Arm in arm, we quit our room together and met up with Henry and Eliza at the bottom of the stairs where we all made our way to the sitting room that Tom had shown us before and we all four of us descended upon it.

When Tom had shown us this room, we hadn't really seen the inside of it so upon entering, I looked around it in delight as it was as homey and elegant as what I had seen of his place so far. I was impressed. As we went further in, I happened to notice a portrait that hung on one of the walls. You wouldn't notice it until you are fully inside. Captivated, I went over to it. Without even being told, I was pretty sure I knew who it was a picture of.

"My wife...Mary." Tom announced, coming up beside me.

I had guessed correctly. "She was lovely Tom." I said in all honesty. She really had been quite an attractive lady. Her hair was a lighter brown colour than Tom's, and there were dainty little ringlets that softly framed a sweet, kind looking face with rather large, grey-blue eyes making her almost seem child-like...sweet and innocent. Which couldn't help me from wondering how old she had been in it. I could see why Tom had fallen in love with her but surprised that it hadn't happened sooner for him. And as Mary had been so attractive, what did Tom see in me then? I could also see that young Jane looked quite a bit like her mother.

Tom now gestured that we all get comfortable and I found Sarah joining me on one of the settees whereas, like in the dining room, Phoebe was sitting beside Cassandra. Tom and Eliza were of course together on another settee. Tom sat in alone in one of the chairs.

"Tom has told us that we are to have a Christmas Ball in your honour." Sarah addressed me. I looked at her first in astonishment and then fired a look at Tom who quickly obliged us with an explanation.

"Not in Jane's honour." He corrected her quickly. "In honour of the Christmas Season and in honour of all of our guests."

"It was actually young Miss Lefroy who suggested it when were staying at Mr. Lefroy's in London." I said hoping to make it even more clear that it was not to be a ball in honour of myself.

"Have you settled on a date?" Eliza asked.

"23rd of December." Tom replied.

"And Tom has invited some of the most prominent people in Ireland!" Sarah exclaimed.

"Only people I know through my work." Tom seemed to be trying to downplay his sister's enthusiasm. "Some I have worked with and some I have represented in the past."

"And there will be more of our family for you to meet as well, Jane!" Sarah now turned to me, her eyes dancing with delight.

She was obviously excited by the idea of this ball. Then I realized...more Lefroys? Tom's other brothers and sisters of course. That could be interesting.

"It will all be very splendid, I'm sure." I replied with a smile at Sarah.

"How people will talk about it for a time afterwards!" Sarah went on. "And how Miss Jane Austen was in attendance as well!"

"Sarah!" Tom exclaimed a bit sharply. "This is not to be a ball about Jane. She is not here to showcase herself. She is here as my...our guest and it should not be interpreted as anything more than that."

I threw Tom a grateful look but also noticed that Sarah now looked a bit deflated from her excitement only a moment before. I smiled warmly at her and said placing one of my hands gently upon hers, "I am flattered that you wish for me to be the "main attraction" for your brother's ball, but he is right. I get more than enough attention at home and I really just wish to spend the holidays in a "quiet"...unobserved manner. I have come to meet and get to know all you, not to have the people of Ireland get to know me. I hope you understand, dear."

Sarah looked at me and smiled back a rather shy smile. "Of course. Please forgive me for allowing my eagerness to get the better of me."

"There is nothing to forgive." I assured her gently but kindly. "I know you mean well."

Our conversations continued for awhile in a amicable and at times a somewhat jovial manner as we reconnected with one another again and got to know Tom's two sisters.

After awhile Tom finally made the announcement. Standing up, he said, "If I am to introduce my children before our dinner, then it is time that I send for them."

"Would you like that Sarah and myself bring them down, Tom?" Phoebe asked.

"Yes, if you wouldn't mind, that would be good of you Phoebe. Make sure that they are presentable before you bring them down of course."

"Of course." Both sisters stood up and quit the room together while we four remained in the room awaiting for the Lefroy brood to make their appearance..


	16. Chapter 15

**CHAPTER 15:**

**Tom:**

I paid close attention to Jane especially as I opened the door for my guests and stepped aside to allow them to enter my home. Of course I was most interested in her reaction to it and I hoped that she would not be disappointed. And she did not disappoint me either. I felt that I had assumed correctly when I had noticed that she had been observing the outside of my home and she now seemed to be quite captivated with the inside of it as well.

One of my servants along with Berkley and my two sisters were there to greet us as had been arranged prior to my departure that day.

"My sisters, Miss Phoebe Lefroy and Miss Sarah Lefroy." I announced after everyone's coats and hats had been removed and taken away by my servant.

Although both sisters are older than me, Sarah is the closest in not only age to myself but personality as well. We had always been close and I knew that she and Jane would be more likely to connect than our older sister Phoebe. Not to say anything against my older sister, she had just always been more of the more mature, serious type along with our oldest sister Lucy whom she is closest to (both Phoebe and Lucy being amongst those relatives who had originally disapproved of Mary's and my way of raising our children. It was Phoebe who had been the first to assume the "motherly" duties when Mary had passed. I was pretty sure that her intentions were to change the ways of our child-rearing in order to make sure that our children would not grow up to be wild. But after living with us for sometime, even she had to admit that our way seems to be working for our children). Sarah and myself on the other hand are more "young at heart" along with the rest of our younger brothers and sisters (Sarah tends to join in with our children in their daily physical play and activities, whereas Phoebe leaves that part of their daily routine up to Sarah and myself if I'm available). As Jane is more like myself in such ways, it stood to reason that she and Sarah would get along. Also, Sarah had been quite thrilled that "Miss Jane Austen, authoress" had been invited to spend the holiday season with us, being another avid reader of hers along with my daughter Jane. That made three of us who have been quite excited about Christmas this year. Although Phoebe is able to keep herself in check better and would never really come out and express it, I believe that she too liked the idea.

"Mr. Henry Austen, his wife Mrs. Eliza Austen and Mr. Austen's sisters, Miss Cassandra Austen and Miss Jane Austen." I continued, finishing off the introductions.

I "re-introduced" Berkley to the three who already knew him and then to Miss Cassandra Austen whom of course hadn't met him yet, then dismissed him by giving him the task of putting everyone's bags in their rooms while I suggested that we all go to the dining room for our tea and lead the way. I was happy that to this point, I had not heard my children. Anna, Jane and Anthony were doing a good job of keeping the younger ones happy and occupied. I breathed a small, in audible sigh of relief.

As I felt pretty sure that Sarah and Jane would get along (and because Sarah was such a fan of Jane's), I purposely sat them on the same side of the table. Of course I would put Jane's sister beside herself and Sarah beside her while I sat Phoebe opposite Sarah and beside Eliza.

Naturally I realized that the subject of my children would arise as I had not told my guests that they would not be meeting them directly upon arrival. Eliza was the first the speak about their absence.

"And where is the rest of your family Tom? I thought we might be meeting them when we came in the door." she asked.

"They are all taking their tea upstairs with Anna, the nursery maid whom you met in London. I have asked them to give our guests the chance to recover from your long trip." I now explained to them.

"They are so quiet!" Eliza exclaimed.

"For the most part, they are quite well behaved children, although as you are to stay for at least a month, you are sure to witness some falling out with them here and there." I replied with a smile knowing that with all children, no matter how good they generally are, that good behaviour isn't constant, my own included.

"Well, they are children after all." Jane pleasantly surprised me with her candid statement.

I gazed at her and still smiling, "Yes...they are." I agreed gently, happy to know that she seemed to understand this even though she had no children of her own. "You will meet them in a little while, I just wanted to give you all the chance to rest and refresh first."

"It was very thoughtful of you Tom." Eliza assured me.

My sister Sarah finally had the chance to say what I know she had been wanting to say since knowing that Jane would be coming to visit us.

"Miss Austen..." She now spoke up. "I hope you don't mind, but I wish to tell you how fond I am of your writing. And that it is an honour to have you with us."

I was delighted when Jane insisted that Sarah be less formal with her and call her "Jane" instead of "Miss Austen" and then saw the two of them smile at each other. Sarah, I could tell was just as enamoured with Jane as my young Jane had been upon first meeting her and continues to be. I could also tell that Jane's return smile was a genuine one. I was very pleased.

My older sister Phoebe now spoke up for the first time. She had been holding back, observing our guests which is natural for her. "Tom has told us that you knew each other quite a few years back."

To which Henry gave the reply this time. "Yes. Tom and myself met first while he was living in London and studying law and I was studying at Oxford. He met my sisters when he came out to visit your other family members who are also friends and neighbours of our family, George and Anne Lefroy."

"Of course. Tom did mention that." Phoebe replied.

"It is a shame that you fell out of touch with each other when he moved back here." Sarah added while I glanced quickly at Jane to see her looking back at myself.

I had never told my sisters...indeed my family about how Jane and myself had really met...what had really happened between us. It had been too painful for me to talk about. As well, I didn't see the sense in dredging up the past when, especially after everything and at the time, that's all it was... a past. And a past that could never, would never come to light again I was so sure of at the time. How I was glad I was wrong about that now. And even when I knew that Jane would be spending Christmas with us, even though it still stirred up painful memories, I didn't enlighten them then either. Let us begin with some new, fresh, happier memories was my thought.

"Yes.." Tom agreed. "But we here together now." I smiled at Jane once again who returned it with a small smile of her own.

Our conversations continued on in a light-hearted manner after this and after we had finished our tea but were still conversing Eliza had mentioned how she wished to see the rest of the house. I would be only too happy to give my company a tour of my place (I admit that I was quite eager to 'show it off' to Jane especially of course) but I felt it would be best to wait until a bit later on after they had met my children. Henry helped me out by saying that there would be plenty of time in which to see it during their stay. I now suggested that if they wished to freshen up that I could show them to their rooms right now. It was agreed upon and I lead the way out of the dining room, stopping by the sitting room I wished for them all to join me in once they were ready. Sarah and Phoebe went in to await myself and our guests while I continued to lead the way back to the staircase and up the stairs.

Being right outside the doors I knew my children were in, I was even more acutely aware of their presence and did notice the slight crack in the doorway of one of the rooms as we passed. On the one hand I was slightly mortified that Anna, Anthony and Jane hadn't been more watchful of whomever was peeking out, but at the same time, I didn't think that anyone else would notice as the door was just ever so slightly ajar. They are children after all I reminded myself of Jane's own words and decided that it was best to carry on as if I hadn't even noticed them instead of bringing them to everyone's attention. Having reached this decision, I even felt a bit amused by their actions. They were just being themselves, curious and no harm was being done after all. Then I had a thought...and perhaps it was just wishful thinking on my own part, but somehow, I could see Jane also being amused by their actions if she realized that we were being watched.

I continued on down the hallway with my guests, showing each of them to their rooms and pointing out that my own room was the last room on their left, right at the end of the hallway and left them to refresh themselves while I myself went back down to the sitting room to await for them. On my way back to the staircase I noticed that the door to one of the children's rooms was no longer open but I could hear a muffled voice. I couldn't help but smile as I realized that Anna was speaking to the children about their naughtiness.

I made my way back to the sitting room where Sarah not surprising, was the first to pounce on me.

"This is so exciting Tom! And Miss Austen...Jane...is delightful. They all are."

"I'm glad you approve, dear sister." I smiled at her, that never being a concern of mine that the Austen's would meet with disapproval from my sisters. Well, Sarah anyway. But I really never thought that Phoebe would disapprove either. Although I think that Eliza had intrigued her more, being that she had been married to a wealthy French man at one time who had met his fate with the guillotine because he had been opposed to all of the changes the French revolutionary government had brought in.

"They are indeed lovely Tom." Phoebe now voiced her own opinion. I also felt that Phoebe might have more in common with Cassandra as well being that they were both more a bit more reserved.

When the Austens rejoined us, I took further note of Jane's reaction to the sitting room. Once again, she seemed pleased. Almost immediately upon her entrance she walked over to a portrait of Mary that was hanging on one of the walls and went right over to it. I followed her.

"My wife...Mary." I told her quietly.

"She was lovely Tom." I knew her reply was genuine. I was touched. But as Mary had without a doubt been beautiful, and there was no denying that if Jane and Mary stood side by side, that Mary's beauty would stand out. But Jane was just as beautiful...only in a different way. Whereas Mary's beauty was physical and was noticed straight away, Jane's beauty did not stand out like Mary's did. It had to be found. It is almost as if Jane herself was able to hold it back from everyone in order to challenge people...to dare people-men in particular of course-to find it for themselves (something I would not at all find surprising about Jane). I had found it. Not quite right away...but almost. And once I had found it, she even surpassed Mary in her beauty...at least as far as I was concerned. That, added to her spirit, independence and spontaneity only enhanced her true beauty to me. Which was one of the reasons why I had returned to her even after becoming engaged to Mary in the first place. Mary was not Jane. And I could not seem to take that step toward marrying her without at least seeing Jane one last time. To give us one last chance to be together...to see if Jane felt anything for me at all. Especially now that surely she must know I was engaged. If I could discover that she still had feelings for me...and if my own feelings were as strong as they had been for Jane (which I never had a doubt I would find that they would be) I didn't care then. We would take our chances even if that meant that we had to run away together...to be completely on our own and do everything for ourselves with NO help from our families who would surely disown us if we did...

Bringing myself back to the present, I gestured for everyone to take a seat so that we could enjoy our "reaquaintance" in comfort. Sarah watched to see where Jane would sit and sat down beside her immediately.

"Tom has told us that we are to have a Christmas Ball in your honour." Sarah started off addressing Jane straight away.

I had seen Jane look at me with a rather stricken look on her face and quickly corrected my sister. "Not in Jane's honour. In honour of the Christmas Season and in honour of all of our guests."

Jane then went on to explain how it was my daughter who had come up with the idea when we were all together in London and Eliza asked if I had settled on a date for it. Sarah then went on to say that I had invited some of the most prominent people in Ireland which I wish she hadn't done. I once again corrected that statement by saying that they were mostly people I knew through my work one way or another. I didn't want Jane to think that I had purposely gone out and invited people of "high society" because of her for I knew she would disapprove of that as well.

Sarah now told Jane how more of our family members would be here. I hoped that Jane wouldn't be overwhelmed by meeting so many Lefroys at one time. Then to my dismay, I heard Sarah say. "How people will talk about it for a time afterwards! And how Miss Jane Austen was in attendance as well!"

"Sarah!" I admonished her in my shock. "This is not to be a ball about Jane. She is not here to showcase herself. She is here as my...our guest and it should not be interpreted as anything more than that."

I saw Jane's look at me and was horrified that Sarah should come to the conclusion that Jane was here as some sort of exhibit. I knew that Jane would never approve of such a thing.

I love my sister Sarah dearly but she does tend to be a bit of a "romantic" and have her head in the clouds at times and can get carried away with certain situations as she was with the idea of our authoress friend being in attendance along with other members of the upper class.

I was truly grateful when Jane had noticed Sarah's crestfallen look and took it upon herself to make my sister feel better by explaining that she was flattered by her enthusiasm of her presence but that she wished to enjoy a "quiet" Christmas where she wished to get to know all of us. After the two had made "amends" (so to speak), we resumed our conversations which became more light-hearted and enjoyable.

When I felt that enough time had passed I stood up and announced that it would be a good time for my guests and my children to be introduced to one another. Phoebe offered for her and Sarah to go and retrieve them which they did, while I sat back down with my company and awaited for Jane and my children to meet each other at last.

* * *

**_Now that the "introductions" of the Lefroy Family/house-hold are nearly over with, some more "interesting" times are on the way, so be sure to stay " 'tooned "! ;-D _**


	17. Chapter 16

**CHAPTER 16:**

**Jane:**

We did our best to engage in small talk while we waited for the Lefroy children to make their entrance. I admit that I was a bit amused as Tom suddenly almost seemed to be a little bit nervous and I'll assume nervous about the idea of us meeting his children. This also seemed to make feel somewhat more calm about meeting them.

As they seemed to be taking longer than I had anticipated they would, I thought that they probably had to make some minor "repairs" and "adjustments" to some of the children in which to make them "presentable". Eventually however, I started hearing a noise that suggested that several pairs of feet were first coming down stairs and then walking towards the room we were in.

Miss Phoebe was in the lead, the first to enter the room upon their arrival. "Tom..." she addressed him, as he quickly stood up and went over to the doorway. Phoebe moved aside and allowed the children to enter, Sarah and Anna bringing up the rear. Once they were all in, the three females quietly, quickly and efficiently moved the children to the center of where we were all sitting and lined them up, facing us.

Now Tom stepped towards them and addressed us all. "Children, these are our guests, Mr. Austen, Mrs. Austen, Miss Cassandra Austen and Miss Jane Austen." He gestured to each of us in turn as we each bowed in turn to our names. The children gave us their customary greeting bow, even the littlest one. Tom now introduced his children, one by one, standing behind each one of them as he named them off so we would know who was who. "This my oldest, Mr. Anthony Lefroy...and of course with the exception of Miss Cassandra Austen, you have met Miss Jane Lefroy...Anne...Thomas...Jeffry...George...and Mary." As I briefly studied each child it was easy to see that some of them took more after Tom while others took more after Mary in their looks.

We smiled at each of them in turn although I could feel that we were being sized up by Tom's children. Not in a rude way, just more out of curiosity than anything. When it had come to Jane's turn, she and I shared a look and a knowing smile. It was lovely to see her again. I hoped that we would get the chance to talk without all of the children around. I wanted to see how she was doing. I also wanted to know if she had been able to practice her piano as much as she had promised me. There was plenty of time for us to practice our duet and some Christmas songs together at least.

"Father, may I speak please?" asked the girl standing next to Jane. If I was remembering correctly, her name was Anne.

"Yes Anne what is it you wish to say?" Tom gave her his permission.

"I wish to ask Miss Austen a question."

"Miss Cassandra Austen or Miss Jane Austen?"

"Miss Jane Austen please."

"Miss Austen?" Tom addressed me now and I nodded my head to let him know that it was alright with me for her to ask me her question, then he turned back to Anne. "Go ahead then."

"Miss Austen, Jane says you are a famous writer. Do you write children's stories too?"

"First off...children..." I said including all of the children in my address. "It is our pleasure to meet you. But you must not call me Miss Austen as that is the title that belongs to my sister..." I gestured towards Cassandra "...and especially as we are both present. Perhaps in order for it to not be so confusing amongst us with two Miss Austens and two Janes..." I smiled at Jane when I said this and she returned it. "You could refer to me as...oh...how about Miss Jane. Do you think that would that be suitable for everyone?" There was a general nodding of heads so I continued, "And in answer to your question...Anne..." I now turned my attention to Anne and with another smile at her, I replied, "Yes, your sister is correct in that I am writer." I left out the famous part on purpose. "However, I admit that I have not tried to write children's stories. But perhaps one day I will have to try it and see if I am able to accomplish it well enough so that it meets the approval of young children."

My answer seemed to please Anne.

"What's it like to be famous?" Now one of the younger boys, I forgot his name already...how was I to remember all of them, I wondered...spoke without permission.

"Jeffry!" Tom admonished him in his surprise.

Oh right. That's what his name was...Jeffry. "It's alright Tom. He's just being curious." I assured him. I turned to the one called Jeffry and said, "You know, I don't like to think of myself as being famous. And really it's not all that different than not being famous. You just find that more people seem to know you, than you know people. I do not live any differently than if I wasn't famous."

"Why did you become famous then?" He went on with a puzzled look on his face.

"Manners Jeffry!" Tom exclaimed in a tone that was low, but firm.

I held up my hand to Tom to indicate that I was fine with this question. But I had to keep my smile hidden from the young boy's question as I thought about how it was best to answer him and in a way he would understand. "I didn't choose to become famous...Jeffry. I like to write. I enjoy writing stories and people like to read some of my stories. And people tell other people about them and soon a whole bunch of people know about my stories and read them. That's how I became..."famous" although I personally prefer the word "known" to "famous".

"Children, that is enough for now. I realize that you probably have a lot of questions to ask Miss Jane, but there is going to be plenty of time for you to ask your questions, you need not ask them all tonight in one sitting." Tom intercepted his children firmly before anymore questions could be asked. "Before our dinner, I am going to take our guests on a tour of our house and you are to stay with Anna and your aunts. You may do as you please while you wait for dinner, as long as it is within reason. Mind you listen to Anna and your aunts."

Tom gestured for us to leave the room and we followed him. "I apologize for Jeffry. He is my inquisitive child." Tom explained to us once we were in the main entrance.

"Not at all Tom, do not concern yourself about it. I honestly did not mind." I replied smiling at the recent memory.

We went from room to room on the main floor where Tom showed us to drawing rooms, sitting rooms, a room that he referred to as both his office and study, the library which was much bigger than the one in London. I was glad of the time we would be spending here in Ireland for I knew that this library would be one of the rooms I would be spending some time in. "You are welcome to come and go from this library as you please, Jane, you needn't ask my permission. " Tom informed me without me having said a word to him, obviously remembering our London visit. "Nor any of you. You are all free to come and go as you please from my library and you may help yourselves to any of the books in here that interest you, for as long as you are in Ireland." He finished off including the rest of the Austen's in his offer.

We came to another drawing room, this one had a piano in it and before I could say anything Tom said, "We call this room our music room. Jane took your advice to heart and has done quite a lot of practicing since we saw you last. I'm sure you will be quite pleased at her progress."

"I am sure that I will be." I replied firmly. I was looking forward to hearing her.

Eventually we came across quite a large and oddly quite empty room and which at first Tom referred to the "running room".

"Running room?" I looked at Tom with a puzzled expression on my face. "What a strange name for a room!"

Tom chuckled at my expression and said. "It doesn't really have name, it goes by a few different names actually..."running room" is one, "games room" is another, "activity room"...It is really a ballroom and where the dancing will take place for our Christmas Ball, but it's other use is mainly for the children to exercise their energy on days when the weather is too foul to go outside and play."

He now explained his and Mary's belief of bringing up their children in this manner, through physical play and activity.

"You actually allow your children to run in this room?" Eliza seemed a bit shocked at the idea. I couldn't say that I blamed her...the idea of seven children running in this elegant room. But it did explain it's emptiness at least.

"It's more for playing physical games than just running around in it." Tom further explained to us. "You will understand more when you see it being used for that. We have a few smaller rooms upstairs, one is the "school room" that is used for the children's studies of course and a couple of other rooms that we call "play rooms" that are used for their more leisure activities."

It was all a very interesting concept, these rooms that were used specifically for the children and their play.

"I know of some people who object to this kind of upbringing, even some of my own family as well as Mary's but we have found that it actually seems to benefit the children more as for the most part, they are all happy, very healthy and quite bright."

I couldn't object to it myself remembering how much time we had also spent outside "trying to keep up with our brothers" as Henry had put it once. It certainly hadn't hurt us any. As Tom was speaking these words, I couldn't help but think and in fact found myself saying out loud, "I might be interested in taking part at times as well."

Tom's face brightened when I said these words. "I'm sure the children would enjoy having you join in. And Sarah as well." He seemed pleased with my suggestion. Then he went on. "Phoebe is one of my family members who was against this idea until she came to live with us after Mary's passing. I'm sure she had intended to put a stop to it, but found it to be more helpful than harmful after all. However, she would never participate in such activities. That is part of Sarah's daily duties with the children. She is like myself and quite relishes in them as much as they do. I also join in when I am at home. Phoebe teaches the younger ones in their schooling along with Sarah and Jane now also helps them with the youngest ones. Anthony will be starting school in Limerick next half term after Christmas as he has now become of age."

"Is he interested in studying the law like yourself, Tom?" Henry asked.

"He seems to be more into politics." Tom replied.

"Still very respectable." Eliza stated.

"Let us carry on then shall we?" Tom now said. "As it is already close to dinner, I suggest that we continue on with the upstairs part of our tour after we have eaten if that suits everyone?"

We all agreed and Tom sought out Berkley who told him that dinner would be served immediately if we wished to take our places in the dining room. The children were already being ushered in to the table. We followed them in and as soon as we were all sat, Tom looked over at his oldest son.

"Anthony, would you please lead us in the blessing tonight?"

"Yes, father." Anthony immediately began the meal blessing as we all bowed our heads...

Now that we had met the children, I started to pay particular attention to the interaction between Tom and his family. Of course I had watched Tom and Jane quite a bit in London and now I was interested in observing all of them together. During the dinner meal, the children were all very well behaved and ate their food in silence, although it was very possible that they had been listening to our conversation. From the little I had seen of all of them, they did seem to obey Tom quite well and were certainly not unruly. But then as Tom had said earlier, as we were to be here into the New Year, we were very likely to see some wayward behaviour from them here and there. That of course was to be expected. I think that it would be more disconcerting if they were to turn out to be perfect children who got along perfectly all of the time.

After we had finished our meal, Tom announced, "While we are waiting for our dessert in the drawing room, I will show our guests the rest of the house. Phoebe, Sarah and Anna, you may take the children into the drawing room and have your dessert."

Henry, Eliza, Cassandra and myself rose from our chairs as Tom did and once again, he lead the way out of the room and towards the staircase again and up the stairs. He showed us the various rooms upstairs, his sisters room and Anna's room (none of which he opened, he merely pointed them out which one belonged to whom)-all of which were right beside the children's rooms-even with all of the rooms upstairs, the three girls shared one big room-as did the boys. But we were soon to find out why. It was as Tom had mentioned earlier about the "play rooms". They were easily meant to be bedchambers but instead, one of them was used as a "school room" which had tables and chairs, writing paper, tablets and of course books all neatly put away for the day. By contrast, the other rooms were not neat at all which surprised even me. These rooms were clearly used as the actual play rooms that Tom had mentioned and which had a variety of toys, games, books scattered throughout it.

"These rooms only gets picked up once a day and the children are all expected to do it before our nightly reading." Tom explained of the mess inside.

Naturally, this caught my attention. "Reading?"

"Yes...it's something I started when Anthony was old enough to be read to, although Jane was still too small. Mary or myself would read to Anthony...and Jane as well you could say, before their bed. As Anthony and Jane learned to read, we encouraged them to start reading and now the older children as well as myself do the reading."

"I think that's wonderful Tom." I told him, amazed. I was starting to like how Tom was raising his children.

"I'm glad it meets with your approval." He said softly with a smile.

Then something else caught my attention. Tom's words, _"...it was something I started with Anthony.." _This was..HIS idea then?

Tom now brought us back to the top of staircase and lead us back down. I had noticed at least one other room that he had never shown us, at the opposite end of the hallway, but I suspected it was just a spare room of no real significance. OR...a thought suddenly struck me...maybe it was a room of Mary's that he did not wish to disturb. I couldn't blame him there and I promised myself that I would not ask him about it. I understood that he did not show it to us because of personal reasons and it was not in our right to know if he did not wish it. I respected him for that.

Tom lead us into the drawing room which held the piano, I noticed. I did wonder if he had chosen this room for that purpose or if they always took their dessert in this room. By the time we had arrived, the children had apparently finished with their own desserts and almost as soon as we were in the room, Phoebe, Sarah and Anna had gathered the children and left it.

"'Play time' for the day is over. It's time to straighten up their rooms." Tom explained with a smile when we looked at him in askance. Just like clock-work, they knew their duties.

"Amazing!" Eliza exclaimed as dessert and beverages were served to us. "I have never heard or seen such a way of bringing up a family before Tom. I admit that unless I had only heard but hadn't witnessed it for myself I don't know if I could have believed that this "modern" way of child rearing could actually work, but it certainly seems to be working at least for yours!"

"Thank you Eliza. We...I think it is too. But I also think it helps to make sure that we...I am involved with them. I don't know if it would work as well if the parents aren't willing to participate in at least some of the activities with them whenever they can."

I too thought much like Eliza...not that I had much experience in child-raising aside from my own brother's families, but I was beginning to think that this idea might a good one to try for at least some of their own children. But then I wondered if it was too late for them anyway. They would most likely never believe in it either.

"Jane has been quite eager to play for you so that you will be able to hear how she has come along, Jane. But for now, she wishes for only yourself to be present when she does. I thought that sometime tomorrow you and she could sit down and you could listen to her." Tom now addressed me.

"Of course Tom. I would be more than happy to." I returned.

We carried on with casual conversation until the children returned to the drawing room.

"And now who is to read to us tonight?" Tom said looking at his children with that familiar twinkle in his eye.

"Ah...Mr. Lefroy...might I read tonight? Please...it would be my pleasure." I quickly asked while everyone, including the children stared at me in their surprise. It was an idea that had come into my mind when Tom had told us about their nightly reading. I thought it might be one way for his children and myself to ease into getting to know one another. His face lit up with pleasure.

"It would be our honour...Jane. I thought instead of moving into the library that we could stay in here this time. Jane, you go and get the book that we have been reading and bring it back here please."

I myself sat down on the floor and said, "Children why don't you gather round me..." I encouraged them. They all looked towards their father who smiled and gave them a nod of his head in the affirmative. Tom obviously did not object to my idea of my sitting on the floor and having the children sit around me, but nor had I really expected that he would considering his own unconventional ways in which he was raising this family. After they were all seated on the floor near me, with the exception of little Mary who went over to Tom instead, I went on. "...and while we wait for Jane you to tell me what the story is about that you have been reading."

"Anthony, why don't you fill Miss Jane in on the story." Tom instructed his oldest son. which he obliged. Jane came back into the room while Anthony was just finishing up and Jane handed me the book. Most of the children were more or less in front of me, but she quickly took up a spot beside me.

"Thank you, Jane. Now, if you would kindly show me where you left off last please and where I should read until, we can get started."

"We usually read a chapter a night, Miss..Jane." Jane informed me. "Unless the chapter is unusually short, then we might read a little more. Or if the chapter is unusually long, then we might shorten it. But we keep our readings shorter because of the younger children."

"I see." I replied. "That is a very wise idea, keeping the younger children in mind for your readings." I went through the chapter with Jane to see how long it was and we both came to the agreement that it would do. "A chapter it shall be then."

And I started in on their nightly reading...

After I had finished the chapter, the younger children, Mary, George, Jeffry were taken up to bed while the older four were allowed to stay in the room for awhile as we continued on with our visit. Eventually, they went up to their rooms and soon afterwards, we four travelers declared that it was time for us to retire as well. Tom took up the rear and followed us up to our rooms and as Cassandra and myself paused at our door to bid everyone a good night, Tom said, "Jane...there is something I wish to show you before you retire to your room for the night. Please, it will only take a few minutes. I promise not to keep you long."

I looked at Cassandra who gave me a smile and nodded her head slightly before saying good night to Tom and entering our bedchamber.

After the door was closed on us, he held out his free arm and puzzled, I took it.

"And how has Jane been doing?" I now asked Tom wishing to hide my baffled expression from him as he lead me away from our room.

"She has reverted back to playing the mother to her younger brothers and sisters." He told me a bit sadly. "But I am hoping now that you are here, that will change. It was easier for her to be more herself in London as her siblings weren't there of course. It may be harder here with them all around, but I am still hopeful that having you here will allow her be that 13 year old girl again."

I looked at Tom who was looking back and at me and replied whole-heartedly. "I hope so too. I will do whatever it is that I can to help her."

Tom smiled down at me. No words were needed.

Suddenly, he stopped and it was now that I realized that he had taken me down to the opposite end of the hallway and in my surprised I noticed that we were stopped outside the door of the room he had not shown us earlier. He was obviously about to show me what lay in that room, behind that door...


	18. Chapter 17

_**In this chapter, I have gone back and forth between Jane and Tom a little bit...;-D **_

* * *

**CHAPTER 17:**

**Jane:**

For some reason, my heart started to quicken as Tom reached out to open the door. Without words at first, he stepped inside, set the candelabra he had been holding in his other hand down on a bureau just inside the door, then stepped aside so that I could enter.

"This room...Jane...is yours." He said as I entered the room and quickly looked about it.

I gasped in bewilderment. "Excuse me? What do you mean, Tom?"

"I thought that as you are going to be here for at least a month that perhaps you would like a room exclusively for yourself in which to do your writing...if you ever feel the urge to do so while you are here. I don't want you to think that you cannot write while you are vesting here."

I was beyond speechless. I certainly wasn't expecting such a gesture. "Tom..." I answered when I finally found my voice again. "I...I don't know what to say. This is...what a lovely gesture...such a wonderful surprise!"

"Come in...take a look around. Of course you will see it better tomorrow by natural daylight, but I couldn't wait until tomorrow to show it to you."

He lead the way further inside and showed me over to a desk that already had writing paper, a quill and inkwell sitting on it. I could see that the desk was set right beneath a window. And in fact, not just one. but two, I now noticed further. There were two windows...corner windows at right angles from one another.

"The view is quite picturesque from here during the day. It looks out onto our garden and of course the fields and hills beyond. And when the sun is shining, you have sun in this room all day as one window faces west and the other south. I thought the view perhaps might be provide some inspiration for your writing as well." Tom explained. "Not that you need any..." He added with a slight smile.

I didn't know how to reply to all of this. The thought that Tom had put into it...I looked around and noticed that there was a small fireplace and also a settee in the room.

"A settee in which you could just relax if you wanted or needed to...perhaps if you need to take some thinking time for whatever story you are working on...it's yours Jane, to do whatever you want to in it. But my original idea was for you to have this room while you are here, where you could do your writing. But it is yours."

Feeling a bit emotional, I put my hand to my mouth and looked around the cozy, charming little room and as I did, I actually pictured myself at the desk writing. The feeling that gave me...my heart was fairly bursting.

"And the children KNOW that this room is strictly forbidden to them. They know that they are NOT to come into this room and they are NOT to disturb you in here." Tom now said quite firmly.

A sound that I could not interpret escaped my throat at that moment.

"And neither am I..." Tom finished off more softly this time. I looked at him to see him gazing back at me with his half smile and that twinkle in his eye.

"Oh Tom...it would be alright." I assured him in a voice that was full of emotion. "You needn't be so strict with the children about this room either, I'm sure."

"As long as the children don't bother you while you are trying to write." He insisted. "So this room meets with your approval?" He now asked.

"Oh yes, it more than meets my approval Tom! I thank you! It is so quaint and charming! I am sure that it must be even moreso in the daylight. I cannot wait to see it tomorrow and also to see what that view looks like that you brag about." I told him finally finding my wits again.

"We shall check it out more tomorrow again then." Tom promised. "I really wanted to show it to you first without anyone else around. But it is yours to come and go from as you please."

With that, Tom picked up the candelabra, offered his arm to me once again which I took and we left the room together. Our return walk was a bit quiet as my mind was full. He left me at my door where we bid each other goodnight and he carried on towards his own room.

I shouldn't have, but I couldn't help but watch his back for only a few seconds. But as I didn't want him to catch me watching him, I forced myself to look away and quickly entered my room as soon as he reached his own.

Cassandra was still awake as we hadn't been gone very long. Propping herself on her elbow, she watched me from the bed while I prepared myself for the night.

"And...? Are you allowed to tell me what it was Mr. Lefroy wanted to show you, Jane?" She asked in a low voice so that Henry and Eliza would not hear us talking as they were in the room next to us. She was undoubtedly full of curiosity as I too would have been. But I held off saying anything until I was joined my sister in the bed. Then I said: "He...gave me a room." I couldn't resist teasing her just a bit.

"He...gave you a...what?"

"A room. Do you recall noticing a door at the opposite end of this hallway that he did not show us when he was showing us around?"

Cassandra nodded her head. "That room. A room for me in which to do my writing in whilst we are here if I wish to." I explained.

"Oh!" Cassandra exclaimed as surprised as I had been. "I think that is very thoughtful of Mr. Lefroy. What is the room like?"

"It is very cozy and very quaint. It has two windows at the corner of the house, one that faces south and one that faces west which lets in a lot of sunshine on sunny days. Of course I am curious to see what it is like by daylight, but it could only be even moreso by daylight than it was by candlelight."

"I should say so." Cassandra agreed. "I would like to see it for myself as well."

"Of course you should. As I always want your input with my stories, you must see it. It'll be perfect, Cass as it has not only a writing desk, but a settee as well. You will also have a place in which to sit while we discuss my stories. In fact, we would both be able to sit upon it while discussing. I will show it to you tomorrow." I promised as I sat up and leaned over to blow out the candle. "Tom says that the view from there is quite picturesque as well." I finished off.

"Jane..." Cassandra started as I nestled down beneath the covers. "I couldn't help but watch Tom tonight...I noticed that he in turn couldn't keep his eyes off of you. And when you were down on the floor reading to the children...Jane...he really does love you. I could tell by the look in his eyes whenever he looked at your and the look on his face. He truly adores you."

I was at a loss for this that my sister had just disclosed to me.

"And one more thing...I noticed that he no longer wears a wedding ring..." She said.

In my letter to Cassandra when we were still in London at Tom's, I had made sure to tell her that he still wore his wedding ring. I admit that I had noticed that myself. It was one of the first things I had noticed upon seeing him again at the Inn, that his ring finger was now bereft of the ring.

After a several seconds of silence all I could think of to say was, "Good night Cass..."

"Good night Jane."

I swear I could her a smile in her voice as she spoke those words.

**Tom:**

After leaving Jane at her bedroom door, I myself went in to get ready for the night and while doing so, I mulled everything over. I admit that earlier on, I had begun to feel a bit apprehensive again about Jane and my children finally meeting one another as of course I really wanted them to like each other. A lot was riding on their initial introduction. I did my best to keep my nervousness from surfacing but I had found it difficult to concentrate on the conversation the other three were engaged in while we were waiting for my offspring to make their appearance. It hadn't helped my nerves any that my sisters seemed to be taking longer with the children than I had anticipated...

But in the end, now a few hours later, I can breathe easy and say that I was very pleased with how everything went off tonight. With the exception of Jeffry...but that seems to be his nature and Jane didn't seemed to be put off by it. And perhaps it wasn't a negative thing either. Perhaps it was just as well that Jane discover the true nature of all of my children right from the start. That didn't mean that I was going to allow them "run wild"-not that they would, or that I would allow them to on any normal given day-but maybe I could relax a bit now and just let "nature take it's course" with them, especially as the initial introductions to one another were now over and done with.

When Jane had said that she might like to join in with the children during some of their daily physical activities...of course I was elated and my elation grew when she had asked if she could read to the children tonight. When I saw her actually sat down on the floor and asked the children to gather around her...how that made me feel...she truly was meant to be a part of this family, I thought...and in fact, by her action and reactions to everything (so far), I felt that she was already part of this family. She seemed to be fitting right in with us and she hadn't even needed to be here for very long or get used to our ways. She seemed to connect straight away with them and it all. I really wanted to know what my children were thinking of "Miss Jane", but I also thought they should have the chance to spend a little more time with her before I asked them.

The room...that idea had come to me while the three of them had been staying with Jane and myself in London and after I had invited them to spend Christmas at my place. The room had been a spare room that hadn't seen very much use as it is the smallest of the rest of the bedchambers. Years ago, Mary had insisted that it be turned into a bit of a sanctuary for myself if I ever felt the need for some peace, solace or thinking when the days were too cold, or too wet to be able to do so out of doors, or at night during the winter, as she knew that I sometimes liked to take walks about our place. She knew that I both liked and needed to be on my own from time to time, for the exact reasons already stated, but most especially when dealing with work. And the view...I had found it to be quite tranquil. I discovered that it could be quite relaxing just simply sitting and gazing out the windows at it...

Mary had fixed it up a bit herself to make it more pleasant for me. As it is at the opposite end of the hallway from where the rest of the family sleep and where the children do their studies and play, this worked out very well. But then in London...I had had an inspiration...if Jane were to come and stay with us and for any length of time, she might want to carry on with her writing and I felt that this room would suit that purpose perfectly. As I had been going between London and Ireland for work, I found that I hadn't been using the room as much anyway and was willing to give up the room for this particular purpose. There were other rooms in the house in which I could retreat to if I found the desire to, even my own bedchamber could suffice for I was the soul occupant of it...for the time being. And even afterwards, as she would have the "writing room" as I had been referring to it to myself, I could still use the bedchamber for that purpose. The more I had thought about letting Jane use that room for her writing, the more I liked it and the more I was going to make it happen...or at least offer it to her. When I came back home, I found and purchased a small, elegant writing desk that would fit perfectly in the room (there hadn't been one until I thought to make it into a writing room for Jane as Mary refused to let the room become a second study or office for myself. She insisted that it remain a sanctuary and would not allow anything connected with my work in the room). I then had a couple of the maids give it a good going over until I was satisfied with it. I stood just inside of it one day after it was all ready and looked around. I could easily imagine Jane sitting at the desk bent over working diligently on her next greatest novel...I had smiled at the image I had conjured up...

It was true what I told Jane tonight, I could not wait to show it to her. And I did want us to be alone when I did. As I didn't know how much of a chance I would get to do that with everyone around during the waking hours, I thought I had better take advantage and show it to her while everyone else was getting ready for bed. I could tell that she was both surprised and delighted with the room which touched my heart. Little did she know at this moment that the room was meant to be hers permanently and not only for a month...I went to sleep with my heart brimming.

**Jane:**

I felt a little bit like a young girl again, waking up to the excitement of it being Christmas morning as I had the intention of showing Cassandra the room that Tom had shown me the previous night, before our breakfast. I was quite eager to see it in all of it's glory during the day.

"Cassandra! Wake up!" I pounced playfully on my sister who had still been asleep...until I assaulted her. "I want to show you that room before we have to go down for breakfast. Let us hurry and make ourselves ready!" I urged her.

After I knew she was awake, I myself got out of bed, but before getting ready, I went over to the window to have a look outside to see what kind of a day it was starting off to be. I was a bit disappointed that there was no sun, but at least it wasn't raining...or snowing either. Still it was daylight and it should be bright enough to see the room, moreso than it had been the night before.

Cassandra laughed at my enthusiasm and finally managed to arouse herself from bed and then almost as quickly as myself-I know she hurried for my sake, she wouldn't normally be quite this fast-she also got ready.

Peeking out of our room, a quick glance in both directions of the hall told me that no one was about yet. Unless Tom was already downstairs. I could hear some noises coming from the children's rooms but I was not surprised that they should be up and most likely Phoebe, Sarah and Anna were busy getting them all ready for breakfast. I beckoned for Cassandra to follow me and together, we made our way quickly, but quietly down the hallway to the opposite end and stopped in front of the door. With anticipation, I opened the door and I urged Cassandra to step inside so that I could close it. For some reason I couldn't fathom, I didn't want anyone to know that we were in here. After I showed it to Cassandra, I wouldn't be quite so concerned about that, but for now, I just wanted it to be something that her and I share.

Tom was true to his word. The room was even more delightful in the daylight. Even with no sun, the room was bright and rather cheery. How wonderful that even on the greyest of days the room would always have a cheerfulness to it, I thought to myself happily. I now noticed some little knickknacks about the room that suggested a woman's touch which helped to add to the charm and quaintness of the room. I wondered if they had belonged to Mary...I also noticed that there was a matching ottoman to the settee in the room that I had somehow missed the night before.

"This is lovely, Jane!" Cassandra exclaimed as she looked about the room herself.

"Isn't it though?" I replied as I fairly skipped over to the windows so that I could take a look at the landscape. Once again Tom was true to his word. Of course we had noticed the scenery on our ride over from Limerick but it could not compare with seeing it from the second story of Tom's place which showed off the fact that it was surrounded by rolling fields and hills and also cutting across the Lefroy land was part of the River Shannon that one could see winding it's way south west. How perfectly marvelous it must be in the summer to have the river so close by, I thought with a bit of envy that we wouldn't be here in the summer to enjoy the river in all of it's glory as well.

Cassandra came over and joined me just then. "Oh!" she exclaimed as much enthralled with the view as I was. "Tom must have really put a lot of thought into this Jane." She told me in a gentle tone, putting her arm around my waist as we both continued to gaze out of the window. I couldn't disagree with her.

"Imagine what all of this must look like on a sunny day!" I exclaimed laughing lightly. "Both the room and the view! But come Cass! Let us try out that settee together as if we were actually working on a story!" I pulled her away from the window, over to and then down onto the settee with me. We both fell onto it laughing like giddy young lasses in love for the first time. Then I moved the ottoman in between us so that we could both place our feet upon it.

"This is all so wonderful!" I exclaimed passionately.

"You look so happy here Jane, happy to be here." Cassandra smiled over at me.

That stopped me cold. The wound within that for some reason refused to fully heal and disappear prevented me from becoming too involved with the whole idea of being a permanent residence of this wonderful Irish Lefroy place. I sat up suddenly and said seriously. "But we must not lose ourselves Cass...we are only here for a month."

"Maybe more..." Cassandra answered almost slyly, I thought. "We might be here for more than the month, Jane. It is possible..."

"No matter what the length of time Cass, it will all come crashing to an end." I reminded her stubbornly and none too subtly.

Cassandra now sat up and once again put her arm around my shoulders this time. "Then let's not think about the end Jane." She told me softly. "We have just arrived. We've plenty of time. Let's just enjoy whatever time it is that we do have here and not think about the end, shall we?"

I looked over at Cassandra who seemed to be begging me with her eyes to agree with her. She was right really. We DID just arrive and I didn't want to think about the end already.

"We shall." I vowed with a smile.

**Tom:**

As was normal (aside from the cook and servants) I was the first one awake the next morning, made myself ready and went downstairs to consult the cook about breakfast. Once this was taken care of I went into my study that also doubled as my work office to look over some notes on the latest case I had taken on which was only just getting under way. It had worked out quite well as being so early on in the proceeding, I was able to bring my work home for the most part while I had company and work on it here, but I would still have to go into Limerick on occasion in order to confer with my client from time to time. I knew from past experience that because of the time of year, the actual court proceedings would be held off until the first part of January. I had of course, made the Austen's aware of my work situation during their visit.

I decided to go over my notes now in order to give Anna and my sister's their chance to get my children ready for the day. My guests I would let sleep for as long as they liked as it would have been a long travel day for them the day before and they might appreciate the need for some extra rest. For this reason, I was on full alert for my children as I wanted to make sure that they did not make noise as they left their rooms and came down for breakfast. After a suitable amount of time had passed, I left my study and went upstairs to check on them. It would be a good chance for me to let them know that I was proud of how they had behaved the day before, without anyone being around...and...I admit it, I thought perhaps if I was to go and see them before they came downstairs that maybe they would share with me any of their thoughts of feelings of "Miss Jane" without me having to ask them. As I arrived at the top of the stairs, I could see that the Austen sister's door was now opened which puzzled me slightly. Even though I had been in my study, I was sure that they hadn't come downstairs for I'm sure I would have seen and heard them if they had. A thought occurred to me just then and before checking on my offspring, I went down the hall towards the room I had shown to Jane the night before. The door was closed but I could hear voices inside of it plainly enough. Jane and Cassandra were inside. I admit that I was a little disappointed that Jane had chosen to not wait for me to show her the room again during the day as I had wanted to see her reaction to it for myself. But I also knew that Jane and her sister are very close and I can't say that I am surprised that Jane had wanted to show it to Cassandra straight away. That in itself told me how happy she was with it. But that didn't stop me from wishing she had waited. I meant to turn away and head back down the hall when I heard Jane laugh and say:

"Imagine what all of this must look like on a sunny day! Both the room and the view! But come Cass! Let us try out that settee as if we were actually working on a story!"

I heard them move about the room and I could only assume, settle themselves on the settee.

"This is all so wonderful!" Jane now said.

"You look so happy here Jane, happy to be here." I heard Cassandra's voice.

My ears perked up at this and I was rooted to the spot even though it was wrong of me to be eavesdropping on their conversation. I won't deny that I was glad I had been there as my heart surged with those words.

"But we must not lose ourselves Cass...we are only here for a month."

These words of Jane's made me shake my head and barely whisper, "_No, Jane! You will be here for longer!"_

"Maybe more...We might be here for more than the month, Jane. It is possible..." I was grateful for Cassandra.

"No matter what the length of time Cass, it will all come crashing to an end." Jane now sounded sad to me.

I shook my head and once again spoke in a bare whisper, _"No, Jane...it won't...not this time."_

"Then let's not think about the end Jane. We have only just arrived. We've plenty of time. Let's just enjoy whatever time it is that we do have here and not think about the end, shall we?" To these words I nodded my head vigorously like a fool.

"We shall." At least Jane sounded more positive about that.

_"Dearest Jane!"_ I cried silently as I gently laid one open hand upon the door.. _"It's yours! All of this is to be yours! I promise you!"_

After hearing this part of their conversation, I had to wonder how long I would be able to hold off...suddenly what I had in mind seemed too far away...and I found myself doing all I could to hold myself back from going in and talking to Jane right at this very moment...but I had to. I had to hold off for now. It would be difficult I knew, but it had to wait. With a quiet sigh, I reluctantly pulled myself away from the door (as I didn't want to be caught standing there) and headed back towards my children's rooms to see how they were coming along. As I was walking away, I realized something...perhaps it had been better that I wasn't with Jane when she saw the room this morning because somehow, even though I'm sure it would have been obvious at how pleased she was with the room, she would not have been forthcoming by saying anything else as she had been when talking with her sister. Perhaps I could even go so far as to say that even though she had just arrived, she was already feeling..."at home" here. I smiled as I made my way down the hall, almost feeling a bit of a spring in my step as I did so.

It was a rare thing I did, going into my children's rooms before breakfast as I would be getting myself ready for work a lot of mornings, but occasionally when I didn't have to go into work, or I had some time, I would surprise them with a pre-breakfast visit.

"Good morning, children!" I announced cheerfully as I first knocked to announce my presence, then entered and closed the door behind me.

I was greeted by several "Father!"'s and "Good morning!"'s and within moments I was surrounded by my children who looked like they were all ready go down to their breakfast.

"G' morning, Father!" Little Mary cried out in her nearly 4 year old way ran up to me and into my arms that I held open for her as soon as I saw her running towards me.

"Good morning, dear one." I picked her up and kissed her on the cheek. "And how are all of you doing this fine morning?" I asked which was met with a chorus of "Good and fine's". I really should try and come into their rooms more often in the mornings, I suddenly thought. It really is a lovely way to start the day off like this, in this more casual manner with my children.

"I wanted to let you all know how very proud I am of you all for yesterday, you were very well behaved with our company." I beamed at them.

"Even Jeffry?" George asked.

I couldn't help but chuckle. "Even Jeffry. He wasn't really being bad, just curious. Although..." I now became more serious so that they would know I meant business and made sure that I made eye contact with each one of them as I spoke "...it's always a good thing to try and remember your manners around company. I know it's not always easy, but I expect you to at least try."

"Yes, Father." was the general murmur of agreement.

"Father, I like them. I like how Miss Jane talks." Mary was the first to say something.

"Oh you do, do you? Do you mean, you liked it when Miss Jane was reading to us last night?" I asked, delighted that someone had said something to start this conversation off.

"Yes!" Mary replied happily.

"I liked that she sat down on the floor with us while she was reading." Thomas put in. "Like...she was one of us." I noticed that most of the children nodded at this.

Now that I had the opening I had been hoping for, I asked, "Do you all find...our company..." I had wanted to say Miss Jane but I also didn't think it was wise to single her out just yet. "...acceptable then? I do realize they only just arrived yesterday and you haven't had much chance to get to know them, nor them you, but so far, there is no objection to them?" To which there was a general shaking of heads, "No.."

"Good. I thought you might like them." I breathed an inaudible sigh of relief. "As it looks like you are already for breakfast, why don't we all go down together, then. As our guests have had a long day yesterday, they may not be up and about yet this morning and we should allow them to rest. So we must be quiet on our way downstairs so as not to disturb them please! Okay then? Everyone understands that?"

When they all agreed, we made ready and left the room, me in front with Anna, Phoebe and Sarah following my brood and descended the staircase in a fairly decently quiet manner.

**Jane:**

Cassandra and I lingered and relaxed in "my room" for only a little while longer before we decided that we had better arouse ourselves and join the land of the living before our host began to wonder about us. Reluctantly, I slowly closed the door after we had both stepped out and we made our way towards the staircase. I confess that I now was feeling a little bit guilty about showing the room to Cassandra as now I remembered how Tom had said that "we" would check out the room today. But he had told me that it was my room to come and go as I pleased, and...I had so wanted to show it to Cassandra...I hoped he would understand and wouldn't mind that I had gone ahead. I would have to let him know.

On our way back down the hall, I heard voices...or rather a voice coming from Tom's children's rooms and stopped.

"Cass!" I whispered and she stopped by my side. "Shhh...I think that's Tom in there." I had only meant to pause long enough to satisfy my curiosity. I think he must have only just entered the room for I could hear the children greeting him. Judging from the joyful surprise in children's voices, I could only suspect that Tom didn't often make an appearance in their rooms first thing in the morning, I thought it was lovely. But now I couldn't help myself, I wanted to hear how Tom interacted with his family without the presence of guests being around and I was not disappointed. It was as I had thought Tom would be with his family. Then I was treated to an unexpected surprise. It seemed that I...or I should say all of us really had "passed the test". Cassandra and I glanced at each other and smiled. Just then we heard Tom make the announcement that they would all go downstairs together and as Cassandra and I didn't think we would have time to beat them down the stairs we fairly flew back down to our room so that we wouldn't be caught and then waited for several minutes before leaving our room and heading down to join the Lefroy family for breakfast.

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**_Note to 'word fodder': You called it m'dear, about the room! Good guessing there! -D _**


	19. Chapter 18

_**I've had a busy week (well past couple of weeks, really) but I'm hoping that after this weekend, things will start slowing down to more of a "normal dull roar" agan, lol. ;-D **_

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**CHAPTER 18:**

**Jane:**

We all met up at the breakfast table, with the exception of Henry and Eliza who had not made an appearance yet.

"Good morning Miss Austen...Jane.." Tom stood up and greeted us and then sat us down. "I hope you both slept well?"

"Good morning, we did yes, thank you, Mr. Lefroy, very well." Cassandra answered for both of us.

"Good morning, Mr. Lefroy...Miss Lefroy, Sarah.." I added my own greetings and then, "Good morning children." with a smile at them. My greetings were returned by all including the children, although a bit more quietly as they seemed to be taken a bit by surprise that I had addressed them.

While we were waiting for Henry and Eliza to show up, I decided it might be best to bring up the subject of Cassandra's and my earlier roaming.

"Mr. Lefroy..." I now turned to Tom.

"Yes, Jane?"

"I have a bit of a confession to make."

"Oh?"

"Yes...I'm afraid that I was a bit impatient and could not wait to show Cassandra the lovely room you had shown me last night. You see, Cassandra helps me with my writing by giving me her input and we discuss certain aspects of the stories, mostly to do with the characters and in a sense I feel that it would be just as much hers as mine in that respect. I hope you understand that I really wanted to be able to show it to her on my own and we did so this morning before coming downstairs."

Tom gazed at me for a couple of seconds before breaking into a smile and said, "Of course, Jane. It is like I told you last night that the room is yours to come and go as you please. I trust you still found it as acceptable this morning as you did last night?"

"Oh yes, Tom! Even more so if that is at all possible. All is as you told me last night and the view is splendid."

"It certainly is a lovely room Tom." Cassandra now added.

"I'm happy you approve." Tom replied to both of still smiling, but then he turned his focus to me and his eyes told me so much more than his words. I had to look away before I started blushing under his gaze.

"What is this you need Tom's approval for Jane?" As usual, Henry just happened to be entering the room at a most convenient time. Not soon enough to know what we were talking about but in time to be curious about what we had been talking about. "I hope my youngest sister has at least been behaving herself, Tom?" He now addressed Tom with a bit of a grin.

Oh how Henry could not resist teasing me and more so, I had noticed in particular when we were in London, in Tom's presence too!

"Really Henry!" Eliza tried to chastise him. "Leave poor Jane alone for once!"

"Jane has been a perfect guest." Tom answered Henry firmly...which did make me blush somewhat.

In order to take the attention away from myself, I now asked of Tom. "When would be an appropriate time in which I will be able to listen to Jane play, Tom?"

"Probably this afternoon when her studies are done. Unless Sarah and Phoebe can spare her from helping with the younger children's studies for a little while, this morning. Sarah? Phoebe? Would it be alright if Jane does a little playing for our guest this morning? Perhaps right after breakfast even and while the rest of the children are starting their own studies." Tom suggested.

"I'm sure that would be fine Tom." Phoebe agreed. "Jane can always do her studies right after."

"Yes, that won't be a problem Tom." Sarah added her own input.

"Good. Then you may take Miss Jane with you to the music room when are finished with your breakfast and have been excused, Jane. But now it is time to for us to eat, please let us bow and give thanks." This time was Tom who said the blessing..

Throughout the morning meal, I watched young Jane as closely as I was able to without making it look obvious and sort of saw what Tom had been referring to about her looking after her younger siblings. It was she who made sure that they were eating and were quiet and minding their manners at the table and likewise it was Jane that the younger ones addressed if they needed or wanted anything. But she also might be like that at meal times when all of the adults are together, so that her aunts would be free to converse with the rest of us without any disturbance. I really couldn't be sure. One thing, I was starting to form somewhat of a theory about Jane of my own based on my memories of her in London and the little I have seen of her thus far in her own home.

I finally found myself alone with Jane after we had finished a pleasant breakfast meal and had been excused. She lead me through the main entrance way and towards the music room, the room that held the piano. After we entered I went to close the door and then thought I should ask Jane if she thought it would be alright that I did so. After her affirmative reply, I went ahead and did so, then joined her at the piano.

"Which would you like me to play first Miss Aus...excuse me...Miss Jane?" she asked of me politely.

"Oh it doesn't matter to me dearest, I should like to hear all that you have been practicing. You start where you want and play through all of them in whichever order."

After which I left her sitting at the piano and sat down in one of the chairs closest to her. What I heard amazed me...she had been good when I heard her in London, but she really had come quite far since then. I was more than impressed as she played song after song for me.

When at last she finished, I couldn't help but clap as I stood up and went over to her. "That was wonderful Jane! I can tell you worked very hard and diligently since I saw you in London last. You play beautifully!" An idea came into my head just then. "You know...we cannot...should not hide this talent of yours."

She looked at me questioningly. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that...maybe you should have a bit of recital."

Jane gasped at this, just as another idea came into my head. "Wait...the Christmas Ball. You should play at the Christmas Ball!"

"Oh...I don't know that I should..." Jane replied then I could see her practically biting her tongue and blush for I'm sure she felt she shouldn't contradict me.

I became thoughtful. I really thought she should do this. "You wouldn't have to actually make it like a recital...but what you could do is just play the piano when there is a break from the dancing...while people are milling about, visiting and when they are eating. It would be more like...background music. And...if it would make you feel any better, I could sit with you at the piano."

Jane didn't say anything at first, I could tell that she was thinking about it. Finally she said, "Miss Jane...I will do it that way if..." she stopped here.

"Yes?" I encouraged her.

"If...would you play a duet with me first?" She finally blurted out.

Now I was the surprised one. But...it was a good idea. Perhaps it would settle her nerves somewhat if we were to do a duet.

"That is a fine idea, I accept." I told her with a smile. "But...we should ask your father for his permission first to do this of course."

Jane looked visibly relieved at my answer as she agreed with me.

"And then...we shall have to pick out a piece that we both like and get to practicing it."

With this, we both left the music room to go in search of Tom whom we found in his study. He first looked up and then stood up as we entered.

"I trust the piano playing went well?" He asked of us.

"Oh quite well...very well indeed! In fact...that is why we have come..." I replied.

Tom looked at me in askance. "Yes?"

"I could tell that Jane has put a lot of hard work and effort into her practicing over the past few months. She plays beautifully. And it was my idea that her talent on the piano should be shown."

"In what way?" Tom now wore a slight frown on his face.

"At first I was thinking of a recital, but then I thought perhaps it would be better if she were to play a little bit at the Christmas Ball. Sort of background music when there is a break in the dancing. While people are visiting and eating. That way, she won't be.."on display", but could still be heard enough. We would like your permission for her to do so."

"And you think you would like to do this Jane?" Tom asked his daughter.

"Yes Father, I think I should...I think I should like to try."

"I have promised Jane that I will sit with her while she plays if she likes and she and I will also play a duet which of course we will need to take the time to learn."

Tom took a few minutes to think this over before answering, "Then you have my permission. We will have to arrange a time for the two of you to learn your song as well as continue practice for Jane."

Now he smiled at us both. He seemed to be genuinely pleased with this idea.

"She has been practicing in the afternoons after all of her schooling and activities are done for the day." Tom went on.

"If it would be alright, we could continue on with the same time. We may need a little extra time for our duet, although Jane has become so good at the other songs I have taught her, she won't need to really practice them as much, as long as she keeps up on them."

"Very well. Jane you may return to your studies now." Tom instructed. Jane bowed slightly to us and left the room.

"Thank you Tom, I really think this will be a good thing for Jane. You may not like the idea of putting her out in front of everyone like a show piece, but this way, she can show her talent without having to become the main focus of everyone's attention. She was reluctant to do it that way anyway, which is why I switched from the idea of a recital to having her play at the Christmas Ball. And now in hindsight, I believe the Christmas Ball would be the better idea of the two for Jane anyway, to not put her directly onto a stage in front of everyone, straight away."

"You read both myself and my daughter very well Jane and I appreciate it. You are correct in that I do not like the idea of her nor any of my children to be exposed while they are still children in this way. I want them to have as normal a childhood as is possible. There will be plenty of time when they are adults to take that route in life if they wish it."

"And I both agree and respect your wishes about that Tom. I also think this is good for Jane's social skills."

Tom frowned at me. "In what way do you mean Jane?"

"Forgive me Tom, but I feel that Jane has perhaps..."stifled" herself in that respect. Whether on purpose or subconsciously, I do not know. But I think that she feels caught between wanting to be more sociable yet feeling more comfortable just being amongst her siblings. She will be reaching that age where she should be wanting to go to balls..."

I noticed Tom's expression of mixed emotions as I said this, so I proceeded quickly, "Not in hopes of getting a husband...at least not yet, but for fun. For the experience. Balls are a part of life...and society. They play a big role in helping develop social skills. You don't want Jane to become the mother of her siblings...this is one way in which she can start to become the young lady she is not that long in becoming and should. I believe that Jane both desires to be a part of society yet she also fears it, so she uses the excuse that her brother's and sister's need her to be their mother in order to avoid it. And by playing at the Christmas Ball, it could be a start for her with both becoming more comfortable in society and overcoming the fear part of it."

Tom was silent for several minutes while he mulled over my analysis of his daughter. Then in a quiet voice, "She was definitely more sociable when Mary was alive..." He admitted softly.

My heart went out to Jane...and Tom, really. "Then you have my full support of this idea of yours, Jane." He agreed once again even more firmly than he had before.

"Thank you Tom, I'm sure you won't be disappointed." I flashed him a smile.

"Thank you Jane...for being so observant. And...everything." He smiled back at me.

"If you will excuse me then, I will leave you to your work now." I bowed slightly, with every intention of leaving the room.

**Tom:**

While Jane had been giving me her own thoughts on my oldest daughter, a funny notion was also starting to creep into my own mind...an idea that shocked me...and even shook me to my core...

When Mary was alive, everything was of course, normal with my family. But after her death...as I had told Jane, I had noticed my own daughter changing...becoming more serious and more like a mother to her younger siblings. But when Jane pointed out how she seemed to be more comfortable with mothering her own siblings than to be out in society like a young girl should...I couldn't help but wonder...was I in part or maybe even fully to blame for that? Had I, after Mary's death and seeing how Jane reacted, been too protective of her? Had I sheltered her too much to try and keep her from as much of the pain as possible? With Mary gone...had I...the idea was almost too much for me to bear...but...I forced myself to...with Mary gone...had I, in some subconscious way, wanted to somehow keep Jane from growing up so that one day, she too wouldn't leave me? And because of that, had I been the one who kept her so well protected? TOO well protected? Was I the one who had actually been "stifling" Jane's social skills so that she was starting to fear society and not wish to be a part of it? Again...so that she wouldn't leave me? I suddenly felt ill.

"Tom?" I heard a voice come from out of the recesses of my mind. "Tom! Are you alright?"

I looked up as I followed the direction of where the voice was coming from and realized that Jane had not left the room yet after all, her expression having turned to one of genuine concern as she quickly made her way over to me. "Tom! You've gone deathly white! Are you ill? Let me fetch you some water, you stay put."

Unable to speak, I pointed a slightly shaky finger to my water and glasses to Jane who very quickly and efficiently poured some, brought it over to me for which I took very gratefully some and gulped it down my suddenly dry throat, Jane dropping down onto her knees before me while I drank.

"Tom..." Jane finally spoke after several seconds of watching me closely, sounding a bit relieved and even had a bit of a smile playing on her lips. "There...you've got some colour back in your face now at least. Do you think you are ill or coming down with something perhaps?"

"No..." I was touched by her concern for me and replied in a bit of a shaky voice. "Jane..." I gulped as I spoke, "I have to ask you something...I need your opinion..."

"Of course Tom...what is it?" Jane asked gently, looking up into my face, still on her knees before me.

Taking a deep breath, in a quiet, subdued voice, I disclosed Jane the conclusion I had just discovered about myself to her.

"Oh Tom..." Jane started off when I had finished. "I think that you were...are just being a protective father of his daughter after she had lost her mother...and as you should. She is the oldest daughter after all and you said yourself how close she and her mother were. You saw the changes her mother's death brought on...it concerned you, I am sure. Perhaps you were being a little over protective, but I think you were acting in a fairly normal manner. However, you are going to have to "let her go" you do realize. You will have to accept the fact that one day there could very well be another man in her life who will take over from you and you will have to let her go."

After confessing my new found fear to Jane, I started feeling much better. And after listening to her, I knew she was right.

"I know." I agreed finally smiling weakly down at her. My "crisis" seemingly over, Jane now stood up and returned the smile.

"It's funny how it seems to be the fathers who have a harder time letting their daughters go. Mothers cannot wait to get their daughters out into society in order to find a suitable husband, preferably one well off, but fathers seem content to keep their daughters at home...at least until a man they feel is good enough for their daughter is found. At least in some cases. Perhaps not all, but in some."

I allowed a small chuckle to escape, thinking that she sounded quite right in her what she said. "Thank you, Jane." I said quietly.

"You're welcome Tom, of course. And now...I feel I can leave you to your work."

I nodded my head slightly, wishing I had a reason to keep her in my study for just a little while longer, but as I couldn't, I had to let her go. Gazing after her retreating form, I was still seeing her on her knees at the my feet and looking up at me with genuine concern both in her beautiful deep brown eyes and on her lovely face...Jane was not making it easy for me to have to wait...

**Jane:**

I left the room with one place in mind to go...his library. On the way there, I thought back to our little talk and Tom's "episode" which seemed to be the result of "shock". It had given me such a fright to see him go so deathly white in the matter of just seconds. He had looked fine when I was set to leave his office in the first place, but when his face had turned colour so drastically and so suddenly, it really gave my heart a turn. I was glad that I had been there and was able to help him overcome it.

"Poor Tom." I thought to myself. "He too is feeling the consequences of his wife's death with his own children." That idea though, was more proof to me how much he loved his family, how devoted he was to them. Even with a houseful of help between his sisters and servants, he was still feeling that it was not easy emotionally to bring up his children without their mother. This thought saddened me somewhat. "I must do whatever I can to help him out while I am here." I decided firmly. One thing, I was glad to see that in some ways, Tom was a lot like my own father with his children, being very kind, gentle and loving with them. I loved my father, he had always been encouraging of my writing. For that I will be forever grateful.

And with that thought, I found myself in his library where I spent the rest of the morning, looking over his books and even finding some that were appealing to me. I only took one for now though and thought how that lovely room Tom had given to me would also be a nice place in which to read in. Which reminded me...I should seek out Cassandra...although I was sure she would be with Henry and Eliza. I looked around the library and decided that I would sit and read for a bit in here first...

I hadn't realized the time when suddenly Cassandra had entered the library. "There you are, Jane!" Her voice startled me out of my reading. "It is time for our lunch!"

"Already?" I asked, surprised that the morning was almost gone.

"Yes! Is there where you hid yourself after you listened to Jane play?" She asked.

"Afterwards, we had a talk with Tom." I then filled her in on how I felt that Jane should play at the Christmas ball and how we had taken the idea to Tom. I left out the part about Tom having become briefly ill as I didn't think it was my right to tell her something that I felt was more personal for Tom. "I apologize. I was thinking of looking for you, but I had wanted to check out Tom's library and when I found this book I had only meant to read a bit of it, but became intrigued by it. What have you been doing this morning?"

"Henry, Eliza and myself have been keeping ourselves occupied in the sitting room that we were in last night. I thought I should write to mama and let her know that we have arrived safely."

"That was good of you Cassandra. I'm sure that she will be wanting to hear from us." I felt a bit guilty as that idea hadn't even occurred to myself.

"They sent me to find you, Jane so we really should make our way to the dining room."

"Yes, of course." I stood up and with my book, we left the library. As we passed the staircase, I told Cassandra that I should take the book I had found upstairs to our room. I told her that she could carry on to the dining room without me, but she said she would wait. I promised only to be a moment and flew up the stairs as quickly as I could, then returned to her in good time where we joined the rest in the dining room. All were there already. I felt guilty for having held them up.

"I do apologize for keeping you all waiting." I said straight away. "I went into your library Mr. Lefroy where I found a book and had only intended on reading a little bit, but found myself so immersed that the time slipped away on me."

Tom had stood up when we entered the dining room and answered while he seated us, "Do not worry about it Jane. I am happy to hear that you have found some reading material that interests you."

Once we were all seated, the blessing said, and we had started in on the food, Tom spoke to his children..and to his sisters.

"As there has been no snow or rain today..and the clouds are starting to break apart a bit, I think taking a walk might be would be an idea."

I noticed that his children seemed to like the idea of being able to get outside for their faces seemed to brighten at the mention of it. I also liked it. I had been hoping for the chance to have a walk on his land.

"Oh, I should very much like to take a walk on your grounds, Mr. Lefroy. Would it be alright if I join the children when they go on their walk? Perhaps they can show me around a bit. I should also like to see the river that runs across your land."

"I am sure the children wouldn't object to you joining us, Jane." Tom smiled at me.

Us? I first thought. Oh yes...Tom had told us that he sometimes will take part in the children's activities whenever he is able to. Looking at Tom's offspring, I could see that they were once again taken by surprise a little bit by my request.

"Oh please do join us, Jane!" Sarah now added in delight. "It would be so lovely to have you."

"Thank you Sarah. I am already looking forward to seeing more of this splendid place."

As we continued on with our meal and conversations, I could tell that Tom would look at me from time to time. I'm sure he was pleased that I had asked to join them. It was true, I was looking forward to the outing.

At the allotted time, Tom went around and gathered us all. As it turned out, Henry, Eliza and Cassandra had all decided to come along as well. Tom's children had already been gathered and were already in their outer-wear by the time we met them at the door.

"To save us time." Tom explained with a bit of a twinkle in his eye. "Instead of having all of us trying to get into everything at once."

I couldn't help but smile at that.

We were all one fairly big group that headed outside into what had become more of a sunny day, making the colours in the scene before us even more vivid. Once we were down the stairs and away from the house, the children seemed more at ease and almost at once, Anthony and the boys ran a little ways from the group and started at what looked to me like they were chasing each other, but soon I realized that Anthony was actually chasing all of them, each of the younger ones trying to protect themselves by either hiding behind another or even playfully pushing another into Anthony's path.

"Play fairly, Anthony!" Tom called after them. "Don't forget that you are bigger than they!"

I saw Anthony nod his head towards his father to let him know that he had heard him and understood, then slowed his running so as not to easily overtake his younger brothers. We all had stopped to watch the boys play who were now not only running but laughing as they tried to keep away from Anthony. I could see that Anthony was pretending to not be able to catch them but finally he caught the youngest, George. Then Anne couldn't seem to keep still any longer and she too ran and joined in the game.

"Come on Jane! "You join us too!" Anthony called out. At first I thought he was talking to me, until young Jane answered him.

"Not right now, Anthony."

I wondered if the reason why Jane had decided to not join in had something to do with her age...maybe she was starting to become that young woman...

We all watched and laughed at the five of them laughing and running. As we continued to watch, I started to see that once Anthony caught one, the one caught would team up with Anthony and also start to give chase on the rest. One by one, the boys were all caught which left only had Anne left whom I could see that having a bit of a harder time than the boys running in her dress. It was unfair to her, I thought, her being a girl, in a dress and having four boys after her. I couldn't help myself, I ran to where she was as I wanted to help Anne even though I was sure that Anthony at least was playing as fairly as he could. Anne was older than the older three boys, but it still wasn't fair, I didn't think.

I found myself getting caught up in the game, keeping Anne out of the reach of all of the boys and laughing as I did so, enjoying myself as much as the children. I was so caught up in having to keep an eye on all of the boys and keep Anne out of their way, that I jumped out of my skin when I suddenly felt hands clamp gently down on my own shoulders and simultaneously heard a soft "Got you!" right by my ear. I whirled around to see that it was Tom who had "got" me. I was so surprised that I could not say a word at first as I looked up into his laughing blue eyes. Realizing that it had been his hands that had been on my shoulders sent a tingling sensation surging through my body that I had not felt in 17 years...of course we had done the customary touching whenever he helped me either in or out of the carriage back in London (I didn't even know if it had been he or Henry who had helped me out of the carriage here at his home in Ireland, but I had a strong suspicion...) and whenever he had escorted me, but this time it was different...it was the same feeling I had felt whenever Tom and I had touched me during our..."courtship" 17 years ago...a sensation hard to describe. After I had left him all of those years ago, I had worked hard on making myself forget how it had made me feel every time we had touched during that time...and now...I almost believe that this time, that "tingling" feeling might have even become stronger now...

When I was able to finally pull myself away from him and found my wits again, I said lightly, "Mr. Lefroy...it is obvious that you do not play fairly yourself."

"I don't? And how so?" He asked.

"It is young Mr. Lefroy and the young boys who are giving chase, not yourself." I pointed out.

Tom's smile widened as he said, "Ah, but Miss Austen, you were not playing fairly either then as you were not part of the game when they started playing. You jumped into it nearly at the end of the game."

"Only to help Anne as I didn't think it was fair to have four boys against one girl who has a harder time running in a dress than a boy would in trousers. I was merely evening the odds a little bit for her."

"I see..." Tom replied thoughtfully.

"And you yourself jumped into the game at the end siding with the boys which once again lessened the odds I was trying to make for Anne."

"I did not join in to side with the boys though, Miss Austen."

"Oh?"

"No." He replied, those eyes of his, now seemed to be sparkling. "I was hoping to engage in a little game with you."

Now I was so surprised I couldn't think of what to say at first. Then finally after a few seconds, "Then you still were not playing fairly Mr. Lefroy as I did not know that you had started a game with me." I objected.

Tom first gazed at me with his half smile then bowed slightly in acknowledgement of my words and said, "You are right of course Miss Austen, I had not informed you of my intent. It was not fair of me."

"Mr. Lefroy..."I found myself unable to resist adding, "Had I known you were playing, I perhaps could have given chase after you." As soon as I spoke, I realized what those words could mean and wished them back immediately.

Tom expression became one of amusement at my words. "Yes...I guess you could have...if you had wanted to." I detected the double meaning behind his answer...I had hoped he wouldn't come to the same conclusion I had as soon as I had spoken them, but, it appeared he had after all. However, he didn't go on about it and perhaps he did it keep me from further embarrassment. If so, I had to be grateful to him for it. "But as I caught you we are on the same side now, so you can't give chase to me now." He finished.

During our exchange the boys had caught Anne thus ending the game-or so I would assume-so I took advantage of it as a way out of my own situation with Tom.

"As everyone has been caught, I should like to go and see the river now, if that is alright with you Mr. Lefroy."

Still wearing an amused expression, Tom replied, "That is fine with me Miss Austen, lead the way children, but mind you are careful down there, you know the rules regarding the riverbanks, especially when the ground is wet!" He ended rather sternly, clearly to make certain they remembered the dangers of a slippery riverbank. "Anthony, Jane I want you to both of you keep a good, firm watch of your younger siblings down there!" He added before a chorus of 'Yes, Father"'s were heard as they all acknowledged their father's warning, then ran off towards the river ahead of the rest of us. Only little Mary stayed with us now holding onto her father's hand, Tom not allowing his youngest daughter to go off with her brother's and sister's to the river. I couldn't say that I blamed him there.

"Will they really be alright without an adult down there to supervise them?" Eliza asked, surprised.

"They'll be fine." Tom replied full of confidence. "They have grown up here and have learned early on about the dangers of the riverbank...as well as that any misbehaviour of any kind by the river will be strictly dealt with. As we are right behind them, we will be there momentarily ourselves."

As we started off to follow the children, to my surprise I felt little Mary's mittened hand reach up and try to take my own into hers. I looked down into the sweet face and smiled at her realizing with a profound tenderness in my heart that this little thing most likely couldn't even remember her mother...and never would. Although, I had no doubt in my mind that Tom would make sure that she knew about her mother. I took the little hand into my own and when I looked up again, I noticed Tom was gazing at me with that expression that I still refused to allow my heart and mind accept in the way I wanted to interpret it...

It was lovely down by the river, I had noticed that there were trees scattered here and there along the river bank on either side. One day before we left, I knew I would have to take a walk along this river, in either direction and see where it would take me. But for now, I couldn't concentrate on it fully as I was doing all I could do to keep my mind from wandering back to Tom and our exchanges since coming outside this afternoon...


	20. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19:**

**Jane:**

The days were slipping by pleasantly enough, in the mornings while the children were at their studies, Cassandra and myself would quite often find ourselves in the "writing room" working this time on a story we agreed to call, "_The Elliots"_ , or in Tom's library reading or spending time with Henry and Eliza, both of them being interested in my next writing project as well. We included them in on it and let them help us out with their own opinions.

The afternoons I spent a fair amount of them joining in with the children, Sarah and Tom with their physical activities. We went outside as often as we possibly could but of course there were days when we had to use the big room on the main level. I could see that the children preferred to be outdoors during this time as they were limited inside, even in this big empty room...and they knew to be more careful in it. However, we still managed to play a variation of the chasing game I had joined in on that first afternoon, and other games such as Blind Mans Bluff where Tom volunteered to be the Blind Man trying to "find" us all, everyone breathless and laughing by the end.

After the physical part of our day, is when Jane and myself went to the music room and worked our both her solo piano pieces-which, because she had done so much practicing after we had left London, didn't really need a lot of work done on them-and the piece we decided we would do as our duet at the Christmas Ball. As Jane didn't need to practice as much on her solo pieces I decided to start her playing some Christmas music which I had promised her we would play just for her family and which we could play on Christmas Eve and/or Christmas Day. It was during this time that I found out about her unusual middle name, "Christmas". One would assume that she must have been born on or very near Christmas, but I learned that her birthday is June 24th, which is exactly 6 months before Christmas Eve Day and Christmas was her mother Mary's favourite holiday.

To round out the day and evening, there was tea, dinner and the nightly reading which, I would sometimes read..or Jane, or Anne...or a little less often, one of the older boys...and even Tom would do his share as well. It was during one of these nights that I found little Mary coming over to me, much to my surprise and make herself comfortable in my lap. I caught Tom's expression when this had happened the first time...it was unmistakable...I had to look away because I still was having a hard time wanting to accept the look on his face...in his eyes. The children too seemed to be becoming more comfortable with me around and whenever I read, instead of lining up rather rigidly in front of me, they gathered more closely around me in more of a casual semi circle.

After one of Jane's and my piano practices, Tom met us outside the door of the music room. "I wish to speak to Miss Jane for a moment, please." He addressed his daughter who left the room quickly.

"Jane..." he spoke as he entered the room. "I hope it's not too much to ask of you, but it seems that Anne has now become interested in learning to play the piano and wishes that you could teach her as well. I said that I would have to ask you but that she must respect your decision."

"Oh Tom...I...I could...I have never taught anyone right from the beginning, but...I suppose I could try. However, as Jane and myself must keep on practicing until the Christmas Ball...I wonder if she would mind waiting until after it before starting in on her own lessons? I will be more than happy to try then, but for now, I don't know that I have enough time. I hope that is alright."

"That is fine Jane, I understand. I will explain it to Anne who will have to be patient."

"I do hope she will understand Tom."

"I'm sure she will. I think she will be happy to know that you will give her some lessons. And now..." Tom offered me his arm which I took. "It is time for our tea."

With the days passing in a this manner, I was finding it quite easy to "fit in" and become used to the daily ritual of the Lefroy house-hold...and in fact finding myself quite enjoying it...which was the double edged sword. As like in London, I knew I would have to depart from this one day, which saddened me. But as Cassandra had also told me, that morning I had showed her the room that Tom had "given" me, to not think about the end, but to enjoy the days there. I had to continue to just take each day as they came and enjoy them all to the fullest and NOT think about the day that will come that will take us...me away from here. And there was still so much that was to happen with the Christmas Ball and Christmas itself which were both fast approaching...

I awoke on December 16th, the day of my birth to a delightful but rare sunny winter day in Ireland. As birthdays are generally quietly observed and only my family, that is Cassandra, Henry and Eliza, are the only ones here who would know about it, I did not expect anything special and that was fine with me. If I enjoyed the day, that was all that I wanted of it, I didn't require anything more. And as I had been enjoying our visit on the whole, there was no reason to believe that today should be any different.

"Happy birthday, sister dear!" Cassandra greeted me with a smile as soon as she was awake.

"Hush Cass!" I teased her with a smile.

Cassandra knew that I would not like it if my birthday were ever found out by the Lefroy house-hold and most especially by Tom. But I could not resist teasing her a bit when she had greeted me, even though I knew she was being quiet. She laughed lightly at me and I joined in. I could already feel that it was going to be a pleasant day. I had previously made Henry and Eliza promise that they were NOT to say anything about it being my birthday, they were not to bring it up out loud to anyone. Even though Henry can be a tease at times, he knows enough not to push me and this time he did realize that I was being completely serious when I said that I did not want anyone outside of our family to know about today. Even Cassandra and Eliza had sided with me against Henry for which I was truly grateful. I knew then that he would not break that promise, so I felt I could go about the day without any worries about my birthday being found out. Plus, it was little Mary's 4th birthday in only 3 days and I felt the focus should be on her, not myself.

And indeed the day passed on as pleasantly as it always had, but as the sun was shining that morning, I could found I could not stay in the writing room...nor even the library. I had to be outside in the sun.

"Cass!" I exclaimed suddenly, causing my sister to jump slightly. Even though it was lovely in the writing room with the sun shining in, I was restless. "Let us you and me go and take a walk by the river this morning instead of writing. I cannot seem to concentrate on it anyway and I think a walk would do me some good in my thinking of it. And in fact, I won't think about it for awhile. Perhaps what I need is a break from it."

"Of course Jane. That sounds like a fine idea. I think I could use a walk as well." Cassandra agreed. "The break will do us both some good."

It wouldn't be the first time that I had taken a walk down by the river, although there had not been very many days since arriving in which I could take a pleasant walk, but I had managed to get a couple of walks in, none the less. And today, as it was sunny, I was going to take full advantage of it.

We made ourselves ready, let Henry and Eliza know what we were doing and checked the time to give us an idea of how long we should be, then left. I fairly skipped down the stairs and towards the direction of the river, Cassandra having to walk quickly in order to keep up with me.

"Slow down Jane! We have a plenty of time!" She begged me to which I did. She was right. I shouldn't hurry such a lovely walk. I did as she asked and slowed down.

We continued our walk amicably towards the river and then once we had arrived, followed it some ways down, through the Lefroy property, over a couple of hillocks and passed trees and bushes. We came to rest at a spot that had become one of my favourites along the river. I liked that it lay between two hillocks and a huge tree was right on the riverbank, hanging over the river. I could imagine how lovely it must be in the summer here. I liked it because I felt it could be a place of refuge if I ever wanted to come here on my own sometime...if I ever needed a place in which I wanted or needed to be on my own to think as no one would be able to see me here unless they were looking for me. I suddenly stopped myself with my thinking here. I really shouldn't be allowing myself to think of such fanciful ideas when I wasn't always going to be here. I realized that it had been wrong of me to think of this lovely spot as my own special place on Tom's property...

But then it was my birthday, I told myself stubbornly. If no other day, I should come here today and allow myself to think of it as my place and enjoy it for a short time with my sister, which we did. I linked my arm with hers and we laughed and talked of anything but _"The Elliots"_ and of Tom. We talked of things that we would normally talk of at home. We talked of our mother and wondered how our brother James and his family were managing with our mother. I almost started to feel guilty about that, but then I reminded myself that Cass and myself had always lived with and had been looking after our mother. We were entitled to have our time away from her as well. After a bit of time, we reluctantly started to make our way back to Tom's house.

The rest of the day passed by as normally as it always does and by our own bedtime, I had spent my birthday enjoying the day, which is all I wanted. As I went to follow my sister out of the library and to our room, I felt a hand gently touch my shoulder.

"Jane...I wish to speak with you for a moment if I might." Tom voice said softly. I nodded to Cassandra to go ahead, I would be upstairs shortly, then Tom did something unexpected...he shut the door behind Cassandra.

"Jane...I have something I wish to ask of you." He started off as he turned towards me. He seemed to be having a hard time finding the right words in which to begin. He paced the room a little bit first before, "Jane...the Christmas Ball is only a week away...and...I wish for...that is...I would like it if you...I would really like for you to be by my side when greeting our guests as they arrive." He finally got out.

I stared at Tom in astonishment. I had not expected this. "Not as "Jane Austen, Authoress", I want to stress that." He continued quickly.

He knew me too well. I had been about to object to his offer for that very reason. This is when I noticed that he had stopped pacing and had stood right in front of me. He took a deep breath before he resumed. "But as my fianc e..."

Now I really was dumbfounded. I couldn't speak. I needed to sit. Tom seemed to realize this and as he had done in London, he gently guided me to a settee, sat me down and then sat down beside me.

Now that he had it out in the open, Tom seemed to find it easier to speak himself. "I cannot hold this in any longer Jane...I told you back in London that I never stopped loving you. That was true then and is still true. If anything, spending the time that we have together, both in London and here, I have come to love you even more since that day in London if that is at all possible. I have been observing you with Jane first in London and now here again in Ireland. Not only with Jane but with my other children as well and you seem to..."belong" here with all of us. I've been both watching my children and talking with them...my children adore you Jane...I adore you...I want you by my side...always...as my wife...as Mrs. Tom Lefroy."

I thought I was still at a loss for words, but somehow I managed to get them out, although it sounded like my voice was coming from another part of the room as it sounded far away. "But what of your family, Mr. Lefroy...I...I mean...your uncle..." I found my mouth felt a bit dry as I spoke.

"Who is no longer alive, don't forget Jane. And even if he were, I have not depended upon him for nearly 17 years. After Mary and myself married, I no longer needed his help. And I now have established myself as a lawyer here, Jane. People come to me when needing a lawyer or legal advice. I do not depend upon anyone but myself."

"But...the Lefroys, Tom...they never were in favour of a union between you and me." I tried to point out.

Tom frowned. "I don't understand who you mean?"

"If your uncle did not approve then surely there are others in your family who would not either."

"My uncle was not a Lefroy, Jane...he was a Langlois, on my mother's side. He was in fact my mother's uncle...my great uncle."

But I remained obstinate. "But still...Tom...he was a blood relative of yours."

"Jane...you never met any of other Lefroys aside from my Aunt Anne and Uncle George. I believe that my parents would have liked you had they lived to meet you. I also firmly believe that my brothers and my sisters whom you haven't met but will at the Christmas Ball will also like you. But even if they didn't, it wouldn't matter to me because I love you and I want to marry you...and there isn't ANYTHING that ANYONE can do to stop us this time. I can finally provide for both of us Jane, give you the life you deserve. The life I WANT to give you...the one I could not give you 17 years ago, but can now. Please. Let me Jane..." Tom looked at me so imploringly it almost hurt my heart to look at him...yet, I could hardly look away. I wanted...oh yes, I wanted what he offered, but I was still so afraid...

I felt Tom's hands gently take mine in his, a gesture that both astonished me and started to melt that part of my heart that had been trying so hard for so long to keep Tom away from reaching it. "I understand that you are afraid because of what happened the last time..." He said very quietly.

That did it, I now felt tears gather in my eyes but I would do my best to not make them fall...they couldn't...

"Jane...do you believe in fate?" Tom asked of me, gently. But he didn't wait for an answer for he went on. "I do. I truly believe that we had been given a second chance the moment we saw each other last summer in London. After we had our chance to talk privately, I knew right at that moment that I was going to ask you to marry me. It was part of the reason why I had invited you to stay with me there. I was not going to let you go and let you walk out of my life again after that...I could not. I felt that it was meant to be for us. I no longer was being depended upon, I am a successful lawyer who relies solely on myself. I could provide for you...and I was...am still in love with you. I feel that you are too. You have not told me so in words, but you have in actions. You need not have accepted my offer to stay at my place in London nor come all this way for Christmas...yet...you did. That tells me something." Tom stopped here to catch his breath.

"Do you remember Jane...17 years ago when you asked me at my uncle's in London if you could really have all of this? I asked you what you meant and you said, "You.." meaning me and a life with me. And during Wisley's Ball in the garden, I told you that I was yours heart and soul. I still am Jane. I always have been and I always will be."

As Tom had been speaking these words a lump was starting to form in my throat and finally the tears that I had been trying to blink away started to roll down my cheeks. I was mortified at myself that I had been unable to stop them.

"Oh Jane..." Tom whispered. I now felt his hands gently cup my face and his thumbs gently wipe at the tears on my cheeks, a gentle, caring gesture which caused them to fall a bit faster. "Dearest Jane..." He repeated still whispering...this time I felt something very lightly touching the top of my forehead... Then he brought his face level with mine and looked me right in the eye. I now allowed myself to see the love in them. With the feel of Tom's soft touch on my face wiping at my tears, with what I hesitate to interpret as a very light kiss on my forehead, with the obvious look of love in his eyes...I was lost to him once again. My heart was once again stolen by Tom Lefroy.

"I love you" Tom continued as if he felt he had to make sure that I understood his love for me. "I believe I have always loved you...from the beginning of time. And shall always love you even after our bones have turned to dust beneath the earth's surface. For eternity Jane, I shall love you."

Looking into Tom's eyes, I now noticed that Tom's eyes had also become damp with emotion as he said these words to me. Then he started to fumble around in his pockets, searching...for a handkerchief for me...or perhaps for even himself, or for both of us I assumed.

Finally, his hands locating what they had been looking for, he produced it front of me...my mind for some reason unable to register what it was...what it wasn't, was a handkerchief. Tom opened a small box, then I gasped. "Please say you will marry me Jane...and make me the happiest man alive."

It was a beautiful, elegant, dainty gold ring with a simple, tiny, sparkling diamond in it's center.

"Tom...it's...perfect..." I was managed to whisper, unbelieving. Perfect was almost an understatement in my mind. It was lovely. Beautiful. Stunning. Exquisite. I didn't know if I deserved such a fine piece of jewelry.

"I actually bought it while I was still in London and after Jane had gone back home..."

I stared at Tom. He had bought this ring last summer?

"As I already told you, I knew after we had our first talk in London that I was going to ask you to marry me. Then after you had spent a couple of weeks at my place there, there was not a doubt in my mind. I would have asked you in London to marry me but I knew that you needed time Jane. I knew that I could not...should not rush you about it. That's in part why I asked you to come to Ireland for Christmas. And in fact, I was going to propose to you on Christmas Day but I found that I could wait no longer. I know today is your birthday..." He finished off softly.

My expression must have looked like one of pure amazement, but I couldn't speak.

"Henry told me..."

Henry told him? I was going to kill Henry! He promised!

"BUT...that was before he told me that you did not want anyone here to know." Tom went on quickly. "After you had told him that you didn't want anyone to know about your birthday, he quickly came to me and made sure that I knew that. And I have kept that promise Jane. But when I found out that today was your birthday and I didn't think I could wait until Christmas Day before I proposed to you, I decided that your birthday would be the perfect time to ask you."

I guess then I couldn't fault Henry...and Tom hadn't said anything to anyone else...

"Please Jane..." Tom pleaded with me, still holding the ring up in his fingers. "Please say you will become my wife..."


	21. Chapter 20

**_This past week or so turned out to be busier than I thought it would again, hence it taking a bit longer for me to get this chapter posted! _**

**_Just so you know, I DO know exactly where I am going with this story but sometimes I don't find the time to get it typed up within a week, but I will continue to try and get at least one chapter up per week. Have patience if it happens to take me a bit longer some weeks than others..it IS coming, lol! _****_;-D_**

_**I just want to take this time once again to say thanks to all of you who have and continue to support me and my "Becoming Jane" story! And to say "Welcome" to those who have just joined it! Your support means a lot to me! THANK YOU!**_

* * *

**Chapter 20:**

**Jane:**

I looked at the ring, then I looked at Tom. So many emotions were running through me once again. I wanted to say yes, I really did. I did my best to clear my head because I wanted to think about this before I gave him my answer. In hopes that it would help me in that way, I stood up and moved about the room, Tom looking after me all the while.

"Do you love me Jane?" Tom now asked. It was a question so unexpected that I came to a sudden stop in my pacing and turned to face him. Did I love him? After months...no...years of telling myself that I was over him, after everything that had happened when we met up in London...after his sweet, loving, caring, gentle gestures tonight, there was no doubt that I did. Still did. I had never stopped loving him...

Now he got up and came over to where I was standing. His expression was one of complete seriousness. "Can you look me straight in the eye and tell me that you don't love me, Jane? That you don't feel anything for me?" This statement surprised me even more. "If you can...then...this will be the end of it. I will have to let you go..." Tom's eyes started to look damp again, this time it would be because of sadness...of that I have no doubt.

"No...no Tom. I cannot look you straight in the eye and tell you I don't love you." I admitted. Tom's whole expression changed quite drastically at my words. Almost like the sun breaking out after days of grey skies. "I do...I do love you. I won't deny it to myself any longer. But...Tom. Before I accept your ring...there are some things we should talk about first."

"Of course, by all means. Anything." His relief was quite visible on his face and in his voice as he eagerly agreed. "What is it you wish to talk about?"

"First off...my writing..."

"What about it?"

"If I marry you, I am not going to give up my writing."

"I never ever dreamed that you would and I would never make you give it up." Tom frowned slightly in puzzlement as he replied to this. "Of course you are going to continue to write. That room upstairs...that is yours, I gave it to you so that from now on you would have a place in which you could continue to do your writing."

"What about Mrs. Radcliffe?"

"Who?"

"Mrs. Radcliffe...the authoress you introduced me to 17 years ago. You knew her husband."

"What about her?"

I took a deep breath. "When I visited her, I asked her how people felt about her, a woman being an writer of the kind of stories that she wrote...and...she said that she seemed to be respected and accepted by people but that...that it was her husband who seemed to have lost the respect of some people. That people were having a hard time accepting that a man's wife was making money at writing. That she shouldn't have to write books and make money when she has a husband to provide for her."

"I see...and you are worried that the same thing might happen with us? To me? If we marry and you continue to write?"

I nodded my head slightly. "Yes."

"Let me tell you something about the Radcliffe's and their situation, Jane. When they married, neither one came from a well off family. Neither were poor, but neither were really very wealthy either. Mr. Radcliffe wanted to become a lawyer, but it costs money to study law. Money that they could not easily afford. Mrs. Radcliffe had always written, strictly as a hobby. She knew how much her husband wanted to become a lawyer, so she offered to try selling her writing to newspapers in hopes to make some money and save it for his education. Neither really expect very much to come of it, but her stories did get published in the papers and then much to their surprise, she was notified by a publishing company who was interested in publishing her writing into books. Of course they realized that this would mean more money for them and Mr. Radcliffe would be able to get his degree in law. What they didn't foresee once he graduated was that not many people would have much faith in a lawyer who's wife was earning the income in their house. He practices, but he doesn't get the clientele he deserves. He's a good lawyer, as good as they come. But because it was Mrs. Radcliffe who was providing for them at one time, people get the impression that he is not good enough."

"But that is so sad! And quite unfair!" I exclaimed a bit angry at the prejudice of society but also feeling sorry for both Mr. and Mrs. Radcliffe. It should not be this way. He should be able to do be the lawyer he wants to be and make a success of it and she should be able to write for everyone's enjoyment.

"Yes, it is. It is very unfair, but you can't change the way society in general thinks. Anyway Jane, the point is, that is not how it is for you and me. You are already an established writer and I am already an established, successful lawyer. We will not be dependant upon any earnings from your writings. It won't matter that you are a writer, Jane. I promise you."

"I believe you. I didn't know the circumstances surrounding the Radcliffe's situation." I admitted.

"Of course not. How could you? For obvious reasons, it is never talked about. They continue to keep a very low profile life."

I nodded my head in understanding. Another thought had come to me while we had been talking about the subject of writing. "To continue on with this subject then, Tom...as, with your blessing, I am to continue on with my writing if we were to marry, another thing has occurred to me. I would not want to change my name...at least not for anything I publish. As you said so yourself, I have established myself as a writer and as I have only written under my own name of "Jane Austen", I think it would be wise to keep my name as such...again for any published writings I may have in future as...your wife." I was finding it rather odd to say the words, "..your wife" and most especially to Tom. Not that it wasn't pleasant...just...very foreign to me at the moment. But I hope that foreign feeling wouldn't last for too long.

"I wouldn't expect anything else, Jane. I have no objection for you to continue to use "Jane Austen" as your pen name at all." Tom smiled at me.

"Then Tom...there is the matter of children."

"Children?" Tom asked with a surprised look on his face.

"Yes. Tom...I don't want to have any children. Please, hear me out before you say anything in protest. First off, you already have seven children whom I have become very fond of. I really have become quite attached to them. And even though I realize I can still bear children, at this stage of my life, I do not wish to have any...and for various reasons. I feel that I am getting too old to start having a family for one. For another, my sister Cassandra once pointed out to me how I have a distaste for lying-in. She is right, Tom. It WOULD drive me mad to have to lay about for who knows how many weeks after giving birth. I really would have no patience for it. But lastly and possibly the most important reason...it frightens me Tom. Not the babies or children, I have enough nieces and nephews in my family, but the birthing. I have lost three sister's in laws to it and you have lost a wife. It is very common for women to die in child birth and I would be afraid that after all that of this time, you and I would finally get together, I would end up in the family way almost straight away only to have it end in death for me while giving birth, thus separating us once and for all. It might sound rather funny when I put it this way, but that would be our luck, wouldn't it Tom."

I almost expected to hear a laugh from Tom...or at least a chuckle when I said that last sentence. But as I heard nothing, I looked at Tom to see him gazing at me with the most serious expression on his face that I think I have ever seen on him. There was not even the slightest hint of amusement on his face nor even in his eyes. "Of course you are right Jane." I heard him agreeing with me softly. "I don't want to take the chance of losing you now after all of this either."

I breathed a sigh of relief, then went on to finish off the matter, "Perhaps it is selfish of me to think in this way, but I would not want to leave you with a newly born baby Tom if the baby were to survive but I also do not like the idea of not getting the chance to see my own child grow up."

"I completely understand Jane. You need not explain it to me." He assured me.

Of course I shouldn't need to, I suddenly thought. Mary had left him with seven children after all...

After a moment of silence, Tom spoke up again, "But Jane...staying on the subject of not having children...please...forgive me...but...I must ask you this...the intimate part of our relationship..." Tom's voice trailed off here as I felt the heat rush up into my face. His words astonished me to the point that I could not speak. There was nothing I could think of to say to his bold statement.

"Jane...that part of a relationship..." He started of very gently. "It doesn't have to be only about...children...and having a family."

Now I was really having trouble thinking...

"It is also about being in love...and expressing that love you have for one another...in a physical manner..." He stopped here.

Aha! This did make me think of something to say in reply...finally. I drew myself up tall, "Then by your own definition Mr. Lefroy, you have "been in love" with several women and all around the same time, if my memory serves me correctly." I was unable to resist this rather wicked reply, referring to that one time just before he and I had met. I was aware enough about his "loose behaviour" previous to our introduction to know what kind of man he had been.

"I am not proud of that time in my life Jane." He answered quite seriously again, his face very serious...but I thought I could still detect a faint twinkle in his eye. "I offer you no excuse other than I was a very foolish young man who was rebelling against the pressures of having to be the sole provider of my large family. Something I was not ready for. But you changed me Jane...you changed my ways and my thinking. You made me realize that there was something better for me."

That reply...I had not expected...I could sympathize with him having to deal with the pressure of having to help provide for his family. I could understand that from his point of view. But that I had been the one who had changed his ways...that was unexpected. I had not realized that.

"And yes...what I had done back then...that was not love. It is not an act of love when you are not in love with the person." Tom finished off. "I will never force you Jane, I love you and respect you too much to do that to you. But I hope in time you will become comfortable with the idea of...the intimate part of love. If you are concerned that a child might be the result of it, let me assure you that it doesn't have to happen...there are ways to prevent it."

I was truly grateful for Tom's words. As he had proposed to me only moments earlier I hadn't even had the chance to think about it until Tom boldly brought it up. Now I was suddenly aware of how unsure I would feel about the conjugal part of our marriage. I had no experience in that at all. And I think because of that, I would feel more concerned with disappointing Tom in that way. But as he said those words to me, I felt more assured that it would be alright. When the time came. After all, Tom knew that I wouldn't have the experience. He would understand. And...I would never admit this to anyone else except myself of course, but...I was curious...a brief memory of when Cassandra became engaged to Robert came to me at this point...I confess that I had been teasing her mercilessly about this very thing and had practically begged her to tell me all about "conjugal duties" when they happened so that when I got married I could decide if would want to undertake them myself...I also won't deny that I was relieved that he knew how to prevent a child coming from it...as well as relieved that he agreed that we did not need to have any (more) children...

Quickly, I thought I had better bring myself out of this train of thought. "What of your practice in London, Tom?" I now asked out of curiosity, wondering how long he would have to be going back and forth. Would he be spending months at a time after we married, away from home still? Would I be expected to accompany him there or would I stay here?

"After everyone left London and I knew that I was going to propose to you, I looked hard and diligently until I was able to find someone to take over so that I would be able to live here permanently in Ireland again. With you and my family. I'm free to be here all of the time now Jane."

"That is wonderful that you were able to find someone so quickly, Tom."

"I did look hard though. I never gave up until I found whom I'm sure is the right person." He smiled.

"Tom...I do have one more thing I would like to ask...if it's not too personal."

"I'll try to answer it."

"In London...you were still wearing your wedding ring..."

Tom looked at me, took a deep breath and then replied. "Yes..." he started off quietly. "I did. You see Jane, after Mary died, there was only one other lady for me...and I never thought I would ever see her again. So...I kept my ring on to show everyone that I was 'unavailable'. It was the easiest way to deal with it. My wife was dead and if I couldn't have you, I wanted no one else. I was not...am not interested in anyone else..." his voice trailed off here momentarily.

I felt my eyes get damp again.

"You may have noticed that I no longer wear the ring. I took it off as soon as I came back to Ireland in hopes that another one would replace it."

There was a few seconds of silence as I didn't know how to respond to his words.

"Do you accept my offer Jane?" He now asked.

There was one last thing I had to say...gathering my composure once again, I straightened my back and said, "There is just one more thing Mr. Lefroy...if I accept your proposal I want you to understand that I will NOT change for you. I will still be as independent, as stubborn, as spirited and as challenging as I ever was. Maybe even more so." NOW was he still willing to marry me? His reaction to my statement would tell me...

And...it did. Even more than I had expected it would. For to my genuine amazement, Tom laughed. He didn't chuckle, he laughed out loud at this and before I could ask him what he found so amusing, he said. "My dearest Jane of all Janes! You had better not change at all for I would not want to marry you if you did change as you would not be the Jane I fell in love with! I not only expect you to NOT change, I wish for you to NEVER change at all! I love you just the way you are Jane, for you and all of your wonderful traits."

Now I was at a complete loss for words. When I could speak, all I could say in a subdued and rather shaky voice was, "Then...I accept..."

Looking at me with a most beautiful smile on his face, Tom held up the ring again and this time, without even hardly thinking, I held my left hand out and allowed him to slip it on, feeling the coolness of it against my finger. I gazed down at the most beautiful piece of jewelry I had ever owned, thinking that it couldn't possibly be my hand that was now bearing that ring.

I felt Tom gently lifting my chin, making me look into his blue eyes. I could see the happiness not only in his smile, but in his eyes as well. It was hard for me to believe that I was the reason for such happiness. As for myself, it suddenly occurred to me that after all of these years of trying to forget Tom, of forgetting that he existed, that my heart had ever loved him...that I was now free to feel what I HAD felt all of those years ago...and the way I still do. That I was free to love Tom the way I had, the way I wanted to, the way I was capable of. It was almost incomprehensible to me.

"Have you been happy here? With me?" Tom asked me.

I had been...but I could only nod the affirmative.

"Then I promise I will always try to make you happy Jane...I want you to be happy here."

"I'm sure I will be happy here with you...and your family Tom..." I managed to say softly, overcome with emotion as I was.

That's when it happened. The first time in 17 years when we had kissed in Wisleys' garden during their ball and after Tom had come back and forced a kiss on me after I had learned that he had become engaged. The first one had been sweet, the second one, not so much as I had been hurt and bewildered by his action...and angry that he dare to do such a thing while he was betrothed to another... But this one had to be the sweetest one of them all that also sent sensations surging through my body like no other touch of Tom's had ever done. It left me quite breathless...And afterwards, as Tom gently put his arms around me I melted into them where we stayed just like that, neither talking, just enjoying each other without words...

**Tom:**

As time had gone on and I could tell every day that Jane and my family were getting along splendidly much to my delight of course and seemed to be getting more fond of each as well, she was making it harder for me to keep me waiting on the one important question I had planned on asking her since I had first seen her in London. I had Christmas Day originally picked out in which to ask, but suddenly it seemed too far away. I honestly didn't think I could wait that long.

The first afternoon after the Austen's had arrived when Jane had joined in to help Anne avoid being caught against the boys, I was thrilled to see her become involved with the game and my children and so quickly! She seemed to be enjoying the game as much as the children had been. After several minutes of just watching her, I was finally unable to restrain myself from joining in and purposely set out to "catch" her. And not because of the game. I knew that I was not following the rules by doing so, but I was unable to resist the temptation. I admit that I had done it partly in fun and to get her attention, but also perhaps because I knew that she would find objection to it.

When Jane had started joining in pretty much all of our physical activities and gaining my children's friendship was when I felt that Christmas was just too far away. I had to ask her as soon as possible. Since inviting the Austen's to our place for Christmas, I had pictured Jane by my side greeting guests as they arrived at our Christmas Ball. I realized that Jane would not have wanted to be introduced as "Jane Austen, Authoress", so I would have introduced her as "Jane Austen, a good friend of mine" or "...a good friend of the family." But when I knew that I could no longer wait until Christmas Day, the idea of being able to introduce her as "my fianc e", was another idea that took hold of me and would not let go.

Henry, whom I had confided in back in London once again helped me out when I had explained my situation to him. He let me know when Jane's birthday was which settled it. I was going to propose to her on her birthday. Knowing it was her birthday, the idea of at least having a special dinner and desserts that day I didn't think would be out of the question, but then Henry rushed to me one day not long before it and explained how Jane had made him, Eliza and Cassandra PROMISE not to tell ANYONE about her birthday. That she wished to spend it in a nice, quiet, normal manner. She did not want any special treatment or attention whatsoever. Somehow, this did not surprise me about Jane, although I admit I was a bit disappointed that she did not wish to celebrate it with us knowing about it. But, if that was how she wished to spend her birthday, then I would do as she wished. The day would pass as quiet and as normal as it always did. However...I WOULD have something special for her after all that night...

I was not at all surprised that Jane should have some objections to our marriage. I realized that she would also have some fears about it, especially considering what had happened 17 years ago. This prompted an emotional speech from myself explaining to Jane EXACTLY how I had been feeling about her since I we had first met in London. It was clear that Jane was also becoming emotional which I took to heart.

I had been fully prepared for her objections and questions as well as some of her conditions of our marriage. However I admit that I was still taken aback when she brought up the idea of having children. Of course once she explained her fears to me, I completely understood where she was coming from. There is always a risk of death with childbirth. As Jane had pointed out, she could die with her first lying-in and she was not willing to take that risk. As much as I would love for Jane to bear at least one child of mine, I had to agree with her. It was not a risk I was willing to take either after finding each other again and getting together at last after all of these years. When the time came, I would make sure that we would not have to worry about it...

But I also understood that Jane, never being married might feel a bit awkward about that part of our marriage. I was completely honest with her when I had said that I would never force her as I know too well that the common thought of men in regards to the conjugal part of a marriage is that it is a man's right to take his wife whenever he wants to, no matter if their wives want it or not, no matter how they feel. I have come to feel and believe differently about that matter myself. I have learned over the years the difference between taking a woman when she wants it and when she doesn't. I far prefer it when she does. I vowed to myself that I would be kind, gentle, patient and understanding with her when I "show" her how sweet and beautiful physical love can be...

When Jane finally accepted my proposal and I could finally slip the "long awaited" ring on her finger, the feeling I had was one of pure elation. I felt I was in my right then, to do what I had been longing to do at least since I had seen her in London. And that was to kiss her sweetly, gently and lovingly. I thought I knew what to expect I would feel when I kissed her after all of these years, but what I did end up feeling went above and beyond that...it was indescribable. Any words I could think of would not do it justice. And then to have her allow me to hold her like she did afterwards left me unable to speak. But words did not seem necessary as we stayed like that just enjoying being with each other...


	22. Chapter 21

**CHAPTER 21:**

**Jane:**

"Tom...?" I was finally the one who broke the silence, but I wanted to know..."Have you have a date in mind? In which we should get married?" The whole idea seemed like a dream to me.

"How about right now?" Came Tom's surprise reply.

"NOW?" Was my more than astonished reply.

"Why not? Jane if I could find a clergyman who would be willing to make a house call at this hour of night and for a wedding, I would not hesitate." Tom told me in a tone of uncertain terms. Then with a bit of a chuckle he said, "I would wake up the whole household for it in fact! But..." here he became a bit serious as he went on with a bit of a sigh. "As that is impossible, I will have to settle for as soon as possible. I really should and would like to speak to my children about this first. And my sisters of course. And I expect that you would probably want your mother to be here for it..."

This time it was me who laughed. "What?" Tom asked with puzzled smile on his own face. "What did I say?"

"You do not know my mother." I started off explaining. "Yes, of course she would dearly love to be here for the wedding...she would want to see with her own eyes my getting married. Otherwise, she might have a hard time believing it. Yet...on the other hand she would want me to get married as soon as possible before anything should happen to prevent it. As Cassandra, Henry and Eliza are all here to witness it, I am sure that it would be enough to convince her of it's validity."

"And how do you feel about it? Would you want to wait until your mother can be notified and give her the chance to get here for it?" I saw the eagerness in Tom's eyes and realized that the eagerness was in hopes that we would not have to wait for my mother...but I knew he was too kind to express his feelings. He would do what I wanted.

"No, it is not necessary, Tom. I expect that my mother might be a little angry or disappointed at first, but once she realizes that it has happened, she will be grateful."

"Perhaps we should visit her after we are married...or have her here for a visit. To make up for it." Tom suggested.

"We can consider one or the other of the ideas." I agreed vaguely as I didn't know if I liked either one of them but I had to agree with Tom that we should most definitely do one of them to make up to her for it. "As we won't be getting married tonight, have you another date in mind, Tom?" I asked returning to the original question.

"How about Christmas Day as that was the day I had intended on proposing to you on...or even Christmas Eve? I would marry you in the next few days but as the Christmas Ball is only a week away, I do not know if it is a good idea to introduce you to my friends and colleagues as my wife when no one else knows of this. And as I said, I would like to speak to my children first and let them get used to the idea."

Christmas Day? Or...Christmas Eve? I thought to myself. I suppose there wasn't any real reason why it couldn't happen then. I kind of liked the idea of Christmas Eve myself.

"Perhaps Christmas Eve..." I said out loud thoughtfully and noticed Tom's face brighten at my reply. "If it's not too much being that it would be the day after the Christmas Ball..."

"Then Christmas Eve it shall be." Tom beamed. "We can make it work."

"Tom, I do not wish for a big, fancy wedding. Just something small, simple and quick is good with just Cassandra, Henry, Eliza and your family as guests would be enough."

"You and I think very similarly Jane, for I have no wish to have a big, fancy wedding either. We could even have it right here in the house. I know of some of the clergyman in Limerick who might be free for Christmas Eve. I will ask them tomorrow."

"And I should write to my mother straight away as she should know as soon as possible."

"You write your letter to your mother Jane and I will take it to Limerick tomorrow and have it sent out to her the quickest way possible."

"Thank you Tom."

We both fell silent for only a few minutes longer when I thought perhaps we should be getting up to our own beds now. Tom agreed and taking a candelabra, he put out the rest of the candles in the room while I waited for him. I took his arm and we both ascended the stairs silently together. At my door, Tom stole a quick goodnight kiss from me before heading off to his own room...a room that in a week's time, I would start sharing with him...

I quickly put that thought out of my mind and as quietly as I could, slipped into mine and Cassandra's room and still as quietly, made myself ready for bed and crawled in. I was not surprised that sleep would not come easily for me with all that had transpired between Tom and myself after everyone else had gone to bed. My fingers from my right hand softly caressed the ring that now adorned the fourth finger on my left hand.

"You've finally made it to bed, Jane." Cassandra's soft sleepy voice coming out of nowhere startled me. "What is it he wished to talk to you about that took so long?"

I was in a quandary...on the one hand I wanted to tell Cassandra straight away about it, but on the other...I wanted to keep it to myself just a little bit longer...and if I told her now, we might both be up all hours of the night talking...yet...if I didn't, she might be upset that I didn't tell her as soon as I got into bed...

"I promise I will tell you first thing in the morning Cass as we are both very tired right now and should get some sleep." I finally decided to reply, telling myself that I would explain why I didn't tell her straight off in the morning. My sister is quite sensible after all and I am sure that she will understand.

I heard my sister yawn and agreed before turning over and falling back to asleep. I knew it would still be awhile before I would be able to do the same...

The next morning, I found that I must have fallen asleep at some point, but I haven't any idea as to when that would have been. I found I was still quite tired, but I felt I should get up when my sister did which was almost at the same time that I did.

In trying to wake myself up further, I stretched my arms out from under the blankets and then brought my hands to my face and rubbed my still sleepy eyes.

"Jane!" I heard Cassandra exclaim as I did so.

"What is it?" I asked, quickly sitting up, startled, to see Cassandra's eyes wide with...surprise? Shock? "What is it Cassandra? What? Oh do tell me, you are giving me such a fright!"

Instead of talking, she just pointed to me...I looked her questioningly and then looked at myself. What was she pointing at? As I moved my hands, I realized that she was moving her eyes and finger along with them. I looked down at my hands. The ring. I quickly covered it and looked up at Cassandra who looked at me in the same instant.

"So that's what took you so long! Jane! Is it really true? Are you and Tom...engaged then?"

I nodded my head, while she said, "You must tell me all about it at once then!" she encouraged me, which I did. Truth to be told, I was glad to be able to share it with my sister now. She also seemed to understand why I hadn't brought it up to her last night.

When I was done recalling it for her, she threw her arms around me and said, "I am so happy for you Jane! And I am very happy that you accepted his proposal. I really am as it is right this time."

"We must tell mama straight away of course." I said a matter of factly. "Tom said that he would take the letter into Limerick with him today and have it sent out in the quickest way possible."

"Jane...perhaps I should write the letter to mama..."

I looked at her questioningly. "But why, Cass?"

"You know what mama is like Jane, she might believe it more if it came from myself."

I looked at my sister...she did have a point. It is not that my mother doesn't trust me, but if I were to tell her, she would demand to hear it from Cassandra...and possibly Henry and Eliza as well before she believed it. However if Cassandra were to write the letter, mama might be more inclined to believe it straight off.

"Alright, you may write the letter Cassandra as you are no doubt right about our mother. But it must be ready as soon as possible so that Tom can take it into Limerick with him. I do not know when he wishes to leave, but we should have it ready soon so we do not keep him waiting on it."

"We should keep it brief then." Cassandra said decidedly. "And you may help me write it if you wish to Jane."

"I am sure that you will do a fine job Cassandra. If we are to keep it brief, there really isn't very many ways in which we can say that I am engaged to Mr. Lefroy..." I let my voice trail off here before Cassandra and I looked at each other and laughed, then embraced each other once again.

We decided to make ourselves ready for the day, but it was after we were ready that we realized that there was nothing to write our letter with or on in our bedchamber. We would have to use my 'writing room' in order to write the letter so we stepped out of our room and were already walking down the hall towards it when Henry and Eliza also emerged from there room.

"And where are you heading off to my sisters?" Henry inquired, it was obvious that we were not heading downstairs.

We stopped and turned around. Henry and Eliza didn't know of the news yet. I felt cornered. It's not that I didn't wish to tell my brother and sister-in-law cousin about the news, I just didn't know if I wanted to tell them right at that moment. And then..there were the children. Their rooms were right there. Tom had wanted to talk to them about it first and because of that, I didn't want them to overhear anything.

Not knowing what else I could do, I beckoned Henry and Eliza to follow us into the writing room and closed the door behind us. Before I could say anything, Henry spoke up.

"So Tom has proposed to you at last, Jane!" I looked at my brother who was grinning, wide-eyed in my shock. HOW could he possibly know?

"You wear a ring on your finger." He went on still grinning.

Oh...the ring. Yet, I was still surprised at how quickly he had noticed.

"Tom told me in London how he was planning on proposing to you on Christmas Day here in Ireland after we accepted his invitation to spend the holiday here, Jane." He now further explained. Henry KNEW? "But he made me promise not to say a word to anyone. He wanted to consult with me...ask me if I was okay with it and if he thought that everyone in the family would approve. Of course I gave him my blessings. Jane...this was "the truth" I told our mother. The truth that I said you would know soon enough about...about WHY our mother allowed us to come here for Christmas. It was the only thing I could think of to get mama to agree to letting us come here at this time of year. I had to tell her of Tom's intentions...that he was going to propose to you. I had to make her promise not to tell you or anyone else either as you did not yet of course and I had promised Tom. Of course she also approves of Tom's proposal."

Our mother also KNEW? My thoughts drifted back to the day we had arrived in Chawton from London. Now mama's actions after talking with Henry made sense to me. Her smile and her readiness to allow us to spend Christmas in Ireland. Of course I wasn't angry with Tom for talking to Henry either. He had done this in order to get the approval of my family first. He had wanted to go about his proposal in an honest, more honourable way than the last time. He could not be and should not be faulted for that. After our talk the night before, Tom must not have known that Henry had told our mother of his intention. Indeed, why should Henry have told him when he had promised not to tell anyone? Tom needn't know that mama was against our coming here until Henry had spoken to her.

When I could find my voice again, I said, "Henry...Cassandra, Eliza...please promise me...you are NOT to say a word about this when anyone else in the house is present. Tom wishes to speak to his children first about it, so please do not say anything about it in their presence until we know he has spoken to them about it. He also would like to speak to his sisters as well of course. As of this moment, I do not know when he will address any of them although I would think as soon as possible."

"Have you set a date then?" Eliza wanted to know.

"Tom wants to get married as soon as we possibly can. He suggested Christmas Day...or Christmas Eve. I think we will marry here on Christmas Eve with only our families who are here in attendance. Neither of us wish for a big, fancy wedding. We agreed on a quick, quiet, simple ceremony."

"I don't know that our mother will approve of you not marrying in a church, Jane." Cassandra said with a bit of warning in her voice. "After all papa was a clergyman..."

"Yes, I expect that you are right about that Cass..but need we tell her of ALL of the details? She only needs to know that we are married and that it was small, quick, quiet and simple. She needn't know WHERE..does she?"

"What if she asks?" my sister persisted.

"Then we tell her the truth of course. But by then, she may not care, Cassandra. And if she does, there really isn't anything we..or she can do about it. We ARE going to be married by a clergyman, so will it really matter that we do not have it in a church? It may be hard to find a church not in use during Christmas." I pointed out in return.

That seemed to settle the matter as there were no more questions on the subject.

"As there doesn't seem to be anything more to talk about on this matter, perhaps we should write the note to our mother to let her know that it is all settled then. Henry and Eliza you may go down to breakfast and please let Tom know that Cassandra and I are just writing up a quick note to let our mother know of the wedding plans." I suggested.

But before they left the room, Eliza approached me and then embraced me. "I think it is absolutely splendid how the two of you have found each other again." She told me. "It is no secret that at one time, we all disapproved of Tom. But he has proven himself to be worthy of you Jane." Eliza assured me.

"Indeed he has." Henry echoed his wife.

I smiled at them all, happy with the knowledge that this time, our union was meeting with approval.

**Tom:**

It was true...I wanted for Jane and myself to get married as quickly as possibly and if I could have, I would have married Jane right then and there, right on the spot. I felt that we had had to wait long enough and I was not willing to wait any longer. But of course it was impossible to get married right then and there...and I really did want to talk to my children first even though by this point, I was sure that my marriage to Jane would be met by approval. But it was important to me that I tell them of it first. And I did also need to inform my sisters as well. There could be no doubt that Sarah would be thrilled. I did not doubt that Phoebe would also approve, but she would be more "quiet" about it than Sarah would be of course.

Now the date was set for Christmas Eve and I could not be happier, I was sure. I was looking quite forward to being able to talk to my children and sisters about our forthcoming union. And finally...I would be able to speak more openly and freely of my love and affection for Jane. I would no longer have to hide it from anyone...especially from her. Because of this, I was not able to resist stealing a goodnight kiss from her when I left her at her bedroom door...

The next morning I happen to wake up early enough so I decided that I should speak with my children before breakfast. It worked out well as this was something I did not wish to delay. I made myself ready as quickly as possible and went down the hall to their rooms and knocked first before entering. As I was a bit earlier than I had been on other mornings, I noticed that they were not quite ready yet.

"Father!" cried Anne who was the first to see me. "You have come before breakfast again! But we are not ready yet."

"It is alright Anne." I chuckled as I reassured her. "I have come a little early because there is something important that I need to tell you...all of you...your aunts included."

"Do you wish to speak to us now, or should we finish getting ready first?" Jane had also made an appearance.

"You may get finish getting ready first." I replied as I took a seat in one of the chairs. "I will wait for you."

"Is it something we did Father?" George asked somberly.

"No." I assured him with a smile. "You did nothing wrong."

"Is it a surprise Father?" Anne asked a little hopefully.

My lips twitched slightly as I tried to hide a smile at Anne's eagerness. I hesitated before I answered this question. "Well...I guess it could be.."

"For us?" Anne carried on.

"For all of us. But that is enough questions from all of you. Make yourselves ready first please and be quick about it!" I addressed my children as a whole, gently but firmly.

"Tom, is everything really alright?" Phoebe now came over to me full of concern.

"Yes, everything is quite alright. And will be even better shortly." Phoebe threw me a puzzled look before heading off to see if any of the children needed her further assistance. I couldn't keep the smile off of my lips this time.

Once any of them were ready, they would come over and join me while we waited for the rest and very shortly, all of my offspring and my sisters were ready...and awaiting for me to begin.

Taking a deep breath, I started, "I have been watching all of you these past couple of weeks. And unless I am completely mistaken in my thinking, I do believe that you have become rather fond of our guests...Miss Jane in particular."

There was a general nod of heads in answer to this much to my relief of course. "I am very happy to know that as Miss Jane has told me herself that she has become fond of all of you as well."

"What are you getting at Tom?" My sister Sarah now asked, very curious.

As there was no other way to put it, I decided to jump right in. "As you know, Miss Jane and myself have known each other for quite some time now. And since meeting up with her again, I have also found that I too have become quite fond of her myself and...last night I asked her to marry me...and she accepted. I want you to know straight off children that I loved your mother...and Miss Jane will not replace your mother. No one can nor will ever replace your mother, but I would like very much for her to be a part of our family and I also hope that you would like it if she were to become a part of our family too."

There was silence for a few seconds which were to be expected. Then, "Oh father, is it true? Miss Jane will be living here with us? Always?" Of course it was my own daughter Jane who had spoken up first.

"Yes, it is quite true, Jane. How do the rest of you feel about Miss Jane becoming a part of this family?"

Now that someone had spoken up, the rest of my brood started to voice their opinions as well and I was very pleased to see that the general feeling was that they approved of it.

Jane came over to me and happily embraced me.

"This IS wonderful news Tom!" exclaimed Sarah whose face was lit up with pleasure, then she too came over and hugged me.

Both hers and of course Jane's reactions did not come as a surprise to me at all. I was unsure how the rest would react, but I was delighted to see that my children seemed to be happy with it. Not one of them objected to it.

"Have you set a date yet?" Sarah now asked.

"Christmas Eve." I replied.

"So soon?" This was from Phoebe who seemed almost..shocked.

"I want to us to be married as soon as possible. I didn't see any reason to wait." I replied firmly. "And neither did Jane."

"I think getting married on Christmas Eve is the perfect Christmas gift." Jane sighed.

"I think so too." Sarah agreed.

"I wouldn't want anything else for Christmas." Jane said softly.

Her statement touched my heart. I looked at my oldest daughter lovingly and said gently. "You mean that don't you, love."

Jane nodded her head which made my eyes a little misty as I smiled at her. Bringing myself back to everyone else, I decided to fill them in a little more with the details. "We are not going to have a big ceremony. Just a nice, small, quiet, simple ceremony right here in the house with only our families present. And that is all."

"Will Santa Claus be there too?" Mary wanted to know now.

I couldn't help but laugh. "Santa Claus is going to be a very busy man that night don't forget Mary, but he is also a very wise man. He seems to know a lot. I'm sure he will know about it even if he can't be there. Listen children, I don't wish to hold up breakfast and our guests any longer, so why don't we make our way down to the dining room. But please...remember your manners...you are not to bring this subject up at the table." I said in my warning voice.

There was a murmur of agreement and I made myself ready to leave with my family when I heard,

"Sarah...please take the children downstairs. I wish to speak with Tom alone for a few minutes." Phoebe said. I looked at her in surprise wondering what she would want to talk to me about.

Sarah and I shared a puzzled look and then I nodded my head slightly towards her telling her that she could go ahead, which she did. But before she did, she said rather pointedly. "I really am very happy for you Tom...you and Jane. It is really wonderful." I noticed that she quickly looked at Phoebe when she was done, then back to me again with an encouraging smile, then left the room with the younger Lefroy's, shutting the door behind them.

I turned to my older sister, still puzzled.

"Miss Jane is...a very lovely person, Tom." Phoebe started off.

"I'm glad you approve.." I replied still baffled.

"But...what about poor Mary?" Was her next surprising statement.

Mary? My poor, dear wife has been in the ground for two years! "My wife has been dead for two years now Phoebe..." I reminded my sister in a gentle voice.

"But don't you think this is all a bit sudden, Tom?"

Sudden? Jane and I had known each other longer than I had known Mary!

"Tom...as the oldest member of our family...I do not know if I can approve of this union between you and Miss...Jane."

Now I was furious. "Phoebe..." I said in a low voice, keeping as calm as I possibly could. "You may be the oldest, but I am the oldest male. And I am not a child. I have been married once already and have my own family. I am quite capable of making my own decisions."

"But Mary..."

"Who is dead Phoebe, and I am not." I stated a little more loudly in my passion.

I heard Phoebe gasped at my words. Suddenly, I started to understand. Even though Phoebe had not agreed with Mary's and my ways of child rearing, she had always liked Mary...she had also liked that by marrying Mary, I had married well. And there was something else too...Phoebe had not known about mine and Jane's early relationship.

"Phoebe...there is something you need to know..." I started off more calmly once again. "First, I loved Mary. I really did. She gave me seven beautiful children whom I love deeply and would never wish back. But...I have known Jane for longer than I had known Mary...and...what you don't know is that...Jane and I had been in love ourselves. Again, before I had even met Mary. And we were going to be married..." Once again, Phoebe gasped at my words. I quickly explained everything to her about how Jane and I had met and what had happened between us...

"So you see Phoebe...it was my idea to run away together and get married. But once Jane understood that by doing so, it would ruin me and my reputation...and that I would no longer be able to support you...my family...it was she who left me. She could not go through with it. She refused to let that happen."

There was silence while Phoebe took in all that I had just disclosed to her. When a few minutes had passed, I went on. "I do love Jane, Phoebe. Mary has been gone for two years now and Jane and I have found each other again. I am happy with her. The children adore her. She has brought back happiness to this house. Not only for myself, but for the children as well. Do you really want to take that away from all of us?"

For the first time since I started in on my explanation of everything, Phoebe acknowledged what I was saying by shaking her head slowly and they by saying, "No...of course not."

"I can provide for all of us now in a way that I could not when we first met. I really want this Phoebe...I want to marry Jane. And...I am going to. With or without your blessing...but I would rather have it."

"I am sorry Tom...I do apologize. I didn't know about you and Jane. I did think you were rushing into things a bit too quickly with her. It was truly...very admirable of her to leave you so that your reputation would be spared and you could continue to provide for us. But why Tom...why did you not tell us of your courtship with Miss Austen?"

"Because...it had ended painfully...for both of us." I told Phoebe in a quiet voice that was full of emotion. "And I did not wish to bring up a painful past...something that at the time, I thought was in the past and would never, could never again come to light."

"I am...so sorry Tom. I can tell by the look on your face and the sound of your voice how painful that time was for you. And that also tells me how much in love you were with Jane at one time...and that you seem to have found that love again."

I smiled at Phoebe. "I have Phoebe. I really have. I have...been so happy since being with Jane again. I also want you to know that nothing is really going to change. You and Sarah will still be in charge of the children's daily studies. The only thing that will be different is Jane will be living here permanently and as my wife. But I want everything else to go on as it has since you came here to help me with my family. Or...since Jane arrived anyway as I expect that she will still partake in some of the physical activities with the children as she seems to enjoy doing so with them."

Phoebe did something unexpected then. She put her arms around me and hugged me. I slowly drew my own arms around my sister and returned the gesture. "You have my blessing..." She promised me in a whisper.

"Thank you..." I whispered back.


	23. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22:**

**Jane:**

Cassandra quickly and efficiently wrote up a lovely and convincing letter to our mother confirming my engagement to Mr. Lefroy. As she did so, I came to realize that it was right that she be the one to write it as I know I could not have done one any better myself. She signed and then sealed it in an envelope that she was now addressing, then handed it to me to give to Tom before we left the room to join the rest. I hoped we hadn't kept them waiting too long for us.

As it turned out, everyone else had all converged at the bottom of the staircase. Tom looked up at us as we descended, smiling. He then quickly turned to Anna, Phoebe and Sarah and said something to them. They nodded their heads and lead the children away towards the dining room.

Not long after we reached the bottom of the stairs, Phoebe and Sarah were already on their way back.

"I have spoken to my sisters and my children about our engagement." Tom told us. "And Henry and Eliza have already told us that they know about it as well."

"Jane, I am so very happy for you both!" Sarah exclaimed as she came over and embraced me.

"Thank you, Sarah." I smiled at my soon to be sister in law.

"And as the eldest of the family in Tom's household, it is both a pleasure and an honour to welcome you to the Lefroy family." Phoebe now also added as she too stepped forward.

"Thank you Phoebe." In the weeks since our arrival, Phoebe and myself and Cassandra had all taken to referring to each other by our first names. "I really appreciate it." My gratitude was genuine.

I now remembered the letter in my hand and gave it over to Tom who put it in a pocket inside his suit jacket. We all now made our way toward the dining room where this time as Tom's fianc e, I was on his arm and it was both of us who lead the way.

After enjoying a pleasant breakfast, Tom left for Limerick promising me with a goodbye kiss that he would get my letter sent out to mama in the quickest possible way. He also promised to be back as soon as he possibly could.

I was glad that during Tom's absence our time was spent in the usual way as I still felt like my engagement to Tom was not real. I had to keep glancing at my hand that now bore the engagement ring to assure myself that it was indeed true.

"It's a lovely ring..." Cassandra told me with a smile when she caught me looking at it one of those times. I blushed at her words but couldn't keep the smile off of my face.

"Jane..what will you do for a wedding dress?" Cassandra now asked.

"It is a good thing I thought to bring both of my ball gowns. I shall wear one for the ball and one for the wedding." I replied thoughtfully.

"Are you sure that is a good idea?"

"Why not Cass? For one thing, I am getting married in my older years. I am not the "young blushing bride". And after all Tom is marrying me, not the dress."

"I expect you are right. There is no real need to wear a traditional white gown for the wedding."

"And that'll be one less thing to worry about. Especially as it's only a week away." I returned, smiling.

The reality of our engagement did slowly start to sink in over the next few days but with that reality came another...my sister. By marrying Tom and living with him and his family in Ireland, that meant that Cassandra and myself would be separated. I did not relish that idea at all and one day I let her know.

"I do not wish for you to leave me Cass." I told her sadly. "When Tom and myself marry..."

"I do not wish for it either Jane." Cassandra was just as somber as I was.

"Then...stay!" I exclaimed with sudden inspiration.

"You know I can't Jane. What about our mother? You know she can't stay with James's family for the rest of her life. It would not be fair to either of them."

I knew she was right about that. I felt defeated but only momentarily as another idea took a hold of me. "Henry and Eliza!"

"What?" Cassandra asked with a slight frown puckering her forehead.

"Henry and Eliza are going back to England at the beginning of the New Year. They have no family, they can take mama in!"

"Don't you think that you should ask them first before you presume it of them Jane?" Cassandra cautioned me.

"Of course I'll ask them. I am sure they will not object."

"Hmmm..." Was all that Cassandra would say. But if I knew my brother, I would be able to convince him.

"It will be splendid Cass, having you live here with us." I gushed happily.

"You had better be asking Tom first as well while you are asking Henry and Eliza." Cassandra still seemed doubtful.

"Of course, of course." I waved it away. I was more than positive that Tom would not object to Cassandra living here with us. And fully confident of that, I would ask him first and then I would talk to Henry and Eliza, telling them that Tom had agreed. I was already working out in my mind what I would say to Henry...

At the first opportunity I had, I confronted Tom about it. I found him in his office.

"Tom...?" I announced myself quietly as I knocked softly on his door and entered the room.

He looked up from his work and smiled when he saw me. "Yes, Jane?"

I suddenly felt guilty for taking him from his work. "I am sorry to bother you, I promise this will only take a moment of your time."

"It is quite alright Jane. What is it you wish?"

"As you know...Henry, Eliza and..." I paused here slightly before going on. "...my sister will be leaving us at the beginning of the new year."

"Yes...?"

I licked my lips before proceeding. "It's just that..." A pause. "...well..." Another pause. "...it's just that..."

Suddenly Tom's hand went up in a gesture to stop me from continuing. "Please Tom..." I wanted to be able to go on. But he stood up and came over to me. Taking my hands into his and looking me straight in the eye, he said, "You wish for your sister to stay..." he stated gently.

I looked at him in amazement, unable to think of anything to say in reply.

"I know that you are your sister are very close, Jane. I also realize that once they leave here you will no family living near you. Of course Cassandra must stay here. I wouldn't have it any other way for you."

I must have been holding my breath a bit while Tom was speaking for I found myself breathing again. And with that, came my ability to speak. "Oh thank you, Tom! Thank you!"

Tom now brought my hands up to his lips, where he gently kissed them, still looking at me all the while. "Of course Jane. I would do anything to ensure your happiness here with me...with us."

"Oh Tom..." I fairly melted at his touch and his words. "I'm sure I would be happy here with you...it's just..."

"I have my family here and you have none of yours. It is only fair of course and we've plenty of room for your sister." Tom now gently caressed my cheek...I closed my eyes at his touch...

"Oh! Excuse me!" Sarah's voice startled both of us as we broke apart quickly and looked at her. She looked as embarrassed as I felt. "I did not mean to intrude. Forgive me." She bowed and turned to leave the room.

"You must wish to speak to Tom." I now told her kindly. "Do not leave Sarah, I will go now."

"I am sorry..." she apologized again.

"Do not concern yourself about it any longer, Sarah." I reassured her with a smile as I approached her on my way out.

"Thank you, Jane." Her reply was heart-felt.

"Of course." I walked passed her, turned and bowed slightly before quitting the room.

"What is it you wish to speak to me about Sarah?" I heard Tom ask as I was closing the door.

"A letter has come for you from my Aunt Anne Lefroy."

I meant to leave but as I knew Anne, her being mentioned intrigued me and I couldn't help but wonder if everything was alright with the George Lefroy's. Naturally, I was concerned for them.

I heard the sound of an envelope being torn open. I knew I should leave as I'm sure that Tom would let me know if there was anything I should know about but...I couldn't seem to tear myself away either. Finally after several minutes of silence, I heard something I had not expected...at all. Tom...speaking in a most angry voice.

"This is an outrage!" he exclaimed furiously.

"Tom! What is it?" The concern in Sarah's voice was obvious.

"Apparently...my Aunt Anne has found out about my engagement to Jane and forbids it!"

At these words, I felt like I had been suddenly thrown back in time to 17 1/2 years ago to when I was standing outside of Tom's great-uncle's dining room, listening to him hurl his abuse at both of us.

"What?" Came Sarah's shocked voice in a low tone. But I was too numb with my own shock that I just barely heard her...and I didn't hear anything else that was said after that even though I was too dumbfounded to even move. I was even too stunned to feel...but that was the first sense to return to me and all I could feel was pain...a pain that stabbed my heart and tore it's way throughout my body.

Without even knowing or understanding how, I flew from my position outside of Tom's office door and blindly ran towards the staircase, tears starting to sting the corners of my eyes. I vaguely heard someone-Cassandra, I think-calling my name but I didn't stop. I continued up the stairs and until I reached our room where as soon as I was inside, I went over to the wardrobe, threw open the doors, dug out both Cassandra's and my bags and threw them on the bed. I next started grabbing our clothes out of the wardrobe and throwing them on the bed as well...and none to gently.

"Jane? Jane!" Cassandra had now entered the room. "Jane what is it? What has happened that has gotten you so upset?"

I didn't stop my activity as I answered my sister. "We're leaving Cassandra and as soon as possible. Henry and Eliza can come with us if they wish to and are able to get themselves ready, but you and I are leaving as soon as we can."

"Whatever are you talking about, Jane? You and Tom...oh do STOP this Jane and talk to me! Please dearest! Tell me what happened?" Cassandra begged me. I felt her grab my arms to prevent me from continuing on with "packing" our belongings. "Stop it, Jane! Talk to me! Please!"

Cassandra now placed her hands on my face forcing me to look at her and sat us both down on the bed.

"Talk to me Jane...please." She repeated more gently this time.

I had to gulp before speaking. "Sarah brought a letter to Tom and I overheard him. His uncle has forbade our union." I whispered in a confused state. "Again."

I noticed Cassandra's baffled expression. "What?" she exclaimed.

"Tom's uncle has forbade our union...just as he did before." I repeated.

"I...I think you are confused dearest...Tom's uncle is dead..." She reminded me gently.

I closed my eyes and shook my head slightly in hopes to clear my mind.

"No..." I suddenly said slowly as realization dawned on me." "Not his uncle...his aunt."

"His aunt?" Cassandra questioned, still puzzled.

"Yes...his aunt...Anne...Anne Lefroy..." I finished dully.

I heard Cassandra gasp at the information I had just revealed. "Anne Lefroy!" She exclaimed in a low, shocked tone.

We lapsed into silence for a few minutes before Cassandra spoke up again. "But how would she know of your engagement already?" she wondered.

I had wondered about that as well but only briefly. "Our mother Cass...remember...Henry admitted that he had told her in order to give us permission to come here over Christmas. I can very well imagine our mother not being able to wait to 'share the news' with Anne Lefroy after putting up with Anne practically flaunting Tom's marriage to Mary and their family...not to mention his success in our faces for all of those years."

I could see by the look in my sister's eyes and face that she agreed with me in this. "It's over Cass...again." With these words, I couldn't stop the tears that had been threatening to fall. But I was glad that I was with my sister. I didn't mind crying on her shoulder. She had always been a great comfort to me.

"I am so sorry dearest Jane...but I am not entirely convinced that Tom believes it's over."

"It IS!" I exclaimed furiously. And with that, I jumped up and continued on with our 'packing up'.

"Jane..." Cassandra also stood up. 'You need to talk with Tom..."

"NO!" I replied stubbornly. "I should have known that this was going to happen again. It just wasn't meant to be for Tom and myself."

"Jane..." Cassandra started.

"No..." I cut her off again. "I know you mean well Cass but please don't. Just do me a favour and tell Henry and Eliza about what has happened and of our plans to leave as immediately as possible. They can stay if they wish or they can come with us, if they want to and are able to get ready quick enough."

My sister looked at me with what I interpreted as pity, embraced me and then left the room. It was after she left that I sat down on the bed and finally allowed myself a good cry...the one that had been building up inside of myself since hearing the news outside of Tom's office door...

I don't know how long it was before I heard Henry's knock on the door but I dried my eyes and blew my nose before allowing him to enter. I didn't want him to see just how upset I was. I know how concerned he was for me the last time this had happened and I didn't want to worry him again.

Standing up straight and tall and feeling a bit more calm and composed, I said, "Come in."

When the door opened, I took a surprised step backward as the person who entered was not Henry...nor Eliza...nor even Cassandra. It was Tom.


	24. Chapter 23

**CHAPTER 23:**

**Tom:**

When Jane had come to talk to me about wanting her sister to live here, I had already decided in my own mind that I would tell her that her sister would be welcome to stay on with us after we had married if they wished and if they were able to make arrangements for their mother's living accommodations. Because Jane had started off by stating how her family would be leaving her at the start of the new year, I had assumed correctly that she had wished to ask that of me. I would do whatever I could to make sure that Jane was happy here. I have no doubt that our love would be enough, but sometimes things outside of love and marriage are needed just as much and I know how important Cassandra is to Jane.

I regretted that Sarah happened to enter the room just at the moment that she had, but I told myself that Jane and myself would have plenty of time for such moments. Jane seemed to think so as well as she kindly assured my sister about her intrusion.

"What is it you wish to speak to me about Sarah?"

"A letter has come for you from my Aunt Anne Lefroy." She said as she handed me an envelope.

Puzzled as to what my Aunt Anne would be writing me about as I rarely hear from them personally, I took the envelope, opened it, took out the letter and read it...what I read _infuriated_ me!

"This is an outrage!" I exploded.

"Tom! What is it?" Sarah sounded frightened.

"Apparently...my Aunt Anne has found out about my engagement to Jane and forbids it!" I was furious!

"What?" Sarah exclaimed in her shock.

I was so blinded with rage at my aunt's letter that I immediately crumpled it into a ball and threw it forcefully into the fireplace where it caught on fire almost instantly.

"I'm sorry Tom..." Sarah tried to console me.

"Who does she think she is? What does she think gives her the right to interfere in MY life and tell me what I can and can't do with it!" I continued to rant.

Sarah came over to me and embraced me which did help to calm me down somewhat. Anyway, it didn't matter. Anne Lefroy could "talk" all she wanted, but she had NO hold over me and my life and what I chose to do with it whatsoever.

"What I can't figure out is..." I said to Sarah in a composed voice. "...how Anne found out about our engagement. Surely the letter hasn't reached Jane's mother yet...had it? Or...if it had, it would have only just reached there...and being that she is staying at James's place, she wouldn't have gone out of her way to visit Anne and George to tell them of the news...would she have?" I pondered all of this.

"I do not know Tom. That is a wonder." Was Sarah's reply. "Are you going to tell Jane?" She now asked me.

I shook my head. "There is no need to upset her with it. Our aunt can talk all she wants to but this wedding and marriage IS going ahead as planned whether she likes it or not. There is nothing she can do to prevent it." I smiled down at Sarah who returned it.

"I'm glad." she said.

At that moment, Cassandra knocked and entered the room, out of breath. "Forgive me Tom...Sarah..." She bowed quickly and we returned it. But instantly, I was alerted to her behaviour. Something had happened...

"What is it?" I went over to her. "It is Jane? Has something happened to Jane?"

"Yes...I'm afraid so Tom."

I felt my heart drop at her words. "What happened? Tell me quickly!"

"Jane overheard you talking about the letter you received from your Aunt Anne Lefroy. She is very upset. She believes your relationship is over Tom and is in fact packing right now to leave Ireland as soon as possible."

"WHAT?" I gasped in shock. "No! She can't!" I could not and would not let this happen. I fairly flew out of my office, towards the stairs which I ascended quickly taking two of them at a time and didn't stop until I had reached Jane and Cassandra's room. The door was shut and as much as I didn't want to waste time in knocking, I did so out of respect. I thought she was taking too long in allowing me to enter and I was just about to do so uninvited, but just as my hand was on the handle to turn it, I heard her say come in.

She obviously had not been expecting me, as she looked very surprised at seeing me and took a step backward. Then, very quickly, she turned her back on me and continued to do what Cassandra had said she was doing...packing up their clothes.

"Jane..." I said gently, stepping into the room. No reply from Jane and she didn't stop her packing. "Jane..." I spoke a little more loudly this time as I continued to advance towards her. Still no change. "Jane, stop it. Stop this right now." I was nearly upon her as I spoke these words, but she kept on, as if she couldn't hear me at all. Quickly, I wrapped my arms around her waist pinning her arms to her sides in order to stop her. "Stop...stop Jane. Please...stop now." I spoke gently but firmly into her hair.

"Let me go Tom..." She spoke in a surprisingly harsh but low voice. I realized that the harshness wasn't meant for me personally though.

'No. No Jane. I will not let you go. After you did your reading after the recital in London, I vowed that I would not let you go this time and I meant it."

I felt her body relax somewhat in my arms. I loosened my grip on her but not much. However I needn't have worried for she did not even try to escape from my hold of her. Instead she said in a whisper. "It's no use Tom...it is as I have feared. Your family does not approve of you marrying me...we may as well face it...it was never meant to be...you and me."

I turned Jane around so that she faced me. I lifted her chin with my fingers so that she would have to look at me. I saw the way they shone with unshed tears. But I also noticed that they were a bit red...obviously from an earlier weeping. My heart ached for her. Gently placing my hands on either side of her face, I spoke softly but firmly. "I know you heard what my Aunt Anne wrote Jane but she has no right to tell me how to run my life. She has no hold over me whatsoever like my uncle did before. She can say all she wants to, but it won't and doesn't change a thing, Jane."

I could see that she was struggling with a battle within herself.

"I promise you that Jane. NOTHING has changed. Our marriage WILL happen." I silently pleaded with her to believe my words.

"I...I thought..." Jane gulped. "I thought she was my friend!" she finally managed to get out.

I looked at her with a puzzled expression.

"I've been thinking about things while packing Tom...and some things started to fall into place."

"Like what?"

"Like how she never mentioned to my family that Mary had died...that you had a law practice in London...and...Tom! Henry, Eliza and myself have been to London several times over the years regarding my books! Your Aunt Anne knew about our London trips but never told us about you being there!"

I took in what Jane was trying to tell me.

"Don't you see Tom? If Henry had known about your practice in London, I'm sure he would have tried to get a hold of you whenever we were there! But...we knew nothing of it!"

Now it was starting to dawn on me too..."And my aunt never told me of your visits to London either..." I said slowly.

Jane and I looked at each other at the same moment with realization. "She's been keeping us apart all of these years...and on purpose!" I said vehemently. "Why...if I hadn't spotted you three going into the recital that day..." The very thought sent a cold chill through my heart. If I hadn't spotted them...we might very well NOT even be here together, right now, right this minute...my hands when automatically to my mouth with the realization of this.

"We may never have met up again...we might still be living our lives as we had been..." Jane put into words my own thoughts. "And I thought that she was being "kind"...being the friend I thought she was by NOT talking about you to me because she knew how painful our break up was..." Jane sat down on the bed as she spoke these last words. I sat down beside her. "She was more than happy to keep anything from me about you...EXCEPT...your marriage to Mary...and your success as a lawyer..."

I put my arms around Jane in comfort and gently kissed her cheek. "It is as I have said Jane, there is nothing she can do to keep me from marrying you. And I very much want to."

Jane didn't reply but I could hear sounds that she indicated that she had become a bit weepy at my words. I was still livid with my aunt however. "My aunt seems to have forgotten that my own background was not one of wealth..." I reminded Jane. "And you know...Anne really has no right to talk herself when she wasn't all that wealthy before she married my uncle George. And I think it's high time that someone put her back in her place."

"Oh no, Tom!" Jane looked up at me with a horrified expression on her face. "Please don't! I'm sure it will just make things worse for us!"

But I was determined. "Jane, Anne deserves to have the truth thrown right back in her face. I somehow doubt that my uncle George knows anything about her keeping us apart. I believe she did this all of her own accord. I am going to write her a personal letter and REMIND her of just where she herself came from BEFORE she married into the Lefroy family. As I have already said, she has NO hold over me. I am an adult with my own family and am free to do as I please."

"Tom...I don't know if this is a good idea. Perhaps it would be better if we just ignored her."

"Not this time Jane. She went too far. I will write her that personal letter and that will be the end of it. As I said, I doubt that my uncle George is even aware of any of this and as such, she certainly cannot and will not bring this up to him. Or anyone. Of that I have complete confidence."

Jane looked at me, but didn't reply. "It's going to be alright Jane, I promise you." I vowed. "And now...please put away your clothes, Miss Austen as you are not going anywhere. Not without me anyway." I told her with a gentle smile. I was delighted to see her smile back at me.

"What is puzzling me is how she found out about our engagement so quickly!" I now wondered out loud to Jane.

"I think I may know." Jane surprised me with her reply. I looked at her while she explained what had happened when they were back home in Chawton and how her mother had been angry that they wanted to leave her alone for Christmas but that Henry had taken her aside and explained that I had planned to propose to Jane.

"Henry swore her not to tell anyone, and I confess that I was quite amazed at her turnabout in regards to us coming here for Christmas that day. I know my brother can be very persuasive when it comes to my mother, but I had to admit that I wasn't expecting such a quick turn around. Henry only told me about this after you had proposed to me." Jane finished off her explanation. "I haven't a doubt in my mind that my mother couldn't wait to let Anne know about our upcoming engagement, after having put up with years of her flaunting your marriage to Mary and your successes in our faces. I'm sorry Tom, it's all my mother's fault."

Now it was all starting to make sense. "Nonsense Jane. At least not entirely. My aunt was also to blame. She could have kept quiet about my life, but now I believe that she intentionally threw myself and Mary and my career in your faces. Perhaps your mother could have waited to tell Anne the news, but in all honesty, I can't really say that I blame her either."

"I'm not so sure my mother deserves your kindness and understanding, Tom." Jane smiled at me, but I could tell she was grateful.

"Of course she does, Jane. After all, she is obviously very happy about our marriage. I can't fault her for that." We both gave a small laugh at this.

"And now, I am off to write that letter and you have some...'unpacking' to do, I believe." I leaned in to give her a quick kiss before standing up and leaving the room to write that letter that my aunt deserved.

**Jane:**

It was a shock to see Tom standing at my bedroom door instead of Henry and I knew straight away that Cassandra was responsible for his being there. I should be angry at her but I was in such a state of hurt confusion over Anne Lefroy and her letter that what Cassandra had done was nothing in comparison. Taken by surprise, I was at a loss for words and found myself turning my back on him to quickly resume my packing up task.

I did hear Tom call my name not once but several times...I did hear him tell me to stop what I was doing, but the more he tried to tell me to stop, the more I was determined to carry on. After all, what was the use of it all...it was happening all over again, just like it had 17 1/2 years ago. The sooner I could be out and away from Tom, the sooner I could get over my pain and begin healing...again...at least, I hoped I would heal this time. I didn't know what I would do about Anne Lefroy once I returned home though. I definitely never wanted to lay eyes on her ever again...

It was here when I felt Tom's arms encircle my body making it impossible for me to continue on with my task.

"Let me go Tom..." I said surprised at the rather savage sound in my own voice. It wasn't against Tom...it was because I was hurting so much inside...I hoped he knew that it wasn't him my harshness was directed at.

But Tom continued to hold fast. "'No. No Jane. I will not let you go. After you did your reading after the recital in London, I vowed that I would not let you go this time and I meant it."

At these words I relaxed my body, giving into him. But I could only whisper that it was useless...that this wasn't meant to be, him and I...

At my words he turned me around to face him. He gently lifted my chin up so that I had no choice but to look into his blue eyes as he assured me that his Aunt's letter meant nothing...that she could do nothing to prevent us from marrying. That she had no hold over him. I wanted so much to believe him, but I was also so afraid to. It was too coincidental that this should happen to us AGAIN...

It was here that bared my heart about Anne Lefroy to Tom...and where I had drawn some conclusions about her...oddly, I found by opening up to Tom that I was actually calming down and my head was clearing somewhat. It was appalling what we had discovered about her between the two of us. I couldn't believe that I had trusted this woman and for all of these years. But Tom was still there...by my side...comforting me and reassuring me over and over that no matter what Anne did...we were still going to be married. That he still wanted to marry me. The more we talked it out, the better I was starting to feel towards everything.

I admit that I was concerned when Tom vowed that he was going to "throw the truth" right back in his aunt's face. I felt that it could lead to nothing good especially for us, but Tom was determined to set his aunt straight. I had to trust him. I had no choice. Then he disclosed to me that his aunt had also not come from a very wealthy background. Another thing about Anne I had never known. But then why would she admit that to me...especially now that I realized what kind of a person she really was. Of course she would never let on that she too had come from a poorer family.

By the time we had finished sorting everything out, I was feeling much better. I couldn't help but smile when Tom told me that I had some unpacking to do as I wasn't going anywhere...without him. I didn't want to go anywhere...and I certainly didn't want to go anywhere without him.

And even though my mother can cause me grief at times, I was truly grateful how kind and understanding Tom was in regards to her because she really wasn't completely innocent in this herself.

Tom gave me a quick kiss before he left the room leaving me to "unpack" our belongings. I sat on the bed for only a few moments after he had left, smiling at his retreating form. There was no doubt in my mind that I was a very lucky woman to have Tom. Indeed.

**Tom:**

Back in my office, I did not delay and intentionally used stationary from my law office with my name at the top of it in hopes to show my aunt that this letter should be taken very seriously by her.

_Dear Anne:_

(I decided right then and there that I would not even honour Anne by addressing her as my aunt, I was still so very angry with her. In fact, I was very tempted to address her as "Mrs. Lefroy" but I didn't even want to honour her by addressing her with a surname we both shared).

_I refuse to thank you for your letter concerning my engagement and marriage to Miss Jane Austen as I feel you have over-stepped your boundary by forbidding us to marry. I do not understand what makes you believe that you have the right to interfere in my life and tell me what I can and cannot do. If I were your son, then there would be no question of your interference. But as I am only your nephew, perhaps you care to explain it to me because after all you are a "Lefroy" by marriage only, not by blood. And even as a "Lefroy" by marriage, you do not deem it necessary to stay in touch with me at any other time, so why the sudden interest in me and my life now?_

_I am an adult who has already been married and with a family of my own. And as you apparently like to keep pointing out to others, I am a successful lawyer so I am sure then that I am quite capable of making my own decisions regarding my own life._

_My sisters and my children have all taken a genuine liking to Miss Austen and I feel that as she is to become a part of MY immediate family that they should be the ones whom I should take into consideration with this marriage and no one else._

_I would also like to remind you of something that perhaps you have forgotten yourself during the years of marriage to my uncle George...Jane is not the only one to have come from a humble background...I did as well myself...and you also came from a somewhat of a humble background before you married my uncle George. And because of that fact, again I cannot understand why you feel you need to try and interfere with my marriage to Miss Austen, who in my own opinion, should no longer even be considered "humble" as she can claim to be a famous authoress._

_As a lawyer, I advise you to not abuse Mrs. George Austen in any way in retaliation for this letter as she is not the one at fault and any abuse on your part will only reflect negatively upon yourself._

_Thomas Lefroy_

I also decided that I would end my letter very stiffly and formally to show my aunt that I meant business. I read and re-read my letter to my aunt and completely satisfied with it, I folded it and put it into an envelope which I now addressed, sealed it shut and sought out Berkley to take care of it immediately.

* * *

According to the book _"Cassandra and Jane",_ Jane believed that Mrs. Anne Lefroy did play a part in keeping herself and Tom apart which is why I decided to bring it into this story.


	25. Chapter 24

_**The next two chapters are a bit shorter as I originally I was thinking of making it one longer chapter but then decided that to make them into two shorter chapters instead. ;-D **_

_**I am "reposting" the following information about Tom Lefroy's siblings, just FYI. ;-D **_

_** 1). unnamed fifth elder sister (actual birth order unknown other than being older than Thomas)**_

_** 2). Lucy (1 January 1768 – May 1853)**_

_** 3). Phoebe (15 April 1770 – 5 December 1839)**_

_** 4). Catherine (18 September 1771 – 3 September 1805)**_

_** 5). Sarah (18 March 1773 – 1836)**_

_** 6). Thomas Langlois (8 January 1776 – 4 May 1869)**_

_** 7). Anthony (19 October 1777 – 7 September 1857)**__**Anthony's son (Thomas Edward Preston Lefroy, 1815–1887) later married Anna Jemima Lefroy (1815–1855, daughter of Anna Austen Lefroy) on 9 September 1846**_

_** 8). Elizabeth (17 April 1780 – 22 July 1867)**_

_** 9). Benjamin (5 May 1782 – ?)**_

_**10). Christopher (26 June 1784 – 14 February 1805)**_

_**11). Anne (26 January 1786 – ?)**_

_**12). Henry (5 May 1789 – 29 January 1876)**_

* * *

**CHAPTER 24:**

**Jane:**

During the week before the ball, Tom seemingly spared no expense and went all out with Christmas decorations for the house and for the ball. The result being that the house was now very merry and festive looking. He also got a hold of his siblings to let them know of our engagement, all of whom apparently were eager to meet me. I admit that it was all a bit overwhelming with everything seeming to happen all at once, but then a ball was a good place in which to meet several people at the same time.

After the incident with Tom's aunt Anne, it was settled that Cassandra would stay on with us after we married and Henry and Eliza would take mama under their wing when they returned to England.

Tom had been able to secure a clergyman for our wedding for Christmas Eve that day he had gone into Limerick. A young man who was not attached at the moment had readily agreed to come out to Tom's place on Christmas Eve to perform the ceremony for us. Tom had also invited him to stay and join us in a celebratory meal with us afterwards.

The day of the ball, Tom's siblings all decided that it would be a good idea to arrive earlier in the day before the ball was to start in order to meet their brother's fianc e and they all arrived at various times throughout the day.

I admit that I am glad that I already knew some of them, there being so many in the Lefroy family as that would leave less of them to get to know. Tom had done his best telling me a bit about some of his brothers and sisters ahead of time...I already knew by this stage that he had an older sister, Catherine who had died 10 years before. Lucy the oldest, was closest to Phoebe growing up and even though Phoebe had been living with Tom and helping to raise his children, the two sisters remained close. They were very much alike in their thinking.

Anthony who was not much younger than Tom, was also the male in the family whom Tom was closest to. His wife had had a baby boy not that long ago whom they named Thomas. The resemblance between the two brothers took me by surprise as they looked quite a bit alike. I was also to find out that their similarities did not end with their looks.

Elizabeth was a very sweet and gentle girl, perhaps a lot like the sister Catherine whom was no longer alive. Ben and Christopher were a little more like their older sisters Lucy and Phoebe in that they seemed to take more of a serious attitude, but were still very genial nonetheless.

Anne, the youngest sister and Henry the youngest brother were both youthful and more like Tom and Sarah. I found it interesting that Tom's brother Henry and my own brother Henry were quite similar in that they were both spirited and "playful". These siblings were all married had of course come with their spouses.

I confess that I was a bit nervous at the idea of meeting so many siblings but once the introductions were under way and eventually over with, I found them all to be quite delightful in their own way and was finally able to relax myself. I was grateful that

I had time to meet and get to know them a little bit before the other guests started arriving for the ball, although I realized that it would be easier meeting Tom's friends and colleagues than meeting his family.

The night of the Christmas Ball was finally upon us when I found myself by Tom's side greeting our guests...it felt odd for me to be thinking in terms of "our"...

Tom's sisters and daughter's, even little Mary were all dressed up as fine as they could be. Jane was really becoming a lovely young woman now which made me wonder about young men at the ball...

And Tom...was so handsome in his own attire that I really hoped that I looked as well as Cassandra and Eliza had said I did. Both Sarah and Phoebe complimented me as well as Tom's daughters. But it was Tom's expression on his face when he first saw me that really told me what I wondered. He didn't even have to say a word as I felt myself blush under his gaze.

"You look absolutely stunning, my love.." He bent down slightly as he spoke in a low voice when he saw me in my ball gown. I tingled all over.

"You look very handsome yourself, Tom." I managed to get out rather weakly, but honestly.

The happiness in Tom's voice was unmistakable as he introduced me as his fianc e...which I admit sent a tingle through me as well. Not surprising, every one of the guests looked at us in surprise at this introduction, but each of them also congratulated us and wished us the very best. When he was asked if the date was set, Tom's reply was "It is to be a private ceremony with family only, right here tomorrow night."

By the time all of the guests had arrived I almost felt worn out with all of it already. But when the music and dancing started and Tom and I had our first dance together since all of those years ago, I seemed to have my second wind...

I danced with Tom's brothers and he their wives. But it was when I saw Tom dancing with his daughter Jane that something stirred in my heart. There was something quite endearing watching father and daughter dance together...

As Tom and Jane had danced together Anthony, Tom's son, felt it was right to ask me to dance and smiling, I accepted...

I was quite ready for a break when the meal was announced. I sought out Jane to let her know that we would wait until most people were sitting and eating before starting in on our own music. The piano had been moved to more of a central location so that it was not the center of attention, but could still be heard well enough.

I offered to get Jane some food before our performance, but the poor girl claimed that she was too nervous to think about eating. I put my arm around her shoulders in comfort and with a smile I told her that I had every confidence that she would do just fine. Once again I promised that I would stay with her while she played her solos. As it was, I stayed with her right from that moment.

When I felt the time was right, I pulled Jane over to the piano and together we sat down. With another encouraging smile at her, we started to play...

I could tell that once we had started playing, that Jane started to relax somewhat. Although some people did continue to talk, some also stopped their conversations to listen. Some even made their way over to us. I hoped this would not make Jane nervous again...

After we finished our duet, I suggested quietly to Jane that she start right in with another song which she obeyed. It seemed to work for her as she continued on in this manner, making her way through song after song. She continued to appear relaxed and played exceptionally well. She could not have done any better, I am sure.

When she was finished she looked over at me and then in surprise to find that people had gathered around to listen to her. Immediately she blushed when people started applauding her, but I could see that she was pleased. She stood up and bowed politely, then went over to Tom who was also right there with such a look of pride on his face. I went over and joined them, hearing Tom say, "You played just beautifully, Jane."

"Thank you, Father." Jane managed to get out in a barely audible voice.

Now people started to surround Tom and Jane, complimenting Jane on her talent. Smiling, I hung back and let them enjoy the praise. But Tom would not have that for he called my name and beckoned me to join him and Jane.

"This is whom you should be complimenting. It was Jane's idea to have my daughter play for you tonight and it was also Jane who taught my daughter to play."

All eyes turned on myself before I could deny it.

"Of course I cannot take credit for Miss Lefroy's talent." I protested quickly. "It was Miss Lefroy who worked very hard and diligently to better herself. She deservers full credit. I can only be credited for helping her."

At this point some of the younger people came up to Jane and asked her to join their group. I could see that she was pleased to be asked but still a little unsure of herself and possibly how she should answer. She looked at Tom who looked me. I gave him the slightest nod and he in turn gave a nod of approval which she returned with a delighted smile of her own and quite happily went off with them.

The people who had been surrounding us also started to dispersed somewhat so Tom took the opportunity to say in a low voice, "You were right about letting her do this Jane. I am very glad that you thought of it...and that I allowed it."

"It is good for building up her self-confidence and self-esteem. It already seems to be working."

Tom turned to me with a serious expression on his face. "I am truly grateful to you for this..."

The rest of the evening passed by fairly quickly between music, dancing, food and conversation. As Tom said when the last of the guests left, the Christmas Ball had been a success all around and admitted to being very happy that he had held the event.

When everyone had gone, Tom and myself bade the children goodnight-with the exception of the younger three, Mary, George and Jeffry who had already been taken up to their rooms when they became too sleepy to stay up any longer.

Cassandra, Henry and Eliza also decided it was time to retire. I thought it a good idea myself being that the next day was to be our wedding day. I found myself still unable to believe it was really, finally going to happen...

I went around with Tom making a last check of things before ascending the stairs to our rooms. At my door, we stopped.

"By this time tomorrow night, you will be Mrs. Tom Lefroy." Tom reminded me in a low voice, but with a smile of pure happiness on his lips. I didn't know what to say, so I simply nodded and smiled back. Then Tom gave me a sweet, loving good night kiss before heading down to his own room...the room that I suddenly realized I would start sharing with him the following night...and for every night for the rest of our lives. With this thought in mind, I slowly entered for what would be the last time I would share with my sister and one of the last times I could call it "our" bedchamber. I took my time getting ready for bed and thing finally I blew out the candle on the nightstand and climbed into the bed beside Cassandra who wasn't asleep yet.

"It was a lovely ball." Her voice came out of the darkness.

I smiled. "It was. You enjoyed yourself?" I asked her.

"Very much so. Tom has a lovely family. And some very nice friends as well." Was her reply. "You and Jane played remarkably!" She added.

"Jane was remarkable, wasn't she?" I agreed.

Suddenly, I reached out for my sister and held onto her. "This is our last night together in this room Cass, the last time we will ever share a room."

"It is. I will miss you, but it is time for you to move on Jane. On to that other part of your life that has kept both you and Tom waiting."

My eyes misted a bit at her words.

"Thanks to Tom though Jane, I will always be here in this house with you."

"And for that I am grateful." I replied softly and I hugged my sister.


	26. Chapter 25

**CHAPTER 25**

**Jane:**

Because of the late night before, everyone rose a bit late the next day. The day of my marriage to Tom, I suddenly thought with a bit of a jolt after I had woken up. Here it was, December 23rd and aside from the letter from Tom's aunt Anne Lefroy, nothing had stopped us from our wedding...yet. (My heart still continued to be in some doubt that the marriage would happen). One thing, his family-brothers and sisters that is-did seem to approve of me and best to my knowledge, didn't object to our union.

I stayed in bed for as long as I dared to, wanting to savour these last moments that Cassandra and I would have sharing a room.

Throughout the week since Tom's proposal, we made some arrangements for the wedding. One of those was an idea I had come up with.

"Do you think the children would like to be part of the ceremony?" I had asked Tom not long after he proposed to me. He looked back at me in surprise at my question. I had already said without question that Cassandra would stand up for me. And Henry even volunteered to "give me" to Tom.

"I don't know." He had admitted. "Why don't we ask them?"

And we did just that, before our reading that night.

"Miss Jane brought up an idea to me this afternoon." He addressed his children, which gained everyone's attention. "How would you like to be part of our wedding ceremony?"

Not surprising, the girls first gasped but then quickly gave their affirmatives with obvious delight. The boys were a little less enthusiastic.

"How would you want us to be a part of the ceremony, father?" Anthony asked.

"The girls would be attendants for Miss Jane, walking ahead of her to where myself and the clergyman would be waiting, while you boys would be my attendants, waiting alongside with me. As you are my oldest Anthony, I was thinking...I would be honoured if you would stand up for me." Tom explained.

Anthony raised his eyebrows at this, in surprise I'll assume, but then he smiled at his father as he replied softly, "Of course, I would be honoured to do so, father." To which Tom returned his smile. "And how about you younger boys? Will you stand up there with your brother and sisters as well? For me and Miss Jane?"

Thomas, George and Jeffry all looked at one another at first as everyone else looked at them. I believe that it was because their other siblings were all going to be part of the ceremony that they too decided that they did not want to be left out. It really only took a moment longer for Thomas to agree to be part of it and then both George and Jeffry also agreed to it as well.

And now the day was upon us. As we had only a week in which to prepare for it, we didn't worry about special wedding clothes. It was decided that we would wear our best clothes that had not been worn at the ball the previous evening.

The only thing that really needed to be done was to move my clothes and personal items into Tom's room. I brought out my bag, set it on the bed and slowly put my belongings into it. Tom had instructed me before that once I was finished, I was to leave my bag outside his bedchamber door and it would be taken care of.

Other than that, there wasn't really anything that we needed to do with any preparations so the day was spent rather leisurely which was fine with me. Tom had invited his brothers and sisters to the wedding which they accepted and like the day before for the ball, had all arrived at various times during the afternoon. At least this time, I was more familiar with them. I was rather enjoying the afternoon which was spent visiting with both Tom's family and my own that I almost forgot that it was our wedding day.

We had decided on a 7:00 start to the ceremony which was to be followed by a celebratory meal that all of the guests were of course invited to stay for as well. Tom's staff had set up chairs in the ball room where the wedding would take place. The clergyman, a Mr. Palmer, arrived in plenty of time before the wedding. He did not show up only to do the ceremony and then leave. He arrived early on and sat down with us, with the obvious intention of getting to know who he was marrying. I liked how he made the effort to get to know Tom and myself.

Before I knew it, the girls were all encouraging me to go upstairs and start to get myself ready. I was almost thinking that they were more enthusiastic about this than I was as they all seemed to be quite eager to get started on their own dress and appearance. I couldn't help but smile at them. I didn't understand it myself about the rush to do so as there wasn't much I needed to do but put on my other ball dress, but I humoured them and allowed them to take me upstairs to my-soon to be only Cassandra's-room. At least Cassandra came with me while Tom's daughters went to their own room to get ready with the help of Anna, Sarah and Phoebe.

I admit that it was kind of nice to just sit and visit with Cassandra as her still unmarried sister, one last time. We talked over old times, about the dreams we once shared and what the future might hold for us yet. When at last we knew we couldn't...or shouldn't hold off any longer, Cassandra and I got into our own dresses. After helping me to redo my hair, my sister scrutinized me, fixing a piece of hair here or straightening my dress there...until she was satisfied with the outcome herself.

Standing back, she said looking me over, "Tom is a very lucky man, Jane."

"I think I'm the lucky one, Cass."

"You are both lucky then." She said firmly.

There came a knock at the door just then, "Are you ready in there?" It was Sarah's voice.

Cassandra and I looked at each other and then embraced. "I love you Cass." I whispered to her. "Thank you for everything." Again, I felt my eyes go misty as I said these words, feeling like I was going away from her forever.

"And I love you, Jane. I am not going anywhere. I will always be here for you." She promised me as if she could read my mind. Breaking our embrace, she took my hand and said, "Let us go towards your new life."

She then opened the door to Sarah and Tom's daughters whom, once again looked as fine as they had for the ball the previous evening.

"You look lovely Jane..." Sarah smiled at me.

"Thank you Sarah, you look lovely as well. As do you girls." I returned smiling at each of them. "Tom really has such a beautiful family." I was rewarded with beaming smiles all around.

"Phoebe has gone down to see if everyone else is ready to start. She will let us know when we can proceed downstairs." Sarah now informed us.

Phoebe returned maybe 10 minutes later and with Henry to let us know that everything was ready. Under the direction of their aunts, Tom's daughters proceeded Cassandra and myself with Henry...first was little Mary, followed by Anne and then Jane towards the stairs and then down.

Before Cassandra walked ahead of me, she quickly hugged me one last time. "This is it!" She whispered into my ear, then quickly took my hands into hers, giving them a gentle squeeze. Then with an encouraging smile she started after Jane.

Henry held out his arm for me to take saying, "Eliza and myself are truly happy for both you and Tom, Jane. You really do belong together and we are delighted that you have found each other again. Tom has more than proved his worth and I am both proud and honoured to escort you to your soon-to-be husband."

Once again those tears gathered in the corners of my eyes at Henry's words. I blinked them back as I kissed my brother on the cheek and then smiled at him.

"Are you ready to start this chapter of your life, so to speak, then Jane?" He asked me gently and without any teasing.

"I am." I replied as I nodded, then we too made our way to the stairs then down, on to the ballroom, towards my husband-to-be and my life as the second Mrs. Tom Lefroy...

All eyes turned towards us as we entered the ballroom-I was glad that Henry was there with me. It was surreal to me as we walked between where the chairs had been placed in the soft glow of the candle-light and made our way to Tom and his sons who were all looking so handsome.

When my eyes met Tom's, each become locked into the others until I was face to face with Tom. Henry kissed my cheek then taking my hand, reached out for Tom's then placed Tom's had over mine and lastly, Henry placed his own hand over both of ours.

"I speak for all of the Austen family when I say that we trust you to look after our Jane Tom, as she deserves to be." For the first time in a long time, I saw that Henry was completely serious as he spoke these words to Tom. There was not one single hint of humour or amusement in his voice or his face.

Looking directly into Henry's eyes and speaking with equal seriousness Tom replied firmly, "I will. You know I will." Henry and Tom bowed slightly to one another, then Henry left us to join Eliza who was of course already seated.

And there amidst Tom's family both children and siblings alike and my own family...in the soft glow of candle-light and Christmas decor, Tom and I said our vows, pledging our love to one another "til death do us part." At these words, I remembered other words...words that Tom had said to me on the night he proposed to me. _"...shall always love you even after our bones have turned to dust beneath the earth's surface. For eternity Jane, I shall love you."_ These words along with the emotions I had been feeling already because of the wedding were enough to cause a couple of tears to fall, but I smiled through them at Tom as he kissed me...after which our families gathered around us giving us congratulatory hugs, kisses and handshakes along with good wishes for a long, healthy, happy life together.

Our families stood around visiting with one another while we took care of the legal part of our marriage.

I finally felt like I could relax as everyone made their way to the dining room where Tom's...I mean, "our" staff had laid a splendid table of food for us to enjoy. Once we were all seated the atmosphere and conversation become more relaxed and casual...I would even say jovial, as we all enjoyed the "bridal feast".

Because it was Christmas Eve, everyone decided to leave not long after they had finished their meal, once again congratulating us as they said their good-byes.

As it was Christmas Eve as well as our wedding night, we had a special family gathering before retiring for the night. We did not read this night, instead we sat around and visited in a light hearted manner, discussing the ball, the wedding as well as Christmas. The girls expressed their enthusiasm for being included in the wedding while the younger boys, although wouldn't admit it as easily as the girls, admitted that they felt rather "grown up" being a part of this special ceremony and standing up front with their father.

After we had exhausted our conversations and it was unanimously decided that it was time to go to bed, each of the girls came over and kissed me before leaving for their room. The younger boys chose to embrace me in a hug instead. But Anthony bowed to me and I returned it with a smile as I did not object to this. I understood that he was at an age where he was practically a young man and not too far off being independent. I respected his decision to acknowledge me with just a bow.

Tom and I said our good nights to Henry and Eliza and lastly to Cassandra, who with a pang in my heart would be sleeping in what had been our room alone for the first time. Not that Cassandra and myself had never been parted, of course we had...both of us would go visiting different people at different times. And then there were the times I would travel to London with Henry and Eliza about my books. But this was different because we both knew it would be forever. But I held onto the fact that at least Cassandra wouldn't be leaving when Henry and Eliza left. She would remain here with us and for that I was once again grateful to Tom for understanding.

Finally...it was just Tom and myself as we made Tom's usual rounds of the house before ascending upstairs to..."our" room. It was a large room of course, bigger than the one that Cassandra and I shared. Aside from the usual, the bed and chest of drawers, there was a trunk at the foot of the bed, a night stand on either side of the bed, two comfortable looking chairs, and a dresser with a mirror on it where there was a pitcher and washbasin which was partially hidden by an attractive folding screen.

Smiling at me, he encircled my waist with his arms and said, "Finally...here we are Jane...Mrs. Lefroy. Together at last." He bent down and we shared our first kiss as husband and wife...

After a few minutes of just enjoying the moment, Tom pointed to the folding screen in which I could get changed into my nightgown behind. I had to assume that Tom was also changing, so I made sure to take my time as I admit that I was not ready to catch Tom half way through changing.

After I had changed, I moved over to the dresser with the mirror and washbasin, let my hair down and started brushing it. As I had been purposely taking my time, I was sure that Tom should be changed himself by now and cautiously, I turned around and peered out from the screen and noticed that Tom who was now sitting on the bed had indeed changed. Breathing a bit more easily, I moved out slowly from behind the screen. As soon as Tom noticed me, he stood up, watching me. Feeling rather awkward, I made my way towards him, stopping just a few feet in front of him. He had a bit of a peculiar look on his face.

"What is it?" I asked him, suddenly afraid that he maybe had changed his mind about marrying me after all.

"It's just...I have never seen you with your hair down before.." he told me gently as he gazed at my hair and my face. "It's beautiful...you are beautiful..."

I felt myself blush as his words, but I was pleased. As he advanced towards me, I suddenly felt slightly afraid again...afraid of what I didn't know and what he knew all too well...Without thinking, I held up one of my hands. "Tom...this is all so new to me...please...forgive me...please can we hold off...on that for tonight?"

Tom stopped and looked a bit surprised at my words, but then reaching for my hands and taking them into his own he looked right into my eyes and said, "I promised you that I would not force you Jane and I meant that." He paused for a moment here. "But do you object to your husband holding his new wife on the night of their wedding?"

I shook my head at this, "No...of course I've no objections..." I replied softly.

Smiling, Tom took my hands and lead me over to the bed, helped me in and after blowing out the candle on his side, took me in his arms. And we stayed like that through our first night together as husband and wife.


	27. Chapter 26

_**WOW! I am BLOWN AWAY by the amount of Hits and Visitors total from the month of June! By far the most active month to date! And even today, SO early on in July, the numbers are amazing already! **_

_**I thank each and every one of you for stopping by, taking the time and reading my Becoming Jane story that I have really enjoyed writing! ;-D**_

* * *

**CHAPTER 26**

**Jane:**

As it happened, we all...that is, Cassandra, Tom and myself decided it would be best if we accompanied Henry and Eliza back to Chawton. This would take care of a few of things. First, we could visit with mama as she couldn't be at our wedding-the word "appease" my mother also come to my mind-second, we could help with getting mama settled in with Henry and Eliza and third, Cassandra and myself could collect the rest of our personal belongings to bring back to Ireland with us.

It was me who had thought it best to visit mama in England as opposed to having her come to Ireland for a visit as once she was at our place, who knew how long she would remain at our place. As much as I did love my mother, one thing I knew I was not ready for...or perhaps more appropriately, I knew that the Lefroys were not ready for weeks or even perhaps months with my mother. Not yet. And as Tom was due to be in court soon with his current client, we would only be able to stay for a week which suited me fine.

That was a couple of months ago and now of course we had been back home and settled. I was delighted with the fact that, true to Tom's word, our daily life carried on as it had been from when Cassandra, Henry, Eliza and myself first arrived in Ireland before Christmas. Tom had reassured me that his children were not to become my responsibility, that our life would resume as it had been, after we were married. I must be honest and say that this was a bit of a relief for me as I do not know how well I would deal with seven children (and who were not mine nor any of my own families flesh and blood) bestowed upon me all at once. Or I should say , six children as Anthony was now settled at school in Limerick although he did come home on the weekends. I have no doubt that Jane would have been a great help to me with her younger brothers and sisters but all the same, I was glad for Tom keeping things as they were.

As the days and weeks slipped pleasantly into spring, I found myself becoming fatigued easily. Along with the fatigue, I also started noticing a bit of pain in my left arm. I would find myself having to stretch it in hopes to help relieve some of the pain. But as I didn't really feel ill, I put the fatigue down to some minor common illness that comes with early spring that only time would heal and the pain as rheumatism as I wasn't that young anymore. I realized I wasn't feeling 100% but I really wasn't feeling very ill either so I didn't think it necessary to concern Tom and Cassandra about it. And the rheumatism...well, I definitely did not believe that I needed to concern my husband nor my sister about that. Although I did realize that if the pain didn't subside I probably would have to go to the apothecary and get something for it, so I would have to bring it up eventually. But not right away.

I was sad to note that I did start to find it hard to continue participating with the children in their daily physical exercises and for that I was truly sorry. But I told myself that I would be able to rejoin them after the illness passed. I could only hope that with the rheumatism, I would have better days that would allow me to participate with them.

One morning I awoke to find Tom smiling down as he stood over me, already dressed for work. I usually awoke when he did, but I assumed that he must have to be at his offices early for some reason, although he must have neglected to tell me as I didn't recall him saying anything to me about it. Or perhaps he had just been summoned this very morning on some sort of an emergency.

"Do you have an early appointment you forgot to tell me about Tom?" I chastised him lightly.

"No Jane...I am leaving for work on time."

Instantly, I sat up in bed, alert. "What time is it?" I cried out.

"It is half past eight."

"Half past eight! Tom! Why didn't you wake me up when you woke up? You always do!"

"But I did!" Tom protested. "Don't you remember? You did wake up but you looked so tired. You must have not slept very well the night before. You fell back to sleep while I was dressing so I decided to leave you be. I informed the children, your sister and the staff that they are to let you sleep for as long as you need and that you are to have your breakfast when you wish it."

I sat there not knowing what to say. I don't recall waking up at all...

"Anyway my love I must be off. I will see you later." Unconcerned, Tom leaned down and kissed me goodbye. I barely noticed it as I felt a bit baffled...

Another day not too long after this incident, I felt that the illness must be passing as I felt a little more energetic and as the sun was shining, I was desperate to get out for a walk, so I summoned Cassandra that morning while the children were doing their studies, to take a walk down to the river with me.

Not long after we started on our walk, Cassandra habitually took my left arm which caught me by surprise and made me wince from the pain of it. This gesture caused Cassandra to stop suddenly in her tracks which of course made me stop. She broke away and turned to face me with what looked to be a look of fright on her face.

"Cass? What is it?"

"You're in pain..." She replied.

"Well...yes." I admitted to her. "Just a little ache really, Cass. Rheumatism, I expect. All of this damp spring air has aggravated it."

"But Jane...what of Eliza's mother our Aunt Philla? You tire so easily of late and now you are in pain. Aunt Philla fell ill with similar symptoms...she died from them, Jane! You know that!"

Despite my discomfort, I laughed. "Dearest Cassandra! It's hardly the same thing at all!"

But my sister did not laugh nor even smile as I said this. Her expression didn't change. She continued to look serious. I tried to reassure her again. "It's just rheumatism, Cass!" Still hoping to at least put a smile on her face or make her feel more at ease, I went on. "It's a good thing I am right-handed otherwise I would have to get you to do my writing for me!"

"And I would Jane...if you needed me to write for you, I would. I hope you know that." Was Cassandra's reply, but still without a hint of humour in her face or words.

Stopping my own laughter and smile, inwardly, I gritted my teeth against the pain in my arm as I lifted both of my arms to cup my sister's face in my hands.

"It's JUST rheumatism..." I stated firmly, looking straight into my sisters eyes.

"What about the fatigue you have also been experiencing, Jane?" Cassandra went on quietly, obviously not ready or willing to end this conversation just yet.

"It's just a spring time illness Cassandra which is already going away."

"How can you be sure?" She persisted.

"Because I have felt better today. To the point of wanting to take this walk with you."

I understood my sister's concern for my well being as had I been in her place I have no doubt that I would act exactly as she was acting now. I couldn't begrudge her that but I also wanted to make it clear that she had nothing to worry about.

And now as Cassandra studied my face for several seconds-I returned the gaze unflinching as I did so-before softening her look and finally giving me her gentle smile.

"Alright then." She said.

But her eyes betrayed her face and words. I knew she still doubted me but I decided to let it go as I knew the only thing that would convince her would be my getting completely healthy again. As far as I was concerned, she wouldn't have to wait for very long.

In the meantime something else had come to my attention...

**Tom:**

I was rather surprised to find it was Cassandra who entered my study one afternoon, after she had knocked and I gave her permission to enter.

"Cassandra!" I exclaimed, standing up and bowing to her.

"Tom..." she returned the bow.

"What may I help you with?" I asked, puzzled about her visit.

"It's Jane...I am very concerned for her health."

Instantly, I was alert and felt the start of an unpleasant feeling in the pit of my stomach. "What do you mean?" I asked gesturing for her to sit down in the chair across from my desk, which she did. I also sat back down.

"Surely you have noticed how easily tired out she becomes these days, Tom."

"Yes..." I admitted

"And...she's in pain too!"

"Pain?"

"Her arm. Her left arm."

"I admit that I have noticed her discomfort as well and I have brought it up to her. She claims it is rheumatism."

There had been some nights in our bed lately when I noticed that Jane would be in obvious discomfort and would change her position in order to get more comfortable. After a couple of nights noticing this, I finally brought it up to Jane who told me firmly that it was nothing to worry about as it was most likely some rheumatism in her left arm. I didn't question her as it sounded reasonable to myself...

"Yes...she does." Cassandra agreed.

"You do not believe her?"

"I WANT to believe her Tom, I really do as the alternative is just too horrible!"

"What do you mean by that?" Now she was scaring me and the feeling in the pit of my stomach grew just a little bit more unpleasant.

"My aunt Philla...who is...was Eliza's mother had developed similar symptoms which lead to an illness and ultimately claimed her life Tom..." Cassandra finished off quietly.

I sat back in my chair, stunned into momentary silence with this piece of information.

"No..." I managed to whisper, my heart chilled with what Cassandra had just told me.

"I was with her, my aunt Philla and Eliza near the end. It was dreadful Tom. She suffered greatly before she died." Cassandra's voice which was starting to get a bit emotional trailed off here.

I couldn't think of anything to say as I took all of this in.

"I don't want to lose my sister, Tom! I can't lose Jane! And especially this way!" The tears now started flowing down Cassandra's face as she spoke. "It's too horrible of a way to die! I couldn't bear to see her suffer so!"

Finally, I found my voice again and said aloud, "I couldn't bear to lose your sister...my wife either, Cassandra." I told her gently, but firmly.

Although I was shaken by what Cassandra had just disclosed to me, I knew I had to be strong. Strong for her...for Jane...for my family and for myself. I had to clear my head and think.

"Cassandra..." I finally spoke up again and looking Jane's sister directly in the eye, I said in earnest, "I promised your brother the night that we got married that I would take care of Jane and of course I meant that. I have the means to provide her with ANY medical care she may need. Doctors, medicine, even hospitals if it were to come to that. I WILL provide for whatever care or help or treatments she may require. THAT, I PROMISE you. Jane WILL get the best care I can give her."

Cassandra looked at me, a fresh set of tears gathering at the corner of her eyes, but this time I realized that they were good tears. "Oh Tom...how can we ever thank you?"

"Of course there is no need to Cassandra. I love Jane at least as much as you do and I would do ANYTHING in my power to ensure her health. I am very glad that you came to me about your concerns of Jane's health. For now, you and I shall keep a very close eye on Jane and we will keep each other informed of any changes in Jane's condition both good or bad...but especially of course if she seems to be getting worse."

"Thank you again Tom. I do feel better having shared this burden with you."

"Of course Cassandra."

I stood up as Cassandra did. "One thing" she said before taking her leave. "Jane did say she is feeling less tired today. We took a walk down by the river this morning. It was her idea as she wanted to."

"Perhaps then we have no cause to worry after all." I replied feeling a bit of a relief at these words.

"I hope you are right Tom."

"As do I. Where is Jane right now?"

"Reading in the library."

I nodded my head, then Cassandra and myself bowed in acknowledgement to each other before she quit the room leaving me to think about all she had disclosed to me. After a few minutes of this, I found myself making my way to the library where I stopped just at the entrance where Jane would not notice me and looked in at my wife who was intent on the book she was currently reading. I couldn't help but think as I watched her...would God who had been so kind as to allow us to find each other again and become husband wife after all of these years also be so cruel as to take Jane away? That thought only made me bound and determined that Jane would NOT succumb to this dreadful illness, if she indeed did have it. Not if I could help it.

* * *

**_Just so you know, I am leaving on holidays for a week, VERY early this Friday morning (July 8th) until the following Friday(July 15th VERY late), so of course there will be no new chapters for about ten days to two weeks from today. However, I have been working on the next chapter and SHOULD be able to post it soon after I get back.  
_**

**_Take care and thanks again for your support! It means a LOT to me! ;-D _**


	28. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27:**

**Jane:**

As time went on, the fatigue continued on and off. There were better days and there were worse days. We finally attributed it to my not being able to get comfortable enough during the nights to get a decent sleep because of the pain in my left arm that had not lessened any.

Finally after starting to get beyond patience with it, I allowed Tom to purchase some medicines from the apothecary in Limerick for the pain in my left arm. It came in the form of bitter powders that had to be mixed in with water which I had to drink. And a new thing...at least for people. Liniment oil. That one I admit I felt a bit skeptical about as I knew that liniment was intended to help heal horses. Tom assured me (who had been assured by the apothecary) that people were now starting to try it out on their own aches and pains and with positive results. He begged me to at least try it, as in his words, "It couldn't do any harm and it may actually help. It may help you to sleep through the night without pain." He had said. I had to admit that those words alone made me feel that I should at least try it. To have a good night's rest again would be very welcome indeed. Every night and every morning right after we awoke, Tom gently, attentively and lovingly rubbed the oil on my arm. The effect was that it really did seem to work and I was at long last blessed with better night's rest.

However, the fatigue seemed to remain with me after all, although not as bad as it had been at times. It did seem to be easing a bit with my being able to sleep better at nights once again. With my ailments finally seeming to ease with the help of these medicines, I found myself enjoying more of a daily routine once again. I wanted to get back into the children's physical activities again but Tom wouldn't hear of it. "Give yourself some more time." He pleaded with me. "Give your body the time to make sure that you are really healthy again." And perhaps he was right as there was something still not quite right...although I didn't feel ill, I also knew that I was not 100%...and there was still this other thing that was more of a cause of concern for me than anything else. I knew I wouldn't be able to keep it secret for very long, but I was in two minds as to whom I should talk to about it. Of course I should tell my husband...Tom...but I wasn't ready to. I felt more comfortable in confiding in my sister first.

The idea of bringing this up to her was going through my mind as Cassandra and myself were coming back home during one of our walks in April.

"Jane..." Cassandra stopped me just outside of the house. I looked at her questioningly. "You seem...preoccupied lately dearest...and especially today, on our walk. Are you unwell again?"

The look on Cassandra's face showed me how very concerned she was again for my health. Immediately, I put her fears to rest.

"No indeed, dear sister. My symptoms still seem to be easing."

The look of relief on her face was unmistakable. But I knew that this was an excellent opportunity for me to let her know of my other concern.

"But...there is something..."

Almost at once, Cassandra's face clouded over with concern once again.

"What? What is it, Jane?" She whispered.

Suddenly I had a hard time getting the words out. I felt like if I said them, admitted to it, then it would be true. And I didn't want that...

"Jane! Please...tell me! You've got to tell me!" Cassandra was getting frantic and I knew I had to ease her anxiety. I also knew that I couldn't go back and not tell her now. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and...said it.

"I think...I think I'm with child Cass..." I spoke the words in a barely audible voice.

The silence that followed was deafening, so I opened my eyes and looked at Cassandra who was looking back at me in utter amazement.

"What?" she exclaimed, still in a whisper. "When? How? I mean..." Instantly she blushed at her last two words, obviously not wanting nor needing the details. "I mean...I thought you and Tom...were trying to..."

"Prevent it from happening." I interrupted her impatiently. "Yes...we were. But I also know there are always risks as there is only one sure way of preventing it from happening, Cass..."

"Are you sure Jane?"

"As I have never been with child before, I cannot be certain...but that one sign...you know...I haven't had it...for a little while."

"Have you been feeling ill?"

"No...thank goodness, no. But we both know Cass that not all woman necessarily become ill."

"But isn't this good Jane? I mean, it explains your fatigue doesn't it? I know that has not gone away completely even with the help of the liniment easing your pain so you can sleep at night. And it's better than the other possibility...that dreadful illness that Aunt Philla died from."

My sister was clearly more happy about this news than I was. "How do we know that this isn't going to kill me anyway, Cass?" I replied bitterly.

"How do we know that it will, Jane?"

"Oh Cass! You have said yourself that being a mother isn't for me!"

"I have seen you with Tom's children, Jane...I think I...we both underestimated you there." She replied gently.

"But I didn't give birth to any of them! I'm scared, Cass...we both know it's too common for women to die in childbirth. Tom and I have only just got back together...oh it's too awful! I always knew it was too good to be true, Tom and myself!" I couldn't help it. The tears started falling.

"Nonsense, Jane!" Cassandra spoke up more firm that I think I had ever heard her.

"This wasn't supposed to happen!"

"You...you aren't angry with Tom...about this...I hope."

I sighed and said quietly. "No...of course not. As I told you, I know the risks. I am...confused...conflicted, however. I...I need some time alone. To think." And with that, putting one hand over my mouth, and brushing the tears that were now streaming down faster with my other, I turned and fled from Cassandra and ran to my favourite place down by the river.

**Tom:**

I cannot express my great relief that Jane seems to be responding to the medicines for the pain in her arm I had insisted upon purchasing for her. Of course she did still seem to be fatigued at times, but I didn't think it was as bad as it had been before she started taking the powders and liniment.

It was while I was at my office in Limerick one afternoon that thought came to me out of nowhere. A thought so crystal clear, I don't know why it hadn't occurred to me before. I admit that there had been something nagging at the back of my mind of late and with this thought, I now know what it was. But this idea also shocked me so that I was unable to think about work or anything else. And because of that, I chose to leave and go home early even though I was at a loss as to what the best thing to do was once I got there. I hoped that the ride home would help to clear my mind somewhat. I discovered however, that the trip back home, did nothing to help me.

"Where is Mistress Jane?" I demanded of Berkley as soon as I was in the door.

"Mistress Jane is out taking her daily walk with Miss Austen." Berkley answered me quickly and efficiently.

"Thank you, Berkley." I replied a little more relaxed.

I gave Berkley my coat and hat and went off in search of my children to learn that they were still engaged in their physical activities. Normally I would join in with them, even part way through. But this time, I decided to not even let them know that I was home early. I needed some time to think. Instead of going to my study, I found myself in the drawing room nearest the door that Jane and Cassandra would enter upon their return from their walk. I took a chair near one of the windows which I knew I would be able to see them arrive back from, all the while trying to think of ways to bring up my thoughts to Jane.

It wasn't really very long before I noticed Jane and Cassandra at first at a distance and gradually getting closer as they walked towards the house. Before they reached the steps to the door however, I saw Cassandra stop Jane. Surprised by this move, I found myself leaning forward in the chair and then I stood up and walked over to the window, keeping my presence concealed from them, watching them all the while. At first Cassandra looked upset as did Jane...but then I saw Cassandra's face brighten somewhat...but Jane's...did not. I frowned, wondering what they could be talking about. It was when Jane put a hand to her mouth and then brush her face with the other that I realized that...she was weeping! And then...when she turned abruptly away and ran in the opposite direction of the house...that was when I felt my heart turn to lead because that was when I knew, that she knew...I stood there at the window with my head now pressed against the cool glass, watching her quickly retreating back in agony.

_"Jane!"_ I cried silently, desperately wanting to be able reach her...to tell her it would be okay.

I hardly even realized that Cassandra was now entering the house, but even without turning around, I somehow sensed that she was just outside the door to this room.

"She knows...doesn't she.." Before she even said anything, I stated rather than asked, again without even turning around.

"Knows...what?" Cassandra asked cautiously.

"About...the child. She knows she is with child." I replied.

I heard Cassandra gasp slightly at my words. I turned around to see her looking at me in sheer astonishment.

Before she could ask her obvious question, I explained. "Mary eight of my children, Cassandra. I came to know the signs sometimes better than Mary did. Sometimes I knew she was with child before she knew. Or at least before she would tell me." I paused here for just a moment. "It didn't occur to me until this afternoon because...because we had been using precautions..." It was rather awkward having to bring up Jane's and my details about our intimacy to her sister, but I needed to make her understand how I had also reached the conclusion about the child. "...and then with her arm being in pain, well, that's not a symptom of being in the family way of course. But something kept nagging the back of my mind and I knew not what. And after the medicines seemed to help the pain in her arm, but she still was fatigued, I remembered...for some reason, I remembered this afternoon how Mary used to become quite fatigued when she was with child early on. She tired easily. Some days she would sleep late...or go to bed early at night...or needed a nap after lunch. Much like what has been happening with Jane."

Cassandra nodded slowly, affirming my guess when she realized that I was finished speaking.

"God, how she must hate me!" I exclaimed in a low voice, my heart in pain. "I PROMISED her that this would not happen. I know how much she fears it! And she is right to!"

"Oh no!" Cassandra now rushed up to me. "No Tom, let me assure you that Jane does not hate you. She knows the risks. She knows that...that this can happen." I saw that Cassandra was also feeling awkward with this intimate part of the conversation. "She is...she is feeling...confused right now however. She just needs some time...some time to think. She will come around, I'm sure."

I admit that my heart felt a bit lighter at Cassandra's words, assuring me that Jane did NOT hate me after all.

"This has to be better news than her having that dreadful disease though, don't you think, Tom?" Cassandra searched my face, trying to show me that this did not have to be a hopeless situation.

"Yes...I would like to think so." I finally agreed with a small smile. "What should I do about Jane?"

"Maybe let her approach you about it Tom. She needs to think about it first. Let her be the one to bring it up to you."

Again, I nodded my head, gratefully. Cassandra was no doubt right that I should let Jane think about it first and then come to me.

**Jane:**

Although I still felt confused, my walk did seem to help me feel somewhat better about the predicament I now found myself in. I knew I had to come to terms with it and accept it. There was nothing that I could be done about it. I also needed to talk to Tom and let him know...

Of course there was no real chance to talk to him until we were in our bedchamber for the night...and even then, I found it difficult to bring up to him. Once he blew out the candle, I felt a bit of courage come with the darkness.

"Tom..." I began.

"Yes my love?"

Silence. I could hear Tom move and I knew he was turning over onto his side to face me.

"Jane? What is it, love?" He asked me gently. I then felt his hand gently rub the arm nearest him.

I had to speak now...there would be no "forever holding my peace" in this case. This was not something that I could hide for long. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and jumped in.

"I...I think...I think I may be with child."

Silence again. And then.

"I kind of guessed." Were Tom's surprising words.

My eyes popped open wide and I turned to face him in the dark.

"What?" I whispered, astounded.

"Just today. This afternoon actually. Something had been nagging at me...and then I finally remembered. I remembered how tired Mary used to become each time she was with child."

I didn't...couldn't speak for several seconds.

"I know how it frightens you, dearest Jane."

Here I felt Tom's hands and arms reach out to hold me.

"Yes..." I whispered. "Very much so." I felt the tears start to gather in the corners of my eyes.

Pulling me even closer to himself, Tom said, "I promise you Jane, that you will have the best doctor from Limerick here along with a mid-wife. I will do ANYTHING I can to keep you safe." He vowed as he gently kissed the side of my face.

Even though I felt reassured by my husband's words, the tears still fell.

"We will get through this my love. I promise you."

I held onto Tom's body and his words. Several minutes later, I felt Tom leave me and get out of bed. He re-lit the candle on his side, picked it up and left the room, leaving me to puzzle over what he was doing. I wouldn't have to wait too long it turned out as he returned with something in his hands.

"What is that?" The question came out before I could stop it. I knew perfectly well what it was.

Tom smiled and said coming over to me and placing it on the floor on my side of the bed, "A bucket, Jane. Just in case. You don't want to be caught at some unearthly suddenly hour needing it."

I groaned. I hoped I would NEVER need it and I told him so.

Tom laughed as he replied. "I hope you won't either my love, but when Mary started getting the sickness with Anthony, this bucket was by her side of the bed pretty much throughout our marriage until..." His voice trailed off here.

"Poor Mary! Was she very sick?" I asked curiously and sympathizing with her.

"It came and went. Some days were better than others and it was different with each child. But she accepted it, she knew that it was part of being with child."

Just as I knew I should accept it too, I thought grimly. Well, there wasn't anything to be done about it, I guess I would have to do the same. I would just try to not think about it...until the time came. Maybe I would be one of those lucky women who never got sick. I hoped so. I wish I could remember if mama ever mentioned that she was sick when she was with one of us. Being one of the youngest of my siblings, I would never remember. And mama would never have spoken about this to me unless I had been at home when Tom and I had become engaged. We never did have this talk. I guess I could only find out on my own. I do take some comfort in the fact that Tom is taking care of me as much as he can in that respect. Having been through this with Mary, he was quite learned in this...much more than myself of course.

Tom now made his way around to his side of the bed, crawled in, blew out the candle and then pulled me to his body once again, kissing my forehead.

A couple of weeks later, I discovered that I no longer needed to worry. But oddly enough, this just caused even more ambiguous feeling on my part.

I was in my writing room on the morning of my discovery when Cassandra came into the room.

"Jane! Whatever is wrong?" She came over to where I was sitting, on the settee with my knees drawn up under my chin, my eyes red with the tears that were still streaming down my face and a damp tissue in my hand.

Immediately, she sat down beside me. "What is it dearest?" she asked, concerned.

"There is no child after all, Cass." I managed to get out, albeit rather shakily.

She frowned at me slightly. "No child?"

I shook my head slowly. "I started feeling a little bit ill in the night and I thought it was the onset of the sickness that women can get. I was never physically ill...but this morning after I got out of bed...I saw that my monthly womanly duty had returned." I sighed. "It was that which had made me feel ill."

"And...you are crying because...you are...relieved?" Cassandra asked confused.

Again, I shook my head slowly.

"Oh...Jane..." My sister embraced me.

Through my sobs, I explained, "Once I had accepted this child as my fate, I started to develop some maternal feelings towards it. I can't really explain it Cass, but it's something that I never thought I ever would feel. And it was the most wonderful feeling...and Tom...every night since telling Tom, he would gently lay his hand upon my stomach...I feel such a sense of loss, Cass! Even though there never was a child! And now...now...I wish there was one..." This started my tears flowing afresh.

"Oh, dearest..." Cassandra held me while I wept. "Maybe this was is for the best after all then, Jane. Perhaps that is what God is telling you."

"No..." I said firmly, looking up at my sister. "I don't believe that. If God was trying to tell me that, then WHY would he have given me such strong feelings for it? Why would I be upset now, if this was for the best? If it was for the best, I believe I would feel relief instead, but I don't!"

At my words, Cassandra didn't say anything, she looked like she was at a loss for words.

"And now...I have to tell Tom." I went on quietly. "He also loved this child. He'll be so disappointed..." I trailed off here without finishing off what I was really thinking, "...in me."

"I'm sure he will be disappointed Jane, but not in you. He won't love you any less." Cassandra replied, seeming to understand the words I had not spoken.

The two of us sat there for awhile, Cassandra being the wonderful, patient older sister that she is, quietly holding onto me, as there was nothing else to really say and it was obvious that we would not be doing any writing today. With Tom at work, I had the day in which to get used to the idea of there being no child and to think about how I would tell him...

**Tom:**

I cannot describe how very relieved I was that Jane was not angry with me, nor did she despise me for what had happened. And as much as I know that there is a risk with childbirth, I also cannot help but feel what a true miracle this child of ours is. I am beyond delight that Jane seems to have accepted this fate of ours and I daresay even seems to be looking forward to becoming a mother to our own.

I had promised Jane that I would do anything and everything that I can to ensure a safe delivery. It is all I can do. Otherwise, it is out of our hands and we can only hope and pray that God wouldn't be so cruel...

I came home one afternoon to find...nothing unusual really, except Jane. She seemed to be...preoccupied about something. I wanted to approach her about it but with my family about there was no real opportunity to do so. As the afternoon turned into evening, it suddenly occurred to me that sadness about Jane which did give me cause to wonder...which eventually turned to alarm as I recalled Cassandra's story about Eliza's mother's fatal illness and I wondered if the symptoms had returned. I had to find out as soon as possible!

I wouldn't be given the chance to talk to Jane until we were in our bedchamber for the night. I let her change first and I changed as well into my night clothes, then waited sitting on our bed while she brushed out her hair. Once she was finished and came over, I stood up and reached out and took her hands in mine.

"I sense that something is troubling you Jane." I spoke up gently without any preamble.

She started, surprised by my statement before sitting down on the bed. I sat down beside her, still holding her hands in mine. She looked down at the bed for a few seconds before starting to speak, still not looking at me.

"Tom...there is something you need to know." She said quietly. I swallowed, a dreadful feeling starting to creep into the pit of my stomach. I didn't like the sounds of this...I could already tell it wasn't going to be good news. Then I had seen the sadness in Jane...

"What I am about to say, is very hard Tom..."

"Go on..." I encouraged her barely managing to get the words out myself.

"This morning I discovered...there is no child after all, Tom." She whispered the words.

I had trouble comprehending at first as this was not something I had expected at all. No child? I was unable to speak myself for several seconds while my mind processed the meaning of the words.

"I'm so sorry Tom! I know how much you wanted this child." Now Jane looked up at me and I saw tears on her cheeks. I took the back of my hand and gently wiped them away.

"Yes...I did." I admitted to her gently. "But you need not apologize Jane. We thought wrong."

I will not deny that this news was a bit of a blow to me. But I also had to think of Jane. At least her life would no longer be in jeopardy.

"Dearest Jane...you needn't weep for me any longer." I consoled her.

She did stop, but with a different reaction than what I was expecting.

"I am not weeping for you!" She shot out taking me by surprise. "I mean...of course I am. But not only for you...for myself as well..." She finished in a more subdued voice.

I knew she had grown to accept the child but I hadn't realized that feelings for it might have become as deep as mine.

"Once I accepted this child, I did want it, no matter what the risks to myself were. And when I discovered there is to be no child after all...well...I can't even begin to describe the sense of loss I felt."

Once again, I was taken by complete surprise by Jane's words. "Are you saying that you wish to have a child now, Jane?" I ventured to ask her.

Jane stood up quickly at my question and started pacing around. "No...yes! I don't know! When I had no choice in the matter, that was one thing. But now that I do...it still frightens me...and I also feel like if I say 'yes' that I am knowingly and willingly signing my own death warrant. Yet...the feeling I had when I thought I was...that too was indescribable."

I could see just how conflicted my dear Jane was about all of this. I was silent for just a few seconds will I thought about the situation.

"Jane..." I stood up and went over to her. Taking her hands into mine once again and looking into her eyes I spoke gently. "What we could do is let 'nature take it's course'."

"What do you mean by that?" Jane asked looking puzzled.

"We could stop preventing it from happening, but also NOT 'TRY' too hard to make it happen. We would just go about our life in a normal way as we have been. If it happens, it was meant to be. If it doesn't happen, then it wasn't meant to be. Does this sound reasonable to you?"

Jane was silent while she mulled over this idea, then slowly she looked up at me and slowly nodded her head in agreement.


	29. Chapter 28

**CHAPTER 28:**

**Jane:**

In the coming days I found myself feeling better, seemingly getting over my fatigue. I was pretty sure by then that it had been nothing more than one of those early spring time illnesses like I had told Cassandra.

As we were heading into summer, we carried on the family traditions started by Tom and Mary, the nightly readings and the pic-nics on the property on the nicer days. I was delighted that I was now able to join in on these pic-nic games that I wouldn't have been able to had my illness continued...

It was later summer...or early fall when once again I made a certain discovery that one time had terrified me. But because of what had happened the last time, I decided to keep it to myself until I was a little more sure. By October, I could no longer deny it and this time, it was my husband whom I told first and not my sister.

"Are you sure Jane?" Was Tom's initial reaction.

"This time I kept quiet about it for a few weeks until I could be a little more certain. And this time...there have been other changes...physical changes that I did not experience the last time, Tom. And..." I paused here for a moment. "I feel sure this time. I know that is not really much of a basis to go by, but I didn't want to keep it from you any longer."

Tom's face lit up with obvious delight. He took my hands into his own and kissed both of them. "And...how have you been feeling?"

"So far, I feel fine, Tom.. A little tired at times, but not like last spring."

"Good. I am glad to hear it." He smiled gently down at me. Then his smile disappeared and was replaced by a slight frown. "Does it still frighten you?"

"I won't deny that it does, yes." I told him honestly. I needed and wanted all of the support I could get from him. "But the feeling of joy in my heart does out-weigh it."

Tom's face continued to look serious as he vowed firmly. "I promise you Jane, that we will get through this...you will get through this. I will do whatever I can to keep you from any harm."

"I know you will dearest. You have told me so before and your words are a great comfort to me. They ease my mind."

Tom embraced me then and held tightly onto me. "I cannot describe the feeling you will experience when you hold our baby in your arms for the very first time."

This statement of Tom's made me pull away just enough to be able to look up into his eyes. "Did you hold your children?" I asked in my genuine surprise, as it was commonly regarded that the mother and females of the children do the majority of their nurturing.

"I know it is common practice for the mother and females to attend to them, but when I first saw Anthony after he was born and each one after him, I could not resist. There was such an innocence about them. A beautiful innocence. And right then and there, I made the decision that as a father can not bond with his children in the same way as their mother can, I would bond with my children in whatever way I could. I held each one of my children whenever I could, for as long as I could for I knew that I would not be able to do so for long. They would grow up and quickly. I wanted my children to learn who their father was right from the beginning...by my touch, my smell and the sound of my voice. It will be the same for this child of ours."

Tom's words brought tears to my eyes. It made me wonder if my father ever held any of his children. Regardless, even if he didn't, I knew that he loved all of us all the same. But the image of Tom holding his children as babes...our child, was the most beautiful I had ever had...I hoped I would be able to see it for myself...

That night, Tom once again brought out the bucket and placed it on the floor on my side of the bed. "I hope you will never need to use this my love." He said with his charming lopsided smile.

"I hope not either Tom." I replied rather wryly.

Tom wanted to tell everyone straight away about the newest member of the Lefroy family who should be, if we had made our calculations correctly, making it's appearance sometime in the following spring.

I hadn't even told Cassandra about it when Tom gathered everyone together the next day, the children, his sisters and Cassandra.

"Everyone, Mistress Jane and I have a very blessed announcement to make." He started off. I could hear the pride in his voice as he spoke. I was sitting beside him while he addressed everyone. "Sometime next spring, we think maybe sometime in the month of May, there will be another Lefroy child. A brother or sister for you children."

There was very tiny moment of silence before the girls all expressed their delight at the thought of a new baby in the house. The boys were a little more subdued about it, but seemed to accept the news in their own ways. I suspected that this was because it was more of a "female thing" having babies that the boys didn't really seem as enthusiastic or interested, but as long as they didn't object to another sibling, I was fine with their own reactions as I understood them.

Both Phoebe and Sarah came over and hugged both of us while Cassandra hung back as they did so. When everything started to resume back to normal activities, Cassandra came over to me. "You seem to be happier about it this time than the last time, Jane." She said to me.

"The last time it was not supposed to have happened at all...and it hadn't. It was a complete surprise...no, shock. But you knew how I felt when I discovered there was no child Cass, it was then that everything changed for me. Afterwards, Tom suggested "letting nature take it's course" and if it did or didn't happen, then that it was or wasn't meant to be. I am happy, although admittedly, not really very much less scared...or worried. But Tom has assured me of having the best of medical care he can provide to see me through it."

Cassandra embraced me and replied, "Then if you are happy about this, then we all should be."

When we broke apart, we had noticed that all of the children and their aunts had left the room. With the exception of Jane. She had looked very happy at the announcement, so I was surprised to see that she now had a worried look on her face. Or was it a frightened look? No...the word "haunted" came to my mind. Of course...she lost her own mother to childbirth.

"Jane...dearest, are you alright?" I asked going over to her.

She didn't or couldn't reply, but she did embrace me. "Oh my dear. It's going to be alright." I tried to reassure her.

"I don't want to lose you too." She managed to choke out.

"Oh dearest. Your father has promised to have all of the medical care I will need. Your father told me once that because your mother had given birth to seven healthy children without any trouble, that they were unprepared for what ended up happening the last time. And because of that, your father wants to make sure that it doesn't happen again." I realized here that no matter how much it still frightened me, I must not show it for Jane's sake. I must be strong for her.

"Are you sure?" She now dared to look at me.

"Of course, I'm sure. If it would make you feel better, you should go and speak with him about it."

"I might do that yet."

I nodded and smiled encouragingly at her. She gave me a rather watery smile back, but I could see that she seemed to be feeling a bit more calm about the situation. Watching her leave, I suddenly felt a bit concerned...I hoped that we had made the right decision for Jane's sake as well...

**Tom:**

I was more than ecstatic when Jane told me about the expected child. Of course now that it was a reality, all sorts of concerns entered my mind. For both Jane and the child. I wanted desperately to make sure that they both survived.

As much as I hated to, I felt it would be best to forbid Jane to continue on with any of the children's physical play for both hers and the child's sake, effective immediately. She could of course still take daily walks with Cassandra as long as she didn't exert herself. I would also take Cassandra aside and make her promise to keep Jane from overdoing it. I already knew that Cassandra would agree to this.

For each new child expected in family, Mary and myself had always gathered our family together to tell them of the news. This child would be no exception. As in the past, my children were quite accepting of their newest sibling. But if there was one thing I hadn't counted on, it was my daughter Jane. She had looked just as thrilled as her sisters had when I had announced it, so I was surprised when she turned up outside the door to my study shortly afterwards, her demeanor seeming to have changed, although I didn't know why at that moment.

"Come in." I responded automatically when I heard the knock. "Jane!" I exclaimed in surprise when I saw that it was my daughter. I stood up as she walked in and I indicated the chair across from myself. She sat down and I followed suit.

"Father..." she began. "Please...forgive me, but...do you think having a child is wise?"

I gaped at my daughter in shock at her question. "What do you mean my dear? I thought you were happy when I made the announcement."

"I was..." she replied slowly.

I frowned at her as she spoke. "But...?" I encouraged her.

"It's how we lost mother..." she spoke in a quiet voice. Of course. How selfish of me to forget how much Jane had been affected by Mary's death. "I don't want to lose Mistress Jane too!"

I got up and came around to Jane's side of my desk and embraced her.

"Dear heart...what happened to your mother...we were not at all prepared for. She had given birth to seven healthy children without any trouble. We never expected that anything would go wrong the last time. And because of that, I will have the best doctor in attendance for Mistress Jane."

"Mistress Jane did tell me that already. About what happened with mother...and that you would make sure it doesn't happen again."

"And she is right, Jane. I will make sure that every precaution possible is taken with the birthing of this child. Please Jane...I do not wish for you to concern yourself about this. I know that is a lot to ask as you are nearly a woman yourself and you have already started to understand about this part of life. But I would rather you kept, good, happy positive thoughts about all of this." An idea suddenly came to my mind. An idea that would make Jane feel useful and would hopefully help to stop her from thinking about the birthing too much. Especially so early on. "What you could do is anything to help keep Mistress Jane happy and comfortable. There may come a time when she does not feel well at times, just like what happened with your mother if you recall when she was with your youngest siblings. It would be a great help to both myself and especially to her if you could do anything to help keep her happy and comfortable. I am sure I can depend upon you for that."

"Of course you can father." Jane seemed to like this idea.

"And I know that Mistress Jane will really appreciate it as well. I'm sure she would enjoy spending some quiet time with you."

Jane beamed at me before standing up and leaving the room. I sat back down at my desk and continued on with my work, feeling good about the idea I had just given to Jane. It would hopefully help both of the out during this time, I thought to myself satisfied.

**Jane:**

As it had been bothering me all day, I brought it up to Tom later than night when we were in bed.

"I hope we have made the right decision regarding "letting nature take it's course" Tom. After the initial announcement and everyone had left, Jane seemed very concerned over it. I haven't a doubt because of what happened with her own mother. She told me in her own words that she didn't want to lose me too. She was upset Tom."

"I know..." Tom replied. "She did come to see me as well. She said that you had told her to talk to me about it. I reassured her as much as I possibly could. She does love the idea of their being another sibling in the family, but there is no doubt that she is also very concerned."

"She seemed to be better after I reassured her with what you told me yourself. Do you think you were also able to convince her?"

"I think so...I hope so. The problem is that Jane is now old enough to know better. She can't be "fooled" so to speak. We can only convince her as much as we convince ourselves."

"Oh I hope we have done the right thing after all, Tom." I fretted. "Even though I am not Jane's mother and have no intention of replacing Mary for her, I do not wish to put her through a similar scenario that she went through with her own mother. I am now more concerned for her than I am myself."

"Shhh..." Tom reached for me and held onto me, making me feel better, more calm. "We cannot do anything about it now, but I can do anything and everything I need to this time that I did not even think I needed to do for Mary. I will search for the best doctor in Limerick and have a consultation with him or perhaps even several consultations over the next few months and get all of the advice he can offer and his word that he will be here when the time comes." Tom promised me.

Just as he had promised, Tom set off the very next day and was able to find one of the best doctors in Limerick who agreed to take me as his patient. He reminded me a bit of Tom in that he was a young doctor who was more of a "modern" thinker and doer. The first consultation we had and ones to follow also helped to relieve myself (as well as Tom, I'm sure) of our child birthing concerns. Of course he did also remind us that there can be no guarantees, but that over the next few months he would devote his time to studying birthing deaths and ways in which they can be prevented.

One night, I was awoken by a horrible sensation...I leaned over and my hand sought desperately for the bucket which I found just in time. I was only barely aware that someone who could only be Tom of course, had grabbed onto my hair and was holding it out of the way for me, simultaneously rubbing my back. I had the vague notion that he undoubtedly had done this for Mary numerous times.

"I'm sorry Tom." I whispered weakly when at last I fell back onto my pillow. Apparently, I was not to be amongst those lucky women after all.

"You are apologizing for being ill?" I could almost hear the smile in his voice. "You can hardly help it my dear."

"I did wake you up. "

As I was speaking, he lit the candle on his side of the bed, got up, brought over the water pitcher and a glass and set it down on night table on my side of the bed. He poured me a glass of water and handed it to me saying, with that smile on his face that I had pictured in the dark. "Don't be silly, my love. I am here for you, just like I was there for all of my other children."

These words brought tears to my eyes. I was finding out more and more about what kind of a man, both family-wise and husband-wise, Tom really was. I was more than lucky to have him.


	30. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

**Jane:**

Now that my condition was a definite one, I was strictly forbidden by Tom to participate in any of the physical activities with the children.

"I am not willing to take any chances with you or our child, Jane." He told me firmly. Then added more gently, "Humour me love. I know that you do not like to be left out of it, but it won't last forever."

I admit that I hated not being able to join in once again, but I knew he was right. Besides, now that the illness had taken a hold of me, I wasn't always feeling up to it. I was not only physically ill, but I found myself lacking energy as well at times. I lamented that, but perhaps if I were feeling good I would find it more difficult to not to be able to join in. I had to keep reminding myself of Tom's words that this would not last forever. I could only forge ahead and hope that this part of my condition would end sooner than later...

**Tom:**

I felt bad for Jane when she started becoming ill. I really had hoped that she wouldn't get the sickness because I knew that she had no patience for such things and it would be unbearable for her. I could only hope now that it wouldn't last for long nor that it would be constant. Even though she soldiered on with it and never complained, I still felt guilty watching her. When I had learned of her condition, I forbade her to participate in the children's activities as I was concerned for both her and our child. But since the sickness started, one could tell that she would not have been able to anyway. She looked not only ill, but forlorn as well. For days I wished that there was something I could do for her. Then one day it suddenly came to me. Of course! I fairly flew to the kitchen to seek out my head cook Katie who had been with our family since Mary and I were first married.

"Katie!" I called rather breathlessly as I entered the kitchen.

"Sir?" Was her surprise reply to my bursting into the room at an unusual time of day.

"Katie...I need you to make up a batch of your broth that you used to make for Mistress Mary for whenever she was ill with child and for the rest of the family whenever we fall ill with stomach ailments. As you must know by now, Mrs. Lefroy has also started becoming ill now that she is with child. Please make some up as quickly as possible. You have my leave if you need to purchase anything in which to make it with. Or send someone to get it for you if you can start without. The sooner you can make this up, I would be truly grateful to you. As would Mrs. Lefroy I am sure."

"Right away, sir. I believe I may have all I need but I will look over my stock and send someone to fetch anything I will need."

"Thank you Katie, you are a godsend."

I then left the kitchen and task in Katie's capable hands and walked back to my own study feeling much relieved that by days end, Jane should be feeling better. At least I hoped so.

**Jane:**

Tom came up to our room late one afternoon when I was feeling particularly ill and I had gone up to our room around tea time to rest...and as I didn't feel that I could stomach anything just then. He came in carrying a tray with a bowl of something that was steaming on it. I sat up on our bed when he entered the room.

"If that is food Tom, please take it away as I do not want anything right now. I came upstairs so that I would be away from food and the smell of it."

Tom smiled at me as he sat down by me on the bed. "But this you must at least try Jane. It is a special broth that Katie used to make for Mary whenever she was ill with child. We have each taken some whenever we have been sick and even I can vouch that it really does seem to help settle the stomach. Please love...at least try it." He pleaded with me gently.

As much as I doubted that something as simple as a broth would settle my stomach, I had to try it. I would try anything at this point...

Tom picked up the spoon and started spoon feeding the broth to me...

At first I gagged a little bit at the smell of it but I forced the first few spoonfuls down slowly anyway...and...after that, I had to admit that it really did seem to help me. I was starting to feel a bit better, I thought.

I was surprised when Tom announced that I had finished the bowl.

"Perhaps you would like some more?" He asked me with a smile on his lips.

"Perhaps...and...perhaps with some bread to go with it?" I asked hopefully, happy that my appetite seemed to have returned with the help of the broth.

Tom laughed as he stood up. "And something to drink as well. I would be delighted to bring you anything you wish to eat my dear." He bowed slightly.

"Thank you Tom...and thank Katie for me as well, please."

"Of course." He quit the room then, obviously as happy as I was feeling.

* * *

I was not only grateful for Katie's special broth, but also for the company that Jane started keeping with me during this time whenever she was able to. It did help me to keep myself occupied in any way.

She had started keeping me company not long before the sickness started. But it was while I was feeling ill when I appreciated her the most. If I was feeling particularly ill enough to keep to my bed, she would read softly to me while I lay down with my eyes closed and let the words take me away from the dreadful feeling. When she was finished, I always reached for her hand and smiled at her while I held hers in mine. I realized that she was happy to be doing this for me.

On the days when I felt well enough, I encouraged Jane to play some piano while I listened. And once I started taking Katie's broth and ultimately feeling better, I would even sit down and play a little with her.

Of course there was also Cassandra's and my walks which we continued to take as long as I felt up to it, albeit a bit more leisurely...and we didn't go as far as we used to, but we would again one day. All of these activities really did help me to get through what I refer to as the worst time of my condition, the early stages.

* * *

One day I ventured to ask my sister something that I had been thinking about for awhile.

"Cassandra..." I started, "I would like you to be in the room with me when my time comes." I decided to come straight out with it. Not surprising, really, Cassandra looked at me in shock.

"What? But Jane! You KNOW that only married women are allowed in the room with the mother! Even if I were allowed, I am not so sure that I would be suitable. Perhaps our mother would be a better idea." She finished, looking at me hopefully.

"No, not our mother, Cass..." I said gently, taking her hands into my own. "Please Cassandra...I know it's not common practice to have a single woman in the room, but you are my sister. The one who has always been able to comfort me. I am sure I will need a great deal of your comfort on that day. I have already asked the doctor about you being with me and he is fine with it. I dearly wish that Tom could be in there with me but we all know that the only men allowed in are those who are practiced in medicine." I was pleading with her now.

Cassandra sighed.

"You don't have to witness the birthing if that is what you are concerned about Cass..." I quickly added, believing that this may be what was troubling her most. I couldn't say that I blamed her, as I am not so sure that I would want to witness a birth never having had anything to do with one before. "I just want you in there to hold my hand or hands and speak encouraging words to me, helping to keep me focused. Cassandra...we are equal in this...neither of us has ever witnessed a birthing nor ever given birth before. Please do me this one great favour."

"Of course I will, Jane." Cassandra finally agreed much to my relief and joy.

* * *

As time passed, the sickness seemed to abate and even though just to make sure, I would still take Katie's broth from to time, I was also beginning to notice that I did not need to take it all of time which was a blessing in itself to me.

I was starting to become heavier with child and I knew it would only be a matter of time before I would be confined to the upstairs. As it was, Tom was already begging me to stay upstairs, but I would not hear of it.

"You know how much I hate the thought of being apart from everything and everyone Tom...I will be confined to the upstairs and our room soon enough. As long as I am capable of walking, I want to be able to go downstairs."

"But Jane dearest love, it is the stairs that are my concern now. They can be a hazard especially now. What if something was to happen to you while you were either going up or down?"

But I remained obstinate in this case. "Then I shall have someone accompany me every time I use them. I am sure that Cassandra wouldn't object."

Tom didn't look too happy with my suggestion, but he also knew he wouldn't be able to change my mind. I felt a twinge of guilt so I gently promised him, "I will use the stairs as little as possible. I promise."

Tom's expression also softened somewhat, but I could still see the worry in his eyes. I embraced him to show him that I loved him for his concern.

Not surprising, it wasn't only Cassandra who helped me whenever I needed to use the stairs, Tom was also there to help me as often as he could which, knowing that he was concerned enough to want me to avoid using the stairs altogether and stay upstairs told me that he respected my decision, even if he couldn't completely agree with it. I did understand Tom's concern, but Tom also understood my need to have at least some human contact with people and activity each and every day for as long as I possibly could. Because of this, our compromise worked for us.

* * *

"Have you any ideas of what you would like to name the child?" I asked Tom after we had settled into our bed one night.

"No, I haven't really." He admitted to me. "Have you?"

"Well...I was thinking that if it's girl, I would like to call her "Cassandra".

"After your mother." Tom stated rather than asked.

"No! Not after my mother!" I exclaimed. "After my sister. It is a bit of a shame that they do share the same name as I have always been closer to my sister than my mother, but in this case, it is my sister and only my sister that I am thinking of. But our child would be "Cassie" for short. However, I feel if this child is a girl, I should do my daughterly duty and have something of my mother in there so I was thinking of "Leigh", L-E-I-G-H as that was my mother's last name before she married my father. And I also would like to include your mother's name and the way she spelled it, without an "e". Cassandra Leigh Ann. If you approve of course."

"Cassandra Leigh Ann Lefroy..." Tom repeated thoughtfully. "That is really thoughtful of you to want to include my mother's name."

"Of course Tom. She would be her granddaughter. Does the name meet with your approval?"

"I think it is lovely name for a girl. Our daughter."

"I do have an idea for it if it's a boy as well. As there are so many repeated names between our two families, there is one male name that hasn't been used for first name in either of our immediate families. Your father's first name was Anthony, but you already have a son named Anthony, so I thought of his second name, Peter. I was thinking, Peter for the first name and then I had initially thought of George-after my father. But then I thought, even though this would be a second name, as you already have a son and I have a brother named George, perhaps we could use the name Austen instead and in that way he could still be named for my father. Lastly, I would like to include the name Henry-after my brother whom I adore...and of course you also have a brother Henry although I do realize that you are closer to your brother Anthony but as I said, that is already the name of your first son, and as it should be. But I know that you are fond of my brother Henry as well. So Peter Austen Henry Lefroy if it is a boy."

"Austen...that is different. I like it because it is different. I think it is wonderful of you to want to include my parents in on the name no matter if it is a boy or a girl. But we could name him Austen Peter Henry Lefroy just as easily."

"No..a son's first name should be after his father or his father's side of the family." I insisted.

"Then I cannot object to it. Both names suit me fine." Was Tom's reply before he embraced me and kissed me.

* * *

_**The "BIG DAY" draws near...;-D**_


	31. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

**Jane:**

Time continued to move towards spring and the day of our child's birth. With both Cassandra's and Tom's help, I was managing to spend every day on the main floor with the family and for this I was truly grateful. As much as Tom had wanted me to start staying upstairs earlier on, I could tell that he knew he had made the right choice by accepting my decision to not start confining me so early. Even he knew that I was happier and therefore was more patient than I might have otherwise been.

I had it explained to me by the doctor what signs to expect that would tell me that our child was on it's way. I had admitted to Tom afterwards that I did not like the possibility of some sort of fluid...or "water" coming out of my body whenever the child decided it was time to be born. I didn't like that it could happen at any given time and that there would be no warning before it did. Having a lot of nieces and nephews, I was not completely in the dark about the basics of the birthing process, but as this was my first time, it was different than just being the sister-in-law of the expectant mother.

Tom had laughed when I had mentioned not liking the fluid part, telling me that this was one of the reasons why women started staying in their rooms when the time grew nearer. So that this sort of thing wouldn't happen anywhere but "where it was supposed to." In the birthing room and bed. I had to admit that it was a good point. Perhaps then, I really will have to consider staying in my room sooner than I wanted to, but I still planned on leaving that for as long as I dared.

There came a night when I was awoken by tiny constant pains in my abdomen. I had also been told by the doctor to expect this and if I were to start experiencing this particular thing, that there was a very good chance that the baby was on it's way and this is when Tom should send for him. As they didn't seem too bothersome to begin with, I didn't wake Tom. I could be wrong about them and I didn't want to rush Tom away and bring out the doctor if I am mistaken. I decided to leave things and see if anything came from them.

Throughout the night though, the pains would not let me rest very much. They seemed to get a little more intense although still nothing I felt was unmanageable. Still, I felt I should at least warn Tom. But before I did, I made a second discovery...now I was sure I should tell Tom.

"Tom..." I came back into our room and came upon him getting dressed the next morning.

"Yes, love?"

"Some pains in my abdomen kept me awake last night."

Tom stopped dressing and stared at me.

"And this morning...there was a little blood..."

Instantly, he became mobile. "Then I must send for the doctor and midwife at once." He said matter of factly.

He finished getting dressed quickly and got ready to leave the room to put things into motion. Just as he reached the door, he turned to me and with an encouraging smile said only two words, "It's time." Then he kissed me. I followed him out into the hallway and the stairs where he turned once again to me.

"Under NO circumstances are you to use these stairs today Jane." I knew he meant business by the tone of his voice. A tone he very rarely uses when he's talking to me. "You are to get into the birthing bed and STAY THERE. And I expect to see you in that bed when I return. I will send Cassandra up with a tray of food for your breakfast, if you feel like eating. I won't be long. I will send someone for the midwife, but I prefer to get the doctor myself, especially if he cannot be found at home."

Those words gave me a bit of a fright. I didn't like the idea of the doctor not being in the room with me like he had promised. "Why wouldn't he be at home?" I asked Tom.

"Because he's a doctor, Jane...he could be out on a house call."

Oh. Right. I hadn't thought of that. I must have looked worried for Tom now said, "Don't worry Jane, he has promised to let his footman know of his whereabouts whenever he needs to make a house call, in case we need him. He has also promised that he would make himself available to us as soon as we need him. He will have another doctor take over for him if he is in the middle of a house call. As I have said, I will go myself and get him. I would feel better if I did."

Tom's words made me feel better. He kissed me once more before saying firmly-although I detected that twinkle in his eye as he said, "Bed. Now." Then he quickly descended the stairs while I made my way back to our room.

This time I didn't have a problem with obeying Tom's orders to stay upstairs. It was fine with me as I hadn't leaked any of that 'fluid' yet and I didn't want to take any chances on that happening anywhere except "where it was supposed to." I did what Tom bade me to do and went back to our room, only I didn't get into the 'birthing bed' that was set up for "my time" just yet, but I did sit on it while I waited for Cassandra to appear with food. I was hungry enough to eat at least. The onset of birthing hadn't stopped my appetite.

I didn't have to wait very long for Cassandra to arrive with my breakfast tray. She looked a bit flustered when she entered my room.

"Tom says it's time." She said.

"Apparently so." I replied. "He has been through this more often than I have."

"Why aren't you in bed, Jane?"

"I don't think I need to get in quite yet Cass. I do not believe that I am that far along. However, if I am then I have had child birthing all wrong. It is not all that bad."

I could tell by Cassandra's expression that I couldn't possibly be far enough along yet. Even though Cassandra had never married, when she was engaged to Robert Fowle, I knew that my mother had had "the talk" with her and in that respect, Cassandra did know a little more about what I am going through than I do myself. But not having actually gone through it herself, Cassandra still didn't believe that she was the right one to tell me about it. Perhaps she is right as she really wouldn't be able to answer any questions I might have.

"Tom said that you are to be in bed."

"Not yet Cass, there'll be plenty of that to come. I promise that I will go to bed as soon as I start feeling worse."

"Tom will be angry to find you still up and about." She tried to coax me.

"I don't think he will." I replied knowing my husband better than she.

"Well then eat your breakfast at any rate." Cassandra said in a rather resigned voice.

Smiling at her, I gladly accepted the food and ate it.

**Tom:**

As soon as I reached the bottom of the stairs I wasted no time in seeking out my most trusted footman-next to Berkley of course-and sent him on his way to fetch Mrs. Charlotte Humphries, the midwife while I myself made ready to go into Limerick to fetch Dr. Knight. I quickly explained to my sisters that Jane's time had come and that there would be no lessons for the children and that I would be taking them to Anthony's after I returned with the doctor.

I rode horseback this time for I wanted to make better time than I would if I took the carriage. Having been through this several times with Mary, and it being Jane`s first time, I was certain that there was plenty of time, but I admit that I would feel better having the doctor there as soon as possible. I was sure Jane felt the same way.

I was happy to find when I reached his place of residence that he had not quite left for the day for his office. I gave him a brief description of what stage Jane was at with the birthing, then he took a quick inventory of the contents of his bag, went in search of a couple of items, added them to his bag and then we were on our way. I had expected him to ride in his carriage but as soon as he learned that I was on horseback, he opted to travel in the same fashion. I explained to him that I needed to quickly stop by my own office and let them know what was happening. As the doctor knew where we lived, he offered to go ahead and I promised to catch up with him very soon.

I caught up with the Dr. Knight about half way to my home and we rode the rest of the way together. At my place, the footman whom I had sent for the Mrs. Humphries was still at the horse barn taking care of his horse so I put him in charge of taking care of our horses as well.

Inside the house I lead the doctor upstairs and to our room where I found Jane and not really surprising to me, sitting on the birthing bed beside Cassandra. Any trace of a breakfast had already been cleared away and the midwife Charlotte was bustling around making sure that everything was ready. I did not admonish Jane for disobeying me...as long as she was in the room, that was good with me. "Have you checked our patient yet, Mrs. Humphries?" Dr. Knight asked getting right down to the business.

"I only arrived here myself not 10 minutes ago sir. I haven't had the chance to. And I knew you were on your way so I thought it might be best to leave it to you as I'm sure that you would like to know for yourself how far along she is."

"Thank you Mrs. Humphries, you thought correctly. I do wish to check for myself." Dr. Knight now turned to me but I knew immediately that I had to leave the room.

"Now would be a good time for me to take the children over to my brother Anthony's." I informed them. "I won't be long there, I will return as soon as possible." I went over to Jane and taking her hands in mine, I smiled at her and spoke in what I hoped was an encouraging tone. "When we see each other next, there will be another little Lefroy to be welcomed in the family." Then I kissed her on the forehead, gave each of her hands a gentle squeeze, then left the room.

Truth to be told, I hated leaving Jane. I really wished that I could be in the room with her. It would somehow make me feel better, but of course aside from a doctor, it is unheard of for any male to be in the same room with a woman who is giving birth, even if that man is her husband. I sighed as I descended the stairs and went in search of my sisters and children so that I could take them to my brother's as was pre-arranged. I would have to think of ways to keep myself occupied during the next several hours which suddenly loomed long and very empty before me.

While my sisters Phoebe and Sarah were getting the children ready, Jane took me aside and said, "I want to stay here with you father."

I looked at Jane in surprise. I didn't know that this would be a good idea and I told her so. "I do not think that would be wise Jane." I told her gently but firmly.

"Why not father?"

"Because...child birthing is...is not easy. There is pain...and..." I was flustered as I really didn't know how much I should tell her about this. After all, this was something that should be discussed with one of the women in the family and when she is a bit older, I thought. But more importantly...her own mother dying as a result of child birth. This was my biggest worry as far as Jane was concerned and her wanting to stay but I didn't know if I should even bring it up.

"I know. But I want to be here anyway. With you." she finished softly.

The first thing I realized was that she said that she "knew". About child birthing? How was it that she knew? Then the rest of what she said sank in, "I want to be here anyway. With you." Against my better judgement, my heart softened towards my daughter at these words.

"Are you sure?" I asked her. I couldn't help but selfishly think that maybe it would help me to have her at home with me. And my sisters would also be here. Perhaps it would be alright.

She nodded her head firmly while she replied, "Yes, I am sure."

I took several seconds to think about it before giving her my reply. "Very well then. But please at least accompany me to take your brothers and sisters to your uncle's. The baby is still a fair ways off of making it's entrance and there is nothing that either of us can do here so we may as well be doing something."

This she agreed to do and we were soon off. As I was feeling anxious about Jane, we didn't stay for long at my brother's place. So with a firm, "I expect you children to behave yourselves and to help your aunt and uncle out. I will come and collect you as soon as I am able to." to my children and nods of affirmation them as well as a "We will be fine, I'm sure." from Anthony's wife, Jane and myself were off for home.

**Jane:**

I wasn't so sure that I liked the invasive way in which Dr. Knight had to 'check' on how far along I was with the baby, but I tolerated it as I really wasn't in any position to argue the matter. And as Mrs. Humphries didn't seem horrified by it herself, I felt that it must be how it is done.

Time kept moving forward and the pains seemed to be getting a little worse and would come at more regular intervals but they didn't seem to go beyond that. It was at the point when I was starting to get impatient and was just wanting it to be over with. Even Dr. Knight seemed to start looking a bit concerned that things didn't seem to be moving along fast enough for his liking so he said that he could help speed things up a bit. Unfortunately, this meant he had to get invasive with me again...but this time when he did...I felt it...the "water" that I had been worried about "leaking" out anywhere but "where it was supposed to". And to my surprise, it was more than just a 'leak'...but I had no time to think about it now as directly following this, I learned that my sister was right...I had been nowhere near being "verfy far along" in my birthing earlier on...that was nothing compared to what I was starting to feel now..."Dear God," I prayed silently, admittedly starting to feel a bit afraid, "Please help me..."

**Tom:**

It was easy at first for Jane and myself to keep ourselves occupied, but as the time wore on throughout the day, it started becoming a bit more difficult. What was troubling me the most hours later was that I heard no sound coming from the room upstairs. Shouldn't Jane be in those latter stages of birthing by now? Surely Mary would have been at this point, even with Anthony? Of course that was 17 years ago now and being that he was our first born and it was a completely new experience for me...I was perhaps thinking or remembering wrong?

Lunch had been a rather enjoyable meal with just the four of us and afterwards I even retreated to my office to do some work. But as time went on, I was starting to become a bit concerned. As there were only the four of us in the house, I felt that I could leave the door to my study open as it would be quiet enough. I wanted it open in hopes to start hearing more sounds coming from above...

But as the afternoon crept towards tea time, it was still quiet upstairs...too quiet. I found myself no longer able to concentrate on work so I gave up and made my way to the staircase where I stood for several seconds just looking up towards our room. It took all of my will power to not just run up the stairs and demand to know what was happening. And when I finally moved, it was to pace around in the area of the staircase instead.

"Tom? Tea is ready." Phoebe suddenly was calling to me.

I glanced one last time upwards before making my way back to the dining room and my seat at the table. I tried to eat, but I found that I could not. My mind was preoccupied with what...or perhaps more accurately, what was NOT happening.

"Father?" Jane interrupted my thoughts.

"Yes?"

"What is taking so long?"

I looked over at Jane and now noticed that she too had not been eating. For her sake, I had to shake off my own anxiety and not show my own fears to her.

"First babies always take a long time, Jane." I told her with what I hoped was a convincing tone and smile. "And Mistress Jane is a bit older than most women are when they have their first children. Don't worry Jane, Dr. Knight is a good doctor." I added quickly and then in further hopes to show that I was not concerned, I started eating and hoped that she would too. She looked back at me and finally followed my example and began to eat.

After tea, I once again retreated to my office but I didn't even try to work. I closed the door this time as it was worse listening to the silence. I just sat at my desk, unable to stop sad thoughts from entering my mind. I didn't think that I would ever be able to forgive myself if anything happened to Jane. It is true that in the end she made the final decision to "let nature take it's course" but it was my idea to begin with. And perhaps I should have been more discouraging about it...I closed my eyes and slumped forward on my desk, resting my head in my hands...

I don't know how long I had been sitting like that for when I felt Jane's arms gently cradle my head in an embrace. I looked up her but couldn't think of anything to say. I was supposed to be strong for her...not show that I was worried...

"Dr. Knight will take care of Mistress Jane, father." she told me gently but firmly.

It took me several seconds but I finally gave her a nod of my head and a small smile.


	32. Chapter 31

**_I had full intentions of posting this chapter last week, but then "everything" had to happen at once. First, we had issues with our PC and connecting to the internet and then while we were getting sorted what to do about that, we had a family medical emergency in which we had to go away for a few days. But everything is in working order again. ;-D_**

**_Also, this was going to be a longer chapter, but I thought it was getting to be too long, so I decided to end it where I did. The good news is that I am already almost done the next chapter so you shouldn't have to wait very long at all for the next one! -D _**

* * *

**Chapter 31:**

**Jane:**

There is something wrong...I know there is. I know that giving birth is supposed to be painful but this is beyond painful...this...this is excruciating! This is death. And this is how I know that something is wrong. It can't be this painful!

I must be sweating because I am vaguely aware of my sister gently patting my face with a cool, damp cloth from time to time. My body is shaking. And as much as I try, I cannot stifle my cries of anguish. Cries that I am sure become screams.

"Take my hands into yours Jane!" I barely hear Cassandra tell me. "Hold onto them and squeeze them as much as you can, whenever you feel the pain!"

I am not sure that I actually do what Cassandra tells me to do, but I know I try to. Finally, I am ready to give up. I can no longer do this. It is too much for me and I am too tired. I just want to go to sleep. But there is one thing that I want...one last thing.

"Cassandra!" I rasp out in a hoarse voice. "Cass...listen to me...I know...I know that I am dying..."

I see her brow pucker into a frown and shake her head at me. "No...no Jane, you are not dying dearest..."

"You needn't try and keep this from me, Cass!" I breathe heavily just as another wave of pain racks my body. When it comes down enough I continue. "I don't know how much time I have Cass..." I'm borne away on pain once more...then continue once again. "But I need for you to do me a favour! I need to see Tom!" Followed by more pain along with tears this time. "Please! You must get Tom and bring him to me!" I have to pause once more as the pain continues to rip through my body. "Please Cass! I want to be able to say goodbye to him.." I barely manage to get the last words out. The next wave seems to last longer and I feel like I am on the verge of fainting or perhaps something much worse, but I am determined to keep myself alive until I see Tom. "Please...Cassandra...for me..." I whisper in a shaky voice.

I see her turn to towards the doctor whom, even though my sight is a bit out of focus, I see nod his head at her, only once. And then she is gone...

Mrs. Humphries quickly takes her place and pats my face with the damp, cool cloth and takes my hands into hers. But she also did something different. Every time I feel the pain, she places something...I'm not sure what..it was made of some sort of material I thought, and tells me "Bite down on this whenever you feel the pain and push while doing so!" Then she went on. "Now what is this nonsense about you dying?" She says in what I thought was a rather brusque manner. "You are doing no such thing except having a baby."

But I knew better although I had not the energy to argue with her.

It was at that moment that I had a thought that was so crystal clear that I understood. Of course Mrs. Humphries was going to tell me that. They need me to stay alive so that I could deliver this child. In this moment I recall telling Tom that I did not want to leave him with a newborn baby. But now my maternal instincts kick in and even though I would not be around, I would fight for this child of Tom's to live. He loves this child after all. And he or she would have a loving home with a loving father and be surrounded by loving siblings. Tom would have the help of his sisters. And mine. As I am certain that Cassandra would not leave...at least not so soon...

Now that my mind was made up, I was determined that this baby should live, even if I would not be able to watch it grow up. The thought saddened me, but Tom also loves this child and the thought of this Lefroy child being welcomed and brought up in the Thomas Lefroy household cheered me to the point of me being determined enough to bring it into this world as it will be the last thing I will be able to do for it...

**Tom:**

"What is that?" Jane suddenly said, breaking away from me, her brow puckering slightly.

"What is what?" I asked, puzzled.

She cocked her head slightly. Then, "That! Don't you hear it?"

More alert now, I listened as well. Then I heard it...was it? Could it be? I fairly ran from my office and towards the staircase with Jane following closely behind and calling after me.

"Father! What is it?"

I didn't answer her straight away as I wanted to be sure for myself. But by the time I reached the staircase, I was no longer in doubt. With a smile of genuine relief on my face I said. "It is Mistress Jane giving birth!"

Jane looked confused and said, "But she sounds like she is in a lot of pain..."

"Yes...she would be love. I did tell you that there is a lot of pain with childbirth."

"But how can you be so happy about it father? It sounds like it must be dreadful!"

"I know it does, yes. I know that this will sound odd Jane, but hearing Mistress Jane in pain is a better sign than the silence we heard for the better part of the day. It means that the baby should be born soon and then the pain will end for Mistress Jane." It also means that Jane is alive, I told myself, but dared not speak these words aloud to Jane.

I noticed that Jane still did not look entirely convinced so I told her gently, "This is perfectly normal dearest. More normal than the earlier silence. It was the same with your own mother Jane, with each of you children. And the first child is usually the hardest and takes the longest. But it should be ending soon now."

"I do believe you, father, I just don't like hearing her."

"Which is why children are always sent away when a baby is being born. So they aren't frightened by the sounds of the pain of birth coming from their mother. "

Jane nodded her understanding at this so I continued. "I don't like it either, but knowing the circumstances and that this is perfectly normal...and having been through it with your mother several times, I have come to expect it. Besides...it would be worse for me to be away from the house during this time, than hearing her anguished cries as strange as I am sure you must find this to be."

"Of course. I do understand you wanting to be near."

I embraced my daughter and as I was much relieved, I decided to ask if she wished to engage in a game of cards with myself and her aunts. Surprised by this request, her eyes brightened and she readily agreed.

My sisters agreed, also happy of the distraction and we four gathered in one of the drawing rooms where cards were always played. There was some debate as to which game we would play while I was looking for the cards, but once I had found them and shuffled them, the matter had been decided.

We played a couple of rounds of one game and were about half way through another round of a different game when Cassandra flew into the room looking weary but anxious. Immediately, I stood up.

"The baby has been born!" I exclaimed, happy, delighted and relieved all at once.

But my hopes were instantly dashed when she slowly shook her head. "No, but Jane calls for you Tom. She wishes you to be with her."

This stunned me as I had not expected such a thing. I frowned, momentarily unable to register this in my brain.

Cassandra now came over to me and the next words she spoke made my heart turn to lead and drop down into the very pit of my stomach.

Speaking in a very low voice as I was the only one who was meant to hear these words, she said, "Jane believes that she is dying, Tom..."

I looked at her in shock. Unable to form the question I wanted to ask, Cassandra went on, "The doctor told me that you should come."

Swallowing hard, I mechanically started following Cassandra.

"What is it? What has happened to Mistress Jane?" It was Jane who had cried out.

We both stopped and turned towards the other three, my sisters also looking askance.

Cassandra and myself looked at one another before Cassandra replied, "Mistress Jane is frightened, dearest. She has never given birth before and is somewhat afraid of what is happening to her. She has asked for your father to be with her and the doctor has agreed."

Jane nodded but said nothing, as did my sisters. We left the room then and reaching the stairs I ascended two at a time and then ran down the hall towards our room where Jane was and entered without knocking, knowing full well that would not be expected of me in this situation.

At once I saw one reason why men who weren't doctors weren't permitted to be in the same room with a woman giving birth, just by noticing the position of Jane on the birthing bed. It was hardly a position that a woman would wish to be seen in by a man...except perhaps if he were a doctor. I quickly averted my look to Jane's face and raced towards her, not taking my eyes off of it.

"Jane! Jane dearest, I'm here!" I sat down on the bed and cupped her damp face with my hands.

Through what I took to be tears which was mixed with perspiration on her face, she opened her eyes and smiled faintly up at me. "Tom..." she said barely audible. "You came..."

"Of course I did, my love."

"Tom...you may as well know that I am dying, but I promise that I will live long enough for this child to be born...but understand that I have begun to get so tired...so very tired..."

"No Jane, no. You are NOT dying. You hear me? I promised that I would get you through this and I won't go back on my promise! I won't let you!"

"But I'm so tired Tom...and it hurts...too much! There is something wrong, I know there is! I can't do this anymore...it's too much for me..." She had been weeping quietly when she started talking but was fading by the end of her sentence.

"Jane? Jane! Stay with me!" I begged her, my own tears starting to form.

Just then she had a moment of the pain that we had been hearing from her for awhile.

"I can't do this anymore Tom!" She repeated, crying in her anguish.

"Yes, you can Jane! You can! I know you can!" I looked at the doctor who nodded his approval of my encouraging her which gave me an idea which I hoped would help Jane. Turning back to Jane, I said. "Listen to me Jane. ...do you love me?"

"Of course I do..."

"And I love you, very much. And I believe in you and me. I believe in us. Do you believe in us, Jane? If you do, then say it. Say the words. Say it with me, I believe in us, I believe in us!"

I could see that she was trying...or trying to say something. I continued. "Say it Jane! You can do it! I know you can! Say it with me! I believe in us!"

I kept repeating this while she went through another painful session. "I...believe..." it came out in a whisper at first but by the time the pain had intensified, she had become louder. "I believe...I believe...I BELIEVE! IN US!"

"Yes Jane! That's it! You can do this too! I know you can!"

It was just at this moment when I noticed that the doctor had come over to where I was and motioned that he needed to speak with me. Once again, my heart turned to lead as all of the worst thoughts entered my mind. I allowed Mrs. Humphries to take over for me for the moment.

"Something is wrong..." I stated with fear in my heart. Dr. Knight nodded. "It's Jane..." I added barely able to say it. Jane had been right...

"It's the baby. Mrs. Lefroy has been in labour for too long and I fear that the baby will not be able to survive much longer. Mrs. Lefroy is exhausted and much too weak to be able to push the baby out naturally."

It was not Jane but the baby...although I was relieved about Jane, I of course felt sad about the baby.

"However, I might be able to help get the baby out, but I will need to make a little bit of an incision.

"Cut?" I asked not really liking the sounds of it. "You need to cut Jane?"

Dr. Knight nodded. "Just a little bit. Just enough. She will also need to be stitched up after she has cleaned. As soon as the baby is born, Mrs. Humphries can take care of the baby and I will immediately clean Mrs. Lefroy and stitch her. I will put her under so she doesn't feel anything. She won't need too much as she is already so exhausted. And she should start nursing as soon as she can anyway. But time is of the essence now. I must act now in order to get the baby out. The quicker and sooner, the better."

I nodded my head numbly, giving the doctor my approval.

"Tom!" I heard Jane cry out to me. "Where are you?"

I quickly went back to Jane and took her hands into my own. "I m here my love. I m right here. I promise."

"Don't leave me, Tom...promise you won't leave me..." Jane said as she began to go under.

"I'll be right here with you Jane when you wake up."

Even after Jane was put under, I stayed where I was, with Jane and continued to hold her hands, cup her face and caress her cheeks from time to time. In one sense, it seemed like a long time but in another sense it only seemed like minutes when I heard it. A small cry of a baby. I closed my eyes and rested them against Jane's hands which I was still holding and gave thanks to the Lord.


	33. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32**

**Tom:**

"It's a girl, Mr. Lefroy! And with a good set of lungs on her already!" Mrs. Humphries announced gaily.

Little Cassie, I thought to myself. I thought it rather interesting how at the moment of hearing that the baby was a girl, that my mind drifted back to when Anthony was first born and I had hoped for a girl...and then when Jane was born how ecstatic I was to finally have my daughter...and now...here I was 19 years later, in the same room with Jane while she gave birth to our daughter. It didn't matter to me whether we had a boy or a girl. I already had four boys. And now, I had four girls. I was thrilled no matter what.

"And Jane? How is she?" I now ventured to look towards the Dr. Knight who was still working on Jane while I asked my question.

"I think she should be alright, Mr. Lefroy. I am being very meticulous and careful, making sure that I do not miss a thing."

My relief was immense. "I would like to go and inform my family of the blessed news. And I would like to bring my children back home as well. I promised that I would be here for Jane when she awoke. Do you think I have time to get them?"

"How long will it take you?" Dr. Knight asked me.

"I can make it in less than an hour. I will be as quick as I possibly can."

"Then you have time. By all means, do go." The doctor smiled at me.

Before I stood up, I kissed Jane on the forehead and whispered my promise of being there when she awoke.

"Do you wish to have a look at your daughter before you leave Mr. Lefroy?" Mrs. Humphries asked me. She had cleaned the baby and had just finished swaddling her in some blankets.

"Of course.." I replied gently. I walked over to where she stood with the baby. "Oh!" Was my initial reaction when I looked at her for to me, she looked just like Jane. "She's beautiful..." I whispered.

"Isn't she though?" Mrs. Humphries gushed.

"She really is lovely Tom.." Cassandra added happily, also looking quite relieved that the whole ordeal was over with.

"I must tell my family." I now said with a smile on my face. "I will return as soon as I can."

And with that I left the room, ran down the stairs and sought out Jane and my sisters who were all sitting in one of the drawing rooms.

"It's a girl!" I practically burst with pride. "And she looks just like Mistress Jane!" I couldn't help but add.

The three had stood up as I entered the room. "And what about Mistress Jane?" My daughter asked cautiously.

"The doctor says that she should be fine. She was exhausted and he needed to do a little minor surgery on her to help get the baby out, but they are both doing fine."

Suddenly with this announcement, I felt overwhelmed with everything myself as I had gone through a lot of emotions throughout the course of the day and I found that I could not hold back my own tears. My hands went to my face as Jane came over to me and embraced me and I noticed, wept with me. But they were tears of happiness on both of our parts. Then both Phoebe and Sarah came over and joined us as well.

After several minutes, I got myself together and explained that I was going to collect the children and bring them home and Jane offered to go with me.

As I had promised Jane that I would be there when she awoke, we only stopped long enough at Anthony s to give the news and pick up the children, then we were on our way back home again.

"Can we see the baby when we get home, Father?" Anne asked eagerly along the way.

"Not tonight, love. It is late and Mistress Jane is exhausted with giving birth. I promise that you will see her tomorrow for a few minutes. But once we are home, you are to go VERY quietly up to your rooms and make yourselves ready for bed."

"Alright, Father." Anne replied a bit deflated by my answer.

Back at home, I left my children in the care of their aunts and hurried back upstairs to find that Jane had been moved onto our bed and the birthing bed already dismantled. I also saw that Dr. Knight had finished his work with Jane and Jane herself was still asleep. Both Mrs. Humphries and Cassandra were still in the room, attending the baby.

"I believe that it went well." Dr. Knight came over and told me as soon as he saw me. "I did everything exactly how I wanted to and there weren t any complications. However, if you have a spare settee, I will remain here over night and keep checking on Mrs. Lefroy to make sure that she does not catch infection from the surgery. And I will come on a daily basis and keep checking on her until I am satisfied with her healing process."

"We have a plenty of room, you needn t use a settee. And your undivided attention towards Jane is more than greatly appreciated." I assured him, shaking his hand, feeling more and more relieved with each of his words.

I showed him to one of the spare rooms and then returned to my own bedroom. As Mrs. Humphries and Cassandra were still in there, I sat down in one of the chairs and collected my thoughts. Now that it was over with, I couldn't help but think about being in the same room with Jane while she was giving birth. Even though it had been rather worrisome to have to see Jane go through all she did, I would not have missed being in there for the birth of our daughter for anything. I almost wished that I had been in with Mary for all of my children. All of this made me wonder if there would ever come a time when fathers would be allowed in the room with their wives while they were giving birth. Then I smiled to myself. Probably not. At least it most likely would not be something that would happen for quite a some time. Maybe in the future one day. I thought I was very lucky indeed to have been a part of it.

**Jane:**

I awoke feeling rather groggy and...quite sore, I realized. The soreness confirmed one thing...I hadn't died after all. And then my eyes settled on the one sight I had hoped to see. A most beautiful sight...Tom holding an infant. Our baby, my mind acknowledged.

"Hello, dear little one." I heard Tom speaking in a gentle tone to the baby, which warmed my heart and made me smile. "Welcome to the Lefroy family."

I must have made some sort of noise for Tom looked over at me, smiled and then came over.

"Meet your daughter Jane...our daughter." He said softly and then sitting on the bed he held her out so that I could see her.

Just looking at her filled my heart to the brim. "She's beautiful..." I whispered.

"She is...and I think she looks just like her mother." Tom smiled, so happy and proud.

"Oh you must be mistaken surely, then." I managed to smile still feeling weak.

"I am sure that I am not." Tom smiled back. Then looking at our little Cassie, continued, still smiling "May you be as strong, spirited, independent and stubborn as your mother. Every reason I fell in love with her. For only a man who admires you for these qualities will be worthy of you." Then he kissed her forehead.

Not to be outdone , I added, "And may you be as sweet, gentle, compassionate, loving and understanding as your father." With this, Tom leaned towards me and kissed my forehead.

"Now that our new mother is awake, it would be a good time to get this little babe taken care of by her mother." Mrs. Humphries now said.

"Then I should go and let you do so, but I will be back in a little while." Tom said, then with a last smile and kiss, he gave the baby up to Cassandra while Mrs. Humphries sat me up. I moaned with the pain of after birth and realized something in that moment. I may have despised the idea of having to be confined after giving birth, but considering how sore I felt, I knew now that I wouldn t want to be going anywhere too soon after all. Of course I do hope that my body will recover quickly so that I can get back to doing all that I love doing and being active again, but until then, I feel quite content to be expected to stay put.

Later on, after Tom was ready for bed, he leaned over the infant cradle that the other Lefroy children had had when they were born, that sat on the floor on my side of the bed and gently stroked little Cassie s sleeping head. Without warning, the tears started to fall down my face. When Tom noticed, he asked me with a face full of concern if I was alright.

"I couldn t help thinking of my mother." I admitted.

"You wish she was here?"

"No! Not that...it s just that...as soon as we were weaned, our mother sent each of us away until we reached what she called, a civilized age. Civilized! We were children!"

I noticed Tom frowning slightly in puzzlement when I said this. I continued. "As I was the second youngest, I would only know about this happening with my youngest brother Charles, but being young myself, I didn t question it of course, believing it to be quite normal. However, in later years, Cassandra and I talked more about it. And now, looking at little Cassie...I just cannot understand my mother doing this to us when we were so young! How could she so easily give us up for 2 or 3 years? I did not go back home until my brother Charles was born and he was born four years after myself! Did she not love us? I could never do that to Cassie!" I now wept more and Tom embraced me, letting me cry it out.

"Oh my love...I m sure that your mother did love you. You did say that she had married beneath her, so she came from a wealthier family where perhaps in her own family situation, they had hired help for herself and her own siblings. But in your own family situation, she knew that she couldn t afford to hire help so instead, sent you away for a little while."

"You are always so good about defending my mother Tom. But even if I were in that situation, I would not, could not send my children away from home like that! And for a few years too! It is not right!" I continued to berate my mother and her method of early child-rearing.

"I understand my dear, and I do agree with you. I could never have sent any of our children away for a few years either if we had not had money to hire someone to look after them either. That never would have been Mary s and my way. And it is not the way everyone does things, but perhaps it was right for your mother. After all, you all turned out to be a fine family."

"I suppose. But I have to admit that I have wondered if that was the reason why my mother and myself always seem to be at war with one another. Because perhaps I had always felt like she had abandoned me...or us and I resented her for that."

Tom shook his head. "Or maybe you are just too different from each other. OR...too much alike in some ways even. I do not know myself Jane, but you are each the way you are, your relationship is the way it is, for whatever the reasons are."

"I am not my mother. I won t abandon my daughter. And I never would." I said with feeling.

"I know you won t and I know you wouldn't." Tom assured me with a smile. "Now, perhaps we should get us some sleep before our newest little member decides it is time to wake us up and have something to eat."

I smiled back at Tom and let him help to settle me back down in our bed. I knew then, that everything would be alright.

Dr. Knight came to examine me on a daily basis for awhile to make sure that I was not catching an infection from his minor surgery. At one point, he removed the stitching when he saw that I was healed enough.

Even though it was only about a month after little Cassie was born, I was starting to get my usual restless feeling. I was not as sore as I had been, so I also knew that I was healing. One morning, when I could hardly stand it anymore, I cautiously swung my legs out of bed and stood up. Still cautiously, I moved my legs and started walking about the room. It felt so good to be up and about! I was hardly even sore anymore, I was delighted to know.

I knew that Tom would feel that it was too soon for me to be up and about already so I kept this my secret and would only get up and walk about the room at certain times and of course when no one was around. But eventually, even this started becoming boring for me.

One day I got up and walked over to the window. It was such a beautiful day out that I couldn't bear to be away from the window so I stayed there longer than I had meant to.

"JANE!" Tom s voice came out of nowhere, causing me to jump out of my skin. "What are you doing out of bed?"

"Oh Tom! I m fine! It is just that I am so restless! I can hardly stand to be in bed anymore! And in all honesty, I feel better getting up and walking around. I really do."

"Jane...I just want you to be careful! You are still recovering and I don t want anything to happen to you."

"Tom...I just told you that I actually feel better walking around. Really, I do. Please...at least let me walk around the room a bit. I promise you I won t leave it just yet. It s just that I am so restless. I need to do something."

"How about your writing? I will bring your paper, pen and ink in here if you wish."

Well, that was something anyway so I agreed. "And tell Cassandra to come here too, please. I will want her to help me as she always does."

Tom smiled and this time I caught that twinkle in his eyes as he nodded his head, then left the room to do this for me. I sighed, but had to resign myself to keeping confined for a bit longer. At least Tom had agreed to let me walk about the room and it was a good idea of his to bring my writing supplies to the room. That along with books that I had been reading would all help to pass the time. No matter how careful Tom thought I should still be, I knew that I was going to be fine. Everything was going to be fine from now on.

**Epilogue:**

I enter my writing room for the first time one morning since giving birth to Cassie to find it to be gloriously sun filled.

While waiting for Cassandra to join me, I set Tom s and my daughter who is sleeping in her carry-cot on the floor beside my writing desk. Sometimes I still can t believe that I survived that one thing that I had dreaded so much and because of it, Tom and myself are still here together.

I smile as I look out of the window at the sunny, green hills and sparkling water of the River Shannon. The sun meant an afternoon pic-nic out on our property, one of the traditions that Tom and Mary had started up and one that Tom and myself had agreed that we would keep up as long as the children were around...that along with the nightly reading. Tom had finally allowed me to start going downstairs every day for a little while now and today, I was finally going to be able to be outside with the family this afternoon, although for a little while longer, I would have to be content with sitting and taking care of Cassie while I watched even though my body was feeling fully recovered from giving birth. But after all Tom (and myself!) had been through with the birthing, I felt I could obey him for a little while yet. But soon...soon, my sister Cassandra would be minding her little name-sake while I participated with the family, until little Cassie needed me. My sister had already agreed with this.

Right now, I sigh with contentment as I remember Tom saying the night he proposed to me that I belong here...I do. I belong here with Tom and his family. I belong here with all of them.

And now with our Cassie, the family...OUR family! Our family was complete. I was home. And I was happy. And I know that Tom is happy as well for he tells me everyday in his own special way.

**THE END**

**(OR perhaps it's just the beginning of more Lefroy Family adventures...;-D)**


	34. Afterword & Acknowledgements

**AFTERWORD & ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS**

**AFTERWORD**

One of the hardest things about writing for me is ending a story. I always fall so much in love with both the characters and the story that bringing it to a close is always so sad for me as well as hard. I would rather go on and on, but if I do, the story may never have an ending and I do not like having "loose ends" and leaving people-including myself!-hanging. And unfortunately, all good things must come to an end but I really enjoyed and loved bringing Tom and Jane back to life again and sharing my story of their "reunion" with you. One thing that helps me to end a story is by "keeping it open". In other words, if I come up with any new ideas for Tom, Jane and the Lefroy Family, I will most definitely share them with you right here in Fan Fiction because there could very well be some adventures to write about regarding the Lefroys. But this was as far as I had intended to go with them for now, with all of the Lefroy Family being healthy and happy.

When I first came up with my "Becoming Jane" story and started writing it, I had planned on keeping it as close to reality as possible right down to her death. I wasn't even going to have them get married and I certainly did not even dream of them having a child together at the beginning. But then as I continued to write about them, I found myself getting too attached to them (as I always do). And because I am such a sap, I realized that it would be too hard for me to write or maybe I should say, RE-write a sad ending. Plus, why should I re-write their sad ending when I really don't have to? Why not go for it and give them a happy ending...or beginning as I prefer to think of it, as this is FANTASY and FICTION after all! So why NOT give Tom and Jane the life in fantasy/fiction that they never could, never would (but SHOULD in my opinion) have in reality. It was the least I (felt) I could do for them, especially as I had brought them as far as I had with their getting together for Christmas in Ireland.

There were several different ways I could have gone with this story but I chose to go the way that I did. I could have written that Tom's children were un-accepting of Jane and his marriage to her, but I didn't wish to write it that way as this was to be mostly focused on Tom and Jane and their story of how I pictured them ending up together.

There has been much speculation as to what Jane Austen really died from and because of that, I like to believe that there is definitely the possibility that had the circumstances been different, had she and Tom Lefroy really met later in her life as the movie "Becoming Jane" depicts, that perhaps her life could have been prolonged. For example, if her illness and death had been diet-related, maybe moving away to Ireland with Tom and therefore a change in her diet could have prevented her "premature" death. Or perhaps if she had fallen ill at Tom's place in Ireland, Tom's money could have provided her with the treatments, medicines, doctors or hospital care she needed in order to be cured of it. Sadly, we will never know if any of this could have prolonged her life. But I do like to believe that it was possible.

According to the book "Cassandra and Jane" by Jill Pitkeathly written in 2004, Jane would mention Tom Lefroy to her sister Cassandra from time to time years after Tom and Jane parted ways. Some of what she would say to Cassandra OR write in letters to her sister about Tom makes me believe that she still was 'fond' of him. And according to Wikipedia, Tom Lefroy went to England to pay his respects when he learned of Jane's death. Maybe it's just wishful thinking on my part, but I like to believe that they both still had feelings for each other, even years later. No disrespect meant to the real Mrs. Tom Lefroy, Mary Paul Lefroy, but I also like to believe that Tom and Jane "found each other" again in spirit.

**ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS**

1). The movie Becoming Jane-which of course without, this story would not, could not be possible.

2). The book "Cassandra and Jane" by Jill Pitkeathly (2004). From which I found invaluable information regarding the REAL Jane Austen, her life and her family and even tidbits about the era and incorporated as much as I could and as best as I could into my story.

3). Wikipedia-Mostly for the information on Tom Lefroy's family, both his siblings and his own children.

4). My own imagination. Where would a writer be without it?

And of course I acknowledge the readers one last time. Thank you all once again for taking the time to stop by and read...and thanks to those of you who added me/my story to your Favourite Author/Favourite Story/Alerts Lists and to those for leaving reviews. Because all of you, you have made my first experience writing for Fan Fiction truly fun and positive. I have really enjoyed writing for the Fan Fiction site and look forward to writing more for you in the future. ;-D

-Sue


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